Laughter is the Best Socialized Medicine

Prosecutors will be violated.Reader-submitted humor at WorldNetDaily:

  • What is the difference between God and Obama? God doesn’t think he is Obama.
  • What do Barack Obama and Bill Clinton have in common? Neither one is an African-American.
  • Obama is a very wise man. He has come up with an excellent plan to get distressed homeowners back on their feet. He is going to take away their vehicles.

  • I was walking down the street when I saw Bill Clinton coming the other way holding a pot-bellied pig under his arm. As he neared I asked him about the pig. He said he had just got it for Hillary. I looked down at the cute little porker and said I thought he’d made a good trade.
  • A French doctor says “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”… An American doctor, not to be outdone, says “You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with a poorly functioning brain out of Illinois, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.”
  • What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?… The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.
  • A border agent road blocks the bus and forces the driver to stop… The Driver turned his face skyward and exclaimed, “Oh my. It is not legal to sneek to a foreign country you are not ceetizeen to have baby with U.S. of A Amareekan social card? Not legal to steel Amareekan people social security number or take they jobs?”
  • Did you remember the Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at George Bush’s head? His name is Muntadar al-Zeidi — which, roughly translated into English, means “Dan Rather”.
Laughlines [WorldNetDaily]
22 Comments

The god joke was kinda funny, but the rest? Meh. I think WND’s articles are funnier.

Conservative humor, like military intelligence and jumbo shrimp, is a problematic concept.

Anybody awake? My jetlagged girlfriend woke me at 6:30 am b/c she could not sleep. And now I CAN’T GET BACK TO SLEEP!

@blogenfreude:
Sorry to hear that. I’m just working (what I’m supposed to be paid to do) because it was a quiet time. Right now I can hear my housemate’s fucking obnoxious alarm and I really want to hurt him for ruining a quiet morning.

@ManchuCandidate: Sounds like that alarm clock needs an intervention. With a ball peen hammer.

@blogenfreude:
I’ve come very very close to smashing it. Sometimes when he leaves for a trip, it goes off and I end up ripping it out of the wall socket.

Um, as you can probably tell, I’m not working THAT hard.

@blogenfreude: By 6:30 a lot of us have already been at work for some time. There’s a depression on. No time to sleep. Hustle to buy ordnance for the coming Cannibal Anarchy.

I am going to go stimulate the economy by buying breakfast. Later I might inject more capital by purchasing a lamp.
@FlyingChainSaw: I am up that early during the week – on Sat. I sleep in unless I have to work. nyah.

@blogenfreude: This is exactly why the economy tanked. People sleeping after 5 am when they should be working, or doing one-handed push-ups in the parking lot at work while singing the company song. Remember while you are on your economy stimulating shopping spree that you can’t kill a cannibal neonazi with a lamp.

“I’ll keep my guns, my freedom and my money. You can keep the Change.” Saw that one on a RW gun blog I quit on my way out last night.

Speaking of work, I was outlining a memo and removing lead deposits from a revolver chambers while all the rest of you were philosophizing and carrying on about Sport last night.

/off to the office, oil change and range. Laters.

What’s the difference between the Weekly World News and World Net Daily?

One’s a journalistic joke and the other recently went out of business.

Oh fellow Stinquers. Your HF is SO hungover right now. Went with flippin’ to a world music thing last night with really good mojitos, and I committed a serious party foul and got way too sloppy. Ugh. Flippin’ is a stand up babe for taking care of my drunk ass. More sleep now.

@Serolf Divad:
Damn! I’ll miss BatBoy.

@homofascist:
Lots of water, sleep and asprin, man.

I’ve found that a good drunk is cathartic. Not often, but once in a while it helps clear the skull. Last time I sailed for the Intoxicated Sea, it was on the good ship Canadian Club.

@homofascist: Huevos rancheros, gatorade, and aspirin.

I don’t know if any or all these remedies cured him, but I’m happy to report HF is up and around again. He called me a while ago…so I could tell him where his car was.

@redmanlaw: Actually, I’m thinking “My turn to get sloppy drunk next! Yay!”

@homofascist: How many free throws for a serious party foul?

UCLA played today like 5 guys with serious hangovers.

@homofascist: You need to desensitize yourself. Try this: locate a very large pair of cymbals – like 36″ Zildjian crash cymbals. Take them into a very small room and crash them for an hour in quarter notes at MM 168.

@Serolf Divad: You need to post that on the WND site. I’ve read their thread, and yours would be the only mildly amusing comment on it.

@SanFranLefty: I seriously had no idea where my car was.

@flippin eck: It is totally your turn. And we will find you a guy who doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Now Mr. HF is out with friends having fun and I am stuck at his place feeling crappy. When will I ever learn?

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