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Seeing as I have never, in my life, watched Glenn Beck do ANYTHING (except of course in little snippets on the Daily Show and such), I guess I might be a totally neutral, unbiased observer of today’s doings. Just like Albert Pujols and Tony LaRussa of the St. Louis Cardinals, who are going to observe themselves before tonight’s game against the Nats. The announcement of their appearance yesterday caused quite the stir over that Yahoo’s horsehide blog, Big League Stew, as evidenced by this sage comment:

This is non-political in the same way that MLK’s speech was non-political. All Americans with strong morals will find nothing to disagree with. The only people who will be upset are the America-haters and non-Americans. Beck is a modern day Martin Luther King. In the future, we will remember Beck as the great patriot who stood for American values in the face of tyranny. LaRussa and Pujols will go down as brave warriors who withstood the persecution of the liberal media to stand on the side of liberty.

Boy.  This will be ten different kinds of stupid.  Play-by-play, post-jump.

1010 (ET): Having problems with the computer just now, during which there was a litany in re the mounments.  Particularly the Washington Monument, which was described as tall, strong and straight.  Yeah.

1011: And now Beck’s on, with a slight jibe at the LAMESTREAM media.  And he’s weepy already.

1013: Weirdest thing — this is not going out live on Fox News.  That is just… weird.  It’s on C-SPAN, if you’re looking for it.

1015: A Jew, two Native Americans and a minister walk into a political rally…  [And on behalf of the 1620 Families Of The Mayflower For Peaceful Tomorrows, I say to this preacher/Mayflower descendant: you do not speak for me!]

1019: Boy — this preacher is getting very Jesusy with the rabbi and the Natives behind him.  Yikes.

1022: Special Ops charity guy talking now.  Don’t know much about the organization, can’t speak to their outlook on life and such.  Why they would latch on to this is unclear.

1030: A half-hour of crowd shots reveals, to my shock and surprise, a very white crowd.

1035: Oh, here we go — Sarah Plain and Dumb takes her spot.  And the crowd goes wild!

1039: “Fundamentally [changing] America….”  They might get away with the whole “apolitical” bullshit, but with all the dog whistles out there today, there are dogs all the way in the Delmarva Peninsula howling.

1046: This is still C-SPAN only.  Fox News is not covering this gavel-to-gavel.  A quick-switch shows Cavuto talking with Ben Stein and three faceless people talking about eggs and ice cream.  WHY DOES FOX NEWS HATE AMERICA?

1049: Sarah has been talking up wounded vets for the last ten minutes, by the way.  Talking now about a prisoner in the Hanoi Hilton (other than our old friend, the Geezer).  When Sarah inevitably brings up his name, the applause was rather lukewarm, to be honest.  And there you have it — this crowd is not all that comfortable with John McCain.  That’s your true snapshot of this crowd going along with this crap.

1053: She ends with a call to “Restore America.”  She doesn’t explictly say to what America should be restored to.  She didn’t have to.

1056: Glenn Beck relates a conversation he had with God in the Fox News offices a few months ago.  Did you know that God has an Australian accent?  IT’S TRUE!

1057: Beck relitigating the Purple Heart’s revival by FDR in 1933.  This is getting loopy.

1100: Now he’s going to hand out medals.  Spare me.

1101: Martin Luther King is brought up again.

1104: Some Native American chief from Oklahoma (who, apparently, converted to Christianity) is giving out a Faith medal, or something, to some black minister from Houston who was at the 1963 March on Washington, for being a “covenant warrior for Christ.”  And a vet with no hands gives him the medal.  All very moving, I guess.

1109: That minister calls Glenn Beck a “son of God.”  Interesting choice of words, that.

1115: Preacher telling crowd what they should give to Glenn Beck, in Jesus’s name.  Brother, have you lost your damn mind?

1117: Honestly — I cannot envision Tony LaRussa and Albert Pujols listening to this crap for three straight hours.  I don’t know how I can.

1118: MEDAL NUMBER 2!  And it’s given out by TONY LARUSSA!  Fuck me — this is the first time all year that I have been proud to be a Cubs fan.  Thank you, Glenn Beck!  THANK YOU!

