And Oil the Damn Bedsprings

Sproing!It used to be called in loco parentis — the policy of colleges to accept parental responsibility for their students. In which case, Tufts has some really cool parents:

The Office of Residential Life and Learning (ResLife) has added a new stipulation to its guest policy that prohibits any sex act in a dorm room while one’s roommate is present. The stipulation further states that any sexual activity in the room should not interfere with a roommate’s privacy, study habits or sleep.

Note that Tufts isn’t saying you can’t shag on their shags. Just be polite about it, yo.

New rules regulate sexual activity in dormitory rooms [Tufts Daily]

I prefer “If the room’s a rocking, don’t bother knocking.”

Someone must be pissed that they’re not getting any. I was, but I didn’t take it out on floormates or housemates who did.

This dovetails nicely from my Homecoming weekend this past weekend.

The closest sexual experiences I had in school (I was pretty pathetic with the females and sauve as a doorknob) was having to sleep on the couch as a female housemate was doing the beast with two backs loudly in a house with paper thin walls. What annoyed me most wasn’t the fact that someone was getting some (it did) but that HE was louder than she was.

It was common courtesy at my school to put a sock on the door before locking it so that your roommate would know not to unlock it. Having sex with your roommate present is just uncouth.

You mean In Poco Relentless , don’t you?

I wonder if they teach this during freshman orientation.

@mellbell: Unless its dark, or you are under the covers, then its OK.

@FlyingChainSaw: Ride the wind tonight you’ll find her there. In the heart of the night, presumably.

Fucking bunk beds at UM – no chance the GF and I could get away with it.

@blogenfreude: It worked for me at UGA. Then again, the roommate had a BAC at .174 or something at the time.

@blogenfreude: Top bunk is the most private place in the room.

I has told the story of the 4 time Olympic gold medal winner going at it across the room while my efforts were being rebuffed by her roommate? My dorm, if it were a country, would have been 12th in the 1984 Olympics.

Reading the language literally, are you violating the policy if you and your roommate are doing the nasty?

You better make sure you know what you’re doing, you wouldn’t want any disgruntled “customers” with this policy hanging over your head.

This all seems so silly. Isn’t this why buildings like dorms have roofs and kids have cars – besides needing them for shift work and alternative housing when they get stuck away from quarters due to scheduling conflicts and staggering drunkeness. There has to be a background story of a dewy freshman being cell-phone video’ed getting the good news, and screaming entreaties to her lover between clenched teeth – and the entire episode showing up on a web page hosted in North Korea for her hometown friends to play over and over again while emailing screen-grabs to the local newspaper.

this reminds me of the funniest college pestorking story:

there were 3 of us sharing the room. two of us were feigning sleep when bachelorette #3 came in to see if we were sleeping, as she had a beau in tow.

we didn’t answer, and the pestorking commenced. the other two of us were aware we were both listening to this, and were busting a gut to stay *uiet. it gets better…

he…um… turned out to be *uick draw mcGraw, and a fight ensued!
my other roomie finally just blurted out, JAYSUS, would you just fuck her again, we’re trying to sleep over here dammit!!!
never laughed so hard.

btw, i’m still friends with these characters, and this story has been retold a thousand times, it was THAT funny.

@baked: That’s a great story, better than mine. Which is the time my freshman year when one of my two roommates (this one often brought home dudes from the bars at 3 am on school nights and proceeded to hump them in the top bunk with me on the bottom bunk – usually waking the two non-banging roommates up with her fake moans and screams, resulting in us storming out to the TV room with a pillow and blanket) banged two guys two hours apart one Wednesday night with the other two of us in the room, waking us up both times.

@mellbell: Hear, hear, Miss Manners. Kids today have no training in etiquette, probably because most of them are the offspring of people like SFL’s and baked’s roomies.


How do you handle a situation where you’re asking for a job from someone you kinda briefly dated years ago? Need help soon! Meeting him in 1 hour

@Mistress Cynica: Surely there is a “food for the starving” exception, I do agree that banging while the roommate is home is very much to be avoided. But I was of the lonesome loser tribe in college, and opportunities were rare and fleeting, and, well, nothing was going to stand in the way, the 3 times I got laid in college. OK, maybe a little more, but not much.

Given a choice, I would always seek privacy, but I did notice, back then in college, that the chicks were more likely to take me to their occupied room than vice-versa, almost like they were showing off for the roommates.

@Jamie bar the door: If “kinda briefly dated” does not include any kind of fight/ugly scene upon breaking things off (perhaps they just petered out? heh heh), then I’d be upfront with him just as I would be with any friend: I’m looking for work, do you know of anything that might be right for me? Not as bald-faced as “please, for the love of god, hire me!!” and leaving it open for him to say “we’re hiring” or “I’ll ask around” rather than putting him right on the spot.

