Drudge Junior Captures Mullah Omar

We noticed this Monday, noticed it again Tuesday, and now we notice that few others seem to be noticing. Which makes perfect sense, given the source, but is also very odd — and for the same reason. So let’s start with the news, and take it from there:

Through key intelligence sources in Afghanistan and Pakistan, I have just learned that reclusive Taliban leader and top Osama bin Laden ally, Mullah Omar has been taken into custody…

At the end of March, US Military Intelligence was informed by US operatives working in the Af/Pak theater on behalf of the D.O.D. that Omar had been detained by Pakistani authorities. One would assume that this would be passed up the chain and that the Secretary of Defense would have been alerted immediately. From what I am hearing, that may not have been the case.

When this explosive information was quietly confirmed to United States Intelligence ten days ago by Pakistani authorities, it appeared to take the Defense Department by surprise. No one, though, is going to be more surprised than Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. It seems even with confirmation from the Pakistanis themselves, she was never brought up to speed.

Well! Congratulations to all involved! But why isn’t anybody bragging about it?

The first thing you should know is that the Exclusive! was posted on Big Government, home of the Acorn Pimp, and part of Andrew Breitbart’s wingnut meme factory. Breitbart himself toiled as “Matt Drudge’s bitch” before launching his Embiggened Blog Network.

The second thing you should know is that the author of the post is Marvel Universe castoff Brad Thor, who needs no introduction, because it’s your fault you’ve never heard of him:

Brad Thor is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of numerous thrillers including The Last Patriot, which was banned in Saudi Arabia and nominated Best Thriller of the Year by the International Thriller Writer’s Association, and The Apostle, for which he shadowed a black ops team in Afghanistan. Brad has served as a member of the Department of Homeland Security’s Analytic Red Cell Program and has appeared on FOX News Channel, CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, and PBS to discuss terrorism, as well as how closely his novels of international intrigue parallel the real threats facing the world today.

So, our author is a recognized master of making shit up. Even that awesome-sounding but unexplained “Analytic Red Cell Program” is really just a series on daylong focus groups convened to make shit up for the amusement of DHS bureaucrats:

“When I got the call, I was floored,” said Brad Meltzer, the author of several successful Washington thrillers, recalling his talk with the Homeland Security official who recruited him. “They said, ‘We want people who think differently from the ones we have on staff.’ “

Sounds like fun! Does everyone get a certificate of achievement at the end of the day?

But back to our story: We have a post written by a professional fabulist, on a website best known for doctored faux-pimp videos. We can’t imagine why the lamestream media hasn’t run with it! Perhaps they’re too busy chasing down Perez Hilton’s latest exclusive on Castro’s death.

EXCLUSIVE: Mullah Omar Captured! [Big Government]

Big Government Takes A Big Gamble By Sticking To Report Of Mullah Omar’s Capture [Mediaite]


Wait, this Af/pac theater. Is that a musical house? Cuz the new Prince/Stroman show is looking for a house.

Sounds like a gay porno actor.

The original Red Cell was a detachment of US Navy SEALs from SEAL Team Six, the Navy version of Delta Force. Apparently, it cut through security like a knife through hot butter and pissed off a lot of self important people.

Reminds me more of Team B, a group of non intelligent intelligence types used by Don Rummy (the first go around as Sec Def) to bullshit up raw intel to show the USSR was on the verge of developing a blue water navy to challenge Navy. Among the bullshitters, several prominent Neoturds like Wolfie and the fat Prince of Darkness, Dick Perle. This is Team B, the Next Generation. Team B’s info was a major justification for the 80s military build up that nearly broke US America.

Heh. To think if I wrote better I could have been a Red Cell Analist. My “thriller” manuscript and 30+ rejection letters are collecting dust.

Info from Rouge Warrior: Richard Marcinko (his only non fiction book) and “Fall From Glory: The Men Who Sank the U.S. Navy” by Greg Vistica.

Damn you to hell, nojo. Now I’m going to have TGAH theme song in my head all goddamn day.

And for those of you who managed to avoid the earworm….

Believe it or not, I’m walkin’ on air!
I never thought I could be so free-ee-ee-ee,
Flyin’ on in on a wing and a prayer,
Who could it be?
Believe it or not, it’s just me!

