Six Random Things
Most of the shit that pisses me off has to do with politics. But don’t think for a minute that some nonpolitical happenings don’t drive me batshit. So I give you six random things that are pissing me off, and ask you to add your own nonpolitical psychotic hatreds in the comments.
1. Angelina Jolie’s uterus – it seems as though Brangelina might be pregnant again – her seventh child (3 are adopted), and her fourth with Brad Pitt. That total does not include the sixty or so third-world children they will likely adopt in the next eighteen months. Enough already. You are annoying people, and your children are likely to spend most of their time on this earth in rehab. Stop reproducing.
2. Victoria Osteen – a multimillionaire snake handler, she tells people affected by the economy that she thinks “we could all do better sometimes … not overextending ourselves.” First, this ignorant bitch needs to STFU. Second, she needs to investigate the rumors that her poofy-haired preacher husband is pestorking poolboys in the poolhouse. Just sayin’.
3. Brett Favre – yes I wanted you to come here, yes I wanted you to start every game, and yes, I would be OK with it if you stayed. BUT MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! NOW! If you decide to go, we’ve got some scouting to do. Fuckwit drama queen.
4. The Red State Strike Force – Another group of Keyboard Kommandos (aka the 101st Chairborne) that prefers to wage the War of Ideas™ over here rather than risk getting hurt doing the actual work of Empire over there. You can read more about them here, and you can see a more appropriate logo for the group here. And yes – I know it’s more or less political, but they really piss me off.
5. Hugh Hefner – I am eternally grateful to you for thinking up Playboy – it helped get me through puberty. But dude – you’re 82. I mean, 19 year-old twins? Most guys half your age would have trouble keeping up with that. And it’s just skeevy. Can’t you settle down with some hottie in her 30s and get off the stage?
6. Ford Expedition/Lincoln Navigator – face it Ford, anybody who needs a vehicle of this size and class buys a Suburban. These fucking things are ugly, they get abysmal mileage, and you never see them shuttling big shots around. They sent an Expedition for me once instead of a Town Car, and it was uncomfortable and seemed, from the back seat, to handle like a fishing trawler. Make some Fusion Hybrids instead – people will buy that shit.