Music of the Spherehead

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While “Anchor Babies” has become part of the National Shouting Match, Louie Gohmert toils alone in his attempt to get “Terror Tots” on the agenda. Here he engages Anderson Cooper in an enlightening conversation on the inability of FBI research to substantiate his claim.

Honestly, we think “Gaping Hole” would be a great John Adams opera.


Haha, that dude’s name is actually “Gomert”.

I saw this last night. It makes me weep for the Republic: reasonable, silver-foxy Cooper and this wild-eyed freakshow are a microcosm of our national political discourse.

@Tommmcatt Cannot Be Arsed To Think About Sharon Angle: I was thinking of “Gohmert’s Pile” as a head, but I thought that was too much of a stretch.

Let a Gohmert in your life
and your serenity is through,
he’ll redecorate your brain,
from the stem to the crane,
and then go on
to the enthralling fun
of overhauling Coop.

Okay, better stick to my knitting.

Gomert is a steaming pile of ambulatory psuedo monkey shit.

@ManchuCandidate: I have a Kenny Burrell channel on Pandora, so right now I don’t care.

Two ladies behind me are running lines from Twelfth Night. I’m starting to see Louie as Toby Belch.

@nojo: Maybe with a little Malvolio thrown in.

obviously gohmert pyle is talking about the Grand nO Party plans to remake the charles bronson classic, telefon, about russian sleeper cell agents trained to create all sorts of mayhem and blow us up real good when awakened years later. i didn’t realize it could happen again. this time of course it’s gonna be terror babies, sleeper cell roofers and landscapers who do the dirty deeds. i’m not so sure that 10 or 15 years from now is a long enough time frame for the terror babies. i just don’t fear no teenage terror baby. i could whup their asses without even a handgun carry permit myself. i would suggest changing the plot so that the terror babies spend 20 or more years growing up with teabagging, heavily armed, anti-government, racist, psychos in alabama or tennesee. that way the terror babies would not only be willing and able to blow us up real good, but they would have the hardware to follow through once they recieve the “miles to go before i sleep” phone call from charles bronsons adversary. what do y’all think, do we have a blockbuster remake on our hands?

@jwmcsame: You had me at “Charles Bronson classic”. I’m surprised at myself for never referencing him.

but kudos to Andybear for being able to say “terror babies” without laughing.

@nojo: will the republican’ts finally get behind obamacare if the feds start paying for terror baby abortions?

“I bet you on 9/10 he would’ve come on your show and said, ‘There is no credible report of a plan to take down the World Trade Centers [sic],’ because he didn’t have one.”

Louie, Louie, Louie. Surely someone with your passion for identifying and safeguarding against terror threats would be familiar with the August 6, 2001 daily intelligence brief “Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US”? Ahem:

FBI information since that time indicates patterns of suspicious activity in this country consistent with preparations for hijackings or other types of attacks, including recent surveillance of federal buildings in New York.

The FBI is conducting approximately 70 full-field investigations throughout the U.S. that it considers bin Laden-related.

@nojo: All of the Bronson cannon were fine films but a little too much dialog, except for one film where he played an Eskimo who hunted down and killed dozens of guys one by one through the horrific freezing hell of the far north with a hunting rifle. That’s a fucking movie.


The fatal flaw of those Chuck Bronson flicks has always been that they’re too damned subtle.

@Original Andrew: No kidding. And the guy is always going on and on about shit that doesn’t add anything to the plot.

@FlyingChainSaw: Feelings!! Ptooey! (hawks a big gob of blood-flecked phlegm along with a couple of teeth to the sidewalk outside a bar in a bad part of Phoenix)

@FlyingChainSaw: The bad guys killed his dog in that movie. Nothing pisses me off more except a sober weekend.

Lee Marvins astute observation of why Bronson was in the brig in the Dirty Dozen: “You let somebody see you do it.”

@jwmcsame: It was art of the highest order, one guy killing scores of scum balls in total silence, in near total anonymity.

@lynnlightfoot: Actually yes. I thought it was pretty terrific when I was there. The theatre has perfect acoustics and sight lines. Very unusual in a new building. Though the No Firearms Allowed sign on the door is a trifle alarming. But I had a very good time.

I think I missed my calling – as his opponent’s advisor, I’d put together an ad featuring his greatest batshit rants, and at the end: “Aren’t We Texans Better Than This?” Would that work? If it would not, we are lost.

There exists evidence that cannot be “refudiated” that in 1887 Germany sent an infiltrator to America to produce GOHMERT BABIES into this country. This evidence appears in the Bureau of Investigation’s OLD GERMAN FILES regarding one Louis Gohmert. The letter dated August 16, 1917 states: (remember our country was at war)

For your general information and casual investigation, you are advised that B.J. Williams, of Cuero, Texas, reports that Louis Gohmert, a man of wealth and influence in Cuero, and a native of Germany, has been talking a great deal in favor of Germany.

The subject of this letter was Rep. Louis Buller Gohmert , jr’s great great grandpappy.


Hey isn’t this your dream car?

1966 Pontiac GTO Coupe

We could film Chuck Bronson driving around, steering with his right hand and firing a sawed off shotgun outta the driver’s side window with his left. Can’t wait for the blooper reel.


I’d *like* to think that it would work, but given the “You’re an evolutionist / AM NOT!” routine we just saw in the AL-Gov primary, I’m leaning towards the “lost” column…

@Original Andrew: It’s OK. But it is too ostentatiously sportular. For a full-bore Bronson death wish road trip, you want something homely that’s been twisted into a monstrous, bone-rattling horror, like a 1969 Dodge Monaco with the doors and roof torn off and the rear roof pylons jutting out torn and ragged.

g@texrednface: we’re all fucked now. it’s not just terror babies. what if gohmerts old daddy unleashed them little hitler boys from brazil on gregory peck way back when?

Don’t they fucking get it? Obama IS the terror baby!

@jwmcsame: ERR Umm. The point I was trying to make is Rep. Gohmert’s family had also been the target of suspicion, rumor and fear during particular time in America. He is repeating the behavior. He has given into hysteria. I don’t doubt the Gohmerts of Cuero, Texas were good Americans as were the rest of the large German immigrant population in the Hill Country of Texas during WWI. And I doubt Gohmert knows his Great Grandfather, a German immigrant, was a target.

@texrednface: I got that. And was interested. But do we think anything he is saying is genuine? His rant looks completely fake and not aimed so much at AC as the clips they’ll run on Fox etc to show how the MSM tried to stifle him. Clearly the lesson he learned from his great grand is get them first.

But srsly, when can we expect the new quiz show Are You Smarter Than a Republican?

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