Jethro Goes to Hollywood!

Hooo-eee! We was abstaynin' all night long until the hogs came home! Hooo-eee!

White trash Wasilla hockey fuckwit Levi ‘Jethro’ Johnston, son of an alleged drug dealer and father to Talibunny’s first grandchild, Tripp, is getting ready to make America gag with tales of abstinence gone wild, oxycontin-fueled hillbilly madness and the wanton unquenchable lust for power and silk underwear exhibited by the Talibunny and her trained mute, Todd.

Jethro and his hired ape-publicist, ‘Tank’, told New York Magazine this week that they’re working full-time to whore out all the insanely salacious stories about the Palins they can sell. We know what those stories will be about:

  • The bestiality,
  • the hillbilly aesthetics,
  • the peasant criminality,
  • the mental disorders,
  • the fascist lunacy of the Talibunny,
  • the loathing of the McCain campaign staff,
  • the Talibunny’s twisted parenting skills,
  • the wanton hunger for real clothes
  • Most  importantly, the non-stop, barn-shaking pestorking that attends teen-age abstinence:

Tank explains that they are shopping a book, because there are still many untold stories about the Palins. In the meantime, Levi has been offered “a leading role” in a movie with a former Miss Oregon (and Apprentice contestant), and he thinks he might take it, though Levi says they “actually don’t know anything about it yet, really.” Then Tank mentions a soon-to-be-announced television project. “I don’t even want to call it a reality show,” he says, now in full agent mode. “It will be a docudrama or something similar. I think the whole reality-show thing is played out.”

Our only regret is that if Jethro organizes a reenactment of the Wasilla Hillbillies episode in our contemporary history, our favorite candidates to play the Talibunny, Shelley Winters and Marty Feldman, each of whom could have lent their own important interpretation to the character of the Talibunny, are both dead.

It is obvious this is all new for Jethro, Stinquers. What advice do you have for this young, ambitious sleazepreneur?


And the latest Talibunny Tweet:

Grateful Todd left fishing grnds to join me this wkend; but now he’s back slaying salmon & working the kids @ the site; anxious to join ’em!

I just want Levi to sit on my lap and ride me like the Kentucky Derby–is that really asking too much?

Sweet Zombie Jeebus. Barry’s only been in charge 6 months and the following has happened:
1) Pious Mark Sanford has a raging case of pussy madness.
2) Talibunny has thrown in the towel for reasons unknown
3) Talibunny/Newty-Toot Pie Fight
4) Pious-er John Ensign has a raging case of pussy madness
5) Iran implodes
6) NK can’t get the world’s attention
7) Sucks to be a celebitard
8) Rush looks even more impotent
9) RW wingnuttery freakout over a DHS report about in general wingnuttery terrorism is wiped out by, um, RW wingnuttery terrorist attacks.

Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor and the other brilliant writers of
Blazing Saddles ain’t got nothing on this shit.

It’s JUST SIX FUCKING MONTHS!???!!! And Barry hasn’t really done as much as people hoped/wanted.

@ManchuCandidate: My money is on Anne Coulter to slip the reins next. So to speak.

She’s a pretty skinny Colt… I’d rather ride a filly.

@ManchuCandidate: Rahm Emanuel ain’t just a pretty ballet dancer. I think he’s behind all of it, and I lurve it.

@Chainsaw: Correction: Levi is the father of Sarah’s second grandchild.

ADD: Is anyone out there? I just realized I had a manic frenzy of commenting on practically every column posted while I was off the grid on a horse with no name.

@SanFranLefty: I’ve been commenting by iPhone on my vacation, for god’s sake. This Palin shit is just that good.

Also, I read SFL comments with a religous ferver, so you so it as often as the urge strikes.

@Tommmcatt Floats: I know the Palin shit was so good! It was killing me to have no email or cell phone bars! Oy vey Ishmael.

@ManchuCandidate: And Barry hasn’t really done as much as people hoped/wanted.

Well, look at your list. His real talent is making opponents implode.

I have two words for you, people: Charlie Crist.

The trouble with reading scandal about the Palins, even if it’s true, is that they’re so damn boring. Same is true with for Bushes; they make watching paint dry look like a fun alternative. It’ll just be more of the same.

As for advice: get an agent. Everybody wants to see you first in Hollywood, so don’t blow it on some clown who works out of his mom’s house in San Bernadino (I have no idea where that is but you get the idea). Find an acting class (trouble is you’re in LA so they’re all run by fools claiming intimate knowledge of Sandy Meisner). If you want to be the next Josh Harnett, lose some weight: the craft table is not your friend. Don’t do movies that star the ex-Miss anything: they’re either Christ porn or straight to DVD, or both. An online sex site is not a career move. Get an agent. If you can’t get on a plane by yourself and fly places you are probably not ready for Los Angeles.

@ManchuCandidate: Plus Bachmann’s census crazy – they finally called her out on it on CNN this morning.

Obama is Bugs or Roadrunner?

Took’em long enough.

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