Hans von Spakovsky, Genius.

i know i look like a gerbilHaven’t seen this guy over at The Corner yet. Let us see what he has for us, hmm?

Democrats complained endlessly about the supposed “politicization” of the Bush Justice Department. When asked about this at his confirmation hearing, Eric Holder piously pledged that his Justice Department would “serve justice” and “not the fleeting interests of any political party.” America, he intoned, was “in dire need of a less political and more independent Justice Department.”

But an e-mail and flyer recently circulated to Justice Department employees indicate Attorney General Holder has an interesting definition of what it means to be “less political.” The flyer invites all employees to attend a speech in the main Justice building on Pennsylvania Avenue. In fact, it notes, all “supervisors are encouraged to grant official time to employees to attend this event.”

And what pillar of the legal profession will be lecturing Justice employees to help them “serve justice” in a “less political” way? Why, none other than Donna Brazile, whose own website biography describes her as a “veteran Democratic political strategist” and a Vice Chairman at the Democratic National Committee. Brazile is marketed by more than one speaker’s bureau at a cost ranging from $10,000 to $20,000. The flyer doesn’t say how many taxpayer dollars are going to pay a Democratic political consultant to speak to career employees at the Justice Department (sounds like a good FOIA request). Good thing the Department is no longer politicized.

So, to sum up: stacking the office with loyal GOP hands, with selections overseen by a graduate of a Tier Twenty-Six law school that, oddly enough, is run by a preacher? These things happen. But a brown-bag lunch with a political operative will totally destroy the image of the DoJ and CANNOT BE TOLERATED.

Yeah. This guy totally should have been on the FEC.


Speaking of the Corner (Which I refer to as “planet Corner” to illustrate how removed the place is from the lived reality of most Earthlings) did you know there’s a guy blogging there named John Hood who’s been headlining all his posts with a Rush lyric?

I thought you weren’t allowed to do that after graduating from high school.

@Serolf Divad: Oh, you mean Rush the band. I was sitting here thinking “I didn’t know Rush Limbaugh sang.”

Crappy hair band.

As a citizen of Canada City, I’d might have to take exception to that but I don’t like Rush.

Hansi is going with what is known as the “I know you are, but what am I” defense.

SanFranLefty / Serolf Divad: I’m sorry, we’re going to have to go to a judge from Canuckistan on this one.

Paging ManchuCandidate — Manchu… Candidate. White courtesy phone, please.

Never mind. Manchu was on it before I could post.

Anyway — I don’t mind Rush that much. They benefit greatly from my “Canadians get a free pass, in general” rule.

@chicago bureau:
Sorry. I’m one of the few Canada City types who don’t like Rush’s music.

In Rush’s defense, I think they’d take great exception to being called a “hair” band. They have hair, but the music they play is not “hair” band music. Nickleback is a “hair” band.

I personally prefer “The Tragically Hip.”

@SanFranLefty: @chicago bureau: @ManchuCandidate:

Everybody loves “Tom Sawyer”. Everybody. It’s a law or something.

ManchuCandidate: Gordon Freaking Downie. All that needs to be said about that.

(Seriously: I had an internal debate. The Hip are coming in late May. I don’t want to be tied in, however, should the Hawks make it to the conference finals, which would be a must-see event. Playing it by ear, then, hoping that tickets will still be around should the worst happen. I suspect that many Canadians have had such a quandry — Hip or hockey — on at least one instance.)

This guy is on par with that little shitbag Brad Schlozman. Both of them need to be jailed for the rest of their pathetic lives.

Hans. Hans. He looks rather familiar. Has anyone seen the palm of his right hand?


@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: Agreed. Rush is that band that you didn’t really care for in h.s., couldn’t understand the kids who did, but “Tom Sawyer” somehow managed to seep into the musical cortex anyway. Indeed, fuckyouverymuch for planting that tune in my head ‘catt!!!

ADD: @chicago bureau: I’m taking Jr. to a minor league hockey “match” on Saturday. Bears vs. North Creighton or someone. I’ve only been to a couple of stick ‘n puck fests, anything I need to know? Is it still a foul to “ice the puck” and “high stick” but acceptable to slam a guy up against the boards?

He’s just bitter because he never got confirmed, even after 2 1/2 years. Let him keep suckling at the Heritage Foundation’s teat. And that name? Yeah, I know he’s a 1st generation guy born to immigrants, but he sounds like he’s some sort of Prussian nobleman. Hans? Couldn’t he change it to Hank, or Henry, and drop the “von?” Jeebus, even Bobby the Exorcist had the good sense to change his name, not that that makes him any less of a stiff…

@ManchuCandidate: Well played. I can’t wait to see his fedora collapse as his face melts away when the Ark is opened.

