Paper Chase

You can hardly tell the difference!

Sarah Palin dropped by Grand Rapids, Michigan, on the first stop of her book-signing tour. We cribbed Free Republic’s notes to bring you this exclusive second-hand account.

Wednesday before dawn.

Five hundred people in line, temperature in the 30s. By 7 a.m., a thousand more have joined them, everyone wanting an autograph, which will be the only authentic thing about the ghostwritten book they purchase.

12-year-old Katie Hughes, who has waited in line since 3 a.m., “is such a huge Palin fan that she pasted a Palin poster on her bedroom ceiling so the politician is the last thing she sees at night and the first thing in the morning.” Katie is going to lead an interesting life.

4:20 p.m.

Bridget Hemingway, 15, “stood with a life-size cutout of Palin,” shown above. A disturbing trend is beginning to emerge, one that can only be addressed with a Disney Channel remake of the Partridge Family. Somewhere in America, Mitt Romney is forcing his sons to learn guitar.

4:40 p.m.

“I always feel she’s for me,” says Mary Carrothers, 95. Carrothers must not live in Alaska, where the state’s senior-care programs under Palin were “so poorly managed, the state cannot assure the health and well-being of the people they are supposed to serve.”

5:26 p.m.

Palin’s bus arrives at Woodland Mall. First opportunity missed: David Cassidy not seen aboard.

5:30 p.m.

“Palin comes out of the bus, clad in a red and black jacket and black skirt and carrying her son Trig.” To face a crowd of 1,500 people? In 30-degree weather? She might as well dangle him off a hotel balcony.

6 p.m.

Robin Case, who hasn’t slept in 34 hours, gets an autograph. “I don’t know what I am or where I am right now,” she says, providing a case study for Palin Derangement Syndrome.

6:10 p.m.

Fifteen years ago, G. Gordon Liddy signed Mark Vainner’s green jacket, followed over time by Newt Gingrich, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham. Palin adds her signature to what must be the smelliest piece of cloth in the room.

6:50 p.m.

Barnes & Noble plays “Barracuda” in the background as Palin signs. Nancy Wilson, who felt “completely fucked over” by Palin’s copyright theft last fall, must feel absolutely reamed by now. Perhaps she’ll write the songs for hubby Cameron Crowe’s new biopic, Almost Literate.

Will Palin sign Grand Rapids man’s jacket? ‘Of course I’ll sign it,’ she says [Free Republic]

Not her again. By the way, awesome photoshopping, big guy.

Barnes & Noble plays “Barracuda” in the background. One can only hope they cleared the rights but what would be the chance of that?

I’m still as giddy as a priest at a Boy Scout Jamboree over the latest news out of Texas. I’m as dizzy as the Pope at Prada. It is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. It makes me want to rip off my shirt and sing On That Great Come and Get It Day in the parking lot of the local liquor store to celebrate. (Sidebar: A very old and dear friend of mine has a son who is, as they, not quite all there, who was arrested some years ago in the parking lot of, I think, the local Denny’s, when he started acting out the Scarecrow’s song from Wizard of Oz complete with cozzie and all the steps. I know.) I just don’t know where to go to gloat where it will make the most impact. All I can say is HOORAY!!!! It’s like Judy came back from the dead to give one last performance at the Palace. It’s like AIDS never happened. Alright, I’ll stop. I’ve gone too far. But…


Oh, and, First!!!!!111!

Forget it Libruls, it’s REAL US AMericuh.

Actually, I’m not shocked at the “crowds” nor the types of folks who are going to show up at a Palin Book Signing.

As a % of folks from Grand Rapids almost 200K population and perhaps 300K if you factor in the surrounding areas, that’s pretty insignificant (assuming that Freepers get maths and they don’t.)

Nate Silver (pretty smart guy) on Palin last night on MSNBC.

shorter version. 70% chance she will run for the nomination and she is a threat for the nomination somewhat less so in the election.

“quite dangerous”

@ManchuCandidate: Word. I’m reminded of the book-signing scene in Borat.

I think its not so much the number at this point but the enthusiasm thats a little frightening. its pretty hard to imagine anyone “making a holiday and coming from out of town” or standing in line for hours and hours to see Romney or Huckabee or Pawlenty or any of the others.

