One More Bush Tradition We Could Live Without

For all we know, Bubba taped some naughty Monica parodies with Buddy and Socks, but we can only remember the horror of BarneyCam. We have an obligation to send you off for the holiday with appropriate dread, however, so here’s the White House Turkey Preview. We promise to make up for it — big time — Thanksgiving morning.

42 Comments

But Nojo, you have to admit the photo of Sasha I linked to on the last post to make Cynica smile is pretty damn hilarious.

@SanFranLefty: The hilarious part is that the turkey stole Rather’s sign-off line.

His speech was pretty funny. You could tell he’d much rather eat that bird than send it off to Disneyland.

So much material here…searching for a good cover of Free Bird.

1. Didn’t they already effectively pardon the turkey?

2. “A turkey from a bad environment.” Doesn’t that describe everyone at this point?

3. Nobody deserves the cruel and unusual punishment of being sent to die at Disneyland. Mickey Mouse and the Grim Reaper are virtually the same mythological beast.

4. I would be better served by the White House if they provided live web-cam coverage of the millions of turkeys condemned to spend their tormented lives in cages bleeding and shitting on each other until harvest.

5. I want to give Benedick the award for Most Sarcastic Thanksgiving Recipe of 2009 — a category that surely deserves recognition?

(full disclosure: I ate fish flesh today at lunch, largely out of laziness.)

@Jamie Sommers: The last 40 seconds of the clip were the best part, especially when he goosed Malia when she started to reach out to touch the turkey. That is TOTALLY something my dad would do.
And speaking of Malia, is that child now 6 feet tall at the age of 12? She beats me being 5’8″ at 13. She is an absolute stunner. The fathers of attractive females (Dodger, looking at you) can probably offer nothing but their everlasting sympathy to the Unicorn, though Dodger did not have the Secret Service at his disposal to keep the asshole boys away from his girls.

TJ Way TMI Came out of post op 90 minutes ago and at home.

About 6 weeks ago, I had blood in my urine after Hiking trip. Didn’t have any Prostate Cancer symptoms. “Dithered” aka spent way too much time thinking/debate like Barry on Big A. Went to the doctor. Suffered through battery of tests including the finger. Last week went to cystoscopy. Not used to things going up there. Uncomfortable.

The urologist found something in pee bag. Urachal Cyst. Not sure if it is benign (it is cause of some UT issues that have annoyed me since a UT inflammation.) Not smoker and does not look like bladder cancer. Hopefully not cancer.

Had biopsy today. Went down for 1 1/2hr . Bleeding at tip. On catheter and drugs. Lots of drugs. Blood work seems okay.

Thankful for Public Option. Fuck you Harper, Vitter (said to want to cripple universal HC elsewhere including Canada City), GOP and contarded Canada City Dwellers. Thanks to ghost of Tommy Douglas (father of Universal HC in Canada City.)

@SanFranLefty: “Saved or created four turkeys” was pretty good, too.

@ManchuCandidate: I’m not sure I understand all any of those medical references. Don’t watch enough Steamy/McDreamy shows. But damn, I hope your peen and everything attached to it is ok.

Beaming healing mantras at you.

@ManchuCandidate: Hope you get a clean bill of health and feel better soon. Glad to see your doctors didn’t stint on the pain meds. ;-)

@Mistress Cynica:
They offered. Did not say NO.

@Pedonator:
Thanks. I didn’t know any of that till three weeks ago, either.

@Pedonator:
Okay. No magic carpet rides either. Sort of functional. Want to stay that way for now.

Hate painkillers won’t take’em UNLESS I really have to.

@ManchuCandidate: Wish I could ship these World War Hulk, JSA Kingdom Come and JLA v. Avengers comix I got at the library over to you for weekend “park your brain” reading. Is Big Bang Theory on hulu or cbs.com? Get fixed up and back on the trail, bud.

@SanFranLefty: That dude in the light blue tie with the National Turkey Federation is Mrs RML’s classmate from Texas Tech. He had turkeys pardoned under Clinton and Bush as well.

@ManchuCandidate: I am feeling for you, hope all will be OK.

I live in dread fear of ever having a catheter shoved up my peen. I had a vasectomy just a couple of years ago, I had no problem with that, but sliding a pipe up my peen, I would be hollering for every drug they have.

Hang in there, I hope it turns out ok.

@Promnight: Somehow during my last weekly massage the conversation led my masseur to describe his recent urethroscopy(? — whatever, some test that involved shoving something down his peen). I had to cut off conversation at that point so I could relax and enjoy the rest of the massage.

