March Mental Illness!

Last year, over 2,500 people died of frisbee-related accidents at Mac Court. One of them may have been a friend. Or a relative. Or a P.A. announcer. Flying at high speeds and spinning rapidly, these instruments of death have been known to decapitate cheerleaders at 30 feet. A load off their minds, maybe, but what about yours? That's why the Cheshire Athletic Department (CAD) is asking you to stop this deadly habit. Now. Don't lose your head over a mindless pasttime. INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Make copies of this sheet, if necessary. 2. Cut on dotted line. 3. Tape inside frisbee. 4. Fly frisbee at game. 5. Don't get caught. (Nojo, circa 1980)We used to be one of Them. “Deranged idiots”, UCLA’s Gene Bartow called us, which we immediately reified for personal use. Front row, McArthur Court, Eugene, Oregon. The Pit.

We were crazy, but we were polite. “Siddown, Gene!” we would chant when the opposing coach stood up. And when Gene sat down, one of us, who today produces wan fratboy humor for an upstart politics blog, shouted “Thank you!” That was immediately incorporated into the chant, and we were impressed with our awesome power to move masses. World revolution followed.

We no longer risk our spiritual well-being on circumstances we can’t control, but for those who do, Mellbell has graciously set up the Stinque March Mental Illness Pool at Yahoo Sports. You’ll need our group ID (117285) and password (wetsuit) to get in, and you have until noon Thursday to commit your selections.

Silly fools. The Battlegeek series finale is Friday, and you waste your time on this?


The Sixth Man Club at Stanford (circa When Stanford Was Good At Basketball, With Regard To Both Sexes) gave the Pit a run for its money as the most obnoxious place to play on the West Coast. Timely and topical. Slick Watts was informed that he should resume his seat. Mike Bibby was informed of his father’s opinion of him.

The best, however, was forcing Jim Nantz to advise the national audience that a UCLA player taking foul shots was being razzed with the chant “Carolina” when, in fact, a different four-syllable word, attached to a fragrant and potent herb, was being hurled at said free-throw shooter.

(Speaking of which: Jim Nantz is an awful play-by-play man. Give me Gus Johnson — so long as he is paired with Bill Raferty — any day of the week. EXUBERANCE!)

@chicago bureau: Years later, I caught a game on TV or something, and the Oregon band had converted the chant into a 4/4 beat: Sit-Down-Gene-(pause). Totally ruined the siddown taunt, like Lawrence Welk playing Coltrane. Stupid white boys.


BTW, Black Hole + Final Battle = Time Warp for Starbuck

@Original Andrew: As long as she wakes up in bed with Bob Newhart, I’m cool with it.

@Jamie Sommers, Amen: And it’s his greatest athletic accomplishment!

Whatever happened to BattleBots? That fad didn’t fade, it disappeared.

I think the moment it died is when CSI did an episode about a robot killing robot turning into a man killing robot.

@nojo: “And-a now, the boyce in the band would like to play a tribute to John Coltrane, featuring Myron Floren on the lovely Naima, while Sissy and Bobby dance the polka! And-a one, and-a two…”

@WaltTrombone: Followed by the Lennon Sisters singing “A Love Supreme”.

@WaltTrombone: @nojo: I see at least 2 fellow stinquers were held hostage by Welk fans during their youth.

@Mistress Cynica: If by “Welk fans” you mean “parents”, then yes. But come to think of it, I’m naming my new side-project band Acid Welk.

I was made to watch The Lawrence Welk Show when I was a child. That little fact explains a lot…a whole lot.

@Jamie Sommers, Amen: Now I have to watch their game because I want to see how many lines his name takes up on the back of his jersey.

Yes, the “Jr.” is the best part of it.

@Mistress Cynica:
Inexplicably, my dad watched Hee Haw and Lawrence Welk. Oh the horror, the horror of only having one TV in the house.

@ManchuCandidate: Saaaaa-LOOT!

Oh dear gawd. And is Hee Haw where Seth’s stealing all the Conway Twitty songs for Family Guy?

Yes, I’m almost positive that he is.

@Mistress Cynica: What’s McCoy Tyner got that Jo Ann Castle don’t, huh?
My father made me polka around the room with my older sister while watching the Welk show.


You can polka? So can I. Be careful admitting it in public, though, there should be some shame involved.

Who here knew that Liberty U’s nickname is the Flames?

File under OMFG: Ron Paul got punked by Sasha Baron-Cohen.

@Jamie Sommers, Amen: Like the flames that burn up books and witches?

The only thing I understand here is ‘polka’. I’ve done that in a show.

As for the rest… Is it even English?

Hahaha! Ron Paul is Number Fiat hustler in all Texas!

Gene Bartow was a disgrace to UCLA basketball, but not as big a disgrace as Steve Lavin, who is also a disgrace to Judaism.

@SanFranLefty: I’m guessing more along the line of hemorrhoids.

@Ewalda: My father made me polka around the room with my older sister while watching the Welk show.
I do hope you’re getting therapy for the PTSD resulting from such horrific abuse.

Did anyone else struggle with the Butler-LSU pick? I feel that whoever wins is going to knock off N. Carolina, but I can’t figure out which one will…

LSU. And I picked N.C. to go farther. But you should always do two grids – one with your head and one with your heart. Or you could do a third that consists of making decisions with your dick, depending upon how hot the starting 5 are of every team. Then again, that involves a LOT of research. So instead copy what Cynica or Jamie do on the pool.

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