Six More Random Things


Another day, another outrage.  Today I’m having trouble picking just one, so let’s make a list:

1. Billy Joel – I have long held that he is deeply, bathetically awful.  Nice to see someone other than Joe Queenan agrees with me.  Just a snippet:

This must be prevented! No career re-evaluations please! No false contrarian rehabilitations! He was terrible, he is terrible, he always will be terrible. Anodyne, sappy, superficial, derivative, fraudulently rebellious. Joel’s famous song “It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me”? Please. It never was rock ‘n’ roll. Billy Joel’s music elevates self-aggrandizing self-pity and contempt for others into its own new and awful genre: “Mock-Rock.”

The other five are after the jump.

pope-benedict-saturno-hat2. The Pope – normally I don’t give a flying fuck what this nasty little man does – if he wants to encourage people to believe in an invisible man in the sky that’s fine.  On the other hand:

Tension between the Vatican and Jewish groups looked set to explode yesterday after Pope Benedict XVI rehabilitated a British bishop who has claimed no Jews died in gas chambers during the second world war.

Somebody needs to drag both of these assholes to Auschwitz and gently explain to them that a lot of innocent people died there, including Catholics.  Baseball bats optional.

bmw-x6-sports-activity-coupe-2008-7544673. BMW X6 – it’s ugly, it does few things well, and most of them will probably be sold with a ridiculous 4.4 litre twin turbo 400 hp V8.  Its fucking base price is more than 67 grand. For a fucking crossover!  And did I mention it’s ugly?

dd-haggard24_ph_04962258734. Ted Haggard – now he’s flogging (sorry) a new HBO documentary about his life.  Who the fuck cares about your life Ted?  Just admit you’re a schlong-gobbling hypocrite and move the fuck on:

A member of New Life Church tells NEWSCHANNEL 13 that Haggard took advantage of him sexually one night. The man, in his early 20’s, claims he was paid a large sum of money by New Life Church to keep the abuse quiet. Under an agreement with the church he was not supposed to speak of the allegations with anyone outside the church. If he did, he would violate the agreement and would forfeit the money and could be sued by the church.

He provided NEWSCHANNEL 13 an audio recording of conversations between himself and Haggard. In those conversations Haggard is heard saying the relationship is ‘inappropriate’ and asked for forgiveness.

Enough already.  I’m sure he served as a bottom for many of his congregants, but I don’t care anymore.  STFU Ted.

pharry460_1246016c5. The Royal Family (including Diana, the Queen Mum, and the other dead ones) – I am sick and fucking tired of members of the Lucky Sperm Club lording it over the rest of us.  These royal fucksticks could give half of everything they have to poor people and it wouldn’t affect their lifestyle one fucking bit because the state pays for pretty much everything.

zsa-zsa-gabor6. Madoff Victims (except charities) – you rich assholes thought your exclusive investments with a greedy poseur were immune from the law of averages, and now you’re whining about your losses.  You know, something tells me that even those of you that were wiped out will come out of this just fine.  The rich usually take care of their own unless you’re a complete asshole like Conrad Black.


I remember a history teacher of mine using “We Didn’t Start The Fire” as a lesson my freshman year in high school (y’know, identify the events, right?) Good lesson. Horrific song.

My first college girlfriend was a Joel obsessive. I was beat over the head with the schlock for a semester. Now, any Joel in the collection is an excuse for an automatic dumping.

Joel’s mistake was not doing like his contemporary and better Elton John, and finding a Bernie Taupin to handle the lyrical end of things. It would have served him so much better to acknowledge that particular limitation, because he’s always aspired to some sort of Real Meaning — yet obviously has no talent with words and no desire for subtlety. (John Mayer is possibly the latest example of the Joel Theory in that regard, which is a shame, because I actually kind of like that guy musically.)

Hey, Billy Joel didn’t start the suck! It’s always been burning since the earth’s been turning.

I suspect that Leader of the kid touchers Ratzi and his Oswald Mosley don’t consider all those RCs who died, real RCs. From what little I know of the history of RC leadership, it’s always been about power, as in acquiring it or sucking up to it.

As for the Beemer Morano clone, 400 hp? Are you fucking with me? From what I’ve seen of most local Beemer drivers, they’ll never need it or too scared to use it. Waste of money.

Oh Ted, you knew the dicks would come back to haunt you and deservedly so.

I’m just glad I don’t have their inbred blood in my veins.

Oh come on, Bloggy. Connie Black? I’m trying to savor his disappointment that he wasn’t pardoned by W. As for Madoff, I wouldn’t be afraid of Zsa Zsa, daahling. Bernie stole/lost/whatever about $3.5-4 Billion from the Russian and Israeli mob. They’re usually not very nice to folks who steal from them. Financial psychopath, meet real psychopaths.

OK, explain to me. Billie whosis is held in contempt but Bob Dylan, self-obsessed monster of vanity that he is, is not? I don’t get it. What’s the difference? It’s all self-aggrandizing platitudes set to four-four time in a major mode. But I must add that the author of that piece at Slate also wrote Explaining Shakespeare which gets everything wrong. He knows nothing about writing, directing, acting, or anything else to do with the theatre. He has opinions which he mongers in that scorched-earth style designed to make himself seem controversial. I would lay odds he can’t read music and has no clue how a record is produced. So feh! on him and his ilk.

The Pope? Well, duh. One aspect I find fascinating about the child-abuse horror and now perhaps this is how the very theology of Catholicism caused the problem by claiming that all moral authority rests in the Church and not in the priest. If a priest ‘sins’ he must be allowed the chance to redeem himself. Church meet the Survivor industry.

Cars = Sport.

Haggard. Please. I think the ones who really look like fools are the producers and writers of the soon-to-be infamous documentary who would appear to have been snookered. Unless they have some surprises planned.

The Royals. Now you’re talking. I yield to no one in my contempt for them and all they stand for. And all the jibbering crew of Sirs and Dukes and Ladies and Right Hons and various other titled cretins who pollute the sceptered isle. That goes for Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-Shitfeatures too. You think Bush is bad? Try ‘Prince’ Andrew and Fergie. Scum of the earth. Charles? Biggest dimwit on the planet. Diana? Di-fucking-anna? She did some good charity work, it’s true – which is more than can be said for most of them – but good god. And that movie? With the estimable Helen Mirren making the queen look like she means something? Ugh. It took me all my time not to go and piss on the screen. The only thing they do is bring in tourist dollars. For which they are rewarded with a munificence beyond the dreams even of Bernie Madoff.

Madoff victims? A lot of NFP organizations have lost everything. It has hit the arts and charities like a ton of bricks and won’t be fixed any time soon.

@ManchuCandidate: “$3.5-4 Billion from the Russian and Israeli mob. ” Hadn’t heard that.

@Benedick: Billie whosis is held in contempt but Bob Dylan, self-obsessed monster of vanity that he is, is not? I don’t get it. What’s the difference?

Tangled Up in Blue.

@Signal to Noise: Have you ever really listened to some of his lyrics? I mean, “Levon”? “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”? Excellent songs, but the words don’t make a bit of sense. I wonder how much worse Elton really could have been. Oh, and though I will allow that Billy Joel has become completely schlocky, “The Stranger” has some good songs, particularly “Vienna.”

@nojo: Counterpoint: “Gotta Serve Somebody.”

@Benedick: You’re right – when I wrote this in my head I had the “except charities” parenthetical in it – now added. While I wonder if some of the “charities” were less than advertised, I feel badly for the real ones.

@Benedick: What’s worse is how proud he is of his subterfuge — buying the Billy Joel box set along with an album of Gram Parsons covers which he already owned (because Barnes & Noble is so mainstream that he couldn’t find a single other album worth buying?) — that he feels the need to tell us about it. It’s like those people you see in CVS buying condoms and a family-sized box of soap. If you’re not at the point as an adult where you can buy condoms without shame, something’s wrong.

@blogenfreude: It’s a very very bad situation. The government off-loads its responsibilities onto Not-For-Profits; they in turn get caught up in the same kind of investing frenzy gripping the rest of the country and wham.

BTW. Isn’t it true that JK Rowling (? Is that right) is now richer than Mrs. Queen? There’s a lesson to be learned there though god knows what.

@mellbell: Counterpoint accepted. However, unlike Mr. Joel, Mr. Zimmerman has a fair-sized catalog you can actually listen to.


$2.5-3 Bill from Russian Mobst, er, Oligarchs.

$1-1.5 Bill from Israeli Types of dubious legality.

The Austrian woman who helped funnel the money to Bernie is currently whereabouts unknown.

@nojo: Not me, darling. I cannot listen to that voice for one minute. It makes me shriek and run about the room. And not in the good way.

@ManchuCandidate: Wow.

Here’s an interesting fact: In the old country, cupcakes are known as fairy cakes. For some reason I think of that every time I see the invocation at the top of the page.

And people wonder why we lost India.

@blogenfreude: the tii version. more fun than sex and drugs.

@Benedick: but the young princes are getting a lot of pussy, are they not? that’s got to count for something.

@Dodgerblue: Please. If a title’s involved it’s known as crumpet.

I LOVE Joe Queenan, there are so few who will call a piece of shit a piece of shit. Billy Joel, gag, agghhhh. Derivative? Fucking guy went through his early James Taylor phase,, of course there was always an echo of Elton John, then he moved into his Bob Seger phase (I love that old time rock-n-roll vs Its still rock n roll to me, his sprinsgteen phase, (Allentown vs Born in the USA), and then he even tried to do REM (We didn’t start the fire vs. End of the world as we know it.) At that point I developed some semblance of taste and never listened to him again, I would run from the room if I heard him, i would not associate with individuals who would suffer his music willingly much less enjoy it. But I gather there was some huey lewis in there, and some Don Ho. He imitates the awful, even. Apparently now he just drinks to forget that he is a talentless schmuck.

As for thee Fucking Pope, we all said he was a fucking Nazi, he was in the Hitler fucking Youth, for fuck’s sake, what does anyone expect from him, look at him, just fucking look at him, he has the crazy eyes something bad, and a strange leering wierdness, deranged, bloodthirsty, cackling evil is what I see.

And the fucking royal fucking family, fuck them,fuck them all hard until they bleed, and then give them the anal pear, just to even out things, fuck all royalty, fuck inherited wealth, fuck fucking legacy admissions and fucking “dynasties” of any kind, political, sports, all fucking of them. Fuck inherited, unearned wealth and recognition, fuck it fuck it fuck it, give fucking everyone born an equal chance, for fucking fuck’s sake.

@Benedick: as in “a bit of . . . .”?

@Promnight: have you read Rawls’ “Theory of Justice”?

@Promnight: Red Lobster, White Trash, and the Blue Lagoon is my bible.

@Dodgerblue: Beleive it or not, yes. For a law school class.

@blogenfreude: I think I have read all of his vitriol, I especially love the collections of movie reviews.

Ever read Paul Fussel’s “Class?” Similar subject, from a genuine intellectual. I also love Mencken, and Tom Wolfe’s art and architectural criticism. I firmly believe that one of the most important basic truths in the world, one which, unfortuntaely, also seems to be the least appreciated, is that observation which forms the moral of the story “he Emporer’s New Clothes.” Truth is, 90% of everything is complete shit, but 95% of everyone is too dumb, or too brainwashed, or too fucking herd-animal like, to know or to express any opinion which varies from the opnions of the majority. As Homer explained to Bart, the third rule of the schoolyard, “Never, ever, say anything, unless you are absolutely sure everyone else feels exactly the same way you do.” Thats most people. Have you ever noticed that if you are outspoken and buck the majority opinion, some people who hear you will literally display signs of fear? I have gone off, in public, at a party, excoriating some icon, and this actually frightens people, they think they will get struck by lightning, I think, for heresy.

@Promnight: If you haven’t, read “Imperial Caddy” – Queenan’s Dan Quayle sendup. If you can’t find it, I’ll send you mine.

@Dodgerblue: Actually, a full-blooded Lime Juicer would most likely say “Spot of crumpet. ” As in: “I say, Mildred, fancy a spot of crumpet, old sausage?” And yes, this does count as foreplay.

@Promnight: Love Fussel. Might I make an inflammatory remark? This terror of saying anything that might upset others is particularly pronounced here in the US. The pressure to conform is much more intense in this country than in Britain. In my own field, if you give someone a script, or invite them to see something you’re doing and they don’t like it, they will stop speaking to you altogether rather than tell you. I find it very peculiar. Perhaps that’s why we have the legend of the rugged individualist bucking the herd. Because no one does it. Which of us here pointed out that saddling college graduates with colossal debt is a sure-fire way to ensure a docile work-force? Someone did. I thought it a very interesting remark and very much to the point.

Eh. This is just giving me a headache. Like hearing Billy Joel on the fucking Safeway muzak.
Oh, Benedick: Zimmy was the real deal.
I still watch Don’t Look Back and marvel.

@Ewalda: At my Safeway it’s Richard Marx. And I know most of the words. It’s slightly terrifying.

@Promnight: That’s where I read it also. What brought it to mind was your treatise on inequality: “And the fucking royal fucking family, fuck them,fuck them all hard until they bleed, and then give them the anal pear, just to even out things, fuck all royalty, fuck inherited wealth, fuck fucking legacy admissions and fucking “dynasties” of any kind, political, sports, all fucking of them. Fuck inherited, unearned wealth and recognition, fuck it fuck it fuck it, give fucking everyone born an equal chance, for fucking fuck’s sake.” Couldn’t be said more clearly, even by Rawls.

@Dodgerblue: I thirst for justice. It makes me cranky.

@Promnight: Hey! I responded to a comment of yours way back when. Anyway, I’ve been loving you as usual and missing you in the evenings. Sorry I couldn’t have lunch with you, Mrs. Prom and SFL. I’m getting back to being able to tolerate crowds without wanting to run and hide, so maybe in a month or so, maybe when the seasons change and we’re surrounded by rebirth, we can get together.

@Promnight: I agree. If you didn’t earn the money why should you get to spend it? The phony terror of the dreaded “death tax” is one of the lower ploys the GOP foisted on America. Every time I hear the name of “celebrity” Paris Hilton I’m for immediate 100% confiscation of every asset whenever some wealthy individual dies to protect useless descendents from wasted lives.

On the other hand should the spouse and/or children of someone who has accumulated some wealth be left completely destitute when that person dies? I certainly want my wife to receive benefits from my federal pension – my largest asset – if I should die before her. Not exactly a fortune but enough to pay the bills.

I’m sure there is some middle ground. Perhaps we’ll see this issue resurface sometime in the next few years.

@nojo: You give in to the youngsters too quickly, my friend. “Gotta Serve Somebody” is masterful, albeit another one of Zimmie’s period pieces. He’s morphed more often – and more successfully – than Bowie.

Billy Fuckin Joel? Puh-leeze. I agree with Blog’s Point No.1: not a redeeming fucking thing about him. He was the Johnny Cougar of his day until the quaaluded masses of the mid-seventies stumbled upon “The Stranger”.

That song “Allentown”? There’s no friggin steel mill in Allentown, never has been. He just called it that because there were always 5,000 shag do’s ready to queue in line for his lame ass drivel at the Allentown Fairgrounds. Christ, even Ted Nugent managed to draw a crowd there, and he wasn’t half bad.

@mellbell: the difference for me is that I don’t think Taupin necessarily aimed to make sense all the time, and there wasn’t this bullshit “importance” behind it. He knew he was secondary to John’s music.

Billy Joel thought what he had to say was IMPORTANT and should be treated as such.

@Signal to Noise: Taupin wasn’t that bad, come on, Yellowbrick Road is coherent and, well, other than “hunting the horny-backed toad,” OK. You can tell that guy never left his apartment.

@JNOV: You know how much I miss you, at least once a week I post how this place is just not the same without you.

Yes, I love when the world comes back to life in spring, we will, we will.

Should people who are depressive live in places without a deep, nasty winter with its short dark says of drizzle, dirty ice, and depression? Maybe there is something to be said for the warmer parts of the world.

Re: No. 2 – Pre-addressed post cards to the congressional delegation voicing opposition to Obama’s lifting the abortion gag inserted in today’s church bulletin. I was fucking furious. I’m writing my own letters as a parish member stating my support for the President’s move.

No. 2 (B) – Steelers must win the Super Bowl so we don’t hear Kurt Warner crowing about how his God led him to victory over the AFC. Sorry Jamie.

@HillRat: Dude has had a lot of time on his hands since Movin’ Out ended its Broadway run.

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