The Yellow Hordes of Texas

These compassionate conservatives will be the death of us:

An evangelical Christian hate group called “Repent Amarillo” is reportedly terrorizing the town of Amarillo, Texas. Repent fashions itself as a sort of militia and targets a wide range of community members they deem offensive to their theology: gays, liberal Christians, Muslims, environmentalists, breast cancer events that do not highlight abortion, Halloween, “spring break events,” and pornography shops. On its website, Repent has posted a “Warfare Map” of its enemies in town.

And if you’ve lost Little Green Footballs, well …

Calling Repent an “American Taliban,” blogger Charles Johnson notes that the group’s moniker “Army of God” is a rough translation of “Hezbollah.” Led by a man named David Grisham, a security guard at a nuclear-bomb facility called Pantex, Repent first gained media attention in Texas following a campaign to boycott Houston for electing a gay mayor. The group, which is associated with Raven Ministries, collaborates with other Christian groups as well as forced pregnancy advocacy associations like “Bound 4 Life.”

And here’s the hate video:

Spiritual concern? My spiritual concern is that they’ll likely end up burning books, or beating up gays … or worse.

Christian Hate Group ‘Repent Amarillo’ Terrorizes Texas Town [Think Progress]

And here’s the Texas Observer article.

Don’t get the idea that Grisham’s crew is working in isolation. Apparently, the crackpot mayor of Amarillo owns that parking lot, and has given Grisham tacit approval to use it as a “staging area”. They also get support from other extreme-right groups. Still, they’re the kind of fuckhead gang that could only find a place in a crude, yee-haw town like Amarillo.

Anybody wanna take up a collection to send them over to fight the *other* “Army of God” for the naming rights? That’d make one hell of a pay-per-view… :)

@savagebeauty: From here in Manhattan it’s hard to believe what goes on down there … but believe I must.

Their church potlucks end in executions for Crimes Against Ambrosia.

Proof the FSM loves an ironic laugh as much as anyone.

@Original Andrew: COTD. My grandmother made that stuff for every “occasion” and I always thought “what’s wrong with serving us coconut, tangerines and marshmallows on separate nights, gram?”

I get the gun sound effects and bullet holes…
but what is the significance of the drifting dandruff on their site?

Well, it is Amarillo, the festering boil on the ass that is the Teas Panhandle.

And: Security guard at a nuke bomb plant? Am I the only one disturbed by *that* little factoid?

@SanFranLefty: Maybe who ever is in charge of, like, policing the people who guard nuke plants should be informed of his nutjob tendencies.

From what I read, everyone in Texas walks around bristling with armaments, I am sure the swingers and the gays, also have their guns. I am hoping so, anyway.


Gunfight at the Heaven-Hair* Corral?

*The higher the hair, the closer to Gawd.

This will end badly for the army of god. A swingers club is easy, who is going to defend that, and nobody is going to defend a community theater version of BENT. Can you imagine how bad that production would be? Indefensible!
(Though my best friend, down in Alpine, Tx, was in the Vagina Monologues,she did the Moaning Monologue; and The Curse of the Starving Class with it’s full frontal male nudity. Great community theater and the cowboys loved it.)

The good pastor is going to mess with the wrong gay cowboy and get the pointed toe of a boot up his ass, or; he’ll mess with the wrong oil field worker outside of a titty bar and/or he’ll get caught getting sucked off by one of his “soldiers” in a rest stop. It will end.

These cat’s could have gone Goth. They are on the fringe, even in a place like Amarillo.The majority of Amarillans will get fed up, particularly, when they start showing up at the school and at the churches and at the titty bars.

@SanFranLefty: There was a great college FM station coming out of a nearby town in the late 80s – Canyon, is it? Signal never got me all the way to Hereford, however.

The owner of the bar needs to ask all male patrons to go into the parking lot and piss on the jesufascists when they have to recycle the beer.

Under “Occult Witchcraft”:

The Peace Farm
“Pagan peace movement headquarters.”

Wildcat Bluff Nature Center
“Behind the North building there is an earth circle. There is a pagan group in the Amarillo area with the same name. “Earth Circle” is one of the common names used for a worship area for pagans and witches.”

Psychic Palm Reader

The 806
“Pagan group meets here every Saturday from 1:00 PM-3:00PM for coffee.”

Under “Idol Worship”:

Universalist Church
“Teaches that everyone is going to heaven. This calls Christ a liar. You cannot be Christian if you call Christ a liar.”

Masonic Lodge
“Masonic rituals and teachings in the upper ranks is based on Egyptian paganism. Full of secrecy. Only evil hides in the dark.”

Metropolitan Community Church
“A church that embraces and celebrates homosexuality. A doctrine of demons.”

First Church of Practical Christianity
“Not Christian and not practical. This “church” teaches blatant heresy.”

First Church of Christ Scientist*
“Man-centered church rather than Christ-centered.”

Hindu Temple of Amarillo
“Hindus can’t make up their minds what is and is not god so they worship 2.5 million false ones.”

Under “Sexually Oriented Business”:

Panhandle Regional Family Planning Clinic**
“Brainwashes the young into using birth control rather than abstinence. Encourages abortion.”

*The whole concept of “Christian Science” is based upon the notion that you can cure wounds and illnesses by reading the bible and praying.

**It’s worth it to note that just about every other establishment in this group is either a porn shop or a gay bar. Not really sure how a family planning clinic fits in with either of them, honestly.

These people are morons. Can we just let Texas secede already? We don’t really need them anyway, do we?

@JNOVjr: Not All Texans are Wing-Nut Secessionists
I was born and raised here in Texas and live in Dallas. Even I forget that not all Texans are bat-shit crazy.

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