1121: Oh, don’t you dare give it to Albert.  DON’T YOU DARE!

1122: FUCK ME RUNNING — Albert Pujols gets a fucking award from his manager, through Glenn Beck.  This is beyond stupid.  This is beyond baseball.

1124: My God — I thought this was going to be a pointless exercise.  This award from Beck, through LaRussa, to Pujols, made it all worth while.

1129: Pujols thanks Jesus Christ, his family, and his agent.  Just like he got a Grammy or something.

1134: A fast-food container magnate gets the Charity Booby Prize.  I’d like a booby prize of my own, but of a different kind and nature.  He doesn’t show up to pick it up — marriage of one of his 56 grandkids.  No class, dude.  Taken by a black woman, instead, who gives glory to God.  And Glenn Beck.  Seriously.

1141: Do you want to tell Glenn Beck that Martin Luther King was a dirty liberal, or should I?  OK, I will: HE WAS A LEFTY, GLENN! A LEFTY!

1145: The internal turmoil within the King family is not talked about much, but it comes to the fore every so often, through stuff like this.  And so here’s Alveda King.

1149: During this Gospel music break, a thought: if Albert Pujols gets caught in re steroids, does he have to fork over his Beck Award For Achievement In The Field Of Excellence?

1152: Quick-check over at Fox — they’re talking Cash for Clunkers and how something was somehow wrong with that.

1202: Alveda co-opting Uncle Martin.  Like I said: Thanksgiving around the King table is always fun.  This year might be more fun than others.

1204: Oh, and she comes with the marrying of the gays and the ladybits and the praying in the schools.  Non-political veneer crumbling, crumbling…. gone.

1206: Weaving and bobbing.  She actually referenced “Lift Every Voice and Sing.”  All over the map, this one.

1212: Fox News showing piece on 5th anniversary of Katrina now.  The contrast is just Kafkaesque.

1213: Beck’s keynote now, about God.  Just me, but I would like to think that God is watching baseball right now, instead of this dreck.

1215: There’s this camera crew sweeping in front of Beck’s podium now.  Ted Demme must be doing a feature film or something.

1218: Beck going off on the American Experiment.  This is what happens when experiments go haywire, you know.

1224: Just finished reading the Gettysburg Address.  Now going into the Great Awakening.

1227: I’m going to call Moses “that man with a stick” from now on.

1237: More about individualism and honor and stuff.  My connection got balky in the last ten minutes, but there wasn’t a whole lot there.  Now comparing himself to the guy on the Titantic who saw the iceberg.  This whole savior vibe of his is just exhausting.

1241: Asks America to gets on its knees, “with the door open for their children to see.”  And then asks Americans to tell the truth.  And so forth.

1248: This is some good crazy-man ramble here.

1250: “Our kids will be slaves to a debt.”  Dog whistle.  Also — tithe, dammit.

1253: “The truth will set you free.”  Thanks, Glenn.  Good to know.

1256: Glenn calls for houses of worship to stand for what is right.  Explictly includes mosques.   Met with stone silence.

1302: He’s bringing it in for a landing, with scores of preachers and stuff.  Lining up right behind him, just like preachers lined up behind Martin Luther King.  And Glenn is weeping again.  And God is the answer.  Cue the music, and roll the credits.

I do thank God for one thing — I survived watching this crap.

54 Comments

FSM help you, man. Here’s Politico’s Mike Allen’s take on last night’s show at the Kennedy Center.

BECK PROMISES “THE GREAT AWAKENING … THE END OF DARKNESS”– LAST NIGHT, WE GOT A JAW-DROPPING PREVIEW of Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally, which he says will draw at least 100,000 to the Lincoln Memorial this morning, on the 47th anniversary of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream Speech.” GlennBeck.com’s premium “Insider Extreme” service live-streamed his preview program at the Kennedy Center, “America’s Divine Destiny,” with 2,500+ in the audience (tickets were scarce but free) and 20,000+ watching on the web. Today’s event will be part revolution (one speaker compared this weekend to Lexington and Concord), and part revival: As Beck likened his rally to the Enlightenment, audience members murmured “Amen!” Later, arms shot heavenward in praise as a Gospel choir sang, “Behold He comes / Riding on a cloud / Shining like the sun / At the trumpet’s call / Lift your voice / It’s the year of jubilee.”

