Driving Up The Coast

mark-sanfordAs you know, GOP sex scandals are, well, a hobby of mine. And we all might just be in for a little treat:

Things are still murky on the Mark Sanford story. But it’s looking increasingly likely that Sanford’s trip to Argentina was about more than a scenic drive down the coast.

“There is some evidence he was not alone,” a source in South Carolina politics told TPMmuckraker. “The other shoe’s gonna drop. I believe there’s a reason he wanted to drop his SLED detail.”

Another woman?  A man?  Wetsuits? Assfucking?  The mind boggles.

According to the source, a second car was identified at the Columbia airport, next to the SUV Sanford is believed to have used. Two additional sources in South Carolina politics said the same thing.

Separately, Will Folks, a former spokesman for Sanford who now runs a South Carolina political blog, is reporting that, according to a source, the Sanfords have been having problems in their marriage and have “been in marital counseling for several weeks now.”

We should have some more information on this soon. Sanford’s office has called a 2pm press conference, and Politico’s Mike Allen tweets that according to the South Carolina press, the “woman question will be asked directly and clinically (no parsing).”

Another “rising star” in the Republican party caught with his dick in the wrong place?  Stay tuned …

ADDING:  There’s another explanation that involves assfucking.

ALSO ADDING: – Kos diarist confesses to making it up in the comments.  I haz a sad.


Oh. My. God. Mike Jones? MIKE JONES????!!!!!

Hmm. Here I am. A God-fearing® Republican Governor. For some inexplicable reason I feel the need to worship some muscle. Who might be the most discreet and least news-worthy person of the male sex I might contact so I could feel confident that news of this would not leak. Along with any bodily fluids that might or might not be involved. I know! (picture of lightbulb turning on) Who was that totally discreet young man who gave those ‘massages’ to my good friend and fellow God-fearing® Republican Ted Haggard? Let me look him up on Rentboy.com and give him a shout-out – as my homey Michael would say. What could possibly go wrong??”

@Benedick: It can only get better at this point.

Per A.P.: Sanford has been a fan of Argentina for years. While in Congress and since he’s said that nation’s Social Security system has a model the U.S. should follow.

Which model? The one where judges and elected officials continue to receive full pensions while the rest of the labor pool gets stiffed, or the one where the previous state-run system was privatized by Carlos Menem?

Oh boy, this is a real pot-boiler. When will we hear from Lindsey Graham?

@Benedick: A hoax. And I fell for it. I really need to stop wishing this was more than it probably is …

@Nabisco: I think the one where those critical of the regime get “disappeared,” saving trillions in medical and other social services costs. DeMint’s already cut him loose. Lindsey’s just glad someone’s taking the spotlight off speculation about his sexuality.

SC newpaper The State is live-tweeting the news conference, for those who can’t watch video at work: http://www.thestate.com/newsextra/story/838992.html.

@blogenfreude: Oh damn. And I was so happy. It’s Obama I blame for trampling on my dreams.

CNN’s live streaming on the tubez blows. MSNBC don’t fail me now!

Okay, CNN’s talking healthcare. Switching to MSNBC, where Jakes Knotts is quickly becoming my favorite Southern politician.

So, Colbert replayed his January 2008 interview with Sanford last night, where he kidded Sanford about being “boring.” Always beware the quiet ones.

Start of conference “delayed.” Takes time to get those stories straight.

OK – I’ll settle for it being a staffer. Assfucking? I don’t think so. But there’s always hope.

Game on – I’ve got the live feed. Oh FSM, please let there be at least hookers. That’s all I ask. I’ve been a good boy all year, really.

@Mistress Cynica: He’s making sure the gauchos are in secure locations.

@nojo: If Sanford resigns to spend more time with Jenny and the kids, I pray that Colbert will run for Governor in the special election.

“Testing 1..2..3…4…Afghanistan, Argentina, zebra” just came out of someone’s mouth.

Pass the popcorn, Benedick.

Talk about some fucking jet lag he must be experiencing right now, on top of coming off the coke bender.


Underage Boy Whores would make my day. With pictures. Oh, God, let there be pictures….

If it weren’t so early, I’d be cracking open a refreshing WIDMER HEFEWEIZEN right now. (Check arrived!)

