Spaaatula

Ordinarily I wouldn’t post again so soon, but I’ve made a discovery – the most annoying couple in the world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWRlbHOoDw8

[via]

78 Comments

I guess it’s just me, but I already have enough reasons for family to attempt to beat the shit out of me. I don’t need to make’em madder because I’m hosing them for money.

Besides, I like to compartmentalize my life. Family. Business. Friends. WORLDS MUST NOT COLLIDE!!!!!

Oh dear, I recognize where this was filmed and I don’t even need to hit play. What’s up with the hipster-girl’s bowl cut?

@SanFranLefty: Her boyfriend’s a robot, so he’s incapable of expressing to her how terrible it is.

No, greedheads, I will not just give you money. You’ll get a salad bowl like everybody else and you will like it.

SanFranLefty: OH GOD HELP ME. I KNOW THIS WOMAN.

(This is the Stanford Quad, for those who didn’t pick up. And apparently there are people who are still doing startups back in Palo Alto and vicinity. That’s just precious.)

Anyway: woman with HEY LOOK I’M A HIPSTER NO REALLY haircut? She was in my class. Her name is Drue. On purpose. She plays/owns a solid gold flute. She makes Japanese ink drawings. They’re probably still up in the fitness center or something. Just another one of those “internationally recognized” frosh that Stanford likes to promote, without providing an adequate amount of you ain’t all that honey.

Back in the mid-90s, she was so full of herself that she had to avoid wafer-thin mints, lest she explode. Completely unbearable. And not much has changed, it seems.

ADD: They ragged on waffle irons. Who in their right mind doesn’t like waffles? Fine dining FAIL.

@chicago bureau: They can’t sell the fucking flute to fund their startup? Tossers.

If they’re as good at business as they are at writing and delivering their little script, I wouldn’t bet on their success.

Tommmcatt Floats: I wasn’t going to go there, but they are bigger than in her undergrad days. No doubt about it.

Threadjack: Edward Kennedy has died. This should be noted in every thread. Hell, Nojo, can you put black bunting on the page?

STINQUE SPORT UPDATE: Watching the Little League World Series. I swear that one of the Texas players has a moustache going.

Baseball Tonight cannot come fast enough.

This is kind of pathetic. If you have to use your own wedding as a peg for a start-up, you don’t know anyone in the Valley’s investment class. And trust me, a reasonably practical idea that does not intrude violently on an intellectual property space completely owned by a massively established brand can get an audience. These people are twits and they both look like automatons. They should drop this weirdness, move to Fiji and fuck non-stop for 72 months on the beach. If after living like normal mammals, they still think this commercial is a good idea, they should ink a double-suicide pact.

Promnight: Larry O’Donnell suggesting on Keef tonight that Orrin Hatch might throw in with the Dems on health care in Teddy’s name was just about as much as I could take. Seriously — regaining a grip on the reins might be required in short order.

@FlyingChainSaw: If they fuck, they might reproduce. Bad idea.

There is much about this to love. The hideous Progressive insurance chick is marrying some creature – who approaches cute from time to time – from Baden Baden. And they’re going to have a start-up. Better that than let them breed.

@chicago bureau: Excellent. But gold flute? Not out of bounds if you can play. My father spent a great deal of my mother’s hard-earned money on a solid silver flute when he wanted to add another bow to his quiver. The sound is warmer. And gold is warmer yet. Of course, I could very well be talking out of my ass. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Now I must go shop for a Mac Air. Yes I am that shallow.

@Benedick: The gf has an Air. We lost it in the sofa cushions once.

ADDING – if you want the best price, sign on to B&H here in NYC – likely to be the lowest.

@Benedick: The Air is my favorite accessory. Of course, you’ll need an iPhone to go with.

@Benedick: http://www.bhphotovideo.com/

Was the best price I could find when I bought my mac mini 6 mos. ago.

@Tommmcatt Floats: @chicago bureau: It appears that she is wearing a highly structured strapless bra – the kind brides wear underneath strapless gowns. Maybe she’s practicing.

@Mistress Cynica: Temptress.

Now I got to bed to dream of a wireless work-space.

@RomeGirl: I think we can describe those things as ‘lowriders’.

@blogenfreude: MacMall is cheaper. Plus no tax. What? Did I say that out loud?

@Benedick: And wow – MacMall has good prices. Afraid to look at their price for the Mac Mini I bought. And the Air – how much RAM can you shove into those things?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9JTYnMpRyg Cry now. Fuck those twits. Their are plenty of stout limbs to swing them on.

We don’t understand that the whole tradition of wedding gifts, and especially showers, is a way for a poor community to join together in an act of pure communism, and give to the new household badly needed, seriously necessary things they would otherwise have a hard time aquiring. Because they have never been in need, never had to worry about whether they could afford a toaster, they get to mock the traditions of the poors, by which those who cannot afford a toaster can receive the support of their community to help them start their life together.

