Live from the Naval Observatory!
Joe Biden during the veep debate: “Vice President Cheney has been the most dangerous vice president we’ve had probably in American history.”
The Bidens will be visiting the Cheneys at the vice-presidential residence this afternoon. We recommend they leave before dusk.
Biden to Meet Cheney, Make Really Awkward Small Talk [CQ Politics]
“Joe, do you want more infants blood?”
Bravo, Nojo, on the recommendation that the Bidens leave before dusk. Very wise.
I advise Joe Biden to beware of the booby traps, and to not be freaked out by Cheeney’s S&M dungeon, which no doubtedly he’ll brag about.
Actually, I’d like to see the torture chamber — soundproof, so that nobody can hear you scream as Lynne Cheney’s frontier lesbian romance novel is read on a continuous loop.
(BTW, nojo: FAIL on today’s tagline [“Bobby, could you exorcise Sarah while she’s in town?”] Witchcraft has already been rebuked from her. Weren’t you paying attention this fall?)
Where’s that new avatar, are you there yet? Appear, damn you.
@ManchuCandidate: Were you around when Lionel Hutz left the best comment EVAR at Wonkette? This regards the time when they checked Bush’s ass and Cheney was acting president:
Well, if I lived in Iran, I wouldn’t be sleeping well.
Itinerary for the Cheney Presidency:
10:30 a.m. President Bush placed under anesthesia, Vice President Cheney assumes command of both the Executive Branch and the Fourth Branch of Government.
10:31 a.m. Cheney tastes ceremonial first infant.
10:35 a.m. Cheney fires Congress.
10:37 a.m. Cheney issues contract to Halliburton to be new Congress.
10:45 a.m. Cheney lines up several lawyers, shoots them all in the face.
11:01 a.m. Cheney bombs Iran.
11:07 a.m. Cheney goes to Halliburton/Congress to seek authority to bomb Iran.
11:09 a.m. Halliburton/Congress grants authority to bomb Iran.
11:10 a.m. Halliburton/Congress announces that decision to grant Cheney Authority to bomb Iran cost $4 billion, only 750% higher than the original estimate.
11:35 a.m. Cheney announces that his grandson, Samuel David Cheney, will now be considered his heir and will be worshiped as a God.
11:52 a.m. Cheney announces that he has declared Syria illegal, bombing will commence within the next half hour.
12:04 p.m. Cheney bombs Syria, sites secret provision of the Halliburton/Congressional approval of his bombing of Iran that gave him permission to do “what ever the hell he wants to.”
12:32 p.m. Cheney announces that all televisions must be tuned to Fox News. Special listening devices that had been installed in every television under the Patriot Act will report any violations.
12:53 p.m. Cheney demands that all first born male children under two years old be brought to him, as he hungers.
1:13 p.m. Cheney launches surprise attack on Paris.
1:38 p.m. Cheney takes a break for the first annual “Rolling the Bones of the Dead” celebration on the front lawn of the White House.
1:53 p.m. Cheney goes up to the White House master bath, bathes in the blood of the innocent.
2:12 p.m. Cheney announces that he found secret clause of the Constitution that states that any person that has had a colonoscopy may not serve as President.
2:15 p.m. Cheney announces that former President George W. Bush will retire to Gitmo.
2:22 p.m. Cheney sends Federal Marshals to find Patrick Leahy and help him fuck himself.
2:35 p.m. Cheney bombs Moscow. States “We’ve wanted to get those fucks since I was with Ford in 1974.”
2:45 p.m. Cheney asks Halliburton/Congress for law demanding that all bow down before him.
3:03 p.m. Cheney announces open casting call for the movie version of Lynne Cheney’s book Sisters.
3:12 p.m. Cheney announces invasion of Canada. States he doesn’t trust anyone that lets people speak French in their country, and that they had been holding out on us and had oil.
I remember that one.
I think it was just a little before I got accepted. Early 2006?
@blogenfreude: Thanks for posting this. I missed it, must have been posted during one of the longish periods when I was giving W’ette a miss. This one positively coruscates. My favorite, well, possibly my favorite, is the last one. “Doesn’t trust anyone that lets people speak French in their country, and that they had been holding out on us and had oil.” Could we get a new amendment to the Constitution forbidding persons appointing themselves as candidates for the vice-presidency?