They’re talking “back door” and “raises” on MSNBC. Oh, it’s about Citigroup.

Oooh, who’s the hotty with the sideburns and the bowling shirt mugging in front of the camera?

@nojo: You know, I just don’t know whether to go for the BOMBAY SAPPHIRE or the TANQUERAY 10 martini right now. I sure wish I was able to SAMPLE BOTH AT ONCE to discuss their relative merits with the HIGH TONE INTERNATIONAL STINQUE READERSHIP.

Distributors may email me for my delivery address.

Just got an email from a friend on a Virgin America flight to DC – she said almost all the teevees on the plane are tuned to MSNBC to watch the press conference. Hilarious.

He sure doesn’t look like he’s had work done on those bags under his eyes.

He’s yammering about getting paid $60 by soccer coaches to take kids on the Appalachian trail?

“Adventure Trip” — your meme for the day.

I once took a Spanish class taught by a young woman from Argentina. She was hot cubed. I’m just sayin’.

Attaturk is calling him “Gaucho Marks” … brilliant.

“I’m a bottom line kind of guy. I’m going to lay it out. It’s going to hurt.”

You have got to LOVE the on-the-spot marketing by this company handing out samples at the presser: http://twitpic.com/8aql9.
American entrepreneurship at its finest. *sniff*

MSNBC crawl mentions Jon & Kate, who’ve been horribly upstaged.

Harry Shearer’s “Apologies of the Week” segment next Sunday may take up the whole show.

It’s hard to be husband and daddy while being a full-time politician.

I have to give Jenny props for not being dragged into this press conference.

“The biggest self of self is indeed self.” Take that to the philosophy seminar and smoke it.

@Tommmcatt doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene: He’s killing me.

“Let me throw one more apology out there, to people of faith in South Carolina.”

I do enjoy his vernacular way of speaking.

I can’t stop singing Rogers and Hammerstein.

ADD. Oh. And see note on another thread about monumental clownish stupidity of our elected officials and apply it here.

@nojo: That was the third line of coke off the gaucho’s ass-crack talking.

@SanFranLefty: The bottom line of God’s law.

Oh, here we go…

oooh, “Mentioning God’s laws and sin.” Good start. Promising.

@Benedick: “I’m just a girl who caint’ say no?”

Please let the Argentinian woman be Christina Fernandez de Kirchener.

@redmanlaw: If it was my Spanish teacher, I completely understand.

Resigning as chair of the RGA. /snooze

I think a readjustment of the STINQUE PAMPERS BRAND DIAPER SCALE is in order.

@Dodgerblue: If it were

Didn’t she at least teach you the subjunctive tense?!

I love that his “spiritual adviser” is named Cubby. God bless the South.

“It’s interesting how this thing has gone down.” Such as.

“This is interesting in how this thing went down, John.”

@Dodgerblue: My college Spanish teacher was a blonde German woman from Argentina whose dad probably went over by U-Boat in 1945.

“Interesting to see how this thing has gone down.”


Isn’t this the first time the wife has said, “screw you, scumbag, I’m not coming to your fucking presser?”

I love the fact that he’s using words like “spark” and “serious overdrive” to describe his affair.

Ha ha hope this one brings pretty ponies with pink sparkles and tracers.

Like that one from Florida.

No, the other one.

@Mistress Cynica: Yes, which makes up for the pompoms on that poncho in the photo on her website.

Wuss. Fucking grade A wuss. Sanctimonious God’s law hypocrite.

What I want to know is did they go to the theatre when he was there.

I’d also like to have some kind of indicator of the exact depth of contempt in which his wife holds him.

@SanFranLefty: She did, but the ins and outs of when you use it never really took. I use “were” in that sense in English when there is some doubt or when I’m talking about a possible future event. “If I were President, I would . . .” But here, he either boffed my old teacher (damned if I can remember her name, but I remember what she looked like) or did not, so I’m kind of loose about whether “was boffing” or “were boffing” is correct. Cynica, your take?

It’s too late, alas, but I’m casting William Holden in the movie.

“Yo my heart is right.”

Please don’t stop talking, Mark.

@SanFranLefty: All crimes of fashion hereby given a total pass. I hope girlfriend is on the beach in a muumuu right now enjoying a lovely G&T.

