Douchebag of the Day (part deux)

I guess Glen’s attorney graduated from Regent Law, where they don’t teach First Amendment cases including Hustler Magazine Inc. v. Falwell?

@SanFranLefty: I’d forgotten about that case.

Stinque.com can do much better than that. It’s time to raise http://glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990andisstillhavingsexwithherlifelessbody.com

Nojo, what say you? We could call it a parody of a parody.

@FlyingChainSaw: LOL! If nothing else, it would finally give us a chance to launch law.stinque.com, LLP, though folks will need to start buying way more shit on Amazon to pay our legal fees (we do enough pro bono in our day jobs, y’all have to at least pay me California minimum wage for my time).

@blogenfreude: How could you forget about that case? That was one of the highlights of my First Amendment Law class. Of course, I was/am a total Con Law geek. Too bad law school isn’t solely Con Law related courses, or I would have been in the exalted Order of the Coif slash wanna-be The Elect. Damn Property, Evidence, and Crim Law kicking my f’ing ass.

OMG, Can anybody get a hold of Dodger or Cynica? I am having a work crisis and can’t meet them tonight. Could someone let them know somehow?

@SanFranLefty: Amazing. No one has registered it yet! Noj’, we got to move on this one!

@Tommmcatt Floats: Done

@Tommmcatt Floats: I may be able to get in touch with Cynica via Facebook. I’ll try (but I’m not good at navigating Facebook).

Just sent Cynica a note. Hope she gets it in time.

So sorry Tommmcattt! Maybe I can catch you later.

@SanFranLefty: We didn’t have 1st Amendment as a course, just two semesters of ConLaw. Neither prof was a firebrand, so I just waded through.

@Tommmcatt Floats: JNOV called me. We will have a drink in your honor.

@Tommmcatt Floats: Yeah. I was like, “Yammer, yammer, YAMMER” in some weird intertubez-meets-real-werld kind of way.

@Dodgerblue: I wish I could have climbed through the phone.

@Dodgerblue: @Mistress Cynica: Hello dear ones – I will be there! Running about 15 minutes late.

@JNOV: I wish you could have too!

@cassandra_said: Leaving Santa Monica now. See you there.

@Tommmcatt Floats: God damn you!

@cassandra_said: :-D

@cassandra_said: Torturing me. Please give Cynica and Tommy kisses for me. And please tell Dodger that Manny looks like a pussy without the ‘roids. His team is playing my (sort of) team.

Ooh, I feel a Streisand Effect coming on.

@Just Jamie: On a totally unrelated note, please back me up if my Longhorns choke to fricken Wyoming? I don’t know why but I have a bad feeling.

So. Anything been going on? No? Kthnxbai.

@Benedick: You’re killing me! :-*

Was Glenn Beck auditioning for the part of Rick Santorum’s daughter? I knew I had seen that face somewhere before.

Remember this?

sings:

How do you solve a problem like Maria…?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

So, nothing, huh?

@Just Jamie: I’m not sure what a streisand effect is, but my older sister is gay, and when I was between 10 and 13 or 14, when she graduated from high school and moved out, I was subjected to a constant barrage of music, the music which formed the gay canon, to that point, which was about 1975. I may be the only straight guy alive who knows every word on “My Name Is Barbra” and “Stoney End,” and then we get into the realm of “Clang Clang Clang went the trolley,” “The Man That Got Away,” and the rest of the Judy Garland, and of course, Judy Garland and Liza live from the Palladium, and Liza with a Z.

This is most of the classic gay canon, and I know it all by heart, but then I read in the NY Times Sunday Mag about 10 years ago that the new generation of gays no longer worship at this altar, and I was sad, because my strange shared experience of this little cultural thingy is apparently no longer something that is alive, its an old thing, out of favor.

@Benedick: Umm, If I hadn’t tried Dubrovnick I would still be alone?

@Benedick: HAAAAAIIIII!

TJ/

I have to go to a funeral tomorrow, and I’m procrastinating. I should be asleep so I can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow, so I can feign sadness.

I was close to this relative by degree but not by emotion, and I literally feel nothing. If anything, I feel slightly annoyed and bothered and may be a tad bit guilty.

Okay, really — I don’t feel guilty at all. I have no fond memories of this person, and even when this person went out of their way to reach out to me after they were jerkish, I felt repulsion and annoyance.

The worst part of being an adult, the thing I struggle with most, is the doing of things that I don’t want to do. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to sit around with family I don’t like, that don’t like me, and I’d much rather do something else I hate — work.

Plus funerals always remind me of mortality, and I really hate that deal. I wish someone could write me a note and relieve me of obligations, duties and responsibilities. A Get out of Death Free card would be nice as well.

@SanFranLefty: pwah! pwah! [tosses salt over shoulder] [ knocks wood] Don’t say that! You’ll jinx it.

