I Hear Dead People


“Did you learn anything?” asks Tiger’s dad. Who died, oh, four years ago.

Well, Pop, I may have learned not to bareback my 22-year-old neighbor. We’ll have to wait for the next commercial to find out.

‘Creepy’ ad uses Tiger Woods’ dead dad to help rehabilitate image [Raw Story]

Tiger Woods’ latest alleged lover is young neighbor Raychel Coudriet [Daily News]


Personal privilege threadjack, via Conan O’Brien:

4 days to my first show. Eugene Oregon… Brace yourself for a towering tsunami of dry, self-deprecating humor.

No molesting the Millrace ducks, dude.

This person. Is he Sport?

@nojo: The words ‘Conen O’Brien’ and ‘humor’ do not belong in the same sentence. Will Harry Shearer be his frst guest, one wonders? Or will he go with Larry David?

cant stop talking about this lunch time meeting. but one of the things that came up was a question about bringing dead actors back to life with this process.
he then made them turn off the camera and told us a story about the planned new Bruce Lee movie he and his team worked on. they were going to do it. they had permission from his wife and daughter. they did the whole process and when the first test scenes were ready to view they watched them and said, “you know, this is just to weird. we cant let you do this”.

@JNOV: It is deeply disturbing for this fool to be raking in another appearance fee for betraying his wife and kids but reanimating his father to profit from his perfidy is a whole new level of twisted self-indulgence.

Whoa. I just read about the neighbor — he met her when she was 14. Before I was like, boo cheating, but meh w/r/t cheating athletes. Now I’m like, icky gross lechy asshole — watched a kid grow up and then hit on her. I boo you, Tiger! You had my sympathy for like a nanosecond when I saw this ad and thought about how Nike would stand behind you as long as you held your ankles. And I thought it was rich that Nike, purveyor of goods made using child labor and folks paid below a living wage, had the balls to go all moral on Tiger’s ass. Pfft.

@Capt Howdy: And really, they should just license the avatar algorithm from Graystone Industries.

At least someone at Nike had brains enuf to omit the tagline at the end.

@flippin eck: Just Do Her! And her and her and her…

@JNOV: I can’t think of an example of such wanton exploitation of the innocent to indulge the self-pity and narcissism of perpetrator – to his profit.

The guy has broken through a whole new dimension in epic whine.

@JNOV: Oh, it’s so bizarre I couldn’t get all of the vast weirdness of it all into one thought.

@FlyingChainSaw: It’s really stunning. It just keeps sinking in, getting more creepy by the moment.

It’s got an enabling marketing guy’s take on “Field of Dreams” if the hero were a guy who can’t keep it in his pants.

“If you buy it, Tiger will come/cum.”

@ManchuCandidate: Riffing on an earlier Harry Shearer tweet (sorry, B):

Masters of His Domain.

@nojo: Just when I was going to suggest that you should look upon me as your uncle. You know. Uncle? No pressure, big guy. Though a boy is never too big for a spanking.

@nojo: What’s unimaginable is that their PR/communications people 1) thought of this 2) produced it and 3) no one wretched and shrieked oh, god, no, for god’s sake what kind of monster would be party to this horror!

I’m not even attempting to understand this ad. Hell, I don’t get most advertising in general nowadays. I’ve become such a consumer reports geek. I need facts and figures from a reputable source; 30 second ads with famous people or young, skinny people jumping around doesn’t make me want to buy the product.

/get off my lawn

@FlyingChainSaw: More specifically (or likely, since I haven’t checked), Portland’s own Wieden+Kennedy, run by the UO’s own Dan Wieden, who coined “Just Do It” for Beaverton’s own Nike.

You can see why Twin Peaks was so popular in the Pacific Northwest.

Just saw some of this and it’s way worse than I’d thought. It’s ewww. From the agency. Ewwww. The sport person thing is whatever. But ughhhh. Remind me not to be stroking birdies.

When Tiger fires his latest PR guy will the public get yet another apology?

And why is he doing all this apologizing? You would think that everyone involved, including Nike, would just as soon the whole subject go away.

Can we expect other sponsors to have him do apology ads so they too can get in on the apology gravy train?

@JNOV: Brilliant. You should have gone into advertising.

@Capt Howdy: “Bruce Lee v. Iron Man.”

And BTW, Wood Honey Joselyn James will be on the Stephanie Miller show tomorrow in the first hour (6 am Left Coast, 7 am Mountain, the rest of you do the math).