@WaltTrombone: Piyush von Spakovsky, on the other hand, works pretty well.

I fucking hate Rush.

1. I was injured at a Rush concert when a guy passed out in front of me. Fortunately my instep was between his skull and the concrete floor. I limped for days afterward.

2. The local “rock” station in Albuquerque played Rush incessantly while I was in college when there were so many other vital and interesting bands around. (They used to play Melissa Etheredge, too, until she came out then – poof! – unperson.)

3. That same fucking Clear Channel station and the same fucking DJ still plays the same fucking music for guys who never got off the “smoke weed, drink beer and work at the oil change place or with the city sanitation department” track.

4. I hate Geddy Lee’s voice.

5. I hate “Tom Sawyer” and everything else they’ve done.

@ManchuCandidate: Dokken, Stryper, Poison, Tesla, Warrant, etc. were your80s LA-Sunset Blvd hair metal bands. Motley Crue got in on it and blew everyone else away. Metallica were hated by the hair metal crowd and moved to San Francisco to pursue their art as influenced by the New Wave of British Heavy Metal of the early 80s (ie Judas Priest) and went on to become one of the Big Four of American Thrash along with Slayer, Anthrax and Megadeth. Metallica and Nirvana killed hair metal in the early 90s with the release of “Metallica” aka “The Black Album” (w/”Enter Sandman”, “Nothing Else Matters” and “Sad But True”) and “Nevermind”, respectively.

Nabisco: Funny you should ask.

I have a season ticket to the Hawks. The two seats to my left are regulars. The seats to my right are a rotating cast of mostly tolerable people. Last night, however, was the one woman said the same idiotic things over, and over, and over again. As in requesting that a Hawk shoot the puck from the faceoff dot next to the goal. In his own end. 150 feet away. Or, “why do you keep playing around with the puck? Just shoot! How many times do I have to keep telling you?” (In this context: “playing around with the puck” is more commonly referred to as either “passing” or “evading a defender.” Also: she was about four stories above the playing surface, so her long-winded, badly-drawn rants were not registering.)

Point being that there are plenty of clueless hockey fans out there. But you don’t have to be!

And so, to your questions:

(1) Icing is still illegal (except of course during a penalty kill). Not only that, but (in many leagues) the team that ices the puck is now prohibited from changing their lines during the stoppage, which greatly decreases the strategic benefit of icing the puck (e.g., stopping an attacking team’s momentum).

(2) High-sticking is still illegal and, in fact, more dangerous than your average clean hit into the boards. Doesn’t have to be intentional — any stick above the chest (actually, the crossbar on the goal) that hits a player is routinely called. Double minor for anything worse than a paper cut. (Incidentally: people who say fighting is bad for hockey are loons. You got guys skating at high speeds, armed with sticks that are longer, and lighter, than baseball bats. You ban fighting, and you will get more stick fouls — and the rate of stick fouls committed by fourth-line tough guys against superstars will go up astronomically. Srsly.)

(3) Crashing a guy into the boards is still legal, and perfectly fine by me. (See discussion of fighting, supra.) But they have cracked down on checks from behind to a certain extent. It is especially emphasized in youth hockey (e.g. the “stop sign” badge you see directly below the back of the neck of youth hockey jerseys in recent years). The definition of “from behind” is fluid in practice, but lining a guy up for a blindside hit into the boards, directly from behind, is suspension-worthy for obvious reasons. They figured that out in the last few years (the hard way, unfortunately).

But also:

–> When watching hockey, try to see where the next pass is going to, and what the other players on the ice are doing to get to the puck. See the whole game, not just the guy with the puck.

–> Shooting for the sake of shooting is not as good as you would think. You think that a guy’s got a clear shot to the goal, but watch for defenders blocking shots with their sticks (or diving onto the ice, even). Many shots die this way. Just like basketball: you have to find a lane.

–> Shots from the points are fine. But watch the front of the net. A large number of goals are deflections off of sticks in front, and not so much from the original shot itself. Good players will take the punishment up front in order to screen goalies and get deflections.

–> Watch for defensemen who think they are forwards. Dangerous guys, these. They try to pursue the puck in the offensive zone. If they are not careful, they get beat on a counterattack, opening up an odd-man rush. Infuriating.

