No Smirking During “Gay Apparel”

We'll sing anything if Vince Guaraldi arranges it.

Like any Tea Party Patriot, Merry Hyatt has had it to here with government intrusion into our lives. But instead of wasting her time on meaningless theatrics like a Senate Die-In, she’s actually doing something about it — gathering signatures to put hijacked pagan solstice rituals back where they belong:

The initiative would require schools to provide children the opportunity to listen to or perform Christmas carols, and would subject the schools to litigation if the rule isn’t followed.

As it happens, California schoolchildren are already allowed to sing odes to festive winter home-invasion scenarios, but that’s missing the point:

Hyatt, a substitute teacher who moved to Redding from Riverside, said her motivation for the initiative was to help restore children’s moral compasses by inviting Jesus to school Christmas parties.

It’s a comforting thought, but we can’t help but fear that if a bearded stranger in Middle Eastern garb visited a school Christmas party in Redding, California, he would be hauled away and beaten as a suspected terrorist.

Redding woman’s Christmas carol initiative picks up allies [Record Searchlight, via Think Progress]

Isn’t it “Shop we now our gay apparel”?

I have to go feed the birds. We’ve got about a foot of snow. Thank you Al Gore.

Hyatt, a substitute teacher who moved to Redding from Riverside, said her motivation for the initiative was to help restore children’s moral compasses by inviting Jesus to school Christmas parties.

Why… that’ll surely pass constitutional muster.

Actually, when you consider what the right has done to Jesus, you could probably build a case that he’s no longer a religious figure, but rather, just a blunt weapon of the culture wars.

She calls herself a patriot? A conservative? No public holiday in the name of God and Christ Jesus, the God of America, is complete with a human sacrifice. God is enraged when each solstice passes without His due being slaughtered on His altar. Hyatt needs to imagine the glory of restoring traditions that would please God again and compel him, in his mercy, to spare America from the scourge of islamofascicommunism as inflicted by the satanic agent Obama. Maybe Hyatt needs to ask herself if there is a precious, loved child in her own class that would make a suitable sacrifice and gather the courage to do what God wants, to send that child back to his Creator and please him with a small, innocent smile and tell God, yes, America is worth saving. Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

If I had to endure daily rounds of “Sink the Sub,” I’d be screaming for Jeebus, too.

holy shit.
her name is “Merry”?!

anyway, Im sure the muslims jews and hindus will appreciate a little Jesus in the classroom.

what fucking planet do theses people live on.

also, its ok as long as they do godly stuff and stay away from heathen stuff like Frosty the Snowman and this

No more Hiking The Appalachian Trail for Jenny Sanford as she puts a Skil saw to her marriage with Mark.

now Im interested:

Sources reveal exclusively to that one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses has contacted Playgirl with an offer to sell them Tiger’s cock pics from her cell phone!

@Capt Howdy: Now that’s a good natured razzin’. What a hoot!

Unless there is a secret meaning to ‘corduroy skirt’ to which I am typically unhep.

@FlyingChainSaw: “Unless there is a secret meaning to ‘corduroy skirt’ to which I am typically unhep.”

We could make one up, if you’d like, as yesterday was quite the day of learning with pegging and donkey punch. You are aware of the meaning of santorum, yes?

next we will be defining a Dirty Sanchez

Hahaha Redding. It is a backwater village some hour-and-a-half from my hometown of Chico, CA. Chico is in part a agricultural town, full of down-home boys. You can country line dance in the bars, and there’s a mechanical bull in one of them. Many’s the wedding where the Groom and Groomsmen wear cowboy hats and boots, and it is not at all uncommon for a truck to sport both the ubiquitous set of truck- nuts and a hand-crafted gun rack. “Chaw” is a big seller there, and in high schools even the young women raise pigs.

I describe Chico because it will help you get a feel for Redding, which, as ag-tarded as Chico is, is looked down on by the shit-kicking skoal rebels of my hometown as the mud-pond spawning ground of pigfuckers . Many’s the broken nose or black eye that occurred when some good ol’ Redding boy had the balls to show up in the wrong bar, or- Heaven forfend!- had the temerity to kiss the wrong sister. It’s the kind of place that still has a KKK chapter and where you can still find John Birchers on the porches, cradling their shotguns and muttering darkly about “them reds”. The churches, of which there are many, range from the slightly crazy (United Methodists at war with the Methodist congregation-at-large over things like allowing Gays to be members), to the absolutely bananas (storefront Pentecostals who, if the stories can be believed, handle snakes, drink strychnine, give whole sermons in tounges, and force their women to wear unfashionable clothing). Principal imports are pork rinds and pregnant strippers, and principal exports are meth (of course), and well-beaten homosexual teens.

So, you see, to move to Redding instead of away from same requires a certain mindset, n’est pas?

