The Black Knight Returns

WorldNetDaily, the Black Knight of Birtherism, is not giving up.

Last time we checked in with them, they were undermining their own story about how the local Honolulu papers were snookered by the health department: The only way for Baby Barack to have been born in Kenya, we determined — based on WND’s own evidence — was for Mom to have jumped the Mombassa redeye Friday night to meet the Monday filing deadline.

Well, okay, fine. WND will grant the point. But only so, like a magician releasing a bird from the other egg, they can amaze you with their latest feat: It doesn’t matter.

Because even if Barack Obama was born in Honolulu, he’s still not a natural-born citizen!

Whoa! Bet you didn’t see that coming!

We’ll wait a moment while everyone checks their tops. Are they falling over? Well, are they?

Damn straight they are. And never mind the street rolling up behind you.

Oh, we know what you’re thinking: They’re not trying to invalidate Hawaii’s statehood, are they? Please. Not yet. Gotta save something for the encore.

Because — everybody in the front rows, cover yourselves — the argument they’re presenting now is going to blow the case wide open:

An investigation by the authors found that according to correspondence from the original framers of the Constitution as well as multiple Supreme Court rulings and the legal writings that helped establish the principles of the Constitution, Obama is not eligible to serve as president since his father was not a U.S. citizen…

Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5 of the U.S. Constitution stipulates presidential eligibility, requiring the nation’s elected chief to be a “natural born citizen.”…

The Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution specifically defines “citizen” but not “natural born citizen”…

However, no definition of “natural born citizen” — which is only used in the presidential requirement clause — was provided anywhere in the Constitution, and to this day the precise meaning of the term is still being debated.

See? See?!!! Barack Obama may be a “citizen” under the Fourteenth Amendment, but he’s not a “natural born citizen” under the Constitution itself! He could have been born in Seattle, or Wasilla, or Boring, Oregon, and it wouldn’t have made any difference! Usurper! Usurrrperrr!!!

God, is our handkerchief soaked, or what?

Alas, journalistic integrity requires us to point out what appears to be a gaping loophole in WND’s argument: If we’re to follow the Founders’ intentions to the letter, Barack Obama is still three-fifths President. And that’s more than enough to overrule the two-fifths that isn’t.

Best-seller: Even Hawaii birth won’t make Obama legitimate [WND]

Math nerd here.

Actually, using real maths and not Birfer maths it should be (3/5 + 5/5)/2 = 4/5…

But I guess in their “minds” the 3/5 overrides the 5/5 so it’s 3/5.

@ManchuCandidate: “But I guess in their “minds” the 3/5 overrides the 5/5 so it’s 3/5.”

Also known as the “one drop rule.”

Ah yes, but thanks to that new fangeled invention of DNA sequencing we’ve discovered that all of us humans are 3/5 considering “mom” was an African some 2 million years ago. Of course that would mean negating the whole 6000 years of Jeebus thing.

Clearly by “natural born” the Framers meant to exclude anyone whose mother did not undergo “natural childbirth.” So any child born by Cesarean is excluded, as are children whose mothers gave birth in a hospital setting with or without the benefit of an epidural for pain control. It is highly likely the Framers also mean to exclude anyone whose conception was facilitated by in-vitro fertilization techniques.

So, I guess the argument is: Amero law is based on English common law, and, under English common law, the rulers trace their descent through their male lineage. Since Barak’s dad is from Kenya, no natural born citizenship and he can’t rule.

Primogeniture is a bitch.

Or maybe they mean both his parents were space aliens. This issue was on the front of the The Globe recently.

Im glad I am sitting. that makes me a little dizzy.

@Walking Still: Matrilineal descent is so much easier: everyone knows who the Mom is, but the Dad could be, well, anyone.

“The Manchurian President: Barack Obama’s Ties to Communists, Socialists and Other Anti-American Extremists,”

you know
you would almost think from that title they had an agenda. almost.

@Dodgerblue: Hat tip to the Tribe for being pragmatic enough to figure that one out! It always did crack me up that the gospel writers start right in with the male lineage of Jesus even though Joseph supposedly had nothing to do with the baby-Jesus-making festivities.

@flippin eck: Yeah, you have to wonder what Joseph thought of the whole episode. “Ah, Miriam, say what? You’re what? Yahweh, my ass!”

I was really looking forward to seeing Sam Rockwell play Joseph but then I read this:

Adrien Brody And Sharon Stone Step In For Sam Rockwell And Kim Cattrall In Sweet Baby Jesus

um, huh?

@flippin eck: Isn’t that the whole point of Bethlehem and the unhistorical census? To trace Jesus’ lineage back to David (also reason for stripping and wrapping in apron at last supper?) through Mary? Bethlehem was David’s city so it had to be Mary’s and Jesus had to be born there though it’s more likely He was born in Nazareth? Joseph is irrelevant so far as His lineage is concerned.

yikes, still
I would watch almost anything with Bette Midler

although I did love the idea of Kim as Mary.

guess what. we wanted to go to bethlehem with a group of friends for the festivities when we were in jerusalem last december.
you are not allowed in bethlehem now with an israeli passport.
jewish mary joseph and the jeeb are spinning.


are you allowed with a US passport?

