Primary Target In Our War On Christmas

How could the cynical bastards among us miss this big, hanging curveball: Thomas Kinkade’s The Christmas Cottage. Apparently, this was actually due for release last year, but went (of course) direct to video — released a couple of weeks ago.

From Fandango: “Inspired by the early life and art of renowned painter Thomas Kinkade, the story of how a small community and an aging mentor come to the aid of a family to save the only home they have ever known and along the way teach….” [interrputed due to jarring pain developing behind both eyes]

(BTW: Kinkade has some cinematography tips for his crew. Listen well, if your ears have stopped bleeding.)

41 Comments

I am going to fucking hurl. This man, and his fans, need to die horrible, firey deaths for foisting such bloody artistic abortions of bad taste on the world. And now a fucking Hallmark Channel/ion/PAX-TV movie???? My friends, it is time for a motherfucking declaration of motherfucking WAR.

Prommie, can you do better in a rant on this?

Maybe he can get Sarah Palin to star in his next cinematic extravaganza since his work is aimed directly at the people who fell in love with her. Do they sell this video at NASCAR races and tractor pulls?

Do you mean, Thomas Kinkade, celebrated con-artist and flim-flam man ? Or, perhaps, Thomas Kinkade, illustrious drunk and boob fondler?

Or is it just universally mocked and reviled Christian pander-painter Thomas Kinkade?

I’ve been following all three of their careers closely, you see.

His paintings are to art as The Left Behind Series is to writing.

I’m just waiting for the sequel–a romcom with Thomas Kinkade and Anne Geddes! The glowey cottage in the woods will never be the same after the babies sleeping on pumpkins arrive!

Makes Norman Rockwell look like Tintoretto.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Haha. Thanks for the link. this was funny:

And then there is Kinkade’s proclivity for “ritual territory marking,” as he called it, which allegedly manifested itself in the late 1990s outside the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim.

@Jamie Sommers: I personally liked this from the Wiki article:

He spent a summer on a sketching tour with a college friend worshipping satan, The Artist’s Guide to Sketching.

Hey, has anybody seen Romegirl lately? Just wonderin’….

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Decision expected by the Spring. The Court declined to block Prop 8 in the mean time.

OK, I’ll be a dumbass here. Isn’t this the fake guy who is the character in the Bridges of Madison County? Yeah, I asked it.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Hi honey. I am here. I’ve been severely offline as I am trying to tie up a lot of loose work ends from my best friend dying/obama winning/walking pneumonia/ridiculous menstrual period that lasted 10 effing days.

@RomeGirl:

Awww, sweetheart! If I were there I would make you a yummy german chocolate cake and eat the entire thing with you so neither of us would feel guilty about it. Come back when you’re able, we miss you….

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: All I could think of was Reuben Kincaid, and have no doubt Nojo joins me in that appreciation.

@nabisco:

Hah! I didn’t even have to click the link.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Actually I liked the one who murdered a family and tried to frame someone else on Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

Hey, I don’t know art, but I know what I like. And I love that blacklight Crystal Ship poster from the 60s.

I has studied art, and i have consciously rejected all art criticism, because Tom Wolfe possessed me and took over my brain when I read That little pamplet he wrote in the 70s, I forget the name. I think about so much, I have decided to consciously refuse to think about art. I like El Greco because he’s trippy. I like Brueghel the elders trippy thing with the cool monsters, and I wish I could afford those really cool figurines you can buy of all the monsters. I like that dutch guy who used the camera lucida, because his paintings are exactly what the eye sees, but still reflected through his consciousness.

When you tell me that Kincaide is a drunken, boob-fondling territory marker, it actually makes me like him. He’s kinda the Keith Richards, then, of schlock art. Buy his shit now, it will be worth bazillions someday, trust me. The truly awfully bad always becomes the next generation’s ultra-hip. Look at DeKooning.

TJ: What happened to HotSauce from the Brand W and Cynics days? Or are there any lurking Stinques who live in Texas and might be able to get down to the Valley on Friday to report on the arraignments of Alberto Gonzales and Dick Cheney?

Speaking of long-lost pals from brand W, Serolfdivad showed up at CP today! We need to tip him off where to go…

@flippin eck: Serolfdivad is truly a giant among cynics, it would be good to have him drop by.

@flippin eck:
@Promnight:
He has a blog called the Patriot’s Quill. I left him a message to drop by.

@flippin eck: OMG, loved his comment on CP:
And by all the typos, I’ll assume that Intern Greg has taken the helm here.
I laughed out loud.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again:

The fact that they accepted the cases means that they plan to overturn Prop 8, right? I mean, why else would they spend months of the court’s time and hundreds of thousands of the state’s dollars when they could have simply said “no” to hearing the suits then that would have been the end of it?

I find it hard to believe that the same court that issued the most pro-gay legal opinion–which included the strict scrutiny requirement for gays and lesbians (for the first time?)–in our nation’s history is gonna allow that same decision to be overturned by a 52% vote. (Famous last words and furiously knocking on wood–heh heh).

Slightly off-topic: My fave part of the Seattle anti-8 rally was way after the speakers at Westlake were done and “Thriller” came on the boomin’ sound system. Three cute gals leapt up on the stage, and let me tell you, they had the entire choreography DOWN! Our side’s superior skillz spell doom for the Mormons.

@FlyingChainSaw: The most recent post “above the date stamp” (on which serolfdivad commented) was put up on 11/10, so it’s kind of still there.

@Promnight: Somewhere I have a blacklight poster with verses from “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.”

@mellbell: Opium is a hell of a drug. Anyone know where I can get some?

Ya ever really pay attention to Kubla Khan? The mossy forest where Alph the sacred river ran, through caverns measureless to man? The dude was describing the female private parts, I swear.

@mellbell: I have a Metallica “Alcoholica” poster in my garage.

Thomas Kinkade is art for people who’ve never even bothered to look at a painting before in their lives.

@Jamie Sommers: So are you going to follow your Governor to DC? I’d love to see the Bionic Woman as a Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security announcing the color-coded threat levels for US ‘Merikah.

@nabisco: Honestly, I was thinking Charles Kinbote, which means I’m the elitist everyone’s talking about.

@flippin eck: Flores (I’m old school) showed up at the old joint a week or two back, and I tried yelling in his face, but apparently he left the room.

@nojo: Favorite book. Favorite writer. Is it in Pnin that he describes Salvador Dali as Norman Rockwell’s twin brother who’d been kidnapped by gypsies?

@Signal to Noise: He’s a fourth-rate fabricator of kitsch.

@SanFranLefty: Not for that shit job. I would have been on board for a turn at Justice but Fatherland Security? Nah. Not my thing. Besides, that woman has so many lawyers around here crawling up her ass, there’s no way some nobody like me would have a shot even if I were interested.

Y’all should see the local blogs here. They’re all beside themselves at the prospect of losing Janet and gaining a fundie for guv. I’m trying to figure out when Arizona last had a governor who came in at the start of a term and left at the end of a term. It’s been a while.

@Jamie Sommers: Found it. Last normal governor was Jack Williams, who left office in 1975.

Dude.

@rptrcub: Now thats just mean! You don’t know what its like to have been born without the taste gene.

@rptrcub: Oy, my retinas itch just thinking about that place.

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