The First Teabaggers

In the Navy.

Today in 1773, rebel colonists performed the first recorded mass sexual act in American history:

Colonists objected to the Tea Act for a variety of reasons, especially because they believed that it violated their right to be taxed only by their own elected representatives… Royal Governor Thomas Hutchinson … apparently did not expect that the protestors would choose to destroy the tea rather than concede the authority of a legislature in which they were not directly represented.

Wikipedia also corrects the legend that Boston teabaggers were disguised as Indians. Modern-day teabaggers, as we know, frequently disguise themselves as idiots.

Boston Tea Party [Wikipedia]

It should be pointed out in re: Teabaggers that the disguise is often indistinguishable from the everyday clothing and affect.

Wait. I thought the original tea party was a stunt organized by John Hancock in order to keep up prices for his import business. Don’t make me go and look this up or I will post your address with link to Going Rogue: Teh Musical at

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Prep and Landing was charming. We watched it as a fambily. The dogs wore their Xmas sweaters and the OH and I got hammered sipped a bucket of glass of vodka eggnogg. Afterwards we sang carols.

Of course, one only truly gets the teabagger joke upon discovering that the reasons also included that many of the 1773 organizers were pissed that the British government was (in modern parlance) “dumping” tea practically below cost to attack the widespread black market in smuggled tea.

So, just like in 1773, we have a bunch of yoyos yelling “no taxation without representation” whilst carrying out the wishes of a select few whose profits are threatened by government action…

nojo, I would also argue they disguise themselves as Christians.

I think it’s important to remember the effect the original Tea Party had in England. Apparently even the most pro-colony people were outraged by the act of vandalism. In all of the media discussion of the current Teabaggers I think the similar outrage of most people tends to be overlooked.

Personally I have a great deal of trust in Rush Limbaugh’s ability to misinterpret the mood of the entire American people. He is so passionately focused on his WASP demographic that he misses the fact it is disappearing into a sea of Americans who are not WASPs. This country is changing FAST. Rush thinks we still live in Pleasantville.

@al2o3cr: You’re surely not suggesting that today’s insurance company owners would encourage the easily-led mob hypnotized by the tube to do anything similarly contrary to their own self-interest. No, never.

@Dave H: In all of the media discussion of the current Teabaggers I think the similar outrage of most people tends to be overlooked. That, sir, is a very good point. The rest of the post has brightened my mood considerably. Will you marry me? I am willing to relocate. Before anything happens to ‘harsh my vibe’ I’d best go and raise a festive tumbler of vodka eggnog.

@al2o3cr: That’s what I was thinking. And that somehow Hancock had his hand all over it.

@Benedick: Put down the vodka eggnog and step away from the keyboard. It’s for your own good.

You should really speak to my ex-wife before making any marriage plans. She will certainly change your mind. If not my present adorable wife will. Please understand that I hold you in the highest respect.

@SanFranLefty: Really? I’ve been abusing the cognac all these years?

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: You’re absolutely right, though I have been known to put Kahlua in mine.

Eggnog is made with sparkly unicorn hooves thrown in the chipper out back of the trailer where the turkeys is gettin their heads mangled by barbarian BarbieClaus.

I blame Jefferson’s boyfriend JonHemm.

@Pedonator: As it happens, I just got an eggnog recipe emailed by Gourmet Country, whatever that is. They advise: 3 cups rum
1/2 cup Whisky
1/2 cup Allspice liqueur

@Dodgerblue: That sounds yummy, especially since there’s not any actual eggnog in it. It’s vegan!

Man, you people are picky. I say pour ’em all in there and let your liver sort it out.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I’ve never heard of that. Mostly I like Gran Marnier on vanilla ice cream.


It’s like sugar cane liqueur, I imagine. Delicious, but hard to find outside of South America.

I wonder which country Allspice Liqueur hails from, tho.

My dad makes eggnog by mixing SoCo in the eggnog in the carton from the grocery store. It’s nauseating.

@Dodgerblue: Gran Marnier on vanilla ice cream sounds fucking awesome.

Southern Comfort…

All this is reminding me why I dislike EggNog.

@ManchuCandidate: Eeek! It’s not so bad without alcohol if you drink it nice and cold.

@FlyingChainSaw: FCS, you are my hero. You know everything! What to do if your credit card number is stolen, OK, thats one thing, but having a knowledge of the merits of various brands of Brazillian cane sugar liquors, for making the best Capirahnas, Cognac in the eggnog, foreign affairs, its mind-boggling. Your mystery also, you cannot blame me for thinking you are some kind of James Bond, or you are The Most Interesting Man in the World.

Worldly, thats the word.

On the original topic, it wasn’t even taxes per se, it was the purpose England had in imposing them.

England intended to maintain the colonies as consumers of products either produced, or imported through, England, they wanted the colonies to be producers of raw materials, but they did not want the colonies to be the manufacturers who used those raw materials.

England understood that wealth does not come from raw material production or extraction, it comes from the value-added processes, manufacturing and processing the raw materials.

They set up a tax and import duty system so that the colonies were forced to import and buy all end-use products from England. They wanted the colonies to grow cotton, send it to the textile mills in england, and then buy the finished cloth back from England. They didn’t want the colonies to buy tea direct from China, they wanted the colonies to buy tea from England, allowing the English to profit from being the importers and distributors.

Thats what the original tea-partiers were protesting, not even the tax, it was the form of economic colonialism that England was engaged in, which made every effort to prevent the colonies from developing an industrial base to produce its own finished products, they wanted to maintain the colonies as consumers of finished products.

The ironic thing is that globalization is doing the same thing to the US that England was doing to the colonies. Except now its not England, its the multinational-international corporate oligarchy that has turned the US into a consumer, and has demolished our industrial production.

When you buy cars made in Detroit, and shoes made in Maine, fly in planes built in Washington State, the money you are spending is going, in large part, to other people in this country, the workers producing those products, and they have, as a result, high-paying jobs, and they can consume other products made here, and it multiplies.

But the international corporate finance system has bought the politicians and sold this idea of “globalization,” which is having the result of turning the US into a consumer, not a producer, and when you buy a Nike sneaker, or a flat screen, or a Toyota, none of the price you pay is going to an american worker, its all scarfed up by the international corporations arbitraging labor standards.

They have cut this country’s balls off.

@Promnight: Darling, it’s not ‘England’. It’s ‘Great Britain’. Plus John Handjob. Etc. Tea. And such as.

@Benedick: Scotland and Ireland were not the ones fucking over the colonies, my dear sweet Benedick, they too were being fucked over by England back then, were they not?

Can’t explain Britain again. Scotland good: Ireland bad. England superdouble plus good.

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