Announcing the First Annual Stinque Awards!

Wow, is it mid-December already? Seems like only yesterday we were at the old site. And the old-old site the day before. Time flies!

It flies so fast that we’ve been caught flat-footed during the year-end awards season — we have absolutely nothing set up to grab some cheap publicity and reader entertainment.

So, we’re throwing it out to you: We need some awards, stat. We need categories, we need nominees, we need ideas for a Tacky Photoshop Graphic to present the winners, all of whom will likely accept their accolades in abstentia.

Heck, we might even set up a voting process, although that’s something of a hassle. Maybe we’ll create a PayPal account instead, so your vote will really count. Seems the going thing these days.

2008 Golden Dukes Announced! [TPM]

Worst Pundit of the Year (Non Bill Kristol division)

Loser of the Year (Political)

Asshole/Prick/Douchesack of the Year (Open)

May I suggest you ask Manchu Candidate’s permission to call one of the awards the Nostradumbass?

TJ: I’m trying very hard not to despair over the news that Senate Republicans are clearly planning to continue the work of destruction that has been their project for decades now. This news that they’re deep-sixing the auto bailout terrifies me. What, the unemployment figures for last month weren’t apocalyptic enough for them! Can anyone talk me down?

No permission necessary. I’m no Donald.

I’ve learned about dealing with fear/anxiety is that it is a natural reaction and all you can do is to keep moving. The people that frighten me the most are those who don’t have any. The only thing we can all do is brace and prepare ourselves for the storm ahead and help who we can.

As long as you can think beyond the immediate (I think that we Stinquers do considering our vast variety of interests and discussions) then you have a chance. I highly recommend getting a book called “The Survival Personality” by Al Siebert.

I suspect that the Repubs still don’t get that actions have consequences.

Wait till they realize that Toyota and Honda use the same suppliers as the Big 3 and the problems they’ll have when they have no parts to build cars with when their suppliers go belly up.

Bunch of short sighted assholes.

The specifics of this auto bailout FAIL are kinda sorta astounding. (Not a total shock, mind.) But: basically the Senate Republicans told the UAW to take it in the shorts and the UAW backed away:

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said the sticking point was the United Auto Workers union’s refusal to put employees at U.S. auto manufacturers at “parity pay” with U.S. employees at nonunion plants operated by foreign automakers in the United States.

So Mitch put a gun to the UAW’s head, and the UAW said “you don’t have the stones.” And Mitch said, “oh, no?” and then pulled the freaking trigger.

Look: GM, once it files for 11, needs to get money from a big bank in order to survive. Which is not going to happen unless the Congress says so — but that may very well happen once the pinko commies formally take over on January 3. (Banks are kinda sorta in a bad spot right about now. Or, so they say.) If that doesn’t happen — it’s going to morph from a reorganization into a liquidation.

So the Senate GOP has Hoovered us all — unless Dubya parachutes in gives some munnie so that he can look like a hero and stuff.

Thus: the fate of the auto industry now depends on Bush and Paulson. Ruh-roh.

@chicago bureau:
yes, ASTOUNDING is the word we’re throwing around the baked house over this particular clusterfuck.

i’m crawling out on the ledge to get you. grab my hand………
manchu, you got a grip on my ankles? i’m going in to get lynn!

baked: Bob Corker (R.-Dollywood) on the teevee just now, saying that the only thing he wanted was a date certain on wage concessions. Bull.

Odd — doesn’t the GOP need wedge issues to survive? If they kill the UAW, then just about all they have left are the gays. And union Democrats are what these clowns were counting on in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Weird.

Maybe they were saying to themselves that these are the last few weeks that the GOP are going to have anything resembling power in the next decade or so, so go for the jackpot now while the opportunity is there. And they may very well get it — at the expense of hundreds of thousands of more jobs in the industrial Midwest, who will remember this catastrophe and blame the banks for freezing the credit market, and GOP hacks for sticking their fingers into the eyes of UAW honchos. And all under the watchful gaze of Bush and Paulson.

