It Was a Dark and Thinly Disguised Roman à Clef

The 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest winner for worst first line: “For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.”


Oh, the worst line. Thanks be to Chakra Khan™.

Button TJ revisted/ May we please have a Chakra Khan™ button?

@JNOV: No you may not. The gag gets diluted with extra sounds. You can have the occasional Guest Button, but that’s it.

@nojo: ::whispers:: okay, although i think an occasionally-updated biden gaffe button would be nice…

I’m a chick. What do I know about comedy? ;-P

For a minute, I thought this was the opening line of a future Sanford tell-all book. :)

@JNOV: noje is touchy about his buttons.

@Benedick: You have to be gentle with them, respect them, and not press them too hard or push them too often. A silver tongue, a listening ear and a willingness to engage is sometimes all one needs to open up the heart and mind of another. A little attention, patience and compassion may make them feel safe enough to allow themselves to surrender to the will of one with the magic touch. It’s a scary place, but only once one has surrendered control over the magic buttons will one truly know what it is to be free.

Hey, it’s Fucking Canada Day. Happy Fucking Canada Day.

@RML: doesnt that mean more Canadians in 9 months?

@redmanlaw: I thought that was Fucking Canada Eh.

Now this is a perfect example of the kind of story that makes NPR so great. You can always count on NPR to spend hours on the Bulwer-Lytton contest, stuttering and murmering and laughing politely. Good times.

@Nojo: What ever happened to Selections from the New York/London Review of Books classifieds Too hard to write new material, or too Spy? I just enjoyed going back in time a bit.

TJ/ was at an outdoor fleamarket today over Here. Did you know that an old copy of “Joe’s Garage” goes for 30 friggin euros over here? I could have unloaded my entire Yes collection and paid for a week in the great hotel we found in Barca.


1. Insufficient interesting entries.

2. I canceled NYRB/LRB to pay for the iPad.

3. You’re plooking too hard.

@nojo: I love the NYROB personal ads. I always read them first, aloud if my wife is in earshot.

@nojo: You have an iPad and a new iPhone. Now you want payola? Oh…

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Harumph. I’m working on my Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry.

@JNOV: Oh, right, FTC requirement…

Apple, Inc. is not paying me to pitch all their wonderful and expensive iGadgets. But I’m happy with the business deductions.

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