In an Alternate Universe …

fnc_20090624_sanford

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Fits in with “Republicans are saints, Dems are Criminals, etc” meme.

Well, of course the Faux producers were confused. He admitted to having an affair with a woman.

It’s their secret signal to Sanford that his political career is over.

I beg any producer of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Keiff Oh’s Countdown, or Rachel Maddow’s show to please compile all of the FOX News “mistakes” into one piece.

I remember Mark Foley and Larry Craig both magically became Democrats in Fox’s world.

@ManchuCandidate: From your comment on last post – I should subtract points because he took questions. Real Republicans pull a Vitter.

Programming question: Barry’s doing a primetime “town hall” on health care tonight, which sounds positively boring. Should we be compelled to post an open thread for it?

@nojo: Darling, you’ve done enough. Above and beyond. Might I suggest a little down time with ALW? Perhaps Michael Crawford singing the songs of?

@Benedick:

Try not to get worried
Try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you, oh
Don’t you know
Everything’s alright, yes
Everything’s fine

@nojo:

Post away, you know me. I’ll come on and make some totally off-thread comments before going to the gym. I’m cheap AND easy.

Oh, and speaking of cheap and easy, where is HF? I’m about to send out a search party.

@Tommmcatt doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene: Dude is all about summer festivals, farmers markets and apparently well-deserved margaritas per FB postings. Absentee blogfather.

@Signal to Noise: Let’s hope the woman is the leader of a neonazi death and pederast cult.

Damn these people are amusing:

NEW YORK – A new report by the website, “Ex-Gay Watch”, has cast a dark cloud of skepticism over “ex-gay” activist Matthew Manning’s tale of being “delivered” from homosexuality and AIDS. According to the report, Manning has been repeatedly dragged into court for allegations of inappropriate behavior and was even banned from a popular gym after improper sexual advances were made on a 22-year-old heterosexual male. Manning, a frequent television guest and the founder of Lighthouse World Evangelism Inc., based in Santa Rosa, California, has yet to comment on the allegations made in the investigative report.

@blogenfreude:

At this point, the Rapture could blow through and the Talibangelicals would be too busy secretly sucking and fucking like porn superstars to notice.

@redmanlaw:

I’m trying to summon him “Candyman” style:

Homofascist!
Homofascist!
Homofascist!

@Tommmcatt doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene: Just point the homofascist-signal up into the night sky over Chicago.

@nojo: Whew — the “town hall” is ABC only, 10 p.m. Eastern. Unless CB wants to wonk out on it, I’ll pass.

Anyone know what are the state FOIA laws are in South Crackolina? How long will it take before the “intrepid” reporter at The State has all the emails Sanford sent to Eduardo the MTF tranny gaucho using his government email address?

My prediction, and y’all saw it here first, is that the use of his state email address for the love messages will be the official reason for his resignation. Though it doesn’t seem like Jenny is in a big rush to spend time with him.

@Tommmcatt doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene: Sorry darlin’. You know I love and miss you all terribly, but things have not been great in HF land for the past few months. I will be back I promise.

@SanFranLefty: How do you know his paramour is a transvestite?

@FlyingChainSaw: Statistics and probability. He’s a Republican, after all. And B.A. is crawling with trannies.

Mark Freaking Sanford. At 1900 EDT tonight, I propose that all Stinquers come together for an online session of golf-clapping. In terms of sex scandals, this is just exquisite. He is deserving of the highest praise. Ish.

(Incidentially: do we have recon on how many times Sanford nixed gay-friendly legislation, either as Governor or in the House? Public speeches on the subject? Should make for pleasant reading.)

(Oh, and how about the wifey not putting up with his shit? Outstanding.)

nojo: I normally would be all over some hot health care action. But, given last night’s binge on nuclear holocaust (I was compelled to watch that BBC movie “Threads” — a movie hasn’t freaked me out like that in a loooong time), it is entirely fitting that I watch “Dr. Strangelove” (2130 CBST) on TCM tonight.

@SanFranLefty: How long before the press finds her/him? You know they will.

@Dodgerblue: There’s your answer. And note the emails were leaked to the paper in December. They sat on this story for six months.

@chicago bureau: Don’t see Threads on Netflix, alas. But the five-disc set of The State is now queued up.

@SanFranLefty: You know, Lefty, that sounds like you are profiling this poor man.

@SanFranLefty: Plus you’re kicking my ass in Wordscraper again.

@SanFranLefty: McClatchy special correspondent Angeles Mase visited the 14-story apartment building in Buenos Aires Wednesday where the woman lives

When the McClatchy chain folds, it really will be a loss to the Republic. All the other papers can suck it.

