50 Illustrious Years of Illinois Governors
Christ on a cracker people, being in Chicago at this particular point in history is awesome. Not only are we anxiously awaiting the beautiful majestic ascent of Black Eagle, we are getting to enjoy the deliciously naughty fall of Slimy Rat Weasel (must credit homofascist). Fitzmas came early, and we thank the FSM for these gifts.
But lest you think Rod’s fuck-ups (you can’t call them indescretions because that would imply that he has some sort of discretion to begin with, and based on how fucking stupid he has shown himself to be he doesn’t deserve that much credit) are some isolated incident, let me give you a quick history of the previous 50 years of Illinois governors before hairpiece took over in 2003.
Republican William Stratton, 1953-1961
Democrat Otto Kerner, 1961-1968
Democrat Samuel Shapiro, 1968-1969
Republican Richard Ogilvie, 1969-1973
Democrat Daniel Walker, 1973-1977
Republican James Thompson, 1977-1991
Republican Jim Edgar, 1991-1999
Republican George Ryan, 1999-2003
Democrat Rod Blagojevich, 2003-tomorrow, this weekend, who knows?
Stratton — in 1965 on tax evasion charges related to campaign contributions
Kerner — in 1971 on bribery, conspiracy, tax evasion and mail fraud charges
Walker — in 1987 on bank fraud, misapplication of bank funds and perjury unrelated to his time in office.
Ryan — in 2003 on racketeering, mail fraud, filing false tax returns, making false statements to the FBI and diverting campaign funds for personal use.
Kerner — in 1973. Entered prison in July 1974 and was released in May 1975
Walker — in 1987. Served 18 months of a seven-year sentence
Ryan — 2006. Sentenced to six-and-a-half years. Prison time delayed pending appeals acquittal.
Stratton managed to avoid jail time. His defense: Home improvements, dresses for his wife and other expenses to enrich his image were indirect campaign expenses, and cash he didn’t report to the Internal Revenue Service came to him as gifts from admirers.
An honorable mention: Jim Edgar – Despite his overwhelming popularity, two incidents during his second term served to taint Edgar’s tenure in office. During his second term, the relationship between his re-election campaign and Management Systems of Illinois (MSI) came under federal scrutiny. Apparently, MSI, who had served as Edgar largest campaign contributor, was granted a “sweetheart contract” that cost the people of Illinois an estimated $20 million in fraudulent overcharges. Eventually, a number of both private citizens and state employees were convicted in federal court and sent to prison for their involvement in what had come to be known as the “MSI Scandal”. Edgar was not charged for any crimes, but the incident tainted his administration
So once Rod gets officially takes the plunge, that means over 50% of our governors of the last 50 years have been indicted. Go team!
Many thanks to my bosses’ brother, whose quick work saved me the time searching Google.