No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Cry in Pain When That Laser Slices Your Testicles

Twitter has become a giant old-school Defamer commenting thread Thursday night, with “1stdraftmovielines” wasting everyone’s time — including ours. But if you are Mitout Tweetz, you’re more than invited to waste your time here. Some samples to get you started…

  • Frankly, my dear, you suck. (poploser)
  • Soylent Green is squirrel! (born2bdave)
  • You made a time machine… out of a Ford Pinto? (rhogart)

  • If you build it, they will come…with a straitjacket. (AbbyObenchain)
  • The first rule of 4H Club is, you do not talk about 4H Club. (tzikeh)
  • Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? No? Well, this creepy cockpit conversation is going nowhere fast. (marklisanti)
  • Is it twoo how dey say you people are….gifted? [zips] Well, I guess not. (SignalToNoise)
  • I’m not bad, they just drew me with an enormous rack and low-plunging cocktail dress. (marklisanti)
  • Use the binding, metaphysical and ubiquitous power, Luke. (anamariecox)
  • Where are all the Caucasian ladies? (BradMilyo)

Yeah, we gave Lisanti two. The Dude assents to his observations.

1stdraftmovielines [Twitter]

I don’t know what twitter is. I am a lost soul. I am aware it exists, but have no clue why or what it is.

@Promnight: 140-character handjobs.

No, wait, that was a month ago.

Functionally, Twitter is an online text-messaging service. You post short messages to your account, and others “following” you can read them, and reply if desired.

It was originally pitched in ValleySpeak as “microblogging,” and in StinqueSpeak as The Latest Sign of the Apocalpyse — everyone was encouraged to write what they were doing at that moment, as if anyone really cares that I’m dumping a sweet deuce right now.

But when the Iran regime throttled the Internet last month, low-overhead Twitter messages were about the only way to get news out the country — the U.S. even asked Twitter to reschedule some critical maintenance so it was overnight Tehran time.

Closer to home, I’ve repurposed (burp) the Stinque Twitter account to post headlines from the site, with links — and also to mess around there more. Folks who follow our account, but don’t regularly visit the site itself, now have little prompts throughout the day. That’s a practical use — Twitter as ad hoc wire service — that I hadn’t considered before.

And then there’s Twitter as Massive Comment Thread, when everyone plays around with a subject like “first-draft movie lines”, and “tags” their tweets accordingly. Just the latest casual time-waster in that guise, but for me it’s nice to see what Mark Lisanti (Defamer) and Ana Marie Cox (Wonkette) are up to without making a special effort.

I’m gonna have to nominate a friend who tweeted: “Play it again, [racial slur].”

In this country, you gotta get knocked up first. Then when you get knocked up, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the money.
-Sarah “Stretchmark” Palin

According to almost son-in-law, Levi, Simple Sarah needs bucks plain and, uh, simple. No filthy lucre if she’s sucking at Alaska’s gobbiment teats.

@ManchuCandidate: I got outline stars at Deadspin and io9. What does that mean?


At least now she’ll have time to start that graduate school program she’s always wanted to drop out of.

It means someone (editors) can flag you as a star commentor.

@Original Andrew:

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