That is to say, Manchu, I can’t even imagine what horrors those torture-doctors are putting you through.

I live in dread that my first hospital visit since childhood will involve a catheter, a biopsy of the liver, and the dreaded colonoscopy, all at the same time. This is not a paranoid fear, it will probably happen. (But only if they catch me.)

@ManchuCandidate: Oh, honey, I’m sending you as big of squishy boobie hugs I can muster to send to you in cold Canada City. (Nipples tend to hide in the cold). Nothing should ever be stuck up the peen, even in the kinkiest of arenas. I will send up my atheist karma wishes to St. Francis and the dead dogs and cats and rabbits watching over us misguided souls that all works out for you and that this is a very scary scare. MWWWWAAAAH is the sloppy kiss I send you to heal soon.

Oh, and enjoy those fucking socialist pain killer meds, slugger. Drive across the border to Buffalo or Detroit to sell them one by one and you could make a shit load of loonies to send you on a Cuban holiday. Jus’ sayin’

Thanks all.

@redmanlaw:
Tried to read Panic by Michael Lewis. Not going anywhere. Might have to break out coloring book.

@Promnight:
Not pleasant. They have topical (skin internal painkillers) Feels like an IV–you know it’s there & there is not a hell of a lot you can do about it. Uncomfortable and not something U can/want to get used to.

@Pedonator:
Mine, too. Worried about cystoscopy (exactly what ur masseuse had). Shockingly a common fear among all males. Glad I’m not hung like pornstar. Must admit, peen shrank in fear (even worse than cold water). Doc must think I’m hung like a baby carrot.

@ManchuCandidate: Yikes! Hope everything turns out okay.

@Mistress Cynica: Oh man, me too. I’ve been dying for a massage the last couple of weeks (the migraines are back) but it’s too much of a luxury in my current economic state.

@Mistress Cynica: OK, I reveal myself as an eeleete fucktwad, but in the end it costs much less than a lease on a bloody Range Rover, and I get much more pleasure from it, and I’m horrified by the looks I get from people who look horrified that I spend that much money getting touched every week, when they spend that much at fucking Starbucks.

And to clarify, my massage is without release, it is a legitimate massage by someone who knows anatomy and what he is doing, and I know that because I auditioned several people (Benedick, help me here by making a musical documentary?), as a good consumer, before I “found the right one”. Actually this is the second one, and I spent many dry years between the first one and the second one, tirelessly auditioning so many who were sadly lacking. You know the old saying, it’s hard to find good help.

@ManchuCandidate: There is no shame in taking the meds. If they make you feel better. Baby carrot or giant celery stalk, I would ask for fucking anesthesia if a nurse approached my peen with something to shove in it, even if he was square of jaw, sported curly brown locks and perfect five-o-clock shadow, and had pecs to crash ships upon.

I let them cut into my balls, and then pull out the sperm tube, and cut it and tie it off and cauterize it, with nothing but local, like at a dentist, and I was actually less freaked then I am at the dentist, when they are drilling. But I swear, if they ever need to shove something up my peen, I want every drug they can bring to the table, I want opiates, I want intravenous valium, I want everythingm anything and everything, that they have in their arsenal, before they shove anything up my peen.

@SanFranLefty: @Pedonator:

Thanks. No Levi Mom though. Pain killers are topical to numb the peen tip and old fashioned Tylenol 3s with Codeine. I hate Codeine because it makes me crash hard (seriously depressed and miserable once the “happy” part disappears.) I was on Codeine laced cough syrup about 2 years ago due to Bronchitis. Fought hard against the return of the black dog till I got that shit out of my system.

@Promnight:
I wish they did that to me. I’m still up because of the discomfort and fear I’ll roll over in my sleep. Not sure if that’s the Codeine talking or amplifying my own fears (both I think.)

Only 10 hours and 28 minutes to go before Torquemada, my urologist can remove it.

@ManchuCandidate: Oh please, all urologists are named Torquemada.

(Hope we’re providing some comic relief here, otherwise these comments are totally inappropriate. Also, hope we’re not keeping you up Manchu, uh, such as…)

@ManchuCandidate: Let us know when you get the pathology back, hope it is good.

Hey all, let me be the FRI!!ST to say happy fucking thanksgiving. From Prom’s virtual beach party to Manchu’s virtual bedside, Stinquers do not leave other Stinquers behind. And that’s one of the many things to give thanks for.

Jesus, all that berber carpet and oak desks remind me of my years at Ralph Lauren.

