Things Best Left Unsaid
- “We will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.”
- “This government does not torture people.”
- “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
- “I will never lie to you.”
- “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”
- “I am not a crook.”
- “Read my lips: no new taxes.”
- “I’m in charge here.”
- “Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job.”
- “Our venue is very safe and all the shows we do are very safe.”
Monster Truck Promoter Killed at Show [ABC]
How about the entire “magic bullet” argument?
“Seat Belts DON’T Save lives.”
Oh yeah, on a personal note.
“I’m single… Really.”
I can’t believe they closed the show just because the organizer was run over. They think the monster truck fans would be offended? It’s not like they bought tickets to a baroque chamber music concert and the cellist got hit by a monster truck in the middle of the program.
It’s not you. It’s me.
@ManchuCandidate: Yet another argument against engagement rings. If women have to wear something showing that they’re off limits, why shouldn’t men? And if that isn’t the purpose of it, why bother at all?
I thought the engagement rings were to show off to their girlfriends and rub it in their single sisters faces… (kidding!)
Having seen what my married friends paid for those rings, you won’t hear a peep of argument out of me.
Just being the frugal enjanear I am (read: CHEAP.)
i hope we can stay friends.
I’ve heard it many more times than I’ve said it.
The Blago quote cycling in the MSNBC widget at the top of the page…
“I’ve done nothing wrong”
@baked: I say it, and mean it, but only because I’m naive enough to believe (and hope) that it will actually happen.
FlyingChainSaw: “It’s not like they bought tickets to a baroque chamber music concert and the cellist got hit by a monster truck in the middle of the program.”
Best visual image EVER.
Oh, and how about “we need to talk.”
I love you, but I am not IN love with you.
@Prommie: Or, better yet: “I am in love with you, but I don’t like you very much.”
mellbell: I’m sorry, but anybody who spends more than $1,000 on a piece of jewelry should be taken out back and beaten. Same with those who show off said jewelry — I am an equal opportunity hater of ostentatious wealth, you know. Srsly: there are people who are starving in this world, and you bought a rock, and/or show off the rock to others. Something inherently tacky about that, right?
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”
@chicago bureau: My cousin had a piece of beach glass her husband found set with a very simple band. It’s lovely, and cost next to nothing.
“Thank you, Your Honor.” SFL, Prommie, RML, JNOV and other legal eagles, I’m off to fed court against very long odds this AM.
May the spirit of St Michael the Archangel, most often portrayed as an angel crushing the serpent of evil underfoot while holding a sword and the scales of justice, be with you. I have two retablos of him on my office wall by the door.
“With all due respect.”
@Dodgerblue: Buena suerte.
@RomeGirl: Ah, but those are the romances they make movies about. Noone is going to bitch I didn’t say “about which they make movies,” are you?
Here is an old classic: “Its unsinkable.”
Here is a comedy classic “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.”
And of course, the Princess Bride variations, “Noone can defeat my Giant,” etc., etc.
@mellbell: For an anniversary present, I cut and drilled some coral I picked up on the beach on our honeymoon, added some Mexican beads and a cast pewter cross and strung it up for Mrs RML. That coral is tough as hell to cut, boy.
@chicago bureau: We had that discussion at Christmas this year. I thought it would be wrong to have several hundred dollars tied up in jewelery or whatever (unless it was made by our friends the Gaussion family of Santa Fe, who are noted Indian jewelers, see website below), so we just made a bunch of charitable contributions instead.
@redmanlaw: Your all making me feel guilty about my earring collection. Fuckers, so I like shiny stones.
Ray, my avatar, calls martinis “diamond juice.”
Just a word of caution, for anyone who does plan to maintain a cache of precious metals or gemstones during the coming collapse of civilization and ensuing period of cannibal anarchy, it is not a good idea to “eat” your treasure as a means of hiding it; the bandits quickly catch on to this tactic, and will then employ the strategy of on-the-spot, no-anesthesia exploratory surgery to ensure there are no precious objects in the GI tract. This requires extensive cutting.
@Prommie: Tough to be a good pirate without good earwear.
There was a case here in New Mexico back in the ’80s where a woman took another’s baby by opening her up with a car key.
I love Ray. Chillin’ on the martinis these days, though.
[Flag thrown, whistle blown. Referee huddles with umpire, line judge. Keys field microphone. Gesturing as referees are wont to do.]
“Unsportsmanlike conduct, Benedick. Taunting. Fifteen yards from the end of the run. FIRST DOWN!”
@chicago bureau: As if.
linquety-cliquey thingy won’t work for me because it hates me.
I’m a little bit country and a little bit rock ‘n roll! No druggies plz.
Are you sure you want to touch that?
Just the tip.
I’ve never done this before.
Prommie: Oh, I disagree — if, of course, it is truthful. Instant excuse for not being earth-shatteringly good, plus ego boost for partner, plus plenty of postitive reinforcement (above and beyond granting permission for pestorking in the first place)? Saying so is a must — and it is a card you can play precisely once in your life.
@chicago bureau: In fact, monster truck devotees probably buy tickets just for the chance to see people get run down by insanely oversized pick-ups. They should have printed up T-shirts before the end of the show to sell to exiting crowds, featuring a photo of the collision.
It’s an honor just to be nominated.
@chicago bureau: Its more often played as an apology for circumstances other than virginity, as in, “I’ve never pestorked a guy I met 10 minutes before in the backseat of a car in the parking lot of a dive bar.”
I want to thank my agent.
@FlyingChainSaw: Yes, the red-staters do enjoy watching things “get blowed up. Get blowed up real good.”
I want to spend more time with my family.
@Prommie: My favorite movie is Exploding Spaceships on Mars.
My wife can tell you. I am not gay.
Ted Haggart is completely heterosexual.
@redmanlaw: It worked!! I won the motion. I’m going to copy that St. Michael image from your link for my desktop.
@Benedick: Being in court this AM, I missed the chance to be interviewed, live, on BBC about the President’s decision on the Clean Air Act waiver for California. I was very disappointed because I was hoping to work in the phrase “bit of crumpet.”
Does this ____ make me look fat?
@Jamie Sommers: And its concomitant answer: Yes.
As to the Beeb, a good phrase to work in, if asked a stiffish question, might be (spoken in a terminal huff) “Get you, Ada, for ninepence.” Either that or call the interviewer a big girl’s blouse.
I’m not an exclusive bottom….
I’m sooooo drunk/stoned/rolling hard.
I only eat like this on the weekends.
He’s a sweet dog, really.
“Let’s turn on the webcam.”
@Tommmcatt Yet Again: I don’t remember anything last night. Boy, was I hammered!!
@Ewalda: And we have a winner, ladies and gents.
Don’t tell my girlfriend, okay?
@Tommmcatt Yet Again: “If you don’t sleep with a guy for 18 months that means you’re straight.”
That was said to me quite seriously by a guy in the ensemble of a show who was so stupid that he was dumped by a model for being too dumb to date. By a MODEL!!! He was very built and quite sexy and so stupid none of us could quite work out how he managed to get dressed in the morning. He was also given to walking around in his dance belt for way longer than was strictly necessary. And believe me, that gets old very quickly. Which leads me to another thing better left unsaid:
Actually I’m bisexual.
@Benedick: I’m sorry, but could you explain these for the colonials: ““Get you, Ada, for ninepence.” Either that or call the interviewer a big girl’s blouse.”
@Dodgerblue: Darling, yes of course.
“Get you, Ada, for ninepence.” A camp expostulation calling to task one’s interlocutor for presuming to place him or herself at a more elevated social stratum than oneself. Hence “Get you” implying a “Miss Thing” snap – “Ada” a consciously old-fashioned, working-class, drudge name for harried female (see also; Doreen) used ironically to put in his place an upper class male by associating him with said drudge “for ninepence” a negligible amount of money (Nine pennies in old money equals about three and a half new pence equals about less than a dime) named in a self-consciously derisive manner to drive home the fact that the utterer of said phrase holds interlocutor in contempt and questions said interlocutor’s manhood.
“Big girl’s blouse”. See above. Can also be used affectionately as in “Stop poncing about, you big girl’s blouse.” Can also be used by drill instructors in the military while training young tender recruits who have been perhaps stripped to kilts with nothing underneath as in “You! Hudgins! Look at your kit! What are you? A big girl’s blouse? (This said with heavy, sweat-soaked masculine emphasis which makes the other recruits laugh — knowing this is expected of them). Drill inspector —let’s call him Reg for argument’s sake — puts face in face of recruit — Ewan? — whose pale, gleaming, muscular torso shines with a sweat caused by the heady mixture of fear and dominance. Feeling a powerful stirring in his loins he knots his hands behind his hips, clad in Stewart Hunting Tartan, looks the DI in his cool grey eye, and spits out the words, “Get You, Ada, for ninepence”.
Hope that clears everything up.
@Prommie: Maybe this could work as a programming innovation to draw audiences to baroque music festivals. Monster Trucks and Mozart Octets.
@Benedick: Thanks. A virtual walk through English culture.
Do these expressions work in Scotland? I saw “Black Watch” a few months ago at UCLA and just about every line had the word “cunt” in it. I didn’t hear Ada or big girls’ blouses mentioned by the lads.
@Dodgerblue: In Scotland, “cunt” just means “guy,” pretty much. It’s not polite, but it’s nothing like an American calling a man a cunt. More along the lines of calling someone a jerk.
@Dodgerblue: No. No! Do not try these locutions with Scot, Welsh or Irish. Picts do not respond well to Palaré. They will become extremely grim and punch you in the face repeatedly. These expressions only work in England where camp reigns supreme.
Black Watch is a tartan and also a regiment and those guys are ferocious nut job wackos. They make Blackwater look like — well— a big girl’s blouse. They will slam you to the floor, suck out your eyeball, and bite off the stalk.
You think Bouncey Ball is rugged? Do not mess with Highlanders. Srsly.
@Benedick: “Devils in skirts.”
“I was shitfaced and it was dark out”
@Jamie Sommers: I’ve always liked the Cardinals. Especially since they’ve been in Arizon….
Sorry, I couldn’t keep it going.
@IanJ: “Cunt” is affectionate, too among mates.
Benedick, I would have thought “big girls blouse” was rhyming slang, which I love, Bristol cities, trouble and strife, and all that. I was trying to figure what insult “blouse” ryhmes with, but in the best ryhming slang, they use a common phrase and leave off the last word, which is the rhyming word, which makes it impossible unless you know.
“Fannie” is a dangerous word, when talking to Brits, I have learned, but its amusing.
My favorite expression lately, I am repeating it constantly, is something someone here said recently, there was an After Dark post about someone leaving soiled blow up sex dolls in back alleys all around some city, and one of the womens here asked, “for god’s sake, why would a man ever want to pestork a blow-up doll,” and someone, in the most perfect answer ever, said “I don’t think its ever plan A.”
Apparently, “Donald Trump” means “hump,” and “Dibs and dabs” means “crabs,” as in “We had a Donald Trump in the back of the car, and she gave me the dibs and dabs.”
@Promnight: A classic, and I believe attributable to the droll late night stylings of RML.
@nabisco: It explains in a nutshell so many actions that appear totally fucked up and stupid. “Well, it wasn’t Plan A,” kinda says it all, in so many situations. If it was RML, I have to say, it is a doozy of a useful phrase.
“Mistakes were made.”
“Hey, watch this!”
@Ewalda: “What are the typical redneck’s last words?” “Hey, Y’all, watch this.”
“Let’s see what this sucker can really do.”
“I think I can make that.”
“No, we’re just investigating bankruptcy. We HAVE PLENTY of MONEY”
A Brilliant new tack, bravo.
