The Charms Offensive
O Lord of Sublime Mirth and Infinite Jest, I offer Ye this Rubber Chicken in humble sacrifice that Ye shall smite my Opponent with a can of snakes, or any combination of the following:
- Cause my Opponent to select as his Second an utter imbecile.
- Cast my Opponent’s Second in the image of a bewitching Sorceress, that the two may be indistinguishable on Sabbath’s eve.
- Becloud my Opponent’s perception, that he may be blind to economic chaos.
- Surround my Opponent with Charlatans, that he may suffer the absence of wise counsel.
- Blow great winds across my Opponent’s path, that his compass may be proven erratic.
- Torment my Opponent with visions of demons, that he may sound as one with the inmates of Bethlem.
- Besmirch my Opponent’s reputation with the stench of his own nightsoil.
If Ye satisfy my supplications, O General of Disarray, I vow to Thee that I shall devote daily three spit-takes to Thy glory. Amen.