Test Your Reading Comprehension!

Now available in XXXL.

1. Which state leads the nation in federally subsidized condom manufacturing?

2. How much money will the government save by switching to “cheaper off-shore condoms”?

3. How many nasty insinuations can you make from “Eufaula”?

4. Which of the following does not manufacture condoms: Alatech, Unidus, Qingdao Double Butterfly Group, AIG.

5. Which department of government is responsible for dictating condom-design standards, and how are those standards developed? Does the research involve calipers?

6. Is “condom-industry consultant” the greatest fucking job in the world, or what?

7. If you were a condom-industry consultant, would you name your company PolyTech Synergies, or Smooth Operator?

8. Do you resent your high school guidance counselor for not recommending condom-industry consultant as a career path?

9. Following a successful career as a condom-industry consultant, would you donate a large sum to a major university just to hear the president thank you for your substantial endowment?

10. Complete the following sentence: “Oops there goes another rubber                  plant.”

U.S. move to cheaper Chinese condoms threatens American jobs [Kansas City Star]

Now we just wait for the eventual scandal of contaminated/ineffectual ‘domes from China.

I dunno. I think the gig you’re trying to describe is condom industry test pilot. The consultants are these rumpled old guys with overstuffed leather sales cases that can recite industry standards for tumescence tests.

FlyingChainSaw: Industry standards for tumescence tests. Who needs ’em?

Excuse me.

[CB goes into corner, weeps softly.]

@ManchuCandidate: Lead? Melamine? Oh the fun we’ll have! Stock up on domestic Trojans now if that’s your thing. Remember “spongeworthy”? Same thing.

@chicago bureau: Well, like all industrial products, there are standard requirements for testing. You can’t market, for instance, a condom that’s rated for wreltney-stage turgitude when it’s only been tested with a gumby.

I was going to buy some Chinese condoms once just to try them out, but alas they don’t make Magnums.

@FlyingChainSaw: One of my favorite scenes in the entire canon of movie comedies, a french movie called “Out of the Closet,” about a kinda boring, nebbishy guy who is about to lose his job, so he pretends to be gay and to come out of the closet, so the company would be afraid to fire him for fear of being accused of discrimination. Ironically, of course, the women who used to ignore him now find him fascinating, and he falls in love with the head of HR, and one late night at the factory, they commence an affair, with a passionate bout of le fucking right on the factory floor.

The factory makes condoms.

And just as they are nearing their peak, in walks the CEO, leading a group of japanese investors on a factory tour.

They walk in, observe the scene for a second, and the timing is perfect, the CEO recovers, and turns to the japanese investors, and says “And these, are our testers.”

@Serolf Divad: Turns out the Chinese could pick up a company that makes Magnums on the cheap.

Should you wear a condom when you try to suck yourself off with a car-wash vaccum? You don’t know where its been, after all:


@Prommie: Your dildo should obviously wear a condom when you’re trying to get off using autoerotic asphyxiation.

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