@Promnight: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streisand_effect

@JNOV: I’m with you. I hate funerals. Good luck tomorrow.

@Just Jamie: Thanks, Jamie. (We used to play a drinking game where you’d have to Merman. We should make Beck Merman.)

And I’d like to point out:

1. I called out Lindsey Graham’s misclap on the live blog of the health care speech; and

2. I linked to the Beck raped and killed yadda yadda sites days ago. One of my exmos thought it was for reals.

@JNOV: Did this asshole physically or emotionally hurt you or JNOV Jr. or Sis-o-JNOV or Bro-o-JNOV? If yes, then not only are you absolved of going to the funeral, you should run your alternate activity.

Assuming this person is “meh” and doesn’t rise to the level –> Just go. It’s good karma, it will get you out of future religiosity, holidays, etc. (“I went to Uncle Johnny’s funeral, I don’t need to go to Susie’s baptism”)

But at the end of the day, if you feel a tad guilty = suck it up and go. Because you will have karma points over this dude for the rest of his life, so his widow/child/grandchild can’t ever make you feel like you’re an asshole.

@JNOV: I’m going turkey hunting tomorrow with a guy who just got diagnosed with postrate cancer. They won’t know for a while what stage he’s at, so I imagine he’s freaking out a bit. He’s totally country, in his mid-60s, retired long haul trucker whose main passion in life is restoring the old Ford tractor we sold him when the inlaws left their ranch up the road. He’s a good cat. I didn’t even mind showing him how to access streaming audio so he could hear Rush online. He was in Vietnam for a while and was pleasantly surprised to hear that qualified him for the VA, and now he’s totally proud of what he calls his socialized medicine.

I’m going up to his little ranch where I hunted deer and turkey for years when his uncle had it, bearing a special complex smoky spaghetti sauce and my tools for sighting in his deer rifle. I’ll get to fill my little Toyota with firewood for my trouble, maybe get a couple of grouse if I don’t get a turkey. Going back up there in October for deer might be tough with another hunt and other things going on then, but he may need some company out in the field then, depending on how things are going.

@SanFranLefty: This person was just kind of mean, nasty, disagreeable and domineering. My family is shifty, shiftless and lacks basic cohesion.

Last funeral I went to, one of my cousins cried and asked me why she never sees me anymore — don’t I love her? Sure, I love her, but not too many more of the crew. Maybe I just don’t want to see her crying again.

I’m fighting the Xanax and will have no memory of this come morning.

@Promnight: In that bore-fest of manner aka À la Recherche de Temps Perdue there is an excruciatingly long description of a woman who has not been able to obtain a living in the theatre going to see the performance of a star (Rachel?) which has all the indices of the fagboy driving 200 mile to see Britany lip-synch her oeuvre and be disappointed.

Our classic gay cannon is a cultural artifact related only to the US in the ratshit epoch. It has nothing to do with people. BTW: Streisand has a tiny-tiny voice which is why she gave up the stage for amplification and hideously dreadful singing. That the new generation of club boys doesn’t know who she is seems only fitting.

Judy Garland was a great artist. Nothing to do with gay. She is there with Sinatra or Flagstad or Domingo. The fact that she was a natural should take nothing away from her accomplishment. She was also a remarkably truthful actress. Did you know that Kazan wanted her to play Blanche Dubois in Streetcar? He did. She turned him down because she was afraid. Like too many naturals, she was intimidated by the bitches of the NY Times.

Dubrovnick? Darling? My guess is that you would always gather about you a loving family.

If you don’t go to people’s funerals, they won’t come to yours. My favorite statement that is completely absurd, and completely true. JNOV, remember, you are not going to the funeral for the corpse, you are going for the family and loved ones of the corpse, and it means a lot to them, that people show. Its good karma. Just before they closed my dad’s casket, a bunch of cousins literally formed a scrum around me and prevented me from going full meltdown falling to the floor crying, and I didn’t know them from nothing, but so glad they were there.

Its in the face of death we realize how all if us are brothers and sisters, all who are alive. I hate funerals, they suck, but as SFL said, its good karma, you feel better after, that you were there.

@redmanlaw: Good luck to your friend. My family member just sort of keeled over even though they were youngish for keeling.

@Promnight: Meh. Only one person might miss me, and that’s why I’m going — on the off chance that I might be missed.

The only people coming to my funeral are those who can stomach seeing a home funeral and green burial. My memorial service is going to big one big ass party about a month later. I hope people come and have fun, but I suppose I won’t care.

I planned my memorial service a few years ago before surgery. It’s going to be a good time.

ADD: And I forgot the best parts — there will be party favors, and my brothers will bounce out anyone who starts blathering about Gawd or heaven. Yes, there will be bouncers.

@Benedick: I love that you were able to relate Proust somehow to Spears. Grand, darling. Simply grand.