@SanFranLefty: I feel your pain. I’m reading depositions about coal-fired powerplant design. Or, not reading them.

@Dodgerblue: Wow, that sounds even more boring than what I’m ignoring. Ergo our liveblogging of the presser.

@SanFranLefty: While they had the emails, it may not have been a proper “story” until Sanford abdicated his responsibility as governor. But now we know why the Fargo correspondent knew to hang out at the international gate.

Shouldn’t this bozo get extra diapers for leaving his kids over Father’s Day weekend to snort coke off his girlfriend’s ass?

@nojo: How did she get past security at Hartsfield? I thought the TSA goons don’t let you through unless you have a ticket.

@Dodgerblue: What do you want? The gold standard of GOP fidelity is a guy who demanded a divorce from his wife while she was dying of cancer and swimming in her own blood and rancid puss.

@Dodgerblue: Well, he could have murdered his wife and ordered his kids to eat her at gunpoint. I am sure a GOP operative will at some point, given the cult’s trajectory.

SanFranLefty: (1) One ticket to Boston please. (2) That’ll be $89, darlin’. (1) Thank you, hon.

Cheating husbands aren’t the only ones who lie, you know.

SanFranLefty: The State had the story for six months? Maybe the theory is that if it isn’t a state government issue, it shouldn’t be public. Which is fairish — you could expose hypocritical stances on The Sancity Of The Family, but not running the story is somewhat justifiable. That is, until the Hunka Hunka Burning Gov left town without telling anybody. Kinda sorta a continuancy-of-government moment. And so I’m holding them harmless at this point.

@chicago bureau: Given my local fishwrap is spiraling downward in the toilet and now features things like blogs by the ne’er-do-well trustafarian Getty children, I guess I’m amazed by newspaper reporters with initiative, moxie, and a budget to buy a fake ticket to Boston.

I actually agree about holding them harmless about waiting on the story until there was a malfeasance of government monies/time angle to it. Though I think every cheating Republican should be outed if he/she has ever yammered on about the sanctity of marriage. Like this douchebag had.

@chicago bureau: Hmmm… Maybe we should open-thread Colbert tonight instead. I have the East Coast feed, and I suspect the Native Son will be enjoying himself…

Then again, that’s what our nifty new evening roundup is for!

I’m not trolling for webhits, mind you, but there is a tribute thread going up in a half-hour. I invite all of you to praise Gov. Sanford’s audacity there, if you’d like.

I mean, Vitter and Craig were good. This was sublime. (The e-mails, incidentally, prove it.)

BY REQUEST: TRIBUTE THREAD LINQUED HERE.

@homofascist:

I’m just teasin’ yas. You know we are all here if you need us…even tho we are mostly just ghosts in the machine…

@SanFranLefty:

They sat on this story for six months.

Well it is the South. A dirty, filthy, nasty, unChristian secks scandal–and with an illegal Mexitenian no less!–might interrupt their mint julep on the porch time and give everyone the vapors.

Ugh. The grammar in those e-mails makes my ass itch: double negatives; over-useage and under-usage of commas; all capped off by a pastiche of love letter clichés.

How is it someone couldn’t pass freshman English, but they get to be governor??

My freshman English TA would’ve had this guy’s balls for lunch.

I’ll save my diaper rating until TMZ posts the secks videos.

@Original Andrew: Maria has a firmer command of the English language than Sanford.

@SanFranLefty:
Maria,
I just met a girl named Maria.

Where is Manchu?

@Original Andrew: What, you’ve never been on a “world wind tour”?

@drinkyclown:

That riiiiip you just heard was me tearing my hair out.

Oh, and the quasi-illiterate douchebag managed to visit more countries in one Summer vacation than I’ve travelled to in my entire life, but I’m not bitter, tee hee hee.

@chicago bureau: I’m not trolling for webhits, mind you

Which is why, when that blogger payola finally comes through, everyone’s going on salary. I’m not going to make Gawker’s mistake paying bonuses for traffic.

@Dodgerblue: I’m sure this won’t make the treehugging clean air types very happy:

“I went out and ran the excavator with lights until the sun came up. To me, and I suspect no one else on earth, there is something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab, air conditioner running, the hum of a huge diesel engine in the back ground…”

Cranking the AC in the open cab of an excavator? With a diesel engine running all night long?

@SanFranLefty: Cranking the AC in the open cab of an excavator? With a diesel engine running all night long?

Sounds like a bad Ray Wiley Hubbard song.

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