The Lioness on the Cheese Grater

1. “What a cheap shot! Joel?!”
2. (waiting on hold) “I’m suing, I’m suing… I’m on it, I’m on it.”

There’s something miraculous about a talking dog who can convince a teenage girl to question dogma.

Meanwhile, this photo of thousands of unemployed people lining up for hours for a job fair took my breath away.

I’m surprised the AFA isn’t having another hissy fit about ION Television broadcasting episodes of Boston Legal immediately before the regularly scheduled Christian programming. Sadly for the AFA it appears IONs ratings have skyrocketed since Alan Shore and Denny Crane started sharing their intimate chats on the network. We all know exactly how far moral outrage goes when it starts to hurt the corporate bottom line.

Damn, am I busy. Here’s my proposal: me, JNOV, SFL, RML, Prommie, Chicago Bureau (am I missing anyone?), we form a law firm. Then we lobby D.C. because we have a toxic asset on our books, i.e., my workload, and ask for a couple billion. We get it. Then we hire a bunch of our friends and go out and do justice. We bring on Tommcatt to run the operation. I wonder if Stinquelaw.com is taken?

@Dodgerblue: Would that make us the Justice League? Can we wear spandex costumes?

@Dodgerblue: Or just piggyback on the main registration and tell me where to point “law.stinque.com”.

@Dodgerblue: baked will operate the Jerusalem office. She’s a recovering attorney.

The amount of work at my real job precludes moonlighting. But also: me and spandex would create a mindblowing fashion EPIC FAIL.

Incidentally: how is it that I am the only one of the Lawyer Caucus who’s a member of the team of rivals that is the Overlords? I mean, the internationals are proportionally represented (1 of 8), and there is a fair representation of Chicagocentric types (2 of 8). And all Flying Chain Saws are accounted for.

The showrunner is a lawyerist. Where’s that fill-in-the-blank Section 1983 complaint when I need it?

[NB: All in fun, nojo. Hugz.]

I’d like to have been a fly on the wall of the AFA meeting that chose that particular snippet of that Family Guy episode. “Shall we go with the horse licking his butt cheeks, then cut quickly to horse-sperm-in-the-fridge? Yes? Okay, it’s a wrap”.

@Dodgerblue: I’m pretty good with sawdust and a broom for cleaning up beer and vomit. Does that make me office manager material for the purposes of TARP largesse?

@Nabisco: It does. And trust me, no one wants to see me in Spandex. My bike shorts are dopey enough.

@chicago bureau: A lawyerist? More like Philosopher-Geek.

Here’s a tip for the guys at WND: If you want to scandalize your readers and show how awful The “Family Guy” is, don’t post a clip from the show that’s going to have half your readers rolling on the floor with laughter and the other half reaching for TV guide to see when the show comes on in their area.

Not for nothing, Dodgerblue, but…

That’s what happens, man! Yeah, that’s what happens. WHERE’S MY MONEY?!

@chicago bureau: Maybe I should start watching this show.

@chicago bureau:

My personal favorite FG moment.
Peter Griffin Sometimes I just can’t believe we could make something so beautiful.
Lois Griffin He looks just like his father.
Peter Griffin I really appreciate all the hard work you did giving birth and mothering our kids.
Peter Griffin I’ll never know that joy.
Lois Griffin Peter, I’m sure you would’ve been a great mother if you had the chance.
Peter Griffin You think so?
Lois Griffin I know so.

What happens next…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OkcucXIuVI

@SanFranLefty: In a year, they’ll be eating each other. The GOP will have installed a junta and nuked Tehran and the UN campuses in NYC and Geneva. National Guardsmen will patrol the streets of every city in America and home heating fuel will be $121 a gallon. A private army hired by Cheney will be depopulating Paraguay to create a private wasteland for his family and the Bush crime family. The EU will be building a nuclear weapons program in secret to take out Washington, DC, after America is declared by the union as a ‘monstrous, genocidal cult controlled by psychopaths.’ After Washington, DC is leveled, the surviving UN peacekeeping corps establishes pacification centers in Virginia Beach, Portland, ME, Atlantic City and Miami to muster troops for the final confrontation with the neonazi Beck Brigades.

@chicago bureau: Arent you a little fat to be a Stormtrooper?

@FlyingChainSaw: I notice you don’t mention troops on the West coast. Will we have seceded, been nuked, or destroyed by earthquakes?

@Mistress Cynica: Contact lost.

Fox is so scared of the revenue drying potential of the Family Research Council that they are forced to give the creators of Family Guy yet another show in their prime-time lineup…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fisYzsEBaNM
Cleveland debuts this fall.

@FlyingChainSaw: “Contact lost.”

Don’t tease me, bro.

BREAKING HARD: Priest mows down 5 people after Good Friday services in NabiscoLand.

@SanFranLefty: Whoa crazy! “Thomas says the priest told her the accelerator just went.” Dude, god is supposed to be your CO-pilot.

@ManchuCandidate: I have dozens of favorite Brian scenes. When he is drunk at the bar and trys to pick up that chick, the time he almost seduces the mom, so many, all so sick. I am Brian, I have a couple of Brian figurines on shelves in my house, always holding the martini.

Out of all the fictional characters on TV and in movies, Brian is the one who would make the perfect Stinquer.

@chicago bureau: 1983? Is that RICO, or civil rights? I has done too much of both.

I can hold forth on just exactly what is a “pattern” of racketeering activity.

@drinkyclown: Musta been an Audi. Shit happens, people hit the wrong pedal, but they are convinced it was the right one.

@Promnight: Why an Audi? Are the pedals reversed in Europe or something? Anyway, I’m guessing either demonic possession of the car, or gay marriage is to blame.

@drinkyclown:
The pedal layout is such that the brake and gas pedals are too close together.

@Promnight: 42 USC 1983.