Really, the best thing that could happen to them, would the the thing most unimaginable to them, to have some sudden catastrophe cut them off from the family and business connections in their privileged lives, and leave them, at this stage in their lives, starting out from zero. Without a penny, without a social connection, without a recomendation from anyone with influence, without a favor or pull or introduction or anything, to have them start out in life, with a clean slate. To see what it is like, to really have to do it on your own, to have to rely on nothing but their own talents and skills and hard work. Without even a golden flute they can pawn to put a security deposit down on an apartment.

Fuckers would be like those tame farm-raised quail they release in a fenced field for Cheney to murder.

@Promnight: Agreed.

I remember when the Car Guys suggested registering at a Lexus dealership – someone buys a piston, someone buys a windscreen, someone buys a seat for you, and pretty soon you’ve got an LS460.

@blogenfreude: I live near Woodstock but go to the city pretty regularly for business. I was there yesterday to audition for some ridiculous piece of shite will grace our TV screams soon. Without me, I’m happy to report. MacMall prices are fierce. Plus free shipping and no tax. It’s a win-win. I’ve always found them reliable and just about the best deal in town. Will build a MAc to your specs, too. For example, they are offering the new system update – Snow Leopard (Steve J, your shrink is calling, pick up the phone, srsly dude, pick up the fuquing phone) – for $5 less than Apple. However, having ordered ahead I will get mine Friday: same day it’s released in the stores. How awesome am I? Uh huh. (God, I am such a loser)

Important TJ for the girls and teh gheyz: TLo (the project rungay boys) have posted some yummy naked male goodness for us.

@Benedick: I will order snow l from them tomorrow, although someone told me it’s not as useful on a mac mini (??!!)

@Mistress Cynica: Two words for the guy with the giant bicep tat: Call me!

@chicago bureau: I was *hoping* you’d weigh in on this. I forced myself to watch it and I picked up the total insufferable trustafarian vibe from her. I’m sure I’ll run into her standing in line outside Bi-Rite Ice Cream Shoppe in the Mission in her skinny jeans that emphasize her pneumatic boobies and oh so alternative hair cut. There’s a reason I never go to the Mission except for quick in-and-out raids for burritos – I want to beat the shit out of the hipsters. as for Dieter the Polish dude, I don’t even know what to think.

@blogenfreude: You were not aware of MacMall? But beware, once you order from them you get their catalogues twice a week and they know your new address the day you move.

@mellbell: Most of them were pretty scrawny. Anorexia looks bad on girl models, I am troubled by the anorexic boy model trend.

@blogenfreude: How is that possible? I imagine it’s useful on everything. I plan on installing it on the toaster. I know my life will be better because of it. Just as I know that a nice new Air will make me better-looking, kinder and more productive. I hold these facts to be self-evident.

@blogenfreude: I’ve never seen P Runway but saw Tim Gunn on Daily Show wearing a suit that was conspicuous for how badly it fitted him. Tight in all the wrong places. I was surprised. Dude needs a fashion intervention.

@Benedick: Happiness is always just one more acquisition away. This belief makes the world go round.

This is what is weird.

http://www.drue.net/meg-whitman-ebay-photo.htm

She has pages of photographs of herself with VC principals in the Valley, and executives of Valley companies that have gone public and made their founders rich enough to act as substantial, into the seven-figure range at least, seed investors.

And she is asking her alleged friends to give them the cash instead of the waffle iron?

An even bigger hoot is the series of pictures of her posing for pictures titled things like “Wynton Marsalis Who Got to Sit Next to Drue”. How she comes onto these real musicians is anyone’s guess. “Hi, I’m a famous Sumi-e artist and I’m giving you oafs a chance to be seen next to me. Here, feel my strange boobs.”

@SanFranLefty: Girl looks like what a re-animated version of a SecondLife creature based on a fanboy’s fantasy gf would look like. I could tell she was insufferable after 20 seconds with no sound.

@blogenfreude: @Benedick: I’m looking for the cheapest new mac device possible for my second residence, and the only way to justify this is if I can say to Ma Nabisco “look at how much I saved, and I promise with THIS I won’t need cable tv!” I thought about a new mac mini hooked up to a 32″ LCD tv/monitor. I’m heading over to macmall immediately, although Lefty is right, their adverts follow you forever.

@The Nabisco Quiver: You don’t want to have to look at a TV screen for a monitor for any length of time. The panels up to 24 inches now are now incredibly cheap – but the question is whether the cheaper ones are DVI compatible. (Most, still, will be VGA). There are adapaters but the results are kinda sub-optimal. The last generation Minis are still being closed out at discounts.

