One at a Time, Please

Sarah Palin. Fox News. Go.

“I’m like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I’m like, don’t let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is.”

Palin puts faith in God for 2012 [BBC]

Gah. Someone who makes a Valley Girl sound wise and articulate.

This is exactly the kind of sideways syntax the snakehandlers have to use because they can’t make it sound like they are moving God’s hand or exercising free will – unless they are a guy in leadership. Then they can go on and on about keeping “God to his promises” and speak in simple declarative sentences.

The Guv has a fixation on open doors. Maybe Fox could create a new version of “Let’s Make a Deal” starring the barracuda. The base would guarantee an audience. Rupert could use the money.

@Dave H:
I’m personally hoping for a Trap Door.

Election “in God’s Hands”

DENVER (AP) – Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin describes herself as a “hard-core pro-lifer” and expresses confidence that in spite of disheartening polls, “putting this in God’s hands, that the right thing for America will be done at the end of the day on Nov. 4.”

He (or She, They or It) has spoken. Bye!

what a great picture. all you need is Paul Lynde.

Talibunny still has batshit crazee support in Bitterz, PA. Look for a pic on the photostream.

That being said, I just came from a long weekend in the Steel City, and even the gracious Rethuglican hosts of mine admitted that the Bunny kept them home on election day.

@redmanlaw: Proof positive that God thinks you suck moose balls! How does it feel to know that God hates you, Sarah? Why don’t reporters ever call these crazies on their crazy pronouncements? It would be easy to ask her nothing but god questions and just record hours of crazy until you’ve finally got her speculating that god is a mushroom and garlic pizza kind of guy.

it always amazes me. people who think they know what’s in god’s mind.
we don’t know thing one about any so called god, yet there’s a ridiculous amount of speculation and ‘hard core’ belief in what He or She wants.
if that isn’t the height and definition of arrogance, i don’t know what is.
as george carlin said, if in fact there is a god, he/she should be fired cause he/she obviously doesn’t give a shit, and is doing a piss poor job.
and yes, i have my beliefs and i send up prayers, and believe PEOPLE can move mountains and part seas.
and i think if there is a god, it despises sarah, i’d like to think any god has at least as much on the ball as we do.

last time i was in new york, 6 months ago, i sat right next to chuck barris in the friars club dining room. he looks great! really!
my family froze. stared. forks hung in mid air as i pronounced, ‘damn, i so wish nojo was here!’ they exchanged furtive glances, wondering if i was crazy again.

Anybody notice Sarah Palin looks just like Peggy Hill? Same glasses, same nose, same hair. Wonder if she wears size 14 shoes, too.

Plus the added bonus of being deluded about her own abilities.

The one thing that makes Peggy Hill better is that she wasn’t a bible thumping psycho who would probably freak out about Kahn, Minh, Kahn Jr and John Redcorn being in the neighborhood.

@baked: He was nothing without Gene, Gene the Dancing Machine

@FlyingChainSaw: And the Unknown Comic.

I gave Dave Attell a fair hearing, but it was never in the cards. The Gong Show was a beneficiary of its time and place, Chuck the Baptist of mainstream irony. You can’t just recreate the show — you’d have to recreate the moment.

@nojo: And Mister Fucking Bill. Oh no.

Gene the machine was an early Larry Bud Melman, no?

And who was Jay P. Morgan?

@Prommie: Jaye P. Morgan was a singer, I think. Or short of that, an “entertainer.” Vegas lounges, old-school nightclubs, that sort of thing.

There’s a sad story about Gene — I forget the details, but I think he lost his legs in later years.

@nojo: I once saw an “entertainer,” it was in the Ballroom of the Cocoa Beach Holiday Inn, New Years Eve, 1980, he was absolutely identical, in appearance and in his “act,” to Ben Vereen, but was not Ben Vereen.

Thats a night I had forgotten completely and not even vaguely remembered for probably 30 years, not a thought of it, until I saw the world “entertainer.”

Thats funny.

Don Rickles is coming to one of the local tribal casinos. I am considering going. Has anyone seen him? Our national culture will be poorer once all the old great Jewish comics are gone.

i have stories reds about rickles from my playboy days. he really is a sweetie bear, nothing like his groundbreaking, for his time, alter ego.
he got to know all of us, knew our names. and the book of jewish cocktail waitress’ is a pamphlet, like legendary jewish athletes.
so he took special interest in me and used to lecture me about going back to my husband in his dressing room. i swear, he cared!
he’s really up there now and still working the room.
go see him reds, he’s one of the last of his species, a species rare and wonderful.
all the edgy comics will point to him as one of their inspirations. and more will bloom in the sunshine of his outrageous balls.
sacsha baron cohen?

@redmanlaw: Never live, alas. But I’ve always enjoyed the thought of him and Newhart taking family vacations together.

@nojo: @redmanlaw:
i haven’t seen him live in 20 years, he may even be tame by today’s standards. but i remember ‘can’t catch your breath laughing’.
one word of caution red, unless you want to be one of his many targets, don’t sit near the stage!

@baked: Unless I wear a “Hockey Puck” shirt.

@baked: Hell, Lisa Lampanelli should be paying him royalties. Search for him on youtube, he was not lame for today even then. He starts interacting with the audience, and he’s the best I have ever seen at ad-libbing, then he starts constructing stories, little dramas, about the stereotyped characters he has bestowed on the audience. “Calm down, black guy, don’t hurt me, I voted for Lincoln. Spic is about to get his knife out, jew lawyer, give him your card before he stabs someone.” Thats crude, an attempt at the very funny stuff he does. I don’t find it offensive, but its probably edgier now than it was then, what with PC sensitivity.

Oh yeah, red, is your heritage obvious in your looks, he’ll call you “chief” and start speaking pidgin at you, then start a fight between you and someone who looks like a cowboy, and then tell you to put down the tomahawk, lets smoke pipe of peace. Then he’ll tell the waitress “no more firewater for the chief here, I want to keep my hair,” of which of course he has none. Yeah, if you don’t like stereotypes, even in fun, he could be brutal.

Isn’t it funny how God’s will is whatever she wants. That seems to be a theme. Honey, God has spoken – and that’s why you’re back freezing yor ass off in cold, dark Alaska. But please, by all means, come back for 2012! I’d come back to the States to see the GOP go down in flames.

i wanted to write that lisa lampenelli is doing his act verbatim, only with a lot more sexual references. i didn’t think enough people knew who lisa lampenelli is. you are spot on my friend. lisa has flawlessly channelled him. the world is a much funnier place with lisa in it. thank you don rickles.

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