On a more serious note, the application form required of potential Obamites sounds exactly like what Cheney required off all those “short-listed” VEEP candidates in 2000. Of course, he never filled one out himself, and was the only one to ever see the contents of the ones he did collect.
Who needs the FBI when you can convince your competitors to volunteer background dirt?
@chicago bureau: Given how she’s been speaking in tongues all week, I think she’s had a demonic relapse. Bobby J is our only hope.
Happy news on the economic front, Richard Daley is apparently the only politician who didn’t get the memo about not causing a panic:
CHICAGO (CBS) ― The warning is out – Mayor Richard M. Daley says a parade of corporate chief executives have told him huge layoffs are planned around the city and will carry into next year.
As CBS 2’s Joanie Lum reports, when Daley made the announcement, workers around the city felt a chill, and they are wondering who will be laid off next.
The news is especially alarming because the discussion concerns not just city jobs, but the private sector. Thus, it seems the City That Works is about to become the city that gets laid off.
Mayor Daley says corporate leaders told him huge layoffs will impact the city this month and next, and into the new year. He also says city, county and state governments should be prepared for their revenue to fall dramatically because of the souring economy.
“This is going to be all year, so it’s going to be a very frightening economy,” Mayor Daley said. “Each one tells me what they’re laying off, and they’re going to double that next year. We’re talking huge numbers of permanent layoffs for people in the economy. It’s going to have a huge effect on all businesses.”
The mayor said the gravity of the situation cannot be underestimated.
“We never experienced anything like this except people who came from the Depression,” Mayor Daley said. “When you have that many layoffs early – and they’re telling me this is only the beginning of their layoffs – that is very frightening.”
nabisco: The most interesting piece of this? They want you to disclose all blog posts you have ever produced. Facebook, Myspace, and — well — sites like this one. They also ask you to list all handles or aliases that you may have used.
I can only add to this news item that I sincerely regret, and unreservedly apologize for (a) the random bursts of profanity, and (b) the derogatory remarks made about leaders in both major political parties and figures in the media that have featured in my blog posts at Wonkette, Cynics’ Party, this blog and elsewhere.
I particularly regret the use of profanity and derogatory comments in combination, including in one instance when I set these against, of all things, a Youtube of Enya singing something incomprehensible, yet oddly soothing — all in reference to the swings in the stock market that set the world on edge. (I therefore wish to apologize specifically to Enya herself. Sorry.)
To be more specific: certain events in the past few years have caused me to lash out in anger, including (1) the inaction of Congress, even when they have had a mandate to effect real change but instead went along with the same old thing, (2) the impropriety or uselessness of certain policies or proposed policies, (3) remarks by those in the Bush Administration or members of the media (or, in the case of Fox News, both simultaneously), (4) the lowering of our political discourse to the point where people like Barack Obama and Joe Biden (who were and are known by handles of their own) were considered to be terrorists, Marxists, socialists, communists, or bad Americans simply because they disagreed with John McCain and Sarah Palin (also known by handles of their own, some of which were not complimentary), (5) the sorry state of the economy, (6) the actions by political activists from both sides (ranging from Code Pink to some certifiable lunatics who attended McCain/Palin rallies) which did nothing but bring shame upon themselves and a strong sense of anger and rage upon me, (7) the Cubs blowing it in spectacular fashion when the playoffs rolled around, and (8) numerous other occassions when my anger spilled over into unfair, yet actually funny on some twisted levels, commentary.
Such events have angered millions of Americans who had vigorous, and probably unprintable, reactions. However, the fault clearly lies with me for, while they never wrote these thoughts down, I did, out of frustration and immaturity and a desire to make other people smile. And when I did write these things down, I have on frequent and shameful occasions used bad words, a disrepectful tone, and references to certain activities (including certain physical manifestations of affection) that might cause shock and offense among those who are disinclined to participate.
The fact that these persons are shocked and offended is not their fault, but mine. Perhaps they may be soothed by the fact that I have always refused to consume illicit drugs (including marijuana in particular, which I have always refused for I am a law-abiding man, who only indulges in whiskey and beer and cigarettes and other socially accepted vices — which are of course bad in their own way and should never be tried by the youth of America). But that is not nearly enough to cover the shame that I feel for allowing myself to swear and be sarcastic and ascerbic and not at all nice when something I hear makes me mad.