Mother of God. Only governors of Illinois are this stupid.

@chicago bureau:
Why just the UAW?

Why didn’t the Repubs go hard on the bankers for their wages too?

Oh right, silly me.

@chicago bureau:
odd indeed CB. all things weighed and considered, they are either bat shit insane, or something is up their sleeves left to be seen. and i speak as a person who has been forced to listen to cnn, msnbc and c-span exclusively since rat came home. that and jerry garcia.
this is a legacy?

jon had a good line the other night. “you’re more likely to go to jail if you are the guv of illinois (50% chance) than if you shoot someone”

hehe. rat is screaming FUCK YOU at cnbc right this minute. hehe.

that is what he’s screaming about. also the 70.00 an hour wages.
any comments on what auto workers earn?

Back OT: I think the Anal Pear Award should be a top shelf category, perhaps reserved for all round Bush-Cheney dumbfuckery and then retired.

@baked: Media Matters debunks the myth of the $70/hr autoworker. Keith Oh and RML’s lesbian girlfriend Rachel Maddow are the only ones on MSM that I’ve seen debunk the myth.

UAW says average salary is $27/hr.

I work in an “auto” town. I think that they’re getting what many folks should be getting.

That $70/hr figure is based on adding perks and benefits. Their base pay is a mere $24/hr. Several folks I know who make less than that resent them for it. Their real figure is actually $43/hour.

It leads to something that occurred to me as I was buying stuff last night in near empty stores. The world isn’t just for the “smart” or sleazy. I think a lot of smart folks seem to think that they are the only ones who should benefit in this world of ours which is not the case Why shouldn’t someone make a decent wage or get paid $70/hour? I think that the best society can do is allow for upward and downward mobility as well as a decent baseline for the large majority of its citizens. Many of these folks forget that without the “losers” like farmers, miners, lumberjacks, factory workers, clerks, etc then our society ceases to work well. I know that my industry (telecom) does not exist without these folks who need to talk to people or send dirty pics/videos to their friends and CAN afford to pay for it.

I’ll try to elaborate more but I have to run some errands.

I think that a society that feels it is justified in paying 10 cents to farmers for producing the grain for a Wheaties Box and $1.20 to Tiger Woods for putting his face on the box is seriously fucked (this is a no shitter fact, folks.)

@baked: The $70 an hour figure is a blatant lie, it was produced by taking the total amount GM is paying out for current workers and retirees, and dividing by only the number of current workers. Its worse than even Manchu says, because it attributes the benefits received by current retirees to the pay of current workers. I am going to go get you an article from the Detroit Free Press, last week, called “10 Myths about the US Auto Industry.”

The instant GM files, every GM dealership will have to file, as every floor plan financer calls the note, and noone, noone, will buy a car made by a bankrupt company.

good. hope they get stiffed. my only baby daddy is criminal defense, trust me, they have an asshole gene specific to that profession.
(except the firm of crane, poole and shmidt, of course) excepting crane.

@ManchuCandidate: Hear hear.

@chicago bureau: R-Dollywood. Excellent.

Re the union wage issue: I thought that skilled workers were supposed to make good money. Isn’t that how they join the vaunted ‘Middle Class’. Anyhoo, proud union member here: three unions, thank you very much, and one professional guild. Also proud owner of the official Pink Card from Homo Central which allows me to rack up benefits for my recruitment drives. I’m aiming for a convection oven.

The awards. The Nostradumbass is pretty fine.

Might I suggest: Most improbable hair (male and female)?

Best Stylist?

Least convincing change of policy?

Best Pander?

Worst Pander?

Dirtiest Campaign?

Most ridiculous claim for the “Bush Legacy”? (eg. Mary Matalin claiming Bush is an intellectual who reads 4 books a month.)

Here ya go, Detroit Free Press, 12/05:

The debate over aid to the Detroit-based automakers is awash with half-truths and misrepresentations that are endlessly repeated by everyone from members of Congress to journalists. Here are seven myths about the companies and their vehicles, and the reality in each case.