It could be worse, however. She could have chosen to start her little carol crusade in Oroville, which is universally reviled as deliverance country even by the Redding crowd.

But that’s a story for another day.

Inviting Jesus to school Christmas parties?

Aren’t they Holiday parties?

And isn’t Jesus supposed to register his whereabouts and stay at least 1000 feet away from schools?

@SanFranLefty: No, I like goofy, harm free humor like that. There’s plenty of GREEN BALLOONS out there for us to populate our nomenclature of American decline.

Eek, yes, it was all over the web logs when the psycho from Pennsylvania went after the website that was popularizing the term.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: OK, I had to look it up and you just made me wish Urban Dictionary didn’t exist.

@ManchuCandidate: That was a done deal the moment Crybaby called the other woman his “soul mate.”


Hehehe. I learned about it when I was giving prevention workshops in San Francisco for STOP AIDS.

As for Redding, they have dirt sidewalks in some places still. DIRT SIDEWALKS.


I wouldn’t know. I know that quail hunting is good up in there, though, my grandfather used to go all the time and bring back braces of them.

Is that the term “a brace of quail”? You know, for when there are two or three of them and they are all dead and hangy-down-y?

You can tell I was never much of a hunter.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches:
I have valley relatives all along the 5 from Modesto to Taft.
its a different california!

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: The fancy parts of town here in Santa Fe have dirt roads. Rich people who live in the hills here actively fight against paving, which they believe will bring more traffic to their enclaves.

I think “brace of quail” is the right phrase. There’s quail around here but I’ve never gone out for them although I was invited last weekend. I like grouse and dove hunting. Hit a grouse one time with the 20 ga and it vaporized. All that was left was some grey feathers floating in the wind like in the cartoons. Guess that’s why people use the .22. There’s a member of order rodenta, the name of which we shall not mention here, that we go for also.

Speaking of cartoons, Son of RML says he’s going to skip the Princess and the Frog movie. He’s really jazzed about Avatar, though.


He will be missing a great time. Lots to love in that film, there.

Marketing did skew Tween Girl on that, tho.

@redmanlaw: No, I think she is otherwise occupied right now, so you can talk about hunting wabbits.

@Capt Howdy: The towns OFF of 99 are even scarier. Ever been to Porterville, Wasco, or Tehachapi? Oy.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I have been to these places. What shall we say about Yuba City?

@Dodgerblue: Crescent City is almost as bad, being on the ocean is its only saving grace.

Basically, anywhere there is a California Department of Corrections facility, you’re guaranteed it’s a shithole.

Chowchilla? Imperial County?

@SanFranLefty: This ’70’s country-rock road song mentions this city: Tehachapi.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I thought it looked cool from the display I saw.

@Pedonator: Like the Hank Williams the I song? (Hanks I and III are cool. Hank II/aka “Jr.” sucks.)


Yuba City is, I believe, sister city to “Te Puke, New Zealand”. Which says it all, really.


I remember back when there was some film about an escape from Folsom Prison, it was a HUGE joke back in the homeparts. For, you see, about once a year there is a news story about some inmmate just wandering out of the prison, no digging, no drama. They just walk out.

@FlyingChainSaw: Corduroy, mixed fibers makes God angry and go smite-about. According to Leviticus. Plus she’s wearing one. But you knew that.

I’m so tired of having to look at these people. They’re like extras in a movie who won’t go home once their shot is over. They stand around the craft table eating all the the shrimp. I don’t need to know a single thing about any of these people. Nothing they say, do or think is worth a moment’s thought.

@Mistress Cynica: That was a done deal the moment Crybaby called the other woman his “soul mate.” I thought we reached critical mass when they decided not to impeach. I was thrilled to hear that the boys are OK as I’ve been so terribly worried. Oh, and yes, I am praying for them.

@redmanlaw: I know it’s a brace of pheasant. I suspect it’s a different word for quail as they’re small. I was in a country-and-western musical once (I know. Me.) and we had a song about quail-baggin’ called, if I remember correctly Quail Baggin’.

Now I must get to work – so you can all breathe a sigh of relief.

@Benedick: Quail Baggin’ sounds like it deserves its own Urban Dictionary entry. But I’m sure it was a fine number.

I noticed that all the critical comments about Preznit Barry suddenly brought in an ad for a Teabagger who’s running for Senate in Colorado.

Google Ads are strange.

@Pedonator: It was enchanting. I’ll sing it for you sometime.

@Benedick: Cords = bad idea for deer hunting. Likewise, “windstopper” wool sweaters. (Both are really noisy.) Cowboy boots in the mountains – really bad idea. Step on a smooth log and zzzzzip! You’re down.

@SanFranLefty: Last time I brought small game home, Mrs RML almost barfed and left the house to see her mom as Son of RML and I sat down to our bacon wrapped quail and squirrel.

