- Birds overhead no longer fall from sky.
- Amelia Earhart found.
- Black hole removed from Naval Observatory’s view.
- Colin Powell’s balls discovered in atomic-clock case.
- Deer sacrifices decline.
- Flowers cease wilting upon bloom.
- Dementors return to Azkaban.
- TV no longer speaks in tongues.
- Flying monkeys grounded.
- Ewoks gather to dance and sing in celebration, only to be obliterated by the Death Star, because we still can’t fucking stand them.
Fuzz dissipates as Dick Cheney quits official residence [Sydney Morning Herald, via CheapBoy]
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