@The Nabisco Quiver: I got a mini, used an existing keyboard, bought a new 22 monitor, and I am vv happy.

@blogenfreude: That’s what I did for our original one, but I can’t even load 10.5 on it.

@FlyingChainSaw: I’m trying to remain cable TV free at the new place. Since I figure OTA digital reception is going to be for shit, I’ll only watch whatever I can stream from the web. NewsHour isn’t live but available within hours of broadcast, I couldn’t give a shit about CNN and the others. The Beeb is something like $6 a month for live 24/7 stream, that might be worth it. My big worry is this football season, but I’ll be home most weekends, and for those Monday and Thursday night games I’ll just find a Steeler friendly bar.

@FlyingChainSaw: Oh dear fucking Flying Spaghetti Monster, that website is horrifying, almost as bad as the Second Life anime pneumatic boobs/Amelie haircut she’s rocking.

@The Nabisco Quiver: I know a die-hard Steelers fan who may have a recommendation. Will let you know.

@SanFranLefty: Oh, yeah, the site is like a superannuated high school yearbook, except that there are no photographs of friends, only B*OCes. Some of the features are insane attempts to affiliate with the famous, including the anonymous – like this Valley ‘posture guru’ and an ‘affirmation’ from the chef at Google. I mean, did she go to lunch there and run into the kitchen and ask the chef to sign her breasts?

http://www.valleyzen.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/esther-gokhale-valleyzen-3.jpg

What the fuck? Will she post posed pictures of her and her famous dentist next? The Zen of Flossing, Fusing Zen, Art and Dentistry into Perpetual Toothgasm!

That hair she’s wearing looks like a wig. Who is willing to hit the hairdressers every three weeks to keep that kind of thing up? Am I totally off base here?

This is weirder. She does portraits of Famous People but they look more like Drue than they do of the alleged subject.

http://www.valleyzen.com/2009/02/16/portrait-of-michelle-obama-by-drue-kataoka/

@Prommie: You got that right.

ADD: BTW, Drue’s site is hilarious. Don’t miss the comments on her ‘forward-looking’ art.

You’ve got to check out the trailer for her movie.

http://www.inasinglestroke.com/trailer.html

The World, Appearing for the First Time, With DRUE!

12 incredibly important people, including a hair dresser and a sommelier, talk about the fate of the universe. I am not making this up.

@FlyingChainSaw: It’s fucking bizarre, that’s for sure. It’s like she’s the artsy stalker running around chasing the Chancellor of Stanford and the named partners of law firms to join her in daily affirmations and interpretive flute playing. I love the word flautist. She looks like some sort of spoof character from SNL – with the Amelie bob and the Kahlo eyebrows. Maybe this is all a giant multi-year performance art project subversively criticize the idiocy of Shallow Alto, California.

Where’s Chicago Bureau?! I’m sure he’s got more to say once he pokes around that website.

@SanFranLefty: Wasn’t there a satirical article a while back about Bachmann being an undercover, subversive performance artist? I kept hoping it was actually the truth because it made such perfect sense.

@The Nabisco Quiver: The digital antennas work surprisingly well, actually. With a little fiddling, I can tune in all the major networks plus all four (!) variations of PBS with a crystal-clear picture. The one huge downside is that you can’t watch a station that’s only half coming in like you could with analog. Rather than just dealing with a little snow and clear audio, you have both the sound and image seizing up and/or pixilating.

The formations/poses/grimaces she strikes are strange – like a Zen interpretation of a disco drill team routine. Stinque.com should organize a Drue Team, a troupe of Zen spazzes dedicated to the demented voguing of the space alien called Drue.

@FlyingChainSaw: Kind of like the Zen samurai version of the “Sprockets” skit on SNL in the ’90s.

@flippin eck: ChainSaw and Drue, sitting in a tree…

She looks like the chipmunk woman in Eraserhead, who dances as the fetuses fall from the sky and her feet squash them with a wet crunching sound. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qrl3n2ZtK2E&feature=related

@FlyingChainSaw: I’m encouraged at least to learn that she’s Japanese. There is a long tradition of little-bit-o-crazee among the Japanese. Think Murakami’s “Wind Up Bird Chronicle”. Or Yoko Ono. Maybe this “Drue” is going to eventually, what, break up the Jonas Brothers?

Oh, and I think brush painting can be traced back through the Chinese, way older than the Shinto rites of Japan.

ADD: @mellbell: There’s a list of them on the Steeler Nation site, but yeah any leads on the best of the best very much welcome. Especially one that is on the red line.

@The Nabisco Quiver: Now now, don’t blame Yoko, John said it himself, they broke up because he and Ringo and George were “sick of being Paul McCartney’s sidemen.”

