Douchebag of the Day

Not “Soiled Diaper of the Day”?

I would make my usual comment here- that putting David Vitter in a douchebag contest is like entering Xiang Liu in a potato sack race- but it occurs to me that it’s hard to find a douchebag who, in the moment of discovery, does not seem like the douchebag le non plus ultra, isn’t it? Douchebaggery always tops itself.

But still. Putting David Vitter in a douchebag contest is like putting anthrax on a list of childhood diseases.

I want to hit him in the face with a 2 x 4. If I can just get a job with KBR, I should be able to do so with impunity.

Bless her heart. (Seriously.) But I don’t think she understands that a douche like that would tell his daughter to be silent if she were raped.

@Mistress Cynica: I want to stuff a singed weasel down his throat and duct-tape his face shut. And piss on his face.

@FlyingChainSaw: You’re so much more creative than I am. That’s why we love you.

@Mistress Cynica: The board is a great idea. Just soak it in transmission fluid for a week. And duct-tape Vitter to a chair. And tape his eyes open. And pour gravy on his nuts. And set a family of starving hyena onto him. Wait until he is begging to have you tear his head off with the board.

Then walk away.

@FlyingChainSaw:

Wow. That is just….I mean….

Wow.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I know, right?

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Sorry, I meant walk away, laughing.

@FlyingChainSaw: I would tee up, but then not hit him, pull back at the last instant, a few times, just to make it last longer.

@Promnight: Exactly. The look of the board dripping with transmission fluid would give some hope that the first swing would decapitate him. Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahah.

@FlyingChainSaw: Chainsaw, I love you like the twisted brother I never had, but what’s up with your ongoing oppression of weasels? They’re cute little animals, they shouldn’t be tortured with the experience of sodomizing Sen. Shitter. Inanimate objects or the asshole’s own limbs should be used for those purposes, not innocent weasels.

@SanFranLefty: You are right, as ever, Lefty. I always count on the animals’ incredible toughness and ferocity but I should not exploit their virtues.