Happy Endings

When we first met Constance McMillen, the Itawamba County [Mississippi] School District had canceled her high school prom, for fear she might bring her girlfriend and get gay cooties on everyone.

You probably know what happened next:

In the announcement, the school board encouraged the community to organize a private prom. “It is our hope that private citizens will organize an event for the juniors and seniors. “We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this causes anyone,” the statement concluded.

Inconvenience? Well, the community prom was duly organized, and Constance and her girlfriend showed up — as did five other students. The other community prom — the one everyone somehow forgot to tell them about — was a hit.

But just as we were ready to write up a charming Americana anecdote for the Infernal edition of the Readers Digest, here come some spoilsports to ruin everything:

The American Humanist Association (AHA) announced today that it, along with the Grammy-winning band Green Day and popular singer and performer Lance Bass, will co-sponsor a prom for Mississippi youth, including students from Itawamba County Agricultural High School…

The Second Chance Prom will feature dinner for guests, live entertainment, a ceremony to honor outstanding youth in Mississippi, booths highlighting organizations striving for LGBT equality and celebrity guests. Other sponsors of the event include Cat Cora and Tonic.com.

They’re laying out at least twenty grand on the event. We hope the secret prom cost a lot too, just for the pleasure of knowing that nobody will remember it after this blowout.

American Humanist Association Joins Green Day and Lance Bass as a Co-Sponsor of Second Chance Prom in Mississippi [AHA, via Towleroad]

“It would have worked, too if it weren’t for you meddling humanists!”

Fuckin’ A! This just made my (otherwise shitty) day.

Kid A: So who’s playing at your straights-only Christian prom?

Kid B: Lambschoir.

Kid A: Lambschoir?

Kid B: Yeah, they’re a Stryper cover band from Biloxi. Who’s playing at your Humanist prom?

Kid A: Green Day.

Kid B: Green Day?

Kid A: Green Day.

Kid B: Really?

Kid A: Y’really.

Kid B: Oh.

@Serolf Divad: 8:29 and shitty already? How long have you been awake?

Wait. Green Day? Are they well known? I’m not hip to their jive.

The graduating fucktards class have a facebook page mocking Constance that has been pretty thoroughly infiltrated and mocked in its turn. Turns out it was all Constance’s fault for craving attention and so they were forced to book the ‘country club’ behind her back. Five other kids attended the mock prom including two ‘special needs’ children.

You Yanquis are harsh with your social control. The spirit of shunning lives on in the land of the free. At my school all we did was push boys down the stairs and break their arms. I find this whole idea of ‘graduating’ quite terrifying.

On one hand, I wish they’d only invite the kids that showed up to the community prom, and it snowballs and it’s those five kids and, like, every A-list celebrity and they all have a huge party with those kids that’s covered in the press for a week.

On the other, I want everyone to show up because I can’t wait til Billy Joe Armstrong gets up on stage and tells them all off for being pricks.

Oh, the drama that’s happening right now in that town. You just know there is some kid who’s slammed their bedroom door closed after their parents told them they couldn’t go to the new prom because teh gayz are going to be there.

Seriously, though, how many of those kids do you think give a shit whether or not she’s gay? How much of this is the parents?

I’d rather they just give Constance a big fat scholarship to a liberal enclave on the East Coast so she can just get on with her life. This sounds like the ending of a John Hughes 80s movie, one where we all pretend that prom, graduation, and all that high school paraphernalia actually matters. Granted, Constance’s prom was so grossly sucky that it caused the entire nation to take notice, but aren’t all proms supposed to suck and be inconsequential within a few months anyway?

@RomeGirl: It’s all the parents. Like normal kids everywhere, the students just want to watch the lesbians eat each other’s faces and grind slowly into each other during the power ballads.

@FlyingChainSaw: Not according to their facebook site. True, the parents and teachers should have known better, but the kids really got in on the act with relish. Seems it was very important to them to put her in her place.

Yay! Billie Joe and, um, …Lance Bass to the rescue!

This really pisses me off. Was it Phil Ochs who sang “find another country to be part of”?

@al2o3cr: Bible Spice. That’s pretty good.


Having to go in to work on a saturday = shitty.

As if I didn’t already heart Green Day so much for American Idiot, this takes my love for them to 11.

@flippin eck: aren’t all proms supposed to suck and be inconsequential within a few months anyway?

Except to those girls too foolish to use protection, and too brainwashed ideological to opt for abortion, of course. They remain consequential for a number more years in that case.

@flippin eck: Having skipped my own prom, and generally not caring for manufactured events, I can’t disagree with you.

But this was important enough to her to take a stand over it, and I can’t begrudge her that.

In which case, a John Hughes ending is entirely appropriate. Yes, life goes on after high school, but as our principal said at the commencement rehearsal: “Look around you tonight. It’s the last time you’ll ever see everyone in the same place.”

@nojo: “Look around you tonight. It’s the last time you’ll ever see everyone in the same place.” And that my fine fellow was the brightest moment of my HS career, knowing I would never have to see any of those putzes again. I got along just fine with them, elected class prez, student council, extracurriculars (no sports…never was a team player) I just wanted to move on from the high school bull shit. I am sure Constance will be infinitely happier away from the fucking hillbillies.

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