@Mistress Cynica: My sympathy for Jenny Sanford, while it exists, is tempered by the fact that she’s endorsing Nikki Haley for SC Gov. — a potential cross between Bobby Jindal and Sarah Palin. Lord help us.

An update on the Republicans and the suicidey Speaker of the House in Georgia: The replacement for Glenn Richardson, who was canoodling with a lobbyist for Atlanta Gas Light, is out of the running for the speaker as he has enough diddling issues of his own. The Georgia House GOP caucus is meeting after kicking the media out (against its own stated rules and the objections of some of the GOP caucus). Per Governor Prays for Rain Perdue:

“Representative government is not all that neat sometimes,” Perdue said. “The decision they’ll make over the next few days are very critical. They’re a little unsteady right now, but they’ll regain that confidence.”

As for the decision to close the meeting to the public, Perdue said that was to be expected.

“I don’t invite the media when we’re having a family discussion in my home, either,” he said. “That’s their decision.”

Sorry, gov. they’re public servants, not a fucking family or frat house.

so we have covered white trash california. have any of you westies been to the The French Laundry Restaurant north of sanfran?

@Capt Howdy: Tried very hard last year to get in, but it was fully booked months in advance. Had to settle for the cookbook. Luckily, there are so many fantastic choices in the area we couldn’t feel that disappointed.

the cookbook was probably way cheaper.

@Capt Howdy: I’m not above paying for my pornography, food- or otherwise.

However, that review you linked to might be eggagerating a bit. At the time we were trying to get a table, I thought they basically just offered a tasting menu of a dozen or more small courses for $200 – 250 per person, one a veggie option. And I think you could get wine pairings for another $100-200. Somehow I think the checks displayed on that web page were for several people. Expensive, yes, but for a foodie it would be something to save for and savor.

there is a place in LA called “joes” in venice that does the same thing for about the same price. its one of my favorite places in LA to have a long terrific dinner.

and the food is about the same size. but they keep bringing it and bringing it and bringing it.

@Capt Howdy: Joe’s is excellent. Also Chinois on Main.

@Benedick: I was so hoping the boys would avenge the mum in some savage biblical way, with farm implements or power tools, and turn to the TV cameras when the cops are leading them away and Jenny is shrieking curses at Sanford’s body and kicking it across the lawn, and recite the verse that means they’re all going to heaven.

@FlyingChainSaw: I think the Biblical prescription is to avenge her with stones.

@Capt Howdy: There is a Vegas outpost of the French Laundry, and eating there was the best experience of my eating life. Also, its easy to get into. And there were hookers at the bar, good-looking ones, and one had on a miniskirt and no panties, and I could see her hoo-ha. I pointed it out to the waiter, he brought over the captain, we all sat there observing her hoo-ha, and smirking as men will when they see a hoo-ha in public. This amused Mrs, too. They gave us free desert for that.

@Prommie: Now that’s a classy dining experience!

in Vegas I would expect a French Laundry All You Can Eat Buffet.

(just kidding)

the last time I was at Joes we were drinking 200 dollar bottles of wine and this crazy girl came in looking for one of the guys at the table.
it was a nightmare. if a funny one. she wouldnt get off her fucking cell phone. (they frown on cell phones) and she had a glass of sparkling water of some kind in which she directed the waiter to pour the expensive wine to make a spritzer.
the waiter looked around the table and then in the best haughty french accent I ever heard, said. “no, I wont do eet”

@Capt Howdy: No, its good, I learned of it because that Kitchen Confidential guy wrote a review of the Vegas versions of several famous restaurants and concluded that they represent a fantastic opportunity to get nearly the same quality, at a value, and simply the fact that you can get in is fantastic.

And if you’re lucky, there’s always a chance for a shaved hoo-ha sighting.

I have been to a couple of “vegas versions” I recently had a boyfriend who like to go to vegas.
and there I would think shaved hoo-ha are a dime a dozen.

@Prommie, @Capt Howdy: This makes me consider a culinary weekend in Vegas. However I will ask for the shaved truffle with my pasta course instead of the shaved hoo-ha.

@Prommie: Was she sitting suggestively, like with her knees up by her ears?

@FlyingChainSaw: Nah, I think they were on break. Just 4 gals hanging out, chatting before they had to go back to work.

@Capt Howdy: Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral?

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Finally managed to watch “Prep & Landing” on and it was delightful (I especially loved the part where Wayne is talking to the Santa cookie). Congratulate Mr. Catt for me.

@Capt Howdy: I haven’t been, but Homofascist’s father went there and didn’t even understand the significance of it. I’ve been to Keller’s other place in Yountville, ad hoc, where the fixed menu changes daily. I also recommend Bottega, Michael Chiarello’s (relatively) new restaurant in Yountville. I went there in July and it was fantastic.

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