This is particularly true with regard to John McCain. I should have said things like “he’s an idiot if he believes for a second that Sarah Palin — while an upstanding woman and fine mother — is ready to serve as President,” and “why does he always have to impugn Barack Obama’s patriotism — he doesn’t need to blow out Mr. Obama’s candle to make his own burn brighter” and left it at that. No — I had to punctuate these thoughts with bad language and odd nicknames — to my shame.
Once again: I am deeply sorry for what I have done. Risque commentary and disrespect for public figures is not acceptable. (Except on late-night TV. And right-wing talk radio. And certain magazines. Those are fine.)
(Also: note that I do not apologize for refusing to smoke pot. Just say no.)
@chicago bureau: I trust that Nojo will scupper this ship if any stinquer gets the Call.
nabisco: So long as the flag is not struck before the ship is taken down. For that would be a sign of surrender, which Americans will never do, of course. (See, e.g., Battle of Valcour Island, Lake Champlain. Disregard involvement of B. Arnold.)
Maybe I overreact. Tempers flare in Washington all the time. John McCain has a famous temper, especially when it comes to games of chance. Heck, I bet the President of the United States has cussed a little in his time. But, then again, it is what it is.
Nevertheless and regardless of all of that: I am sorry.
@chicago bureau: What job are you angling for?
Whats cool too is that as your congressperson and senators staffers get called upward, there will be tons of opportunities replacing them.
@Prommie: That’s what I’m telling Mrs RML.
@chicago bureau: I’m worried my application for First Puppy Dog Walker will now be tossed. Luckily I don’t have any undocumented Bolivian nannies in my past.
@SanFranLefty: Butter wouldn’t melt in your mouth, worst that could be said of you is that you keep company with the likes of me. Or FCS.
lynnlightfoot: I am moved by President-Elect Obama’s vision for this great country, and thus would be happy to serve him in whatever capacity he thinks fit for me, and for the nation.
(Oh. You wanted something specific. And also free from syrup. OK. Something lawyerly, given my talents and experience. They’ll know where to put me, if I am indeed fortunate enough to be given the honor etc. etc.)
Oh, SanFranLefty: I see what you did there. No Bolivian nannies, but yet oddly silent about Ecuadorian help. Hmmm. No presidential appointment for you!
@nabisco: I trust that Nojo will scupper this ship if any stinquer gets the Call.
Controversy is the best publicity. Not only will I keep this running, I’ll plant some fake comments to make sure proper attention is paid.
@nojo: No thermite on the server? Just askin’.
God, Nojo, its like you are expected to be everyone’s porn buddy, you have to run to their house and de-porn or de-gay it before the parents get there, in the event of accidental death. Or hiring.
@SanFranLefty: I, of course, am going for Secretary of the U.S. Department of You’re Not Helping. Or at least the Undersecretary of the U.S. Office of Ridiculous Bullshit. There needs to be continuity between administrations.
@redmanlaw: Shit — just remembered that memberships are confidential. I can neither confirm or deny that Chicago Bureau is the nominee for assistant to the undersecretary for scheduling orgies in the Lincoln Bedroom.
What the new White House needs is a bipolar person — part sage, part court jester.
RIP – Mitch Mitchell, drummer for the Jimi Hendrix Experience
Just saw Monterey Pop on VH 1 last night.
nojo: Damn. Now you’ve wrecked it. I seriously wanted that job. The confirmation hearing with Sens. Craig and Kennedy would have been epic. Nice job, man.
And Prommie, all of us do pay nojo to sanitize the place. Every single week, I send a nice, crisp $50 bill to nojo in a plain envelope for that specific reason. Everyone else here does the same thing, right?
@chicago bureau: Absolutely. Well. Except that I don’t give a rat’s ass, because I’m never going to be in politics. So, no, not really.
@chicago bureau: He lets you pay just $50?
Hey, speaking of observatories, look at this absolutely wild shit, the very first ever visible light photo of a planet in another solar system, I mean, like WOW, thats amazing. Before this, extrasolar planets were detected by sensing perturbations in the orbit or the light emitted by the parent star, mostly.