And behold Beck came, smirking at his one-night dominion over the KENNEDY Center. He feigned a Boston accent when he first took the stage. Later, he choked up, backed by a car-dealer-sized American flag: “There are thousands and thousands of people that are [web] streaming this right now, and it makes me so happy to know that Keith Olbermann is one of them. [Laughter and applause.] Because while you-all got in here for free, Keith had to pay $6.95 a month. [Cheers and applause. Beck blows a kiss to the camera.] … This is a preview of what’s coming – not just tomorrow, but for a very long time. … This is the beginning of the end of darkness. We have been in darkness for a long time. …

“This building was by invitation of some of the best and bravest pastors, priests, rabbis, clerics in the country. Tomorrow, we will announce the beginning of the Black-Robed Regiment. And here is what’s amazing, here’s what’s amazing: They keep saying this is a political event, and it is NOT. It is NOT a political event at all. It is FINALLY our – we have lost our way. We have been standing in spiritual darkness for decades. … Our churches, quite frankly, have grown soft. … It is to give you backbone and spine, and to know that YOU are not alone – but people are BEGGING for right and wrong. [Cheers and applause.]”

During an intermission interview with “Insider Extreme,” Beck described the weekend’s origins: “We were on our knees and we were all begging God: ‘We – we need some help we need – help us here.’ And I remember, and I came back and I said, All He keeps saying – all I keep hearing – is, ‘Ya have all the pieces. Just put ’em together.’ … I mean, we were crying out in the wilderness, going, ‘Lord we don’t know what that means.’ … I’m convinced that — not just this event, but this time period — is going to be remembered as the beginning of the GREAT AWAKENING IN AMERICA. This is going to change everything, and increase the love. As hate increases, so will love. And that will be the turning point … absolute turning point. … It’s going to be a defibrillator to the spiritual heart of America.”

@SanFranLefty: Actually, it’s going to be a big, steaming dump on the spiritual heart of America.

@CB: “And a vet with no hands gives him the medal.”

Don’t leave me hanging with an update like that. Did he use his feet or what?

Cox News is reporting Al Sharpton is planning a counter-rally to culminate in a march to the Lincoln Memorial. This could get interesting.

@SanFranLefty: Beck can’t carry Sharpton’s jockstrap when it comes to smart and funny. This could be really great.

Here’s the full text of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech and a video of the entire speech.

@Dodgerblue: Sharpton challenged Beck to read the entire MLK speech.

@CB: And I liked Tony LaRussa for all of his work on behalf of abandoned animals. Damn.

@SanFranLefty: I knew that LaRussa was a right-winger. Didn’t know about Pu-Holes.

Why not take Beckerhead and Caribou Barbie up on the offer to “restore America” to the Leave It To Beaver era? After all, I’m sure they mean things like this:

– reduce C-level compensation by a FACTOR OF TEN to bring the worker-to-exec ratio back to ’50s standard

– raise the top tax bracket to 90%, as it was back then

– double or triple the number of unionized workers to bring that ratio back in line

– slash n burn the financial sector, to reduce it to an equivalent size (~6% of the economy vs 20+% now)

– regulate banks so hard they squeak

– reinstate the Fairness Doctrine on mainstream media

That’s what they mean, right? I mean, they aren’t primarily looking to the other side of the coin, with the wimmins back in the kitchen, minorities unable to vote, etc…

Or perhaps I’ve misread when they wanted to “restore” us to. Maybe they meant the EIGHTEEN ’50s. Come to think of it, modulo the slavery thing, we’re almost there already…

ADD: in re 12:41 – I wonder how he’s squaring that with Matthew 6:6

@Benedick: Scooping poop in the yard will be more morally and spiritually uplifting for me.

@nojo: Well, I’m covered in poison ivy if that’s what you mean.

@Mistress Cynica: I did shit patrol earlier. We have tape worm.

@Dodgerblue: “Going to be”?