@Jamie bar the door: Yikes. Gotta play it by ear, sense whether they are seeking a return to the old days, or its on the up and up. That determines the response, does it not? If there is a suggestion on any level of expectation of rekindling, thats bad, but I am sure its not that. I have been in professional situations with ex-lovers, and found it easy to give respectful recognition to past intimacy, and the small bond that creates, while recognizing that going forward, its all professional, there was no awkwardness.

I find its insulting when a past lover, on meeting, wants to allow no recognition whatsoever of what had happened between us, it makes me feel like the whole memory is painful to them and they want to wipe it out, and to me, thats insulting. The truth is, I have no painful memories of any lover I have ever had, nor do I carry a torch for any of them, and on meeting I try to acknowledge a fondness and good memories, without raising any continuing interest on those lines. To me thats how it should always be, shouldn’t it?

@Promnight: I think I could be understanding if it was something that happened once or twice a year.

@Mistress Cynica: I did that already a few months ago right before I left my last job. He was interested but when I knew him, shall we say personally, he was skittish. I’m not sure what he’s like professionally. I invited him for drinks to celebrate his new job so that’s the pretense for the meeting. I’m thinking I should keep things light at first and let him bring up the employment subject, yes?

@Promnight: I agree. That’s how it should be. But as I said to Mistress Cynica, he was skittish back then, so I’m thinking I’m going to play it like we’ve only been friends in the past so he doesn’t think I’m trying to rekindle anything.

@Jamie bar the door:

i would shake his hand firmly, smiley broadly and as sincere as you can muster say, “it’s so great to see you again!”

then change the subject and get down to bidniz.

@Mistress Cynica: Oh, I can assure you, I did not get laid more than once or twice a year, back in the day. True fact.

When considering my relative slutitude, in comparison to the mass of humanity, I consider that I was single from the time of my first sexual experience, at an age shamefully late, to the time I first married, I was single for 15 years. Just two lovers per year, surely that is not wild promiscuity, leads to a total of 30, which, though shocking to our parents generation, is not so much so now. I am sure that my total number of experiences of coitus, during those 15 years, was one-tenth the number of those who had long term relationships over a similar period, yet those people might have only one tenth the number of partners. I was truly single most of that time, with no long-term relationships.

I had less sex, but with a greater number of partners, there should be gradations on the promiscuity scale, to account for this.

@baked: I ain’t gonna say nothing. Nope, nothing.

huh? whaaa? was that bad advice i gave jamie. i have no idea what you are talking about, but you bring up a fun topic…

admit it! haven’t you ALL made a list of your lovers?
and in my case, remembered this and that whassisface for days and days?
ever forget someones name you slept with?
am i a slut?

@Jamie bar the door: But what is the concern? Do you think he’ll say, ‘OK, the job is yours but you’re going to be fucking me into a coma for lunch every fucking day you work here, and acting as if you fucking like it, underfuckingstand?’

@Jamie bar the door:

good luck jamie! sending you good karma beams.
i’m off to bed, been moving boxes and furniture for days, this could be a new career for me…
i’m small, but sturdy!
nite nite

@Jamie bar the door: I’m on Team Chainsaw and Baked on this.

Own it, girl. A woman’s gotta feed her dogs and pay her bills. Ain’t no shame in that.

Prommy, please tell that black dog to stay outside. He will go away. Watch WNYC’s special on the national parks. The pictures are so pretty. By the way, may I remind you again how much I admire you for trying your venture. Yes it didn’t work out THIS TIME. But you know what? You tried! You moved one thing from the column of “Regret of Things I Haven’t Done” to “I Didn’t Succeed This Time But I Know How Not To Fuck Up Next Time”

And I’m not going to say any more than that because it will sound insincere. And I’m serious.

@FlyingChainSaw: Other than general anxiety, I guess my concern was that (as the former dumpee) he would think that I was trying to start something again. We’ve kept in touch over the years by lighthearted and joking emails so I wasn’t sure if he knew I was serious about the job – or if he was serious about wanting to hire me.

As it turns out, he was serious and the meeting went well. It was actually a nice catch-up between friends, no awkwardness at all. Whew! And this morning he sent me an email asking me to fwd my resume to his work email. Yay!!

Thank you all for the good karma sent my way. Y’all rock.

@Jamie bar the door: Congrats for both navigating a tricky social situation and securing a job prospect! Whoo hoo! You must be one smart cookie…but then again we already knew that.

@Jamie bar the door: Guy knew he screwed whitcha a whole world o’ Stinque would be coming down on his sorry had. Saved you having to whoop his ass.

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