Announcing the 2009 Stinque Awards!

Twentieth Century roman numerals were more fun.If you had asked us on January 1 whether in this first year of our post-Troubles era we would still have a need to celebrate the cretins, mountebanks, and nincompoops of American culture and politics, we would have told you to shut the fuck up, our hangover is killing us.

But the depths of human nature remain unplumbed, and so it is with great pride and no little trepidation that we announce the Second Annual Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy.

What makes ours different from other year-end blog fillers? You do all the work!

The process is fiendishly complicated, as befits an award of such stature and portent. This week we seek suggestions for Categories and potential Nominees, from which we will arbitrarily select a handful for further pursuit. Next Monday voting will commence, with cheating heartily encouraged as always. Finally, on December 28, we will announce the winners in a all-day ceremony that you won’t want to miss, because otherwise we’ll talk behind your back.

Confused? You should be. But you can review the 2008 Stinque Awards for helpful hints.

Winners receive our handsome Crystal Shoe in honor of Muntader al-Zaidi, who last year inspired the world by Throwing Truth to Power. Because of an ordering snafu during our 2008 event, we have more than a few leftovers, which have been cleverly repurposed for the occasion.

20 Comments

I nominate JoeLie for all categories except for “sexy” time scandals.

@ManchuCandidate: I think this is the year he makes the move from Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year to Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement.

I think we need to divide the GOP sexy time scandals into two broad categories – the Appalachian Trail Walking Stick for scandals that are non-violent, and the Green Balloon for scandals that involve criminal charges.

on the positive side:
I nominate Dexter as the best fucking tv show in the history of tv.
last nights finale was the most ass kicking finale to the most ass kicking season yet. and left a setup that makes it possible that NEXT season will be even more ass kicking.
seriously, anyone who is not familiar with this series should start netflixing the first 4 seasons (in order please other wise you will not appreciate the unbelievable writing that has made this the most complex and layered tv show evah) so you will be able to watch the new season next fall because it will be great.
the hype was not hype. Dexters life will never be anything like the same.
and neither will tv drama.

oh
and you might want to think about this lady on the positive side.
consider the lesbian catapulted:

Houston elects first openly gay mayor

I watched her speech. she was very impressive.

tj/ Thanks to Cynica, I was able to track down a current edition of the Navajo Bible, which incorporates translations done by my great grandfather for a missionary in the 1930s. Although his work is uncredited, he is credited by name in a biography of the missionary. I’m getting it for my mom for Christmas (“Keshmesh” in Navajo dialect). That, and the general love of generosity amongst the stinquers, is worth some sort of prize.

@SanFranLefty: Sadly, JoeLie’s ‘achievements’ in these categories have been mostly since 2000, is that good enough for lifetime achievement? If he were to expire before the close of balloting, sure, since the StinqueAcademy loves sympathy votes; otherwise, he’s a lock for the Mylar Gasbag and a Glistening Anal Pear (’09’s reinserted without cleaning, natch).

I like the Appalachian Walking Stick vs Green Balloon, except Sanford’s case has lingering legal implications (or did they resolve the use of state resources issue?). Perhaps the Titanium Skate Award for Mitigated Scandal , given to the he or she who was ushered from the headlines by another scandal, which John Ensign wins hands down.

@SanFranLefty:
I agree with Nabisco, it’s a good idea.

I think if JoeLie ever gets nominated in either “sexy” time category is the day the intertubes implodes in disgust.

@redmanlaw: V. cool. My grandmother had a Navajo Bible. I thought it was fascinating to look at when I was a kid even though I couldn’t read a word of it.

I think Tiger Woods has broken new ground in sex scandals not involving a politician, and deserves recognition for this work. If I knew more about which golf club you use in which situation, I might suggest a replacement for the Stinque “diaper” scale.

@Dodgerblue: So speaking of cracked teeth and scratches to the face, is Berlusconi giving us an idea of why Tiger hasn’t been seen in public for two weeks?

ADD: Interesting Deadspin article on how Tiger is just the tip of the iceberg. No surprise.

@SanFranLefty: Wow. I didn’t know these guys had people procuring women for them. I thought it was more Kobe-style, opportunistic.

@Dodgerblue: Oh, you poor innocent. You didn’t know any athletes in college, did you?
@SanFranLefty: JoeLie for douchebag hall of fame was my first thought on seeing this post.
@redmanlaw: Aw, shucks. Ce n’est rien. Just doin’ what I do, sir.

@SanFranLefty: Does Berlusconi have any teeth left?

@Mistress Cynica: @SanFranLefty: I third the nomination.

I hereby nominate the National Organization for Marriage for the Most Evil Organization award.

I’d like to nominate Sarah Plain and Tall for Political Aspirant on Whom We Wish “Success” for Reasons of Schadenfreude. Stormy may also qualify for this category, and I thought there were a couple others.

@rptrcub: The Hate Mongers Par Excellence Award? Cause you just know they hate the French.

@SanFranLefty: Ah, AJ. Good to see he landed on his feet. Used to enjoy Oddjack when he ran it back in the Gawker Golden Era.

Near as I can tell, Tiger made only one mistake: Getting married. That’s the only hook for the entire story — not to say we wouldn’t have learned everything anyway, but if he was just a randy bachelor, most of the spin would be lost.

What about the Lady Badabing Trophy for unsportsmanlike conduct? Potential nominees include Stand For Marriage Maine goons, Club for Growth, Mayor Mike (angling his way into a third term), Joe.

@chicago bureau: I would nominate Club for Growth for the Organization Without a Future award, along with IMF, World Bank, the Senate, Federal Reserve, GM, the House of Representatives, Ford, Monsanto, Cargill, Goldman Sachs, Wal Mart, Costco…the list is virtually endless.

@Pedonator: I mean, when we’re all squatting around mounds of trash, using tire-fires to cook our neighboring tribe’s flesh for sustenance, we might conceivably reminisce about the good old days of 36-roll bundles of Charmin at Costco, but who the fuck is even going to remember an organization like the Club for Growth?

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