It’s the Next Best Thing to Blaming the Devil

Good to hear – we’ll be sure to pass that along to the folks in the trailers the next time that a tornado hits in the middle of Red State country.

“Don’t worry – all you need to do is abandon your white-trash redneck evangelical right-wing ammosexual culture, and you’ll be able to get out of poverty! I know that your Republican representatives have subsidized corporate farming to the point that you can’t make a living, shipped all the manufacturing jobs out of the country, and destroyed the unions that might have won you a fair wage – but it’s not their fault!”

Remember this classic.

Yes, we should all be blessed as fat talentless hack chickenhawks who got their starts because their mommies hoovered in all the wing nut welfare dough after she aided Linda Tripp to tell tales about Clinton getting blown by Monica.

FUCK YOU, JONAH GOLDBERG! I guess we haven’t punished that uppity former slave colony enough for breaking free; they should know their place by now. Upon independence, no one would trade with them; plantation owners from the other side of Hispaniola trick Haitian children into moving to the DR to work as, guess what, slaves. We’ve propped up dictator after dictator so we could buy cheap shit. We allow Cuban refugees who make it to Florida to stay while we turn Haitians away. You know when I stopped believing in God? I stopped believing in God when I went to Haiti when I was 13 years old. It is one of the most beautiful countries I’ve ever seen. It’s so much more beautiful than the DR. At thirteen, I was shocked to see the Presidential Palace juxtaposed with the Iron Market, people washing clothes in sewers, amputee children. That’s when God died for me.

Exactly. If only they’d jumped into the SUVs, driven down the polls and voted Republican, they’d be all set. It’d be a slur against honest feces to call this guy a piece of shit.

@al2o3cr:

“Ammosexual Culture”. Heh.

RML, you big Ammosexual you! Lookin’ at you too IanJ!

TURN OR BURN, AMMOSEXUALS!

@Tommmcatt Say Relax: Whazza ammosexual? Is this like the metropolicansexual thing where a guy gets to brush his teeth regularly and wear clothes with a crease and still like girls?

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse: this. Shit.

@blogenfreude: Is this your pupsk?

@blogenfreude: Nooooooo. No dead puppies. That’s the last straw.

@JNOV:

I can’t wait until he has his first coronary so I can send him a handmade card with the words “Shouldn’t Have Had Those Last Two Pizzas, Jonah!” emblazoned across the front.

@FlyingChainSaw:

I’d love to take credit for it, but I got it from Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic – a pretty funny book.

From the book:

IN BRIEF: Ammosexuals are men with latent testosterone who overcompensate for their less-than-rugged upbringings by striving to be manly. They’re obsessed with being macho.

A choice bit:

Misconception #2: Ammosexuals are gay
People mistakenly assume Ammosexuals are in the closet because they try too hard to be manly. In reality, they’re asexual. Ammosexuals are only attracted to themselves and love standing in front of full-length mirrors growling in pleasure. Many thrust their pelvises while admiring themselves and ask rhetorically, “Do you like it hard, baby? I’ll give it to you hard. Uhh . . . ! Uhh . . . ! Uhh!”

Not *quite* the shade of meaning I was remembering when I made the original post, but a funny word nonetheless.

@FlyingChainSaw:

I think it has something to do with an unnatural lust for guns.

@al2o3cr:

Oh. Not RML or IanJ then.

Darn.

Re Jonah: not only is he a douchebag, he’s a douchebag who basically lifted that column from one that dickhead David Brooks wrote last week.

@Mistress Cynica: Jonah really needs his ass kicked, really hard. As does David Brooks.

Ideally, when cannibal anarchy comes, FCS will be tasked with hunting down Jonah, Brooks, and Friedman. Bring them back in chains, cut to “Let’s Get Physical”- scored montage where we train them as gladiators (but make them wear embarrassing spandex that reveals their worst cottage cheese).

Then set them loose in the Stinquedome to battle TO THE DEATH!

@Pedonator: And there’s no winner until ALL of them are dead.

@Pedonator: Hey! I was just wondering where you’ve been.

@Mistress Cynica: I’ve been here off and on, but mostly off the last few weeks as holidays and then work really took up time.

Still not sure I’m entirely ready to face current events, but Stinque is stronger than cigarettes.

@al2o3cr: Whatever.

@FlyingChainSaw: Nope – tbogg’s basset – he’a great FDL blogger.

I just found that Broadway Cares/EFA sent $250,000 to Haiti. So they did good.

@blogenfreude: Any doggy dying is heartbreaking, a doggy dying so young is just devastating.

@Benedick: Hurray for the queens in the musicals!! Sashay! Leaps! Glitter! ;-)

ADD: You saw that your boyfriend Johnny Mill is in Haiti now?

But are any UFO’s landing to offer him extraterrestrial poontang?

@SanFranLefty: You saw that your boyfriend Johnny Mill is in Haiti now?

@SanFranLefty: I know purebreds don’t last as long as mutts, but six years? So much inbreeding …

@blogenfreude: My mutt died at 10 almost 3 years ago, I’m still not prepared to discuss. And still not prepared to get a new dog.

@SanFranLefty: She was the sweetest most wonderful pup. Such a great dog. I remember coming up to you and saying, “I live on campus, and I’m pet-deprived. May I please pet your dog?” I don’t remember what color bandanna she was sporting that day, but she had the prettiest face and such a sweet demeanor. It meant a lot to me to be able to pet your wonderful Mila. You (I?) connect with animals in a way that we (I?) seldom are able to connect with people — you know exactly how they feel about you when their tails are wagging or they’re purring or doing those things animals do to say, “I love you.”

I was out of town for a few days. Did we get stupider as a county and I missed it?