@ManchuCandidate: Damn. Hope you’re feeling better. I had a camera shoved up my dick once. Not pleasant. I asked the urologist if it counted as a date and could I expect dinner? I won’t go into why I had it done but it all turned out fine. But anyway, my thoughts are with you.

@Pedonator: I always say, if you’re going to get a massage try to get a masseur who works on dancers. I don’t know if you have dancers in CA.

@ManchuCandidate:
OMG darlin…just read this! not pleased! as a matter of fact i’m taking 2 oxynorm right now just reading about it. (what the english call oxycodone)
dear god, i make them give me IV valium for dental appts. really!
i am lighting candles too for your good health to return at my lefty matching atheist st. francis shrine. hang in there kiddo and let us know of all developments…we care. xoxoxo

@Promnight: Strongly agree. I’ve had a vasectomy and a couple of colonoscopies, had a brief scare with a PSA count that caused a couple of doctors to feel around for buried treasure up my ass, but having something inserted up my dick, no thank you very much.

@ManchuCandidate: Hang in there. Good thoughts coming your way.

@SanFranLefty: I’m big enough to have scared the ones I knew about. The summer camp counselor romances, well, I didn’t want to know.

@ManchuCandidate:

Sending groovy get well vibes from the Left Coast, Manchu. Hope you feel better soon.

@all

I feel like I can sleep now as I only got 2+ hours last night. Hard to sleep with a tube jammed up your dick no matter how many pain pills one takes and also some slight nausea from the anesthesia.

I just came back from the hospital from getting the catheter removed. I don’t feel bad considering I’ve had six holes from various needles and an extremely sore peen.

Only took 2 pain pills because as my aforementioned gripes with Codeine.

Probably won’t get the results back till next week. Either way, I’ve got surgery in the middle of Dec to remove the “cyst”. Looks like an early Xmas holiday.

@ManchuCandidate: Would that be laparoscopic? Not sure I spelled that right.

@Dodgerblue:
From what I understand, yes. I asked the urologist about that and he said he could cut open my belly instead. I told him I’d prefer laparoscopic.

@ManchuCandidate: on the bright side, you’re typing complete sentences now.

In a somewhat related vein:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/26/palin-tricked-by-comedian_n_371698.html

Correction to the story. This Hour Has 22 Minutes isn’t LIKE the Daily Show, but rather its Canada City Ancestor.

@ManchuCandidate:
manchu, i have to tell you that i had a very bad experience with a laproscope. i almost died. they went in through my belly button to remove a cyst from my ovary. out patient surgery. went home with a small artery left bleeding. if i was home alone i would have died. i bled internally, was rushed into surgery unconscious, they opened me up like a flounder. a laparotomy: stem to stern. i have a vertical scar running the length of my torso. 3 blood transfusions, 4 days in a coma. be very very careful about the laproscope sweetie. you are in my thoughts. feel well.

ok that was dumb, i’m telling you to be careful like you’re doing the surgery. what i mean is, insurers love this option: cheaper. and docs will try to talk you into it. and sure, it’s better for you too—if nothing goes awry, which is more likely with this procedure. needless to say, i’m going with the scalpel for future body fails.

@ManchuCandidate: @baked: To counter baked’s experience, I’ve had three laparoscopic surgeries, including one to remove an ovary. No problems, relatively little pain, and I was back on my feet within two days–and I’m a terrible wimp. Much better than the abdominal surgery when I had my appendix out, when I was miserable for almost 2 weeks.

@baked:
@Mistress Cynica:

Laproscope is the best way to do what they have to do which is remove a cyst where the bladder used to feed into the umbilical cord. Better this way as I don’t want to have to deal with another catheter.

From what I understand, I will be in the hospital for two days and on my feet after three-five days.

Baked, I hope you sued the bastards.

@Mistress Cynica: My wife had endometriosis and had some stuff cut out via laparascopic surgery. The laparascope thingy had a video camera in it (how do they do that?) and the docs taped the whole thing and gave a copy of the tape to my wife. I watched it (alone) during an idle few moments — fascinating. She recovered quickly from the surgery, no complications.

Ah, good lord Manchu! I’ll pray for you tonight! At times like these I wish I had something wise or even helpful to say, but tue best I can do is “all my love”.

You play xbox? For I could play with you over the tubes if you feel like it. Pass the time, you know?

@baked: We have matching scars! I had no idea you had one too – I have two of them on top of each other – does yours go to up to the bottom of your throat like mine?

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