World Cup Final Open Thread

The Last Vuvuzela.

Stoners v. Sangria.

My coach said I’m better off in the band.

Every Colombian in my building is rooting for Spain, which makes no sense to me.

And in a surprising twist, the escorts leave and the kids take the field.

I’m sorry, but I can’t root for the Orange, seeing as they have not invited Otto the Orange to participate.

One thing that I will truly miss — that plinth on which the ball is placed, in front of the tunnel. That is AWESOME.

And in the important logo matchup, it’s Nike v. Adidas.

English referee. UH-OH.

Does Spain not have a multinational oil company? This could be a problem.

And in the action so far, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.

Netherlands by 2 goals – you heard it here first.

Spain got close twice. No cigarillo.

Roger Daltrey’s playing for Spain. Not bad for 66.

Cheap yellow card against Netherlands.

More legit yellow against Spain.

Yellow card for Daltrey.

God. Robben — of the multitude of floppers in top-flight football — might take the cake for this competition.

Roger earned a few red cards on stage with the Who.

Sting is coaching for the Netherlands.

They’ll have to switch to Chance cards if this keeps up.

Four yellow cards, now. This ref might have to toss somebody, and early. THAT would be something.

@chicago bureau: It would liven things up a bit. I’m nodding off.

Your English to English translator needs some help: From the Beeb liveblog at 16 minutes, after Yellow Card No. 2:

And now Howard Webb flashes yellow at Carles Puyol for catching Arjen Robben on his ankle. It’s got potential to be niggly, this one. Let’s hope not.

NIGGLY? Shoot. They might want to check on that, for sake of U.S. Americans.

Yellow number five. Well earned.

FIVE cards now. And, really, De Jong should have been advised that his services would no longer be required, there. Cleat right to the chest.

“You Have Won Second Prize in a Beauty Contest”

Morgan Freeman is in the royalish box. And he’s not narrating. Poor.

@chicago bureau: Cheadle did a pregame segment.

Almost an own goal. That would have been amusing.

Robben’s a flopper. Also, he’s good.

I’ve seen hockey games that were less chippy than this.

Nice nut shot, dude.

Sneider kicks the wrong ball.

Jinx.

We’re now into the Mystery Minutes.

@Walking Still: For once, I bought the acting.

Best attack of the game by the Netherlands.

PEEP! PEEP! Halftime. Bandaging of wounds, etc.

Wake me up when we get to penalty kicks.

And at the half, it’s The Beautiful Nil.

I really wish that GoDaddy commercials didn’t suck, since I enjoy their service.

ESPN recaps the misses. Welcome to soccer.

BTW: Stinque Wit is worldwide. I took Fearless Leader’s idea and ran with it to the Guardian’s liveblog, thusly:

38 min: Pedro has a lash from distance, a low shot skimming well wide right, even though the crowd get excited. Any chance Howard Webb has Chance cards from Monopoly in his pocket?” wonders [me]. “That would make this more interesting. You have won second place in a beauty contest. Bank error in your favor. And – more appropriately – Go directly to jail.”

ExxonMobil: It’s Not Our Fault This Time.

Oh, wait — next week on ABC… GOLF! YIPPIE!

@nojo: But they are still slime.

I’m not going to buy another Old Spice product again. Ever. That commercial was just ridiculous.

And here we go again….

@CB: That Old Spice commercial was great! :P

Speaking of Daltrey, did I miss the halftime show?

@chicago bureau: Old Spice has been genius for reviving the mustiest Father’s Day brand ever.

nojo: BTW: Sorry for lifting your idea. Just, like I said, took the ball and ran with it. Your joke made somebody in London laugh. Ah, internets.

The midfielders can’t find anyone.

Flop of the match?

Card Six.

Yellow card to Bratwurst.

Walking Still: Hard to say, but a worthy candidate, surely.

@chicago bureau: I used to know the English Monopoly board.

And seven. Somebody’s going to get tossed. Book it.

Lucky 7

The Dutch’s Game Is Not Fair Play.

Yellow Cards 7, Goals 0.

Shit — give these guys clubs and axes. That would liven this up. Also, give Howard Webb a black card, good for one firing squad meeting.

@nojo: Mayfair and Picadilly. You’re on your own with the rest.

Incidentally, you don’t need Howard Webb. You need Jack Webb.

This is the City. Johannesburg, South Africa. Education is a central part of the culture of Johannesburg. There are eleven institutions of higher education across the city, all filled with the best and brightest of South African youth, seeking to expand their minds, and their opportunities. It’s a hard road, but it’s a road worth taking. But when other youths playing football decide to take an easier road by cheating, I go to work. I carry a whistle.

DUN… DUN-DUN… DUN. DUN… DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNN!

Playless of the Day.

A midfielder finally finds someone. Almost for the Orange.

66 minutes, and no Lady Gaga cutaway.

Mark it eight, dude.

@nojo: I really don’t want to see a Lady Gaga cutaway, thank you.

Some neutral fan in Row P behind the Spanish goal is going to get a yellow card, next. You watch.