–> After a fight, look towards the benches. Players from both teams will bang their sticks against the boards. And then usually they will repeat it once the fighting penalties are up. Hockey code.

@redmanlaw: Finally, at long last, I have found someone who completely shares my opinion of Rush. Yuck, yuck, and yuck.

@ManchuCandidate: Mr. SFL refers to Nickelback as “angst-ridden emotional dude rock” I HATE Nickelback. The lead singer sounds like he’s taking a shit when he’s singing. Rush is awesome in comparison.

@chicago bureau: Awesome! I was being mildly cheeky, but that is one heckuva primer. I grew up in 70s era Flyers-ville (Jesus Saves Souls, Bernie Parent Saves Goals), and played some street hockey, but can’t fit another game into my Year of Sport.

@redmanlaw: You went to a Rush concert. I never went to a Rush concert.

@SanFranLefty: Nickelback blows. As do Coldplay, Flannelbutton and Aspergers A Go Go. I’ve heard good things about Wussy, however.

ADD: I did see Foreigner. Twice. *blushes*

@Prommie: You two would make a lot of enemies at DCist. Several of the more prolific commenters over there have been on a Rush-lyric-quoting kick for weeks. Most of the time I don’t even notice that they’re doing it.

@Nabisco: Before or after they went all pop and girly? You didn’t take a date to see them play “I Want to Know What Love Is”, did you?

Here’s some Japanese technogoth artmetal to clear everyone’s ears of the morning Rush.

Dir en Grey “Kodou”


@Nabisco: Fucking Coldplay, a.k.a. World’s Most Insufferable Band?

I do have an affection for Journey. And their new lead singer is good.

@mellbell: Rock and roll is sexual, not intellectual. Rush is for peoples who don’t get allusions and references unless they are in all caps with a blinking neon underline and a loudspeaker screaming “literary reference, literary reference.”

@SanFranLefty: Coldhead? Radioplay? That band?

Listen to “Flathead.” Punk lives. Football punk.

I hate coldplay too. If I never hear “clocks” again I will be happy.

I’ve found a photo of Hans taken before Dr. Bosley planted some new hair on his head:
Aw, link thingee didn’t work right. Anyway, try this: http://mix.fresqui.com/files/images/Heinrich_Himmler.jpg

I believe this gentleman was the subject of an After School Special. Hey Spazzkoff! showed the danger of picking on dweebs in school, lest they become fucking idiots when they grow up.


I’d just like to add that “Fallen Angel” by Poison is the greatest hair-metal video OF ALL TIME.


My brother and I played air-geetar to this song more times than I can remember.

/end of line/

@Original Andrew:

Ironically, this video made me wanna hop on the next bus to Hell-LAy.

@Original Andrew: My old band No Punks aka Horrowshow went to LA to make it big in the early 80s while I stayed on in Albuquerque to get my shit together and finish college. They fucking starved. The made it back to ABQ, the girl guitar player went on tour with a bunch of strippers to make some coin after her proto-Manson singer/songwriter boyfriend burnt up her little inheritance buying gear and not working. The ego-tripping delusional singer went to Denver to make it big there. Same story.

I truly believed that crew was mentally ill (the bass player had been institutionalized for a while) but I played with them for the experience. The singer was always “on” – full make up, leather, hair, 24/7. I saw him once at a party. A headline of one of my stories was on the wall: “She died with a beer can in her hand” (with photo). Drunk as hell, he kept saying “I fucked up. I fucked up.”

ADD: The dead girl would be about 37 now. She’ll be forever 17.


“The biggest demon is metal is not Satan, but the one within ourselves.”

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: *raises hand*
I used to be ok with the song but every time Geddy Watanabe (or whatever his name is) shows up at a Dbacks game, they play that damn song while showing him on the jumbotron. So now I associate it with other vastly overplayed songs at Sport events like the Pedophile’s disco chant and that AC/DC song and the theme from the Osbornes ….

@Jamie Sommers: I mean really. Why the hell must all those songs be “hard” rock or country stuff? Where’s the Motown or other R&B? It’s not like I’m asking for fucking Celine Dion but fercryingoutloud, half the guys on the field are black. Shit, you don’t even hear rap songs unless it’s something the player picks out for his entrance theme or something (and that’s only in baseball).


Man, this thread is making me really glad I don’t listen to much music.

@Denis25LOGINOV: Haven’t seen a bot make it through for awhile.

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