Here’s A Fucking Pipe You Can Fix

plumberHello America! My name is Joe. Joe, the plumber!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “hey, Joe, why should I care about you?” Well, wise guy, why should I care about you? Yeah, you! You who pours bacon grease down the drain when you know that it hardens — just like cholesterol in your arteries — and clogs up your pipes. You know this is going to happen, but no. You have to do it, and then you have to call me at 3 in the freaking morning and I have to wake up, come over and make sure that little Suzie can have some oatmeal before going to school.

And I freaking told you to get your cast iron pipes replaced — how they get weak and eventually fail. Told you that three years ago. But did you listen? Noooooo. Of course not. And then I get the call late at night, when I’m having some quality time with Mrs. Plumber, and you are all freaking out and I could give a rat’s ass.

You know what, America? FUCK YOU! That’s my opinion on the presidential race. FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!

And now, if you’ll will beg my pardon, I have to talk to some hot shot literary agent in New York. At least he’s going to pay me on time, unlike some people I can mention.

Until next time… FUCK YOU!

Warmest regards–
Joe the Plumber


@ Joe the Plumber,

Thanks for pipe-snaking out America’s jerk-socks. You’re a national hero.

Bwahahahahaha Lyndon. Them damn Septics…

But seriously folks, if you earn$250,000 you do need to pay fucking tax. Stop being a greedy fucking pig and realise you live in a society where we don’t abandon/eat the weak.

Jesus CB, I thought you had to be at work early this morning. You’re never gonna get to sleep now.

homofascist: And I am. Up bright and early at 6; condo relatively cleanish, at work right on time. (Had to take the car over to the shop for some TLC — hence the earliness.)

Uh-oh. Work calls.

Apparently JTP is an unregistered flat taxer who compared Obama’s debate performance to a Sammy Davis tap dance. I read it on Crappy Hour and here:

JNOV: Well it’s good to see that Joe is a culturally aware man. Too few people nowadays know about the Rat Pack and the influence they WAIT A MINUTE….

But unlike Sammy Davis Jr., Obama is not Jewish.

@chicago bureau: and Dodgerblue: HAHAHAHA!

I was going to sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” but I figured that was just bad form. I’m humming it instead.

Dodger — do you root for the NL in these situations, or do you want the Phills knocked flat on their keisters?

By the way does anyone have any clue as to how much plumbers make? They’re up there with brain surgeons. At least, that’s how it is in my neck of the woods, you betcha.

@Lyndon LaDouche: They make more than me, that’s for damn sure.

@SanFranLefty: Well, really. They make more than all of us. That’s if you can even get them to come to the house.

@Lyndon LaDouche: Charlie the plumber Vigil (“vee-heel”) here in Santa Fe makes at least $60/hr for labor. He is also a hell of a guitar player specializing in rancheras, nortenos, corridos and 50s rock. In some towns around here you can’t get a plumber in the summer cos they make so much they’re off half the week. (“I’m sorry, but he’s up at the lake.” )

I have a younger brother who is a journeyman plumber on construction and industrial jobs. Dude is is single and gone fishing every weekend. He’s actually the best hunter and fisherman in the family.

When he told me he was dropping out of college to go to vocational school, I said “Cool. Guys like me will be calling guys like you. Plumbers do pretty good. They always got nice four wheel drives, deer rifles and time off.”

The three rules of plumbing: Shit runs downhill, payday’s on Friday and don’t pick your nose. Fun fact: Dude was a big Nebraska football fan and had a cat named “Husker Du”.

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