@Benedick: I just felt that through an accident of fate I had some intimate acquaintance with a cultural thing that would give me something in common with people not otherwise among those I would have something in common with, and sad that this is not the case, for the reasons you stated.

I’ll not have a loving family around me. I am an asshole, I have to just accept that at this point. I love my family, but I am the distant one, not close, I don’t know how to be close to people. I love so many people, I love you stinquers, I love most anyone who has not ever deliberately hurt me, but I have never known how to be a friend, how to say and do the things friends do. Somehow I always say the wrong thing, and alienate people, I seem to have a talent for alienating most those whom I love most. I am somehow defective, I lack something, some social ability gene, all I can do is alienate people. And in social interaction there seems to be a rule, if you have to explain yourself, you have already lost, the more I try to explain, the worse it gets, always.

I think I gots that aspergers thing, I am so fearful and keyed up and awkward in social situations, more so, the more I like the person I am interacting with, and I always say the wrong thing.

And here I am trying to explain it, and as always, digging the hole deeper.

@Promnight: I dunno. I think we all want to be understood, and when we sometimes fail to connect or we’re misunderstood, we feel like we’re the problem, the failure. The good people always find each other, and sometimes they remain together forever, and sometimes the moment is fleeting.

One of my favorite memories is of some guy whose name I don’t even know. It might have been John. He was one of the few DJs I didn’t try to fight.

We were in Margate at some bar for New Years. I gave him some bullshit CD to play (retrieved from my car), and he played it even though the dance floor cleared.

Finally, we closed the bar, and I went to get my CD. He kissed me out of nowhere, and it was the sweetest most lingering kiss that I can still taste today.

We connect. It’s what we do. You are connected to us. Mitakuye oyasin.

@Promnight: You seem pretty together to me. And you have a grand family. And a very successful life.

@Benedick: Forgive my insecurity. I am OK, but I do have a social disability, I am working on it.

Y’all have some serious stuff going on in the conversation here, which I’m too tipsy to give the attention it deserves.

JNOV, SFL, Prom…I’ve only been to one funeral, my grandmother’s. And I didn’t want to go but it was ok and when none of the other grandkids found the nerve to get up and speechify I felt, as the eldest, I had to represent, and it was awkward, so awkward, but I managed to evoke a few hesitant laughs with a memory of her, but then I loved her and I’m not sure I’d be willing to go to the funeral of someone I didn’t really know well, or love, karma or no.

Also, know that Glenn Beck is crying because I masturbated today, to cum-emorate the anniversary, as such. And more than once.

I would say, “Suck it Glenn!”…but even I would not. want. that. OK, perhaps if he’d wear his uniform and I could give him a Dirty Sanchez (aka Stinky Hitler).

No need to thank me for the visual, but am I really the only one who thinks Glenn Beck with a Dirty Sanchez aka Stinky Hitler, i.e., stinque on the face of Glenn Beck in his vaguely Nazi-ish uniform, feces dripping from his upper lip, is a no-risk recipe for sexytime?

The very Model of a Modern Major General?

I Love a Man in Uniform?

(…and has anyone else noticed the resemblance between Glenn Beck and P.C. Erny (the constable) from Ken Russell’s masterpiece Lair of the White Worm? [No disrespect intended to Paul Brooke, a veritable trouper!])

Fabulous stinque up in LA, tho’ sadly sans Tommmkattt. Food, wine & merriment!

@Mistress Cynica: Incredibly fabulous! Tommkatt, you were most missed. And folks, as I told JNOV, ALWAYS let Cynica order the wine. Dodgerblue, next time you’re over here for a Dodger game, let me know!

@Pedonator: Ken Russell made a fillum of that? Gracious. I did not know that. Do we know that Bram Stoker was Henry Irving’s business manager? All right, all those mumbling “Who the fuque is Henry Irving?” can report to the masters’ common-room later for a slippering.

@Promnight: We all have social disabilities: no one who is worth anything is confident. The trick is learning to put our disabilities in proportion.

@JNOV: Hope your funeral is OK.

@Mistress Cynica: @cassandra_said: Two more intelligent, charming and attractive dinner companions, a man could not find.

Will you people adopt me, please?

karen marie: How much money you got?

Actually, you know what — we’re going to waive the initiation fee. Thank you for flying with us and welcome aboard.

@chicago bureau: Ditto.

Unless you mean RML. Cause he’s adopting me first.

@Pedonator: Wouldnt a hate-fuck Donkey Punch be more satisfying?

Hokay.

So, I went. It wasn’t that bad. I was late, and I missed some of my father’s speech. I’m not too happy about that. But I went. Turnout low. Dad supported. Life goes on for awhile.

@Mistress Cynica:
@cassandra_said:
@Dodgerblue:

Huzzah!

ADD: ENVYENVYENVYENVY

Who wants to chip in to register the “Glenn Beck” trademark for bedpans? I figure there’s quite a few people who would pay for that… :)