Almost forgot! Thanks, CB, for watching so I don’t have to.

@Benedick: I’m thinking baseball.

HEY BEESKO!

For a team that received $39 million from MLB revenue-sharing in 2008, Berri says, that sort of profit indicates that the Pirates’ owners aren’t spending their money on better players — they’re pocketing it instead.

@JNOV: “Wait until next year profit-loss statement!”

Well, at least they don’t try and fail, like those might-not-even-make-wild-card Fillies, now do they Sprout?

@JNOV: I hope they get a cool million, and then Hopey withdraws federal funding from all structural support beneath the reflecting pool and they all die get wet.

Or that Sharpton’s crowd wears as much American flag apparel and the BeckHoods get all confused and shit by all the pigmentation in their midst.

@JNOV: Crowd estimates? WHERE IS YOUR FAITH? Don’t count on stupid things like facts.

You know, Orwell comes to mind — this was all about bellyfeel.

@Mistress Cynica: Mowed the lawn and hosting a cookout in 20 mins. They had it on at the beer store…

/sent from my eyePersonalAccessDataDevice./

I am curious to know how far in advance of this event the date and place was reserved with the Park Service. Wonder what Beck has planned for the 50th anniversary of The March on Washington.

Who was that cardinal or reverend or whatever on the radio in the 1920s? The bigot? Beck seems to be a reincarnation of that guy.

@blogenfreude:
You mean the goat-gland guy, right? John Brinkley.
Big on the radio!

@blogenfreude: Father Coughlin was, I believe the turd in question.

I think he would have viewed the Beckster as a crybaby wimp. He all but endorsed Kristallnacht. Beck lacks his focus.

I’m even happier the Red Sox crushed the Cardinals in 2004 World Series, and I didn’t think that was possible.

I just realized – Fox isn’t covering this because Beck is going to sell gold-encrusted, limited edition DVDs of they whole shebang for $666 on his show.

Live coverage would cut into sales.

Hi, kids! Did I miss anything that I really needed to see? I was busy working on skool work. That, and I don’t have cable.

@rptrcub: You missed Spike and Sherryl. Not a damn thing happened since.

Angry white olds meet
Praying to god Beck to Save them
At least they’ll die soon

@ManchuCandidate: A little early for Respect For the Aged Day, but a good haiku is always welcome.

@Nabisco: Glad you got your new toy.

Cookout? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now that you have your iPad, it’s time to give up that sorry excuse for a grill (IOW a gas grill) and get a Weber, a charcoal chimney, cowboy charcoal and soak you some mesquite or hickory to put over the hot coals. I thought you lived in the boondocks. Time to BBQ like the country boy you are.

You have a lot to learn…

@chicago bureau: Yep. Yep. Yep.

@Nabisco: No, the Pirates don’t need to try to fail; it’s their only talent since their last winning season 18 years ago. Keep fucking that chicken, Beesko!

@JNOV: They remember Mazeroski, nothing since.

@Walking Still:

I now hear that 1% of the net proceeds from the DVD sales will go to support Glen’s next crusade: establishing an Evango-Mormon theocratic beachhead in Central Asia from which to convert/slay the infidel (order unimportant).

Glen’s contribution will go to fund a network of loudspeakers and video screens transmitting his essence 24/7, until it permeates the landscape. And yes, they will call it Ooze-Beckistan.

Thank you, thank you. Tip your waitress.

@Dodgerblue: Anyone who beats the Yanks in the World Series deserves to be remembered (Warren Spahn and Lew Burdette anyone?)

@JNOV: When my brother was here for a nice 2+ week visit he introduced me to the concept of REAL charcoal — made from wood, instead of petroleum products.

I can actually get it lit — something I had great difficulty with using petroleum charcoal and a gallon of lighter fluid.

Plus, using real wood charcoal, if your food falls in you can just brush it off and it’s still good to eat!

Few things nicer than corn cooked on an open fire.

@Walking Still: Speaking of Beck’s Next Crusade, there was some recent buzz that he’s all but abandoned the 9/12 Project. This, too, shall pass. By Sunday, most likely.

So how was the Koch Industries annual picnic?