Oh SOMEBODY SCORE DAMMIT!

David Villa almost get the lead for the Golden Butt. Great block.

BTW: The guys on the Dutch bench have blankies. That’s nice.

Disinterested (literally) view from the Guardian liveblog, again:

67 min: Van Persie looks to break down the right. Capdevila cynically clips his heel. He’s booked, the 647th yellow card of the game. This is a total farce.

Sneijder foul. Howard Webb appears to tell him, “one more time, and that’s it.” Webb has had enough of this shit, it appears.

At least the play is a little livelier this half.

@chicago bureau: Yes, but the coach knows how to rock a scarf.

Streaming the game on Univision, in Spanish – makes about as much sense as watching it on ESPN.

“It would have been a glorious goal, had it been forthcoming.” Such is life.

It must be said: the Dutch have shut down the offensive attack of a better club. Mission accomplished. Winning ugly is still winning.

And Robben booked for dissent. He had a gripe, to be honest.

@chicago bureau:

I snicker a little every time I see an Old Spice commercial – and it’s all Frisky Dingo’s fault!

Mind you, *that* Old Spice could make a pretty funny commercial… :)

Ronnie James is playing for Spain, it appears.

I’m new to this sport. Most yellow cards wins?

If you’re just tuning in, you haven’t missed anything.

With Robben going into the notebook, that’s SIX Dutch outfield players, out of ten, who are carrying a yellow card. That’s gotta be some sort of record.

@al2o3cr: Test drive the new Scion!

I have to admit – the way the Spaniards move the ball down the field is wonderful to watch.

Thirty more minutes of this. Oh, joy.

A modest proposal: play extra time without goalies. Yes, it would be silly. Any sillier than deciding the World Cup on penalty kicks?

And after 90 minutes, The Last Airbender is tied with the World Cup for interesting moments.

@Walking Still: Seriously – I was thinking that a few minutes ago …

@Walking Still: Or an extra ball.

The token gheyz is here and has been watching from the nose-bleed section.

And why are Samsung, Sony, and the rest of them trying to sell me 3D TV? Bad enough it’s on all the time – I don’t want it popping out of the wall.

There was a World Cup in Pasadena? Did anyone notice?

@blogenfreude: That way the commercial shills can grab you by the scruff of the neck to keep you from muting the commericals.

And the flopping resumes.

@blogenfreude: I may be a fogey, but I just don’t see it happening as long as everyone’s stuck with the eyewear.

@nojo: Someone will start marketing a corneal implant. Then Karl Rove/Fox News will use it for “targetted outreach”.

Spain is getting its chances.

And it’s a miss! And another miss! And another miss!

Bratwurst out.

We’re into extra time on extra time. Singularity approaching.

Well, fifteen minutes left. This is positively DREADFUL.

A live shot of the Plaza de Colon in Madrid. Truly.

I’m renaming the bathroom Plaza de Colon.

Last sub in, for Spain. Let’s see what this does.

@chicago bureau: And the race is on for the Golden Skinny Mic.

RED CARD! That was coming.

@nojo: And a Porta Potty would be Plaza de Semicolon?

Finally, one sent off.

For the record: that was the tenth yellow, and not a straight red. Nor should it have been. But a matter of probability at this point for a second yellow to somebody for Holland.

And, oh, another yellow to the Dutch, making it eleven now.

I’ve never seen so many cards without chips.

How did the ref miss that deflection?

GOL

OH THANK GOD! Spain scores!

Dutch guy booked for bitching about offside. Goal scorer for Spain booked for taking off his shirt. Thirteen.

Someone’s getting laid tonight.

@nojo: It’s not me, so … like I care?

Fourteen cards. Two minutes left. Time for another??

ALL DONE. Spain wins a horrible game. Truly awful.

And the Dutch are screwed … again!

And yet, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

@nojo: But Paul still rules.

Once again, the Curse of the Dutch Oven.

Dutch players look like they’ve fallen off a hundred ski jumps.

@Walking Still: Paul was shitting ink for awhile.

And now, the ceremonial Explosion of the Stadium.

Damn octopus. That is all.

Pablo el Pulpo correctly predicted it!!

Watched the whole damned thing at a friend’s house. I thought the Dutch were the dirtiest players and biggest whiners, and so deserved to lose on some moral plane.

@blogenfreude: Could I have been more wrong?

@nojo: Brut, by Fabergé…

ADD: And High Karate? Something like that.

now for the important news of the day while everyone was distracted:
you can get a GPS pac with the voices of C3PO, uncle darth and YODA !!!
i would totaly listen to yoda when he tells me to turn left.
is that awesome or WHAT??

@JNOV: From the depths of my adolescent memory, I’ve dredged up the slogan “Hai Karate, ah so”.

I’m pretty sure I remember it only because my adolescent mind immediately reedited it to “Hai Karate, asshole”.

@baked: !!! Have you heard the Snoop Dog TomTom?

@Walking Still: Ha! I think the commercials had some dude on a boat shot from like the bottom up to all these signal flags that probably mean “If you buy this, you’re a dumbass. Chicks will hate you. Forever.”

