Nobody Could Have Predicted …

‘Scrooge and Economy’s, I believe,’ said one of the gentlemen, referring to his list. ‘Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge, or Mr Economy?’

‘Mr Economy has been dead these eight years,’ Scrooge replied. ‘He died eight years ago, this very night.’

‘We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner,’ said the gentleman, presenting his credentials.

‘It certainly was, for they had been two kindred spirits. At the ominous word liberality, Scrooge frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.

‘They are. Still,’ returned the gentleman,’ I wish I could say they were not.’

‘The Oak Room and the Palm Court are in full vigour, then?’ said Scrooge.

‘At this festive season of the year, Mr Scrooge,’ said the gentleman, taking up a pen, ‘it is more than usually desirable that we should make some huge provision for the extraordinarily wealthy and trustifarians, who suffer greatly at the present time. Perhaps a couple thousand are in want of common necessaries like $12,000 rounds of golf; about 2% of the population are in want of common comforts like private jets, sir.’

‘Are there no Luxury Resorts?”

‘Plenty of Luxury Resorts,’ said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

‘And the massive tax breaks and low capitol gains taxes.’ demanded Scrooge. ‘Are they still in operation?’

‘Both very busy, sir.’

‘Oh. I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,’ said Scrooge. ‘I’m very glad to hear it.’

‘Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the fat cats,’ returned the gentleman, ‘a few of us are endeavoring to raise a fund to buy the Rich some Kobe Beef and 100-Year Old Congnac, and means of warmth, like mink-lined testicle warmers and high colonics. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt. What shall I put you down for?’

‘About 700 trillion and change’ Scrooge replied.

‘You wish to be anonymous?’

‘I wish to be left alone,’ said Scrooge. ‘Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don’t have enough money to make merry myself at Christmas and I can’t afford to make my family merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned-they cost enough; and those who make more money than God must stick with that.’

‘Many can’t stick with that; and many would rather die than live less like Royalty.’