Myth No. 1: Nobody buys their vehicles
Reality: General Motors Corp., Ford Motor Co. and Chrysler LLC sold 8.5 million vehicles in the United States last year and millions more around the world. GM outsold Toyota by about 1.2 million vehicles in the United States last year and holds a U.S. lead over Toyota of nearly 700,000 so far this year. Globally, GM in 2007 remained the world’s largest automaker, selling 9,369,524 vehicles worldwide — about 3,000 more than Toyota.

Ford outsold Honda by about 850,000 and Nissan by more than 1.3 million vehicles in the United States last year.

Chrysler sold more vehicles here than Nissan and Hyundai combined in 2007 and so far this year.

Myth No. 2: They build unreliable junk
Reality: The creaky, leaky vehicles of the 1980s and ’90s are long gone. Consumer Reports recently found that “Ford’s reliability is now on par with good Japanese automakers.”

The independent J.D. Power Initial Quality Study scored Buick, Cadillac, Chevrolet, Ford, GMC, Mercury, Pontiac and Lincoln brands’ overall quality as high as or higher than that of Acura, Audi, BMW, Honda, Nissan, Scion, Volkswagen and Volvo.

J.D. Power rated the Chevrolet Malibu the highest-quality midsize sedan. Both the Malibu and Ford Fusion scored better than the Honda Accord and Toyota Camry.

Myth No. 3: They build gas-guzzlers
Reality: All of the Detroit Three build midsize sedans that the Environmental Protection Agency rates at 29-33 miles per gallon on the highway.

The most fuel-efficient Chevrolet Malibu gets 33 m.p.g. on the highway, 2 m.p.g. better than the best Honda Accord. The most fuel-efficient Ford Focus has the same highway fuel economy ratings as the most efficient Toyota Corolla. The most fuel-efficient Chevrolet Cobalt has the same city fuel economy and better highway fuel economy than the most efficient non-hybrid Honda Civic.

A recent study by found that the Chevrolet Aveo subcompact is the least expensive car to buy and operate.

Myth No. 4: They already got a $25-billion bailout
Reality: None of that money has been lent out and may not be for more than a year. In addition, it can, by law, be used only to invest in future vehicles and technology, so it has no effect on the shortage of operating cash the companies face because of the economic slowdown that’s killing them now.

Myth No. 5: GM, Ford and Chrysler are idiots for investing in pickups and SUVs
Reality: The domestics’ lineup has been truck-heavy, but Toyota, Nissan, Mercedes-Benz and BMW have spent billions of dollars on pickups and SUVs because trucks are a large and historically profitable part of the auto industry.

The most fuel-efficient full-size pickups from GM, Ford and Chrysler all have higher EPA fuel-economy ratings than Toyota and Nissan’s full-size pickups.

Myth No. 6: They don’t build hybrids
Reality: The Detroit Three got into the hybrid business late, but Ford and GM each now offers more hybrid models than Honda or Nissan, with several more due to hit the road in early 2009.

Myth No. 7: Their union workers are lazy and overpaid
Reality: Chrysler tied Toyota as the most productive automaker in North America this year, according to the Harbour Report on manufacturing, which measures the amount of work done per employee. Eight of the 10 most productive vehicle assembly plants in North America belong to Chrysler, Ford or GM.

The oft-cited $70-an-hour wage and benefit figure for UAW workers inaccurately adds benefits that millions of retirees get to the pay of current workers, but divides the total only by current employees. That’s like assuming you get your parents’ retirement and Social Security benefits in addition to your own income.

Hourly pay for assembly line workers tops out around $28; benefits add about $14. New hires at the Detroit Three get $14 an hour. There’s no pension or health care when they retire, but benefits raise their total hourly compensation to $29 while they’re working. UAW wages are now comparable with Toyota workers, according to a Free Press analysis.

best pander:
i’d like to nominate sasha and malia for having daddy’s foresight and intelligence to be so cute.

