50 Illustrious Years of Illinois Governors

Hope you like stripes Rod!

Christ on a cracker people, being in Chicago at this particular point in history is awesome.  Not only are we anxiously awaiting the beautiful majestic ascent of Black Eagle, we are getting to enjoy the deliciously naughty fall of Slimy Rat Weasel (must credit homofascist).  Fitzmas came early, and we thank the FSM for these gifts.

But lest you think Rod’s fuck-ups (you can’t call them indescretions because that would imply that he has some sort of discretion to begin with, and based on how fucking stupid he has shown himself to be he doesn’t deserve that much credit) are some isolated incident, let me give you a quick history of the previous 50 years of Illinois governors before hairpiece took over in 2003.

9 governors
Republican William Stratton, 1953-1961
Democrat Otto Kerner, 1961-1968
Democrat Samuel Shapiro, 1968-1969
Republican Richard Ogilvie, 1969-1973
Democrat Daniel Walker, 1973-1977
Republican James Thompson, 1977-1991
Republican Jim Edgar, 1991-1999
Republican George Ryan, 1999-2003
Democrat Rod Blagojevich, 2003-tomorrow, this weekend, who knows?

4 indictments
Stratton — in 1965 on tax evasion charges related to campaign contributions
Kerner — in 1971 on bribery, conspiracy, tax evasion and mail fraud charges
Walker — in 1987 on bank fraud, misapplication of bank funds and perjury unrelated to his time in office.
Ryan — in 2003 on racketeering, mail fraud, filing false tax returns, making false statements to the FBI and diverting campaign funds for personal use.

3 convictions
Kerner — in 1973. Entered prison in July 1974 and was released in May 1975
Walker — in 1987. Served 18 months of a seven-year sentence
Ryan — 2006. Sentenced to six-and-a-half years. Prison time delayed pending appeals acquittal.

Stratton managed to avoid jail time. His defense: Home improvements, dresses for his wife and other expenses to enrich his image were indirect campaign expenses, and cash he didn’t report to the Internal Revenue Service came to him as gifts from admirers.

An honorable mention: Jim Edgar – Despite his overwhelming popularity, two incidents during his second term served to taint Edgar’s tenure in office. During his second term, the relationship between his re-election campaign and Management Systems of Illinois (MSI) came under federal scrutiny. Apparently, MSI, who had served as Edgar largest campaign contributor, was granted a “sweetheart contract” that cost the people of Illinois an estimated $20 million in fraudulent overcharges. Eventually, a number of both private citizens and state employees were convicted in federal court and sent to prison for their involvement in what had come to be known as the “MSI Scandal”. Edgar was not charged for any crimes, but the incident tainted his administration

So once Rod gets officially takes the plunge, that means over 50% of our governors of the last 50 years have been indicted.  Go team!

Many thanks to my bosses’ brother, whose quick work saved me the time searching Google.


Hey, look at this thread-jack! Bush is Back! Yay! Next thing you know, the horrible scourge of rap “music” will disappear and we’ll get soul and R&B back!

Prommie: I have no idea why guys don’t shave nearly as much as women. No — wait a minute — the thought of a blade down there is NO NO GOD NO. That could be it; odd that the sisterhood has no such concerns. (Also: waxing is OW OW FUCKITY OW.)

Meanwhile: I’m totally intrigued by Rod’s complete failure to resign up to this point. Does he truly think he can survive? (Maybe it’s about the munnie. If he hangs on until Monday, he gets another pay-period and a splash in the vacation-time tank.)

British Columbia and Illinois must share some sort of DNA.

As for Bush. I’m ambivalent about it. Not crazy about the dyed pubes though. Might make oral hazardous to one’s health, no?

DEVELOPING HARD: Take-away quote from Black Eagle Press Conference, per Trib:

“I have never spoken to the governor on this subject. I am confident that no representatives of mine would have any part of any deals related to this seat. I think the materials release by the U.S. attorney reflect that fact,” Obama said. “I’ve asked my team to gather the facts of any contacts with the governor’s office about this vacant seat, so that we can share them with you over the next few days.”

Well, I think the “never spoken to the governor” thing is probably true. That would have been page 1, line 1 of the affidavit if such a conversation actually happened, and Fitzy would have said something about it on Tuesday. But if we don’t get a report on contacts in the next week — or (which may be very likely) if Fitzy and Pals ask the Obamaplex to hold off on releasing the information — then look the fuck out.