The star is Fomalhaut, the scene of quit a few science fiction stories, because its pretty close.
@redmanlaw: You got a telescope? I have 3, you know people with telescopes travel from all over to New Mexico just for your skies, great “seeing.”
@Prommie: No scope, but did you see the Moon-Venus-Jupiter alignment just after sunset around Election Day? Awesome. Jupiter and Venus are still lined up, but the Moon is way the hell over on the north side of the sky about dusk. Too bad, it’s full right now.
@Prommie: That and Flippin’s phone number. She keeps changing it on me.
@redmanlaw: I took some great photos last night of the moonrise over the fog and the City. Will send to the jam this weekend.
@redmanlaw: the Moon-Venus-Jupiter alignment will occur again on November 30 and December 1. Look for it.
Prommie: Only $50 a week. That and other… um… uh… considerations.
I’m not proud of myself. In fact, I feel all dirty inside sometimes. I find myself taking showers for hours, scrubbing like mad, but I never feel clean.
@redmanlaw: oh yeah, every night the venus and jupiter as the sun sets have been spectacular.
You should be able to see the 4 galilean moons of jupiter through a rifle scope or binoculars, with the binoculars its easier if you put them on a tripod.
@chicago bureau: You’re the one who chose Cat Stick instead of Fishtray.
@Prommie: I have a 18-36x Bushnell spotting scope and a pair of Nikon 8-24x binocs and a tall tripod, so I should be able to see the Jovian moons. Thanks for the tip. (Not sure the neighbors would appreciate me waving the scoped rifles around outside.) I’ll do it before we go look at Son of RML’s possible new jr high tonight. A partner’s wife teaches there, so we’ll have a friend on the inside if he goes there.
@redmanlaw: You use your rifle scopes for stargazing? Hee!
@redmanlaw: They are very tiny specks of light, and will be very close to the planet, with the 18 magnification you will see a disc, just just possibly banding. Look at the orion nebula in orion’s belt, too, you should see the trapezium, a tiny little grouping of four stars right in the clouds of gas that you will see.
nojo: Yes, Mr. Nojo. I understand that the choice was mine alone. Sir.
[repression of memory resumes]
@JNOV: Mmm, no. The spotting scope is like a telescope for use on land (i.e., examining one’s targets at the range from a hundred yards out). The rifles will not be used for stargazing when I got other stuff I can use.
@redmanlaw: I see. Little do I know about things scopish and things that go bang.
ADD: Seriously — at least apply for the teaching gig. Keep your options open.
@JNOV: Lots of people use them for bird watching too, and spying on the neighbors as well, I imagine.
@redmanlaw: You imagine…
Meanwhile, over at 23/6:
“How fast can we be disqualified from a job in the Obama administration?”
NB: Bush Administration employees greenlighted torture and domestic wiretapping, fell asleep at the regulatory switch, and put in motion a slow-motion economic train wreck. I swore on a blog. (Plus: all those young Democratic go-getters just getting out or recently out of college probably swore just as much as I did.) Perspective… restored.
¡ANDREW! • Let's Savor This One Tr666p Vows to Attack U.S.
NOJO • Other Useful Exposure Notifications @¡Andrew!: Ahhh, Trey & Matt bought it out of bankruptcy, dumped a pile of South Park cash in it.…
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications @nojo: Apparently they have cliff divers to entertain patrons while they enjoy their meals. Mr. A!…
NOJO • Other Useful Exposure Notifications @¡Andrew!: So that’s not the waterpark? Been here eight years, still get my landmarks confused.
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications I saw that Casa Bonita is reopening in Denver OMGOMGOMG!! Y'all are so lucky--it'll be mass…
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications America Is An Out-Of-Touch Gerontocracy, And I’m Glad I Don’t Live There "These has-been…
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications Can we get a proof of life from Merrique "let them eat endless investigations" Garlandtoinette?…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Bye! And the drips keep on coming. With each lame denial comes another revelation about Justice Ruckus.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Bye! @¡Andrew!: Before we found about why Thomas goes as the Crow flies (in a private jet.)
¡ANDREW! • Bye! Survey Finds Nearly 6 In 10 Wealthy Americans Living Fraud To Fraud WASHINGTON—Noting that the…