@Capt Howdy:
True, but I think there are a couple of things to factor in:
1) No one will ever get excited about Romney (Mormon Millionaire) or Pawlenty (Mr Bridge.) Huck maybe, but he’s not a purty person.
2) Michigan has a pretty high unemployment rate. Sounds like many of these folks should be “working” but do not.
3) I’d be more worried if her books sold in NYC or LA. From the Daily Show report, it appears the answer is no.


completely disagree about NYC and LA. that is not her market. that is why she is only visiting small(er) towns and cities. thems her peoples.
she wont get any votes there either. its not the coasts we need to worry about voting for her.

@Capt Howdy:
She’s gotta win a large chunk of the W demographic including Hispanics to win like W.

Based on the demographics and proclivities of her “people”, I somehow doubt that.

My guess, is her narcissism and sense of entitlement will wreck her chances of winning.

ETA: I’m not saying we should ignore her, but whatever she has in charisma and cunning, she makes up for with all her massive character flaws. W was flawed too, but he had very capable and very immoral people working for him plus the support of the eelights. Palin has few if any capable people and she has pissed off the eelights with her grandstanding. Despite her ability to rile up the stupids, they still need to be organized beyond a mob.

I really hope you are right. but I am more inclined to agree with Nate Silver.

“quite dangerous”

Oh my my my my, there is an article at Politico about Palin’s Michigan Nuremberg Rally, and it quotes a Palin supporter, quotes, I tell you, with quotation marks, as saying that he supports Palin because she is in favor of “putting the homos back in the closet.”

And what is with the red and black? Its apparently deliberate. Getting off the bus with Trig, oy fucking vey, I know there is no God, because if there were, this woman would be struck by lightning. Repeatedly.

@ManchuCandidate: There better be some fucking shit come out about her and soon, the 43 abortions during her 5 college career, or the fact that she helped Glenn Beck rape and murder a young girl in the 70s, or some major grifting, something, dear god, oh, thats right, no god, she is the proof.

@Prommie: Red and Black are the colors of a Nazi SS uniform. It’s been well-established that red is the color of sudden violence and red is the color of sexual betrayal, according to a media magazine I read once in New Zealand.

She’s completely bus-and-truck.

@Prommie: Who’s ‘styling’ her, I wonder. Can’t go wrong with red and black: think Dracula. Always dramatic in a Victoria’s Secret kind of way. Makes you look.

As to secrets… Levi’s dropping hints all over the place. So far he’s got his hockey stick in the way but surely someone’s got the cash to stuff his jockstrap.

TJ: Ru911 not running for NY Governor.

@Benedick: Levi’s mama peddles hillbilly heroin and meth in Wasilla. That’s my theory.

Oh wait. That picture. The woman who isn’t Wendy Wasserstein is holding a cardboard cutout. See, and I thought it noje’s mad photoshop skillz.

it would take too much time from Rudys fearmongering.

@SanFranLefty: I daresay she does but he was talking about Palin, of knowing things that could ‘hurt’ her.

@Benedick: “Mad skills,” you remain so hip to the lingo of the youngsters, Benedick, how do you do it?

@SanFranLefty: That no theory, you know his momma was arrested for peddling meth. The question is what does Levi know about Palin.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I think its a near certainty that she had an affair with young Levi, and probably before he turned 18. Then fixed him up with her daughter just to provide an excuse to have him around. I just hope he kept a pair of her panties, as physical proof.

@Benedick: @Prommie: My theory has to do with mama’s customer list.


That would beat the Lewinsky dress hands down.


Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. She does look a little…bright-eyed, sometimes, doesn’t she?

This “Elite, LLC” is located in College Station, Texas, same as McStagger’s bookless lieberry. Coincidence?

@karen marie:

made me look. dont think Bovine Elite is da same.

(easi breed cattle insert?)

@Prommie: I keep in tight with my homies up in da grillz.

@SanFranLefty: Ooooohhhhh. Innnnnnnnnnnnterestinnnnnnnnnnnnnnng.

Horses, cows, Texas, Lithuania … can any of you coastal elites really tell the difference?

@karen marie:
if you are a costal elite living in the exact middle of the country does it still count.

@karen marie: Horses for polo.

Cows for steak chateaubriand.

Texas is a place somewhere near Malta, if I’m not mistaken.

And Lithuania produces that really delectable Reisling with notes of almond and honeysuckle that goes so well with apples.

@Capt Howdy: There is nothing sadder that a coastal elite expat trapped in flyover country. You count, brave soldier.