@The Nabisco Quiver:
Well according to us Koreans, it was my ancestors who brought civilization to Japan, but SHHHHHHHHH!!! The Japanese equivalent of Wingnuts might throw a hissy fit.

@ManchuCandidate: So I was told in Seoul. I snagged a picture of a women in period dress in the Deoksugung Palace. One of the guides saw me looking at the rendering in the view panel on the camera and commented, dead-pan with the slightest eye-roll, “She’s Japanese,” as if to inform me that the image was inauthentic.

I put this up nearly 24 hours ago, and we’re still going on about it. Drue has taken any previous annoyance record we had, and smashed it.

@blogenfreude: Dude, I went on Valley Wag’s post about this to alert them to her website. Girlfriend deserves the PR.

@flippin eck: I notice FlyingChainSaw is ignoring us.

@FlyingChainSaw: I have been 404 forbidden to view it. I think I’m grateful.

Her gawd awful eyebrows are gonna make me sleep with my tweezers tonight.

@SanFranLefty: “Where’s Chicago Bureau?! I’m sure he’s got more to say once he pokes around that website.”

Work. I might be a nighthawk / weekend warrior around here for a while as a result. Sad, but there are bigger things at play here.

And now that I’m here…

Technological zeitgeist collides with the single stroke in Drue’s hands.

That might have been the most pretentious thing I have ever heard. And that is saying something.

@chicago bureau: Technological zeitgeist collides with the single stroke in Drue’s hands.

Hubby has a robotic cock?

This thread is why I’m glad I hang here, although I have the second cheapest model of the second cheapest Dell laptop line.

My Stanford link: I got to see a bunch of their top secret, looted from burial site, groovy Indian stuff in the basement of the anthro bldg in the early 90s before it got repatriated to an undisclosed location. My photographer buddy and I did a report on a tribe affiliated with the remains for the San Jose Mercury News back then.

@redmanlaw: Did you ever come out for the PowWow? Now *THAT* is amazing.

@chicago bureau: Did Homofascist and flippin tell you that I’m coming out to Chicago?

@mellbell: Got the Flight of the Conchordes disc – thank you! You’re such a doll!

@Prommie: Apologies. I invoked Yoko more for the arty Japanese woman with a tendency towards batty comparison rather than for any role she may have had with the band. The breakup analogy was just a cheap stunt. “Instant Karma” would be nothing without the Ono warble. In the end Linda was probably more insufferable than Yoko, she was “in” Wings!

@ManchuCandidate: I totally loved the unspoken animosity between the Japanese, Koreans and Chinese. For a time I shuttled between Tokyo and Seoul, and in each place I had to answer questions about which country/people had the best food, most beautiful women and richest culture. It was always, diplomatically, the very place I was at at the time.

Didn’t everyone basically come down from China and the Mongols?

@SanFranLefty: I noticed the FCS blackout too. Maybe we hit too close to home?

@chicago bureau: Sorry I didn’t pass on word of SFL’s visit yet–I’m enough of a Facebook junkie at this point that I forget to disseminate news to folks who aren’t on there (including my family). Anyways, October 23-24 there will be a Chicago meetup with a special guest from the left coast! Be there or be square!

@SanFranLefty / flippin eck: Roger that. Meeting is required. Fill me in when you get a chance.

@The Nabisco Quiver:
Yes, but most of us who aren’t Chinese don’t want to admit it.

My take on this is that the Japanese want to pretend they weren’t originally a bunch of fish stealing barbarians, the Chinese have an inborn cultural arrogance of being the center of the universe and the Koreans want some respect and not be known as the Poland of Asia.

@ManchuCandidate: Its all pretty simple, huh? Everyone, everywhere, just wants the rest of the world to recognize that they are the bestest. Everyone should just cultivate their garden.

@Promnight:
But then how would anyone else know we’re the best then???
Just kidding.

The problem is that everyone’s ego won’t let them admit to things they should:
Japanese culture is mostly from Korea and China
Korean culture owes a lot to China
China still can’t get over the fact they are NOT the center of the universe and has the shame of being a nation who basically pissed away a 1000 year technological lead simply because they became so full of themselves they forgot that there was a world beyond China’s vast borders.

China makes our Nikes, Japan makes our Sonys, and South Korea makes our cartoons. Next!

@ManchuCandidate: I thought China was the centre of the world.

@ManchuCandidate: Nailed it, dude. When I was in your ancestral lands, my friends preferred “Ireland of Asia”, maybe because both had booming economies at the time.

@redmanlaw: My God, you’re right. I just re-read this thread after I recommended it to Dodger, and I was laughing hysterical and kept saying “I love y’all!”

@SanFranLefty: This was a great read. We have lots of pretentious performance artist types here in LA, but Drue is performing her “art” at a very high level. And, may I add, on what other website would there be discussions of art, the Beatles, and Drue’s odd boobs?

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