@nojo: Oh, man. I had no idea what a Dutch Oven was besides the cookware, so, one day at work, I was chatting with 25 of my closest friends in K atty HELL, and I was like, “You know what I need? I need a good Dutch Oven.”

Hilarity ensued. I had no idea. I’m not even going to tell you what happened when I asked where I could get a good facial.

@JNOV:
HAHAHA!!! LOVE. same company–tomtom. YO !!
still, i would only listen to yoda.

sorry the game sucked for everyone. i loved the series this year as called by YOU guys.
my choice for hotties?
our very own den mommie Lefty and Walking Still. great stuff.

programming note: all new Criminal Minds. starting NOW!
JJ’s pregnant with N’awlins baby! big easy moving to Quantico!!!

So, next year in Berlin, Women’s World Cup:

1. Will Paul return?
2. Who picks the hotties?
3. No vuvuzelas!

@Walking Still: Oh good. I finally understand the offsides rule.

@Dodgerblue: You obviously have no kids in soccer, you learn the offsides rule quick.

@Promnight: You are correct. We played basketball and softball. I never played soccer, er, futbol as a kid.

@Dodgerblue: Prom Junior has been playing basketball for 3 years now, its my favorite sport to watch him in. Badly played basketball is somehow still enjoyable to watch.

@JNOV:

I like the Yoda “behind-the-scenes” video. :)

@al2o3cr: ZOMG! THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER! Stealing it for FB IMMEDIATELY!

Thank you, I must.

Lacrosse. Women’s lacrosse with the old wooden crosses and no boundaries. Those new-fangled crosses don’t force you to cradle. That is all.

/Late to the game . . . Heard most of the first half on the radio in the truck en route to pick up Son of RML at the ancestral homeland grandparents’ place. The AM signal faded when I got out of the canyon and up to the plains below the mountains. Had a great visit with the folks and got the score from Mrs RML on my way back. I initially though that her “bad news, good news” was that Spain lost and we were having calimari tonight, but it was actually “dog got out, but he only took one board our of the fence to do it.”

Spent the last three hours dog proofing the fence with hog wire, temp planks and buried rocks and cinder blocks. What I really need are some 6 x 6 treated timbers or railroad ties and some rebar to line the bottom of the fence and to stick ’em there.

Hearing prep now. Gotta get my threads together for the hearing out on the Navajo rez tomorrow over west of Albuquerque, about 90 min drive one way.

@redmanlaw: I love the ABQ overpasses when you’re driving on 40. :-)

@JNOV: Funky, no?

Me and Junior caught 5 fluke, but all undersize, but, he now trusts me, that I know where to find the fluke. He reads the fishing columns in the newspapers and second-guesses me on where I choose to go to fish, every time, but today, I showed him, I know where the fish are.

Breaking – Pipe Bomb Attack on Oil Exec’s House

A seemingly anonymous gift left on the front porch of a Houston home owned by an oil company executive has the city’s affluent population of oil profiteers on edge this weekend, after that package exploded and seriously injured a 62-year-old woman.

Neighbors of the victim told an ABC News affiliate in Houston that the bomb was disguised as a box of chocolates in a gift bag, left on the home’s doorstep around Thursday.

Instead, it contained what authorities described as a pipe bomb carrying a load of thumb tacks and nails. When she opened the package on Friday evening, standing on her back porch around 6:30, it resulted in shrapnel embedded across the woman’s face — injuries police said were not life-threatening.

http://rawstory.com/rs/2010/0711/package-bomb-houston-oil-company-executives-home/

@redmanlaw: It’s a treat! A feast for the eyes, and then you might go under one that’s plain, and you’re kind of like, Awwww. But then the road turns northish as you’re heading east and leaving ABQ, and you start to climb a little. God, I love NM!

Love Scottsdale, AZ, too. Route 66!

@redmanlaw: Please. No. FUCK!

@Walking Still: I will be covering Women’s World Cup, assuming Stinque still exists, and will be happy to recruit some str8 boys to assist in the posting of the hotties (I must confess that I was getting exhausted at the end of it – how Nojo can do a 7 am post every day is so impressive!)

@Promnight:

What is a fluke? Can you eat it?

@redmanlaw: Did the doggie come home?? Was it post-4th of July fireworks being set off by neighbors that made him flip?

In other sad news, the condo complex kitteh who loved me and Mr. SFL was hit by a car last week and killed. He was only 1-1/2 years old. We found out the terrible news as we were leaving on Friday for the weekend out of town.

/St. Francis candle lit for another fur baby in animal heaven. This has been a shitty terrible year for animals in my life and the lives of my friends. Kiss your pupster/kitteh/rabbit tonight!

@SanFranLefty: I did. And I’m so looking forward to your coverage of the Women’s World Cup. In that connection, I will selflessly volunteer to find photos of scantily-clad, athletic young women who may or may not be futbol players, or know someone who is.

@SanFranLefty: Dog likes to bust out of the yard and wait for us to come home. Must be for more of the challenge and sport than an actual escape attempt.