You’re welcome.

Woah. Laura comes out of her medication-induced catatonic state long enough to confess that she’s down with the gheys and the baby-killers. Her “doctor” better up her dosage stat!



You take the good, you take the bad,
You take them both and there you have,
The Facts of Life! The Facts of Life!

When books are what you’re there about
and looks are what you care about
the time is right,
to learn the facts of life.

When the world never seems
to be living up to your dreams
it’s time you started finding out
what everything is all about!

No one escapes, this morning.

Don’t make me pull out Fraggle Rock. I know the lyrics to the rap for “The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire” too, millennials, so don’t make me bring it…

@flippin eck: Laura actually comes across as fairly liberal, from what little of her personal beliefs she’s revealed over the years. I seem to recall an interview in which she was asked about No Child Left Behind, and, while her response was very diplomatic, it was nevertheless clear that she thought it was a clusterfuck of catastrophic proportions.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Did you know that Fraggle Rock is available to watch instantly on Netflix? You’re welcome.

“Brad Thor?” whoooboy.

Remember, the greatest american hero’s original name was “Hinckley,” but then someone named Hinckley shot Reagan, and they had to change it. Or am I getting it wrong? See what 30 years does to you? This is how people started “remembering,” almost exactly 30 years after the crucifixion, “didn’t that jesus rise from the dead for a while after that cross thingy? I am not sure I remember right, but I coulda swore it was Jesus we saw on the road back to gehenna.” We were wearing onions on our belts, which was the fashion at the time.

Nojo, no certificate of achievement, they get a certificate of participation. Its the only thing lower.

Remember when the Reagan administration hired Tom Clancy, noted weapons porn writer, as a military expert, on account of his having imagined himself stroking the sleak, sensuous steal curves of so many submarines, quivering with excitement at the thought of the power and fury contained within those phallic missiles within, pent up and waiting to be released by the right finger pushing the right button?


Sounds like a gay porno actor.
in a post with Mullah Omar I am reminded of something hilarious I read the other day decrying the dearth of good Muslim Terrorist themed gay porn.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg, @mellbell: I think I’m almost exactly the same age as Tommm, but I somehow missed out on both Facts of Life and Fraggle Rock.

But Tommm, I owe you a spanking for the “Walkin’ on Air” implant.

@Capt Howdy: dearth of good Muslim Terrorist themed gay porn

Given the right budget and a decent cinematographer, I could totally fix that.

@Capt Howdy:


Imperialist Doggy-Style
Osama Been Loadin’
Jihad Jollies

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Aren’t those two from the same time period?

Oh, and thanks for replacing the ear worm. Now I can add innervisions of Molly Ringwald on skates and Mindy Cohn’s bouncing pigtails.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I’ve had Boston’s “More Than a Feeling” as an earworm all day thanks to the local radio station. Can’t decide which song is worse.

@SanFranLefty: You may have already won a question I plan on posing later this afternoon.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: @SanFranLefty: @Tommmcat….: Jeez Louise, I feel morally obligated to share with you guys my own rockin earworm in order to exorcise the 80s “soft rock” ones you’re dealing with.

to hell with all of you. here’s something to wash away those earworms

there once was a story ’bout a man named jed
a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed
then one day he was shootin’ at some food
and up from the ground come a bubblin’ crude
oil that is…black gold…texas tea
weeell, the first thing ya know ole jeds a millionaire
the kinfolk said, Jed Move Away From There!
said, Californey is the Place you ought to Be!
so he loaded up the truck and they moved to beverly
hills that is…swimmin’ pools…movie stars!

from memory, thank you very much, and now i’m going for my electroshock treatment.


I know, but I’m not 23 anymore, so it amounts to the same thing.

@flippin eck:

The music, the stylins–high fives all-around! Love it!

“he shadowed a black ops team in Afghanistan”

I’m surprised nobody commented about this whopper. Thor apparently repeats this bullsquat about shadowing black ops teams every chance he can while shilling his add-water-and-stir-comic-books-disguised-as-novels.

Anyone who claims he was black ops or shadowed black ops is about as believable as anyone who tells you he lives on the same street as the Easter Bunny and Elvis. No civilian would be allowed to shadow any black ops team. Never. Ever. Never.

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