Jethro Goes to Hollywood!
White trash Wasilla hockey fuckwit Levi ‘Jethro’ Johnston, son of an alleged drug dealer and father to Talibunny’s first grandchild, Tripp, is getting ready to make America gag with tales of abstinence gone wild, oxycontin-fueled hillbilly madness and the wanton unquenchable lust for power and silk underwear exhibited by the Talibunny and her trained mute, Todd.
Jethro and his hired ape-publicist, ‘Tank’, told New York Magazine this week that they’re working full-time to whore out all the insanely salacious stories about the Palins they can sell. We know what those stories will be about:
- The bestiality,
- the hillbilly aesthetics,
- the peasant criminality,
- the mental disorders,
- the fascist lunacy of the Talibunny,
- the loathing of the McCain campaign staff,
- the Talibunny’s twisted parenting skills,
- the wanton hunger for real clothes
- Most importantly, the non-stop, barn-shaking pestorking that attends teen-age abstinence:
Tank explains that they are shopping a book, because there are still many untold stories about the Palins. In the meantime, Levi has been offered “a leading role” in a movie with a former Miss Oregon (and Apprentice contestant), and he thinks he might take it, though Levi says they “actually don’t know anything about it yet, really.” Then Tank mentions a soon-to-be-announced television project. “I don’t even want to call it a reality show,” he says, now in full agent mode. “It will be a docudrama or something similar. I think the whole reality-show thing is played out.”
Our only regret is that if Jethro organizes a reenactment of the Wasilla Hillbillies episode in our contemporary history, our favorite candidates to play the Talibunny, Shelley Winters and Marty Feldman, each of whom could have lent their own important interpretation to the character of the Talibunny, are both dead.
It is obvious this is all new for Jethro, Stinquers. What advice do you have for this young, ambitious sleazepreneur?