I thought you meant awards for us posters, for our contributions, with categories like the Overshare Award, the Dramatis Personae Award (Hi Baked), the RagingMonk Award for Keeping The Perviness Alive, and the ultimate award, the RML Memorial My Xon you will Dire Drunken Posting Award.

The S.J. Wurzelbacher Prize For Most Transparent Political Stunt. (Oddly, my pick would not be Mr. Plumber.)

The Pacific Coast League Award For State Policy Dumbfuckery. (Also: the Eastern League Award for Local Policy Dumbfuckery.)

The Pierre Elliot Trudeau Prize (le prix Pierre Elliot Trudeau) For Kick Ass, Take Names, Chew Gum International Politican of the Year.

The Grigori Rasputin Award for International Dumbass Of The Year.

And, of course, the award should be called the Stinquey. As for the form? Perhaps a Venus de Milo statuette — only close-up on the armpit region. Or, of course, an enema bottle on a pedestal.

@ManchuCandidate: I often ask people this question: Is it wrong for me to go up to someone smaller and weaker than I am, and use my strength to force them to give me their things? People generally answer that this is in fact wrong. Then I ask, “Then why is it okay, for me to use my greater knowledge and intelligence to trick them into giving me their stuff?

They all think I am insane.

How about the Pampers Premium Award for best political sex scandal?

Oh hai guyz — Treasury savez Detroit:

The Treasury threw a lifeline to the beleaguered US car industry, saying it is ready to prevent the failure of auto makers until Congress reconvenes next month.

“Because Congress failed to act, we will stand ready to prevent an imminent failure until Congress reconvenes and acts to address the long-term viability of the industry,” Treasury spokeswoman Brookly McLaughlin said.

Wait: the spokesbot’s name is Brookly? So the parents got drunk after the birth and left off the “n,” yet got off a really nouveau riche name anyway. Score!

@Prommie: Thanks for that. Very instructive.

I like our Sebring. I liked our Taurus: even though it broke down constantly. I liked the Escorts we had. I drove a Ford Fetiva in UK which I loved and would have bought in a heartbeat had it been available here.

I also love our Prius. Even though the mileage is somewhat exaggerated. We get about 42 mpg. Which is still pretty good.

Clearly, the Republicans hate unions and are willing to destroy the industry to destroy the union. They’ve already lost the NE. Now will they have lost the mid-West Rust Belt? That leaves them, what? The South?

What explains the difference between the perception of American cars and the reality? I remember a time when to say a thing was ‘Made in Japan’ was to say that it was a shoddy piece of crap. That has clearly changed. Why can’t the same be done for US cars?

@Benedick: And the ratbastard pigfucking inbred fucktards all come from the South, also known as “the welfare states,” the inbred backward shitstains of the US, each and every one of which is a drain on the US economy, sucking in federal funds at rates far exceeding what they contribute, fucking bloodsucking leeches. Thats why we should have let them secede, the fucking third world would start at the fucking Potomac if we had, and we’d be twice as rich. Fucking fuckers are totally motherfucking fucked.

or better known as the “Larry” (craig)
the statuette, a stall with a foot sticking out under it.
contenders: aquaman, vitter, bob can-i-pay-you-to-suck-my-dick allen, spitzer, the proud gay merkin guvna from new jersey (who went all nelly in an eye blink), on and on–a highly competitive field.

The Annual Julius Streicher Award for the Media Professional Exhibiting the Most Ardent Advocacy of Fascism and Genocidal Policies

The World’s Fucking Dumbest Law Professor Award?

@chicago bureau: I think The Joe the Wife Beater Award should go to the most moronic political prop of the year. Joe as Everyman was indeed a complete white-panted political plotch. It only could have been weirder and more distasteful if Joe had started shouting to reporters, advocating wife-beating as social policy.

@Prommie: call it the Golden Calabresi.
@Benedick: my last car before I moved to Manhattan was a ’97 Taurus SHO (the one with the Yamaha heads). Dead reliable and fun to drive. The only problem I had was it ate CD players (not made by Ford). Five of them.

