Slow Boiling with Jim Cramer

The only dough we trust him with.

Remember Jim Cramer? Last time we checked, he was being skewered by Jon Stewart. And if the world has moved on, Cramer hasn’t:

“It was a complete and utter ambush,” Cramer said in an interview with The Lantern. “He told my staff that it was going to be fun, convivial, no clips, but [it] doesn’t matter, he’s a comedian, he can do whatever he wants.”

Of course Cramer’s a comedian too, unless all those props are common arbitrage tools. (And speaking of comedians: Ladies and gentlemen, Glenn Beck!) And about that “ambush” — Cramer himself predicted it earlier that day while cooking with convicted financier Martha Stewart:

“I mean, he’s going to be standing there giving me the business, I’m going to have to fight back,” Cramer said. “I’m not a doormat. Do I impress you as a doormat?”

Well, yes, that night anyway. But after taking Rick Santelli’s bullet for CNBC all that week, Cramer now says nobody could have guessed Stewart would be loaded for bear:

“Was it a fair fight? No, it wasn’t even a fight. I came on with the idea of taking a high road approach and discussing the issues, obviously [Stewart] came on strictly to try to humiliate me,” Cramer said. “It was brutal. Was he stand-up? Absolutely not. Did he comport himself as a gentleman? Hardly. It was a deposition; he wants to be a prosecutor.”

Given those clips where Cramer brags about how his friends manipulate the market, that might not be a bad idea. Speaking of those clips, perhaps they explain this boast:

“And I can tell that guy, when he’s made his first 100 million in the market, I will respect his judgment about the market.”

And we’ll respect Jim Cramer’s judgment when he can tell us how to make that hundred million without a bubble inflating his profits.

‘Mad Money’ host blasts off on Jon Stewart [The Lantern, Ohio State, via Think Progress]


I wonder if he’s going to eat those words of his on how the depression is SOOOOOOOOH over and how we’re all going to make kajillions from betting on Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers stock.

Jim Cramer couldn’t see a freight train coming. “I was just standing there on these metal rail things! Who could have predicted a train would come along?”

@Mistress Cynica: I am amazed to see him playing this story, he could have responded, hell, Jon was only talking about his industry, his profession, his area of expertise, and all he managed to do was whimper and cry. Now he claims its because he was blindsided?

He should be fucking put in the stocks and pelted with water balloons filled with urine for that shitty-assed excuse. A comedian was able to fucking ambush you with questions about your area of expertise and render you helpless and whimpering? Fuck him, repeatedly and roughly.

As it happened, I saw the earlier clip with Martha Stewart, which effectively wiped away any notion that he could survive against Jon Stewart. How naive can one get? Of course he was skewered. Didn’t his Mama tell him Jon Stewart was not going to help by asking him to share cooking secrets? One of Jon’s many strengths is making two minutes long enough to reach an epiphany on most nights. Only a very shrewd guest (e.g. Gore Vidal) can wrest a share of the psychic space away from a host with his skills. And he was mad that night!

Christ, the original Stewart piece was an indictment of CNBC, not Cramer specifically. He started the “war”. Fucking narcissists, always so goddamn surprised and genuinely shocked when they’re called out on their shit.

@Nojo: The new C.S. Lewis twitter made me tinkle my panties, I laughed so hard.

I guess I need to turn my attention to Chapter 4 of Job the Zombie. I’ve spent the evening dealing with debunking urban myths propagated by the right wing (i.e. “Harold Koh is the Anti-Christ,” “The USGS doesn’t want to tell you about the Bakken oil field in Montana”) and haven’t been able to devote my evening to eating brains and begats.

Zombie Job Chapter 4, as written by SFL, now available for your feedback and edits.

@SanFranLefty: Zombie bless the web. Seek “tea quote”, and ye shall find.

And to wrap up the day: 5600 visitors to the ZB, about 45 new editors signed up, and we’re getting some hot Twitter action.

Including this rave:

BodyofBreen: @flargh The book of Job is hysterical. (Something one can’t normally say about the book of Job.)

It’s always more fun with an audience.

@SanFranLefty: You lizzed? Awesome. I like what you’ve done with Job–I haven’t participated yet, but I’d love to take a crack at Judges 19 because I think it’s the most women-hating chapter of the bibble (concubine sent out to be raped all night, then torn into 12 pieces and sent to each tribe when she’s found dead on the doorstop in the morning) and the addition of zombies would at least turn it into a typical misogynistic B-movie from the 60s.

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