@Benedick: No, Joseph was from David’s line, not Mary…at least that’s what Dr. Luke says.

@Capt Howdy: Looks like the Cattrall/Stone role is that of Mary’s mother, though a post-menopausal woman “miraculously” having a baby could have made for an interesting storyline.

that is a bit surprising. the first part I mean.
but I figured if US passports were not allowed we would already be bombing.

@mellbell: Or perhaps Mary’s cousin Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist, who was indeed a barren older woman who miraculously gave birth to John. I always thought it nice that as a special bonus, God struck her rather nasty husband Zacharias dumb throughout her pregnancy.
Also, nice trailer double entendre. I see what you did there.


Jesus is considered traditionally to have descended from the Davidic line both through Joesph and Mary, though there is almost no biblical evidence of the maternal connection to that line.

It is an essential belief for those Christians who believe in the fulfillment of prophecy.

@flippin eck: Really? I always thought it was Mary who was the issue but apparently it’s both.

Under the Torah a widowed woman could marry her late husband’s brother, the children of the union being reckoned as the sons of the deceased, and thus the Gospel of Matthew is held to record Jesus’ lineage by birth (Mary) while Luke’s by law (Joseph), this distinction being defended by Luke’s use of the phrase “Joseph son of Eli, as was supposed.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: That’s what I was just finding out.

The hamster told me I’m posting too quickly. As if, bitch.


And everyone love Mom. She’s right up there with apple pie. Though I’ll take sour cherry over apple (and sometimes Mom if the crust is just right).

@Benedick: @Tommmcat: Bravo, you boys haz the smarts. Plus, I forgot that you can’t rely on those gospel writers to compare notes.

Apropost ™: In the two hour drive I made across a tiny sliver of Pennsyltucky, I saw a “Where is the Birth Certificate?” billboard, a new (not 2 years and fading) McCain/Palin poster, and a copy of “Atlas Shrugged” on Moms Nabisco’s bookstand. Oh, and caught Glen Shrek screaming about some judge who wasn’t a judge but a “freaking JOKE”, until I snapped off the AM and grooved to some Sonic Youth.

This Amerikka, she is crazee – I’d be ready to go back to the Maoists in not-Tibet if it weren’t for the summer fun thing.

@Nabisco: A Where’s the Birth Certificate billboard infests I-5 near Corning California. California’s Central Valley truly is alien territory as I’ve learned to my sorrow at work.

@Walking Still: Yep, any time I get on 99 I feel like I’m putting my life in danger and I’m not just talking about the kamikaze 18-wheelers.

/GOP gay-face TJ/

The latest GOP “sex” scandal in Illinois is pretty much beneath our notice, as it involves not much more than typical GOP neanderthalish behavior (toward an adult woman, no less!). However, look who our disgraced young buck is canoodling with in the HuffPo pic! Could it be that he’s compensating?

Ms. Still and I had cherry pie for breakfast. Vacation is nice.

@Serolf Divad: Well shit. There go my political ambitions because I sprang fully formed from Zeus’ head.

@Mistress Cynica:
God struck her rather nasty husband Zacharias dumb throughout her pregnancy

They don’t make miracles like they used to.

WND’s not getting two posts from me today, so here’s their latest email:

The fiscal-obsessed factions of the tea party jockeying to define the movement’s scope solely with dollar signs unwittingly are pulling a page straight from “The Communist Manifesto,” warns the author of a brand new and very different manifesto.

“Since when are we concerned only about economic issues and materialistic issues? That’s the Left’s turf. They know this turf. They defined it. Marx and Engels. ‘We live in a materialistic world. Everything’s material. Everything’s economic.’ And now the right is going to fight back exclusively on that ground?” Joseph Farah, author of “The Tea Party Manifesto,” said Wednesday during an interview on KION’s “Wake Up Monterrey” in Monterrey, Calif.

“Our strength,” Farah continued, “is the morals and values. The people that know that they’re accountable to a God in heaven so they’re self-governing individuals who police themselves. They don’t need the tyranny of the state to do that.”

WND calls other teabaggers Communists. Snake, meet tail.


Wait – if highly religious individuals don’t need the state to make them behave, WTF are the teabaggers so worried about with the mosques? :)

Of course, the real trick with a line like Farah’s is that anyone who “strays” is clearly the result of TEH EVEL LIBRALS and their godless ways. Sort of a Jeebus-powered version of No True Scotsman.

Ugh. Fucking FUCK. I thought I’d been over this. There were at least three US presidents (all of their names escape me at the moment, but if you really want me to, I can figure them out) BEFORE Obama who had at least one parent that was born outside the US. I’m about 80% sure that one of the fathers never actually became a citizen, either. Research time.

@JNOVjr: Still got more presidents to check, but James Buchanan’s father was born in Ireland (no word on whether he was ever naturalized), and Chester A. Arthur’s father was a citizen of the UK until 1843. Chester A. Arthur was born in 1829.

Edit: Two more for the list: Woodrow Wilson and Herbert Hoover.

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