Noted Political Historian Wm. O’Reilly Defines Fascism

illuminated-confession time: When I was but a lad I spent a few years studying at a relatively well known Northeastern university which shall remain nameless except to say that it wasn’t Yale because, Jesus Christ, I’ve got standards, OK? Cut me some slack. At any rate, in the process of becoming “well rounded” I did take a political philosophy course with a Professor named Cohen. In fact, there were two Professor Cohens in my alma matter’s Political Science Department: one who was often invited to chair Presidential advisory panels and dated super models, and one who didn’t. My professor Cohen was the latter. And the reason my Professor Cohen didn’t chair Presidential Advisory Panels or date supermodels, I suspect, is because he lacked a certain… er… how shall I put it… intellectual rigor. If you asked him to, for instance, define “fascism,” the guy would ramble on for ages about militarism, cults of personality, authoritarianism, institutional racism, and blah, blah, blah. And when it was all over you were no closer to determining whether your RA confiscating your roomate’s water bong was an act of fascism or not. You knew it was fascism, of course, but Professor Cohen had done precious little to help you argue the case.

If only this lesser Cohen were a bit more like Bill O’Reilly!  Gaze in wonder, my friends, at the marvelous, almost effortless simplicity with which O’Reilly schools a bemused John Stossell on the meaning of Fascism. Fascism, O’Reilly convincgly argues, is nothing more –and nothing less– than forbidding your employees from greeting your customers with the phrase “Merry Christmas.” Regardez:

Now, John Stossel, being John Stossel, wants desperately to agree with O’Reilly –who like himself despises liberals– but simply cannot. Asked to choose between God and Mammon, Stossel wastes no time shitting on the blessed corpse of Baby Jesus by rejecting outright the notion that the noble captains of industry who built this shining city on the hill are, in professor O’Reilly’s words “fascist pinheads” for telling their workers to stop greeting customers with the traditional season’s greeting: “Merry Christmas, Jewboy, how does it feel to have Baby Jesus’s blood on your hands? (btw, I totally support Israel).”  Plus, if you think about it, Stossel argues, it’s really the unions that are fascist, because there’s nothing more fascistic than workers uniting to demand higher wages, better working conditions and the ability to retire when they grow old.

At any rate, this is probably the greatest and most informative interview ever… like most interviews on Fox.


Sorry, I was so distracted by the beauty of the use of the illustrated letter to start this little fairy tale, I decided I didn’t want to waste the 5 minutes of my life I’d never get back by watching these two assholes.

My little non-profit hired Stossel to come and condemn class action lawsuits for one of our little get-togethers. I admire his ethics, it apparently being improper to accept speaking fees, he made us buy a thousand of his books. I have a signed copy.

Only because I have actually met him, I hate him inordinately, considering his relative insignifficance.

He’s almost a perfect exemplar of a conservative pundit. All ego, no facts, ever.

The song Happy Holidays was written in 1942 by Irving Berlin, OK, jewish conspiracy, but really, O’Reilly is fighting against a phrase thats been prevalent for 60 years.


Seriously. If I want to look at assholes I have plenty of porn that I enjoy a lot more than I would that.

What? Overshare?

I’ve decided to respond to “Merry Christmas” with “Fuck that shit”, which really sums up my feelings about the whole season.

Stinquers, I am feeling lonely, because I am out of synch with you all, I think. The shortest days of the year are upon us, in my neck of the woods, we are having a miserable weather spell, since October, there have been 10 storms here with gale force winds. Over 40 knots. Constant wind, it eats at the soul, its constantly unsettling. Its why I had to go buy a sewing machine, to sew up my boat canvas, which has been getting shredded.

I am out of synch, though, because I am disheartened by all this angsty disappointment over Obama.

In my life, I have had, lets see, 7 years of Kennedy and Johnson, then 8 years of Nixon and Ford, 4 years of Carter, 8 years of Reagan, 4 of Bush 1, 8 of Clinton, and 8 of Bush 2. 19 years of democrats, 20 of republicans, but since I have been what I consider aware, its been 8 years of Clinton and 20 years of Reagan and Bushes.

20 years, of my adult life, 20 years of my legal drinking life, of republicans, and each one of them worse than the one before.

I am still just fucking thrilled we have a democrat as president.

Sorry, but I am still just thrilled by it, and everything he does, as much as its not what I would want done in a perfect world, goddamn, I am thrilled its not what another republican would have done.

I have had my hopes, dreams, beliefs, ideals, beaten down and shit on for so many years, that I don’t care if its not perfect, I am thrilled its not fucking worse. Sometimes, better than the worst, is a fucking occasion to party.


I agree, Promnight, that we’ve been too hard on Hopey lately. Let’s not forget: the guy is dealing with two really shitty obstacles to real reform:

1) A GOP that is absolutely united and instransigent in its effort to see Obama fail, regardless the costs or the absolute bullshit nonsense positions they take.

2) A group of retarded blue-dog Democrats who are, in substance, no better than the GOP.

Given what he’s facing, I think Hopey’s doing OK, at the very least.

I think we should be on our fucking knees to him that he should think we are worth his trouble.

@Promnight: Actually, this is one of those interesting moments when we’re not all in lockstep with each other.

And if you want disenchantment, check out Obama FAIL at Firedoglake. Afghanistan? Protecting torturers? Sidestepping civil rights?

No, silly. The Public Option.

I understand the desire to be forgiving and try to be positive about an inspiring figurehead that most of us voted for and many invested with fantastic hopes for new beginnings and meaningful change from the horrible nightmare of the last many years.

So even as our Knight in Shining Armor jaunts about the world giving pretty speeches about his debt to Dr. King and buying the world a Coke, while his minions work tirelessly trashing civil rights and advancing the Wall Street agenda…I will make an effort to limit my reality-based observations, complaints, ok, whining, in the interest of peace and harmony in this world of Stinque.

Note that I cannot promise never to bash Obama. Make no mistake: evil does exist in the world. And sometimes (ok, just about every other day) it is committed by the Obama administration. There will be times when blog commenters — acting indivdually or in concert — will find the use of scathing criticism not only necessary but morally justified.

I can haz my Peace Prize now?

@Serolf Divad:
I go back and forth. I didnt see the Nobel speech but I read it later and I have to admit I thought it was a pretty good speech.

@Capt Howdy: He talks pretty. Let’s see some action.

@Promnight: I’m kinda with you but for a different reason, I suppose. I didn’t have any expectations that things would be radically different. Our system of government is just not set up for that really. There may be a different person occupying the Oval Office but the same power brokers are still there, lurking behind the scenes in and out of government, working against any real change. And they have the inside track. Additionally, I don’t think we can discount the fact that Obama is a politician at his core. He’s running for re-election. In doing so, he’s not going to veer off to the left and damage his chances. Of course, he won’t be able to do that after re-election either because then he’ll be a lame duck. Such is the political reality of the U.S. of A.

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