Incidentally, you’ll remember (if you read this here blog back in early October) that the Rezko sentencing was pushed back. The paper today basically confirms what is almost obvious. Yes — Rezko squealed.

@Prommie: Good news, I suppose, though it would be more encouraging if it weren’t a byproduct of the economic crisis but rather of women coming to terms with the fact that pubic hair isn’t somehow icky and in need of removal.

@chicago bureau: Rod makes the rest of them look like pikers …


Yeah, he’s reaching Duke Cunningham levels with this one….

T/J: Union-hating Repub senators have effectively killed the auto industry bailout. Look for a quick Ch 11 filing by GM.

@chicago bureau: Thanks to the 40YO Virgin, I think of Kelly Clarkson whenever someone mentions waxing.

it looks pretty, as so many harbingers of doom do.
before 4 years ago, it was like 40 years?
bushco environmental policy in action!

@Dodgerblue: Rat-bastard pigfucking cousin-humping shitbags. meanwhile South Carolina gets $38 billion in federal aid each year, and Lousiana $29 billion (pre-Katrina) while Michigan gets $7. Fucktard shitbag fuckstick douchbag enema suckers.

@Dodgerblue: What’s the word on the new head of the CEQ?

I’m confused, Prommie. Please explain how you feel.

[In the moment that Prommie is taking to throw down another stream of Rodworthy profanity at GOPers acting, well, like GOPers, I’m just going to poke my head over at the Corner to see if they are delighting in the defeat of the UAW, at the expense of the total destruction of whatever job market we have left. And — suprisingly little: just a cut-and-paste of Mitch McConnell’s floor diatribe and a swipe at the legitimate target known as Barbara Boxer. (Excuse me: does anyone else here find her annoying as hell (voting record notwithstanding), or is it just me?)]

Oh hey, fucktard shit-eating douchesacks, look at what destroying the last ogf America’s once might manufacturing base does to the stock markets. Nitwit fucking moronic fartsuckers, fucking goddamn motherfucking fucking evilass stupid nazi fucks.

On a lighter note, here’s a headline from Sports Illustrated dot com, with original spelling, enjoy it while it lasts:

Mets get Putz in 3-team mega-deal

Somebody is gonna give the writer such a zetz.

@mellbell: My new motto is “I’m liberated … and I’m smuggling a hedgehog.” Thanks to my economic situation, any sort of professional maintenance –manicure, pedicure, even a haircut — is beyond my means for the foreseeable future. It’s hippie chic, baby.

i get such a kick out of your command of these words (and in perfect context) as if you’ve been at a mah jong game all day.

@Jamie Sommers: Talk about the commute from hell. I can’t even imagine being on the road with those morans. Also, does this mean Hell has officially frozen over?

Prommie: We’ll always have Big Pharma.*

* (Prediction subject to total destruction within +/- 15 years on account of low state support for R&D on anything that doesn’t make other things explode, wingers smashing stem cell research, associated numbnuttery.)

@Mistress Cynica: Got a beauty school anywhere in your area? If there is, you can probably get in and out for under $20, including tip.

@Mistress Cynica:
i like it. i like it. hippie chic.
“i’m liberated…and i’m smuggling a hedgehog”
*sentence of the day*

@baked: Forgot to credit Bill Maher for that. Unlike me, he didn’t mean it as a compliment.

@mellbell: To clarify: that’s a rough guess at the current going rate of a beauty school haircut. No clue about manis and pedis. Never had either, and, unless I get married, never will.

I love the fact that he DARED investigators to watch him. Dumbass!
Just as dumb as Gary Hart telling reporters to watch him to see if he was chasing stray poon-tang while he was running for president, and then taking photos with Donna Rice on his lap.

This raises a question: Are people already arrogant dipshits BEFORE they run for office, or does it happen later?

@lentinus: I think it’s the former.

Before you ever run for your first office, you have to think very highly of yourself (at least bordering on arrogance) to believe you can get elected.

And you’d have to pretty much be a dipshit to want the job.


@Jamie Sommers:

Yeah, there is a saying in India: “Politics is the last resort of scoundrels”

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