@Ewalda: I mean, Ewalda, and your brilliant string of statements.
Has anyone said “Its just a cold sore” yet?
“You’ll thank us in the end, really.”
“How much could it hurt, huh?”
“Large salaries and bonuses are needed to keep the best and brightest money managers.”
It’s the VO and water talking. I’m on autopilot.
@Original Andrew: Prosperity is just around the corner.
@Ewalda: What is this “water?”
I don’t think the heavy stuff will come down for some time. I’d play through.
“They will land at Calais.”
“Cannabilistic anarchy, thats so funny, that could never happen.”
“Just make sure you keep it clean and it won’t jam.”
(and a tip o’the hat to the Nam vets out there).
@Dodgerblue: “Devils in skirts.” with nothing underneath except rage.
So the new issue of Fortune landed in the office today with barely a pin drop (lower ad revenue?) and writer Geoff Colvin bravely orders more relief for businesses and the wealthy, he calls it “plutocratism”–and um, what exactly have we been doing for the last 28 years?
Warning: Do not read this unless you enjoy hitting your head against a wall so hard that you see double.
It really is a testament to the fact that we live in a surprising docile and ignorant country, that a writer like Geoff Colvin can–in all seriousness–propose “tax relief” for billionaires, the corporations, and of course more deregulation, during an economic collapse largely caused by those policies.
As has been said before, but it bears repeating:
Ima get my gun.
“I’m in a band.”
“Don’t worry, I just got tested 2 weeks ago.”
@Dodgerblue: And for a literal walk through English culture…
“How long has it been swollen like that?”
I think that’s all for me tonight.
@mellbell: yes, that article, plus the Snorg Girl t-shirt ad that accompanied it — the genius of the internet.
@nabisco: I don’t think that was me.
@Dodgerblue: I got interviewed by the BBC when I was with the Dean campaign a night or two after The Scream. No softballs from those guys and they’ll call bullshit on spin (i.e., “we’re in this all the way to the convention”). Hey – there’s another line for the collection.
I actually ended up spending more time with the fam when I retired from politics. I said on the way out that I would be like Cincinnatus and return to my plow. It’s been good.
Congrats on your win, m’dear. They seem to be far and few between for the progressive attorneys given the current judiciary, so savor it and relish it. I toast you. Any chance your opponent will appeal to the 9th or are you good?
You finally gave yourself an avatar!! Though I sometimes go over to Jez just to see your classic Jamie Sommers avatar as you snap your fingers and try to herd those girls into order.
@SanFranLefty: I think we’re good. The case should go away under the Black Eagle administration.
Most excellent. Mootness due to a new Administration is a beautiful thing, and we should praise San Miguel and praise FSM!
@Dodgerblue: Snorg girl? Where?
@Promnight: Benedick, I would have thought “big girls blouse” was rhyming slang. I don’t think that particular phrase is. Though it became current after my time so I can’t say for sure. Villains in London still do use rhyming slang, or “back” slang, but take it a step further by rhyming to the originally rhymed word. Favorites are “Havin’ a Barclays.” Meaning wank (Barclay’s Bank) or a J Arthur (Rank) meaning the same thing.
I’m told that the expression “I’m the only gay in the village” is hugely popular there.
@mellbell: English place names. Sigh.
And is there honey still for tea?
@Promnight: She’s gone this morning. She was there yesterday when I clicked on Melbell’s link.
@SanFranLefty: Had to do it. Couldn’t let nabisco’s stillers helmet go unchallenged.
Fuck that was a lotta work. No wonder I didn’t do it before.
@Jamie Sommers: On that note, my Cards are on a seven-game winning streak, and the tournament is less than two months away, so it’s about time I repped that.
@Jamie Sommers: @mellbell: I’m really quite offended. Hell, mellbell is even rooting for the wrong Sport! And there is no helmet like a Steelers helmet, so I’ve brought back my no. 86.
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