Stations streaming Steph if unavailable in your market:


@Dodgerblue: Ha! Thanks! I should’ve gone into something. These days I’m thinking about taking classes so I can become a park ranger. Seriously.

@JNOV: so I can become a park ranger.

I think that is cool, but I can’t stop thinking about that rascally Yogi Bear and all the pranks he would pull on you.

@JNOV: Or a lumberjack.

Not to rain on your parade, but parks are one of the areas governments always look to when cutting budgets.

I once wanted to study forestry at Northern Arizona University when I dropped back into college after a year building fences in the mountains for the tribe and working at a ski area, but all the science and biology scared me off. I went to get a lib arts degree and got into newspapering for a while afore law school.

@NaBEEsko: Funny you should say that — I’m only afraid of raccoons and bears, oh, and heights. But I think I could get over it/them maybe…

@redmanlaw: I’ve been thinking about this for about a decade, especially when I ditched class at law school to go for a drive up and down the coast. I probably have a better chance of getting a job as a park ranger than I do as a lawyer.

Honest to God — I am officially DONE with Tiger Woods’s Blue Period. I mean, if I have to hear Jim Nantz say “self-imposed break from the game” one more time, I’ll have to take a self-imposed break from sharp and pointy objects.

Lookit — he was a douchebag to the galleries (and, for this week, excuse me, patrons) before Everything Turned Upside-Down. (Yes: getting turned upside-down was part of the problem. Noted.) Now: he suddenly appreciates them. And before long he’ll go off on some guy with a camera on the 17th tee.

I always knew I was smarter than he was. I graduated from Tree; he did not. All this bullshit proves it. It doesn’t give me his bank account, but I take victories where I can.

@JNOV: Isn’t the Bell a “national park”? Few, if any, raccoons. But RML is right about budgets and the NPS.

@chicago bureau: Meanwhile, Big Dumb Ben is struggling with his second awkward encounter in or near a night club.

“I Boo You.” To me, it echos Oprah’s created liturgy in her effort to create a new religion, “We speak your name.”

We Boo You. Its a great name for a website devoted to shaming the worst of the worst.

We Boo You, we boo your name. In truest Philadelphia tradition, we cast batteries at you.

@JNOV: And yet, when I read Emma I’m not creeped out by her relationship with Knightley. Different era, of course, but same principle.

@mellbell: Interesting point, Mell. Why is it kinda sorta okay in Dead People Literature, but creepy IRL?

@mellbell: @NaBEEsko:

When women are culturally infantalized throughout their entire lives it doesn’t matter much whether you start looking at 14 or 40.

@mellbell: @Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Actually, Emma bugs me for that very reason: Knightly treats her like a daughter too, scolding and instructing her. I’d rather have a guy with a crazy first wife locked up in the attic anyday! And don’t even get me started how much this watching-her-grow-up factor creeped me out in The Time Traveler’s Wife.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Oh, I’ve got one! Time to rip and burn!

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: And what state does the culture drive men to assume? Ima not liking the victim terminology. Men, most of them, are brainwashed by the culture to value utterly valueless things, and to enslave themselves and sacrifice their lives and souls to meaningless work undertaken in order to attain these meaningless symbols.

I have been reading “Shop Class as Soul Craft” and its really really good.


I was actually speaking of the historical culture that produced Emma, which demonstrably infantalized women in both social life and in the Arts.


Not at all. I a bit bitchy.

I sorry to be so short with you.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: I never thought that she infantilized women. Generally speaking, I think her women are superior to the men around them and she charts their course through a world owned by men with quite a lot of skill and wit. I particularly like Fanny in Mansfield Park though she is much derided for her passivity. By the by, there’s a fascinating detail in that book that is used to yank the plot round about two thirds of the way through, when the owner of Mansfield Park has to go to Martinique where he owns a sugar plantation. So the beautiful house and park are paid for by slave labor. Very telling touch.

I should add that I’m not a ‘fan’ of Austen’s.

And please don’t be mean to me. I’m not as brave as prom. I will cry and I will take pictures and I will post them online and tell everyone that you did it.

@Benedick: I don’t think that Mr. Catt is asserting that Austen herself infantilized her female characters, but rather that the culture of her particular era tried to do so to all women. She was just an unusually perspicacious recorder of that culture.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning came along considerably later, but she saw it (well, lived it) too:

A woman’s always younger than a man
At equal years, because she is disallowed
Maturing by the outdoor sun and air,
And kept in long-clothes past the age to walk.

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