@karen marie: I use branches I collect and dry. But then, I’m surrounded by 100s of acres of open land so it’s not difficult. It sure does give the old tofu a special savor.

@Dodgerblue: They’re waiting for Godot.

@karen marie: That’s how you do it! It makes all the difference in the world.

@Benedick: I love you sooooo much!

@Walking Still: Great guy for sure, and no one wants to take that away from him or from the Pirates. Too bad they only had like, um, one great guy like that…

A melanin-enhanced Caribbean friend of mine from DC joined the Beck counterprotest today with some funny updates on FB (including his view that there were more counterprotestors than teabaggers) but he is now horrified that his favorite bar – The Bottom Line in Dupont – is filled with teabaggers. This will be fun to observe on the tubez.

Can’t remember the last time this happened — maybe a year ago — but Beckstock has covered the board at Memeorandum, The Blogger’s Cribsheet.

@nojo: It till be interesting to see how the MSM plays this – a) calling Beck out for the racist he is, or b) treating Beck as though his point of view should count in polite society. Gee – wonder what will happen?

@ManchuCandidate: @Dodgerblue: @JNOV: H8erz!
@Walking Still: “Deacon” blew out his arm in the series after twisting his ankle on the team bus. Kubek’s Adam’s Apple was never the same…

And the real fight begins…

National Park Service is mum, as per policy.

Gateway Pundit, quoting Beck quoting “media”, says 300,000 to 500,000.

AP says “tens of thousands”.

CBS hires air-photography outfit that estimates “between 78,000 and 96,000”, based on photo analysis.

@nojo: How many are bouncing around in the back of a truck on the way home? In all fairness, my brother did drive a friend home in the trunk of his car…

@Nabisco: Denial. Such a sorry, sorry state. Get a real team and a real grill while you’re at it. Poser.

@ManchuCandidate: Haha! We are a cracked out family, they mean.

@nojo: Re: Numbers at BeckStock…

My source who was at the NAACP/Sharpton counterprotest has photographs of the much more melanin-enhanced group going down Pennsylvania Avenue from around 14th St. NW back towards the Capitol, stretching to what looks like the Canadian Embassy/National Gallery of Art area which if memory serves is 2nd St NW. I wonder what their numbers were…that’s a fairly long stretch of road.

So is there a place where I can see last week’s Mad Men online (for free)? I have five rifles to clean today (easily two hours worth of work) so may as well catch up on it. I got Mrs RML MM Season 2 yesterday and some G and T makings to enjoy whilst she was laid up with her foot injury (still).

Today’s adventure: taking Son of RML for a driving lesson out in the desert on the same roads where my buddy used to train drivers for Iraq, including night time ops with NVGs. He’s still freaked out for just blasting through towns there, not sure of what they hit in the streets because their orders were to never stop or slow down.

@redmanlaw: Driving lessons are stressful but worth it. My Bay Area final exam for my sons was night driving in the Oakland/Berkeley hills – bonus points for fog.

I got through it with both them still on speaking terms, but it was touch and go at times. I had to talk us out of one ticket for running a stop sign, and we had one fender bender during parallel parking lessons. Good fun.

@Walking Still: Did you add another level of torture by making them drive a stick shift through the fog in the Oakland/Berkeley hills? Out of town guests are inevitably impressed by my ability to drive and park a stick-shift on the Ess Eff hills.

@redmanlaw: I haven’t found a free site yet. We paid a couple bucks to watch the last three episodes on iTunes to get Mr SFL caught up for tonight’s episode.

@SanFranLefty: We didn’t own a stick shift at the time, so they were spared that torture. I did have some fun adventures with a stick when Ms. Still and I lived in SF in the early 80’s.

@Walking Still, Lefty: Driving lesson went great. Could not have been better. We did starts, shutoffs, straight line driving, arcs and loops around sagebrush and cactus, 90 degree turns and backing up. I am confident that he will be able to move the truck around on our next firewood cutting trip.

@redmanlaw: Five fucking hours later after cleaning six rifles and getting my Sirhan Sirah autograph model Iver Johnson .22 cal pistol ready for my mother in law to keep at her house . . .

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