And he totally didn’t bite. Usually he devastates me when I broadside him like that.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: He is a marvel and adds much to my life, what with “up in the grille,” the hippin’ and the hoppin’, and whatnot, but he was also the one who taught me lespree desk al ee yay(muted ‘r”). I tried that one out on the delivery man from my local deli today, who hails from Paris, believe it or not, and of course, he corrected my pronunciation. I love to egg him on to speak French in my office, which actually pisses off the ‘murricans I work with, and he knows it, so he pretends to speak french to me, even though he knows I don’t understand a word, which we both enjoy. That was the high point of my day today, and all thanks to Benedick, the polyglot of stinque.

@Promnight: Darling, it’s ‘grillzzz’. Avec le zee. You do seem to have quite a lot of fun in that office of yours. Good for you.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: You lookin’ at me?

No surprise that a 12-year-old is a Palin fan. That’s about the upper limits of Palin’s intellect. She has raised stupid to an art form.

@Benedick: Oh, dear dear Benedick, that office of mine, its a horror. I cannot find a way to express it. I am not an elitist, I am not, I value knowledge, intelligence, and wit, but that does not mean I despise those who lack all these things utterly, and I am completely aware that they have wonderful attributes, they are kind and sincere, I am not better than they are, I am not, I don’t in any way want to sound like the problem is that I am above, or they are below. No, no, not in any way. I am simply lonely, among them, because there is noone, not one, except the lord high panjandrum who rules over us all, who has the least clue, and I am lonely, because there is noone I can be me with, with any hope they will understand me. Noone I can engage in idle chit chat with, on anything I give a flying fuck about.

And they are the people I spend the majority of my waking hours with, and have been, for 7 years. I am, well, slowly going insane.


Only sideways, dear.


I am about there with the mouse. My job is now about 60% marketing and 40% politics. Nobody knows what the fuck is going on, the executives aren’t talking except to say cryptic things like “Are you prepared for an earthquake at home? Be prepared for one here”- which is sadistic, IMHO.


@Promnight: That’s very tough. I’m sorry it’s that bad for you.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Is that still no closer to resolution?

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Sadistic is right – up there with ordering you to train the Pakistani guy living with 30 people in a room near the railyards who is going to replace you at 1/40th the cost to the company.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches:
My idiot bosses were much like that, too.

I learned not to care which took on forms which might have gotten me into trouble.

One day during a several month brief respite to the misery of failure/layoffs, I was actually in a good mood at work and started to whistle as I walked down the hallway. Don’t know why, but just did. I noticed a tall regal/pompous looking fellow in well tailored business slacks and white shirt. Didn’t care either. Continued to whistle.

As I got closer, I immediately remembered an old US Navy saying about how only bosun’s mates and fools whistle. Turns out the tall regal/pompous fellow was my CEO and he was glaring at me. I continued to whistle as he continued to glare at me. As we got closer, I returned his angry glare with a shrug of my shoulders (not being the total fool, I kept my security badge out of his line of sight) and went on my merry way.

I told my coworkers about that encounter and they fully expected me to be shitcanned. Turns out fate was a cruel bitch to my CEO because he was fired less than a week later and is now on trial for insider trading and fraud. Heh.


It’s been like sitting through a tech rehersal for Agamemnon, The Libation Bearers , and The Eumenides one after the other- with all the whimsy and glee that occasion entails removed, of course. Did I mention that I’m in the chorus and the director won’t let me leave the stage to pee? Oh, and in this scenario I’m also the union rep and the cast hates the production team.

It’s been like that.

I found out today we are letting the contractors go, so it won’t be much longer till I know what’s what for me.


I would love to see some of our executives frog-marched outta here, but I’m afraid that they simply don’t have enough imagination to steal.

And remember, I work in the Creative Department.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

On a lighter note, perhaps you’ll enjoy today’s quote from the distinguished gentleman, senator from Utah, Chris Buttars:

I meet with the gays here and there. They were in my house two weeks ago. I don’t mind gays. But I don’t want ‘em stuffing it down my throat all the time.


How sweet of him, to let us in his house. Perhaps, one day, if we present a copy of our latest negative HIV test and wear latex gloves he might let us eat in the kitchen with the dogs.

Oh, and I’m not stuffing anything down that guy’s throat, so he can just stop all the flirting.

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