The Silver Saxby for sleaziest political ad.
The Norm Coleman award for worst hair on a male politician.
The Kay Bailey Hutchinson Golden Helmet for worst hair on a female politician.
The Golden Olympia – best fake “moderate” Republican.
The Miss McConnell – awarded to most seriously closeted Republican.

@blogenfreude: The Golden Olympia, I like it. And if the floor is open for nominations, here’s a nod to Gordon Smith (R-OR). I like his positions on some issues (especially gay rights), but you do not vote to filibuster the DC voting rights bill without incurring my wrath.

@ManchuCandidate: @baked: Thanks to you both. Your words helped. And now comes @chicago bureau: with the news that at least Treasury isn’t completely clueless, thank God! I want the heads of all Republican senators who opposed the auto bailout on pikes and permanently on display in some prominent place on the Capitol grounds.

@chicago bureau: And union Democrats are what these clowns were counting on in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Weird.

That’s the part I don’t get. They say they’re going after the “unions”, but if I’m that conservative blue-collar wage slave, it looks to me like they’re holding my family hostage and putting a gun to my head. I know America’s Workers have been voting against their economic interests for a generation, but that seems to be stretching the point.

My raging migraine prevents me from thinking up (in)appropriate titles for awards but I believe we must must have a fashion category.

And possibly a potpourri “what the fuck?” category for the leftover insanities of the year: political and non-political divisions.

@mellbell: Now that I’ve been self-exiled from Orygun for a decade, the names are getting less familiar. But in general, a Republican running for state office has to be somewhat moderate to win in Portland and Eugene, where most of the population cowers beneath the nine-month overcast. We used to have liberal Republicans, back when such a thing was conceivable.

@blogenfreude: Most definitely, but that’s hardly ground for disqualification. I mean, Larry Craig is also getting kicked to the curb in January, but you wouldn’t deny us the opportunity to honor him, would you?

FlyingChainSaw: Well, you would presume that the S.J. Wurzelbacher Prize would go to Joe the Plumber. What more transparent, political prop was there this year than the Tailbunny herself?

I have it on good authority that Palin was chosen to sail alongside McSkipper for the sole reason to get NBC stock value up.

Palin = Tina Fey = SNL comeback = ratings gold = NBC stock up

Worked , too.

Those Masons really know how to pull their strings of power.


Nah, I hate to say it, but the best pander ever is the “You’ve earned the new puppy that will be coming with us to the White House” line from the acceptance speech. I mean, that probably gave him a 10% in his favoribility rating right there….

@skyeking: And yet…

Leno Primetime announcement = GE stock down

Or as they call it on the Street, jaywalking.

@chicago bureau: Yes, the Talibunny makes Joe the Wife Beater look like Disraeli.

@blogenfreude: Gordon is out, thanks to Multnomah County (metro Portland).

I did my duty for Stinque. I bought Sacred of Santa: Scenes of Terror in Toyland for my peeps using the link to Amazon. Now on to read the comments…

ADD: Oops! That’s “scared” and not “sacred,” but ’tis the season for the sacred myths, blah blah blah, atheist except for when I receive Xmas gifts, blah blah blah.

@Ewalda: And where the hell have you been?

::squishy bewbie hugz::

@Jamie Sommers: Aw Jeez, I get those. Feel better, Jamie.

@Ewalda: Hey, just yesterday or the day before I posted a link to a Salon article that said Bush is Back, tough times economically, those brazillian waxes cost, the new style is to let it grow, and I for one welcome our new hairy female overlords. Back when was 10 and tearing apart an old moldy Playboy in the woods, that was what it was all about, hell, back then, a photo with “bush” was a big deal, the “pink” was unkown. All Hail the bush!

@Prommie: Believe it or not, there’s a journalism award named for me at my college paper given to the most hardcore student reporter of the year, and I’m not even dead yet.

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment