The Pantheon Of Defense Strategies
There have been many storied tactical defenses in history, to which a new member will be added this week. Let us review them.
The Nuremburg Defense. Best summarized by the now-cliched “I was only following orders.” Level of success: Not so good. After this was first used, stock in Amalgamated Rope & Trap Door Co. (NYSE: CYA) hit a two-year high.
The Twinkie Defense. Did you know that eating junk food renders you helpless against the urge to engage in multiple political assassinations? It’s true! Level of success: Suprisingly high.
The Idiot Defense. The crown jewel of commercial magnates whose companies go toes-up — “I have no clue” as a managerial style. Level of success: low. One guy in the last few years — Richard Scrushy of HealthSouth, apparently got off. Everybody else didn’t.
The Nadjorf-Sicilian Defense. Popularlized and mastered by Bobby Fischer. Level of success: High, in Fischer’s hands. But, of course, Fischer went spectacularly mad. So: use with caution, and do not combine with anti-Semitism.
The Best Defense. In short: a good offense. Level of success: Unreliable. Presumes an actual defense that is worth a damn.
The Chewbacca Defense. Look at the monkey! Level of success: despite counterintuitive underpinnings, the best strategy EVER.
So: where does the Blagojevich Defense — “they don’t have anything on me, they just want to RAISE YOUR TAXES” — rank among these giants of theory?