The problem: Hanukkah songs are all uniformly lame, unlike Christmas songs which are, without exception, awesome.

The solution? Choose one from the following list:

A) Commission Southpark co-creator and Jew Matt Stone to pen a handful of humorously offbeat additions to the seasonal canon.

B) Arrange a Hanukkah themed musical collaboration between ex-Dire Straits guitarst Mark Knopfler (Jewish father) and Jewish singer songwriter Janis Ian.

C) Have ultra-conservative Utah Senator and devout Mormon song-smith Orrin Hatch pen a few ditties in honor of the Festival of Lights.

You know what’s coming next without me even having to tell you, don’t you? That’s right: If you picked C… congratulations.

Sorry my Jewish friends, but this Hanukkah thing of yours just got a teensy bit lamer.


Actually, I heard an arrangement of ‘Jerusalem of Gold’ I thought was well orchestrated and engaging.

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it always amuses me that jew irving berlin wrote “white christmas”
and doesn’t jew barbra sreisand and jew neil diamond sing it beautifully?

the definative chanukah song:


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