I want DETAILS dammit! And, just resigning as head of RGA – he’s a real Republican after all ….

“Hiking the trail.” Dear me, this needs a catalogue.

@Benedick: The opera house in Buenos Aires is beautiful.

@Mistress Cynica: Werd.

It would have been a pedestrian 2 diapers, but thanks to the lies, the stupidity of not checking in with people that could cover his tracks and the general Jon and Kate + 8 style insanity, I’m giving it a 6 diapers.

2 for banging lady that is not Jeebus approved
1 for leaving the US America to do so
1 for lying his ass off
2 for making it a public spectacle that just destroyed his political career

@Dodgerblue: I, too, use “were” for subjunctive contrary to fact, and would have used “was” in your situation, as there’s still a chance…

I’m glad he still has overdrive at his age. My gearing has certainly slowed down over the years.

@ManchuCandidate: Depending upon who this lady is, I might be willing to give another diaper.

And as the MSNBC anchorboy reminds us, Sanford “cried in Argentina.”

@ManchuCandidate: Diapers/points for other factors such as non-American, foreign, Spanish-speaking, Southern Hemisphere, possibly brown other woman?

@nojo: “I ain’t gonna waste my hate on you/I’m keeping it all for myself.”
– Metallica “Wasting My Hate”

Two awesome comments from The State live tweet:

[Comment from Strom Thurmond]
he was with a woman????
[Comment From Kevin]
The hyper-tan is always the first sign….

[Comment From hman]
And the scumbag couldn’t even give the job of mistress to an American! Where’s the rope?

Diapers are traditionally awarded for perversity, but this is so over-the-top that it wins on style points.

Well, *that* was a bracing dip in the pool. Drinks all around.

New post up – video of reporter that busted him.

OK. He’s boring. But we seem to be on a rising trajectory for Republican sex scandals and you know these things cum in threes. Who will be next? Charlie C would be good – I imagine virile young ‘personal trainers’ and weekends in Rome. But the gold standard would be Lindsay G. Hard as it might be to imagine him doing sexy times with another sentient being I could see something involving cross-dressing, bondage and a local state trooper whose wife just got expensive boob jobs that he couldn’t afford.

From Political Wire: Never thought someone could outdo Blago’s weird pressers, but Sanford has done it (via @peterdaou)

@Benedick: The South Carolina reporters may like the taste of blood and go after Lindsay next. There’s also McConnell and Boehner.

@SanFranLefty: Lindsay most def. Them lowcountry boys are known to be prone to assfucking.

@SanFranLefty: There’s something just so repulsively squishy about Lindsay. McConnell has clearly had his junk removed some years back. Boehner most likely reeks of cologne. It’s the kind of look one would see in certain ‘discreet’ gay men who worked in, say, advertising back in the 60s. Or so I’m told. To me, Graham would be the funniest.

@Benedick: McConnell does far more damage to the country. I want him shamed and sent back to Kentucky.

It won’t be easy
You’ll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your ass
After all that I’ve done
You won’t believe me
All you will see
Is a man you once knew
Although he’s a good white Christian male
Still wants the sexy time with you

I had to let it happen
I had to change
Couldn’t stay all my life with that wife
Looking out of the window
Staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Hiking around trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it too

I’ll cry in old Argentina
The truth is I want to do you
Just for a few days
My sad existence
I did the lady!!!
Cause I made the distance!!!

And as for power and the White House
I sooooh wanted them all
Though it seemed to the world
They were all I desired
They are illusions
They’re not the solutions
They promise to be
The answer was here all the time
I do you and hope you do me

I’ll cry in old Argentina

I’ll cry in old Argentina
The truth is I want to do you
Just for a few days
My sad existence
I did the lady!!!
Cause I made the distance!!!

Have I said too much?

Can I say I really enjoy spoofing ALW?

Well, I hope he got to go see a Boca Juniors game while he was in B.A.

@Mistress Cynica: The Augusta Chronicle: The “Breaking News” alerts about Sanford’s activities remind me of soap operas in the 1960’s. “Tune in tomorrow to see if Mark is the father of the Argentinean orphan left at the door of the monastery.”

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment