Gifts for Baby

Just Say No, Grandma! My Nana the Oxy Dealer

baby cell phone that plays “onward xtian soldiers” and connects to CPS

Baby’s First Bible, from Zondervan, full of scary Jack Chick graphix.

TJ/
Speaking of Tasers, these cops in Galveston did everything BUT Taser a 12 year old girl that they beat up after “mistaking” her for a prostitute.

@SanFranLefty: What the hell is happening in this country with the cops? Are they all petty fascists? Do they think that they’re being all brave and shit by Tasering little girls?

I was innocently taking pictures on public property of a Christmas tree this morning. I got stopped by the cops who asked me what I was doing. I told them, and they let me on my way. I was polite and nice to them despite being a little aggravated by it. They were civil, but I was still peeved.

I know that not all cops are like this, but seriously. Seriously.

@rptrcub: Yes they are all petty fascists. And actually, they are all like this. Its just that they are not allo like that all the time, so sometimes you catch one in an off-moment when the fascism is quiscient.

Popular culture and popular entertainment, with all these heroic cop shows and the bang bang boom SWAT shows, have warped what had been the normal perception of the police through most of history, which is that they are stupid thugs who must be watched and strictly limited with regard to how much individual judgment they are allowed to exercise. This would be why they are not, technically, allowed to seize, arrest, or search anyone without a warrant. Unless of course one of the 23 billion exceptions apply.

Think of Dogberry in Much Ado:

Don Pedro of Aragon: Officers, what offense have these men done?
Dogberry: Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly; they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
Don Pedro of Aragon: What is your offense, masters? This learned constable is too cunning to be understood.

This is excactly how cops testify in court. “At that time I responded in the direction of the alleged perpetrator.” Just yesterday I heard this beauty: Officers approaching the house oberved that the perpetrator had a weapon. They returned fire, striking and killing the perpetrator.” Mind you, the perpetrator had not fired, but the police were able to return fire. That was a beaut.

People magazine is giving the snowbillies $300,000 for pictures of the newest addition. They’ll probably blow it all on a snow machine … or meth.

Most US police departments are full of ex-military men and women. Along with becoming a merc it’s one of the very few growth job markets for veterans. They come into the job with the “us versus them” mentality built in, along with the use of overwhelming force.

@Dave H: Its also become a hereditary post, cops’ sons following dad into the family businesses, and the culture isn’t even “us vs. them, its “us vs. the lowlife scumbag maggots.”

@Jamie Sommers:
OMFG. Oh hayell no. This is so wrong. Bristol as the next Britney.

Prommie: The Kenneth Branagh (artiste) adaptation of the Dogberry scene was, oddly enough, hilarious. (BTW: where the hell is Kenny these days, anyway?)

(But also, speaking of overacting: 9:1 odds on Sarah Palin going Mommie Dearest on the little one in six years, after she’s past her prime. NOOOOO WIIIIIRE HANGERS! EVER!)

Dave H: I am reliably informed that veterans are also over-represented among correctional officers upon return. Nice that they have jobs, of course. But still.

@SanFranLefty: Honestly, if the money helps the baby have some semblance of a normal life by, say, allowing mom and dad to pay for childcare so that they can finish high school, then I’m all for it.

SanFranLefty: Now wait. Brit/Bristol comparsions abound. Rushed marriage. Rushed motherhood. Unsavory background in a redneck sauce. She was already there. She’ll just get bank at this point.

Dumbass question in re meth: why don’t people just pop ten tabs of Sudafed if they want to get all buzzed and stuff? Is lighting a rock that much more useful for the purposes of getting high? Or how about a quintuple espresso?

@chicago bureau:
Isn’t Kenny in the new Tom Cruise flick? I liked him until he dumped Emma Thompson, one of my favorite actors.

@mellbell:
You are being very generous. Sure, I agree with you. But Governor Palin’s office releases a statement saying “This is a family private matter” after dragging Bristol and Levi and the rest of the crew like they were props, and turns around and launches a bidding war for the photos? Given that family’s proven spending abilities, after taxes they’ll blow it in one shopping trip to the Seattle Nordstrom’s.

@chicago bureau: That scene wouldn’t have been half as hilarious without Michael Keaton. But I guess Kenneth gets some credit too.

@SanFranLefty: I’m still bitter that he and Emma broke up too. Their handling of Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado was sweet and funny. But didn’t Emma cheat on him first with the guy who played Willoughby in Sense and Sensibility?

PlayIceStation.

@SanFranLefty: That’s my fear as well, but hope springs eternal.

@SanFranLefty:

Excactly. What kind of an idiot dumps Emma Thompson? Hell, I would stay in a relationship with Emma Thompson, lack of teh cock notwithstanding. She is just that awesome.

@chicago bureau:

Ooh, you’ve never seen anyone on meth, have you? Because two seconds with a tweaker would answer all those questions for you instantly.

@flippin eck:
No, Kenneth cheated on Emma with Helena Bonham Carter. Emma later had a kid with Greg Wise, and then they got married.

Kenneth and Emma were great together in Henry V. And Much Ado was wonderful.

@chicago bureau: But wasn’t it meant to be hilarious? And wasn’t it meant to be “Over-acted?” I think concepts like naturalism and realism were not much on Shakespeare’s mind. He was not the dreadful Mamet.

TJ: Russian professor predicts civil war, dissolution of US by 2010. Fortunately for me, he says my area will become part of the European Union! Yay, health care for all!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123051100709638419.html

@Prommie:

Speak no evil of Mamet, lest ye be cursed by straight actors everywhere for blaspheming their lord and master.

Actually, one could make a good case that Mamet and Shakespeare are somewhat similar in plotting, and in the use of stylized, “heightened” language- also in their obsession with Masculinity and what constitutes honor. Now that I think about it, there’s a pretty good Master’s thesis in there somewhere.

Also, while some of his stuff is a little masturbatory for my taste, Glengarry Glen Ross is one of the great plays of the 20th century, even if it is a little derivative of Death of a Salesman.

@Prommie: Huh. Looks like I better learn more of the words to O Canada other than, well, O Canada.

@SanFranLefty: Really? I love HBC too, but she deserves a girlfriend bitchslap for crossing Emma.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Wanna know what I fucking think of Mamet? Do ya? Wanna know what I think? I’ll tell you what I fucking think of Mamet. Here’s what I think of that fucking Mamet. He fucking sucks.

Except for that Gill the salesman character on The Simpsons, thats one of his best.

@Prommie: Coffee’s for closers.

@flippin eck: Yay! I’ll be one of those darn Messicans!

@Mistress Cynica: Okay, I did like his commercials for the Ford Edge.

@Prommie: This is so unfair. SC gets to be part of the EU while the left coast is stuck with China? Of course they already own our butts anyway, so probably not much will change. And being forced to eat with chopsticks will result in weight loss. I can haz panda?

@Prommie: And the New South gets to come along for the ride! What fun.

flippin eck: At this point, Canada wouldn’t take the Midwest and the Plains. For the sake of FSM — the Prairies hate Quebec, and vice versa. Everybody hates Ontario. And now they would tack on a bunch of other states — including at least three or four more Ontarios? Nobody’s going to like that at all.

What a bunch of loons they have over there in Russia. That place is certainly going back to unpretentious, full-fledged, no-lip-service-to-democracy-required autocracy in fucking style.

@chicago bureau: You mean the loons we sent over there in the early 90s?

I’ll bet Granny Palin and her clan will do a bang up job of running Alaska for her neighbor Putin and the old Commies in Moscow.

So the European Union just can’t wait to absorb West Virginia and Tennessee and Kentucky? Yeah, that sounds plausible. I’m sure Senators McConnell and Bunning and Alexander and Corker and Rockefeller and Bird can’t wait to snag new jobs with the EU.

Why would anyone think that if the US does split up the individual states would all remain exactly the same? I don’t see how arbitrary lines drawn on maps of English royal grants in the sixteenth century and territorial maps in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries are going to remain untouchable forever.

@Mistress Cynica: Not to worry. Oregon and Washington are combining with BC and Northern Cal to create the pot-exporting capital of the world.

@nojo: Yes, the great dream of a free Cascadia! Not just great pot but great wineries, great breweries, and all the crafters/DIY kids! I’m not sure if our armed forces would be that great, though.

Misspelled Sen. Byrd. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Who says those years as an altar boy didn’t pay off?

I can see those of us in Washington, Oregon and Kuleeforneeya, going our separate ways from the US, but Idaho, Nevada and Arizona? No way.

“…English-language propaganda channel…”

They get Faux Nooze in Russia?

@drinkyclown: You should be fine.

http://www.globalsecurity.org/wmd/facility/bangor.htm

http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/facility/fort-lewis.htm

http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/facility/washington.htm

It also would make more sense if the Bible Belt split off and became a Christo-fascist, Iranian-style theocracy. The mullahs televangelists would just tell people it’s what baby Jeebus wants and peeps would fall all over themselves in favor of it.

P.S. I’d greet the Canadians as liberators.

@redmanlaw: My first thought was, Hey isn’t Bangor in Maine? and my second thought was “Bangor, I hardly know her!!”

@drinkyclown: Oregon better not start anything, that’s for sure.

@drinkyclown:

Yeah, we’ve got Bremerton, McChord & Fort Lewis down in TacoTown, Whidbey Island, etc. It’s funny how we forget about them living in the SEA Reality Bubble.

They’re why we’re the first to go in those US-Rooskie nuke simulations.

@drinkyclown:

On the plus side, it’s also why we’ve got some seriously hawt Army/Navy/Air Force ass in bars in Kent and TacoTown.

FSM help me, how I miss regular trips to Traxx.

@redmanlaw: Oregon’s mildew will immediately rot anything that enters our airspace.

@Prommie: Has Gill showed up in a Simpsons episode since Jack Lemmon died? Cuz no one else should really voice him. oh shit! I just looked it up and realized that it’s been Dan Castenella all along. Damn! He’s good.

Also, yes x1000 for Emma Thompson. I’m going to see Last Chance Harvey no matter how crappy it looks in the commercials just for her. My sweet, sweet Emma. Fuck you Branagh! Greg Wise is hotter anyway.

CB, kenny was EXcellent in Valkyrie, i loved him even as a nazi general.
and i adore emma. the mike nichols directed HBO movie where she’s dying of cancer? she’s magnificent in that performance. none of the typical dying-of-cancer movie treatment.
how about the one–(the title escapes me, help me out)
where kenny and emma are reincarnated into each other! and fall in love again in the next life, when she becomes the man and he the woman.
great flick!
i LOVE that one! and it was filmed when they were in love. le sigh.

@baked: Inside-Outside? Sliding Window, sliding door, something like that?