Where is the Best of Me?

Guy goes to a doctor. Guy says, “Doc, my dick hurts when I do this!” Doc says, “Don’t do that!”

They both laugh and laugh and laugh.

Guy says, “No, really, Doc, my dick hurts!” Doc says, “Fine, we’ll schedule some surgery, give you an emergency bris.”

Guy goes into surgery, they put him under. Guy wakes up, discovers there’s much less of him than he expected.

“Doc,” the guy says, “what happened to my dick?”

“Sorry about that,” says the Doc. “I freaked out when it wiggled.”

Man Sues Doctors After Penis Amputated [WLKY, via RedManLaw]

I’m sure the men around these parts (ha!) don’t think it’s funny, but it kind of is. Apologies.

I think I’d rather die of penis cancer than become Hedwig, reduced to an angry inch. (Love the show/movie, btw.)

Oh no! I hadn’t read the article — I thought it really did wiggle. This is not funny at all. Heartfelt apologies this time.

@undercoverother: Don’t apologize. It is both funny and horrific. Rest assured that there are guys reading this story right now whose apparati (apparatuses?) are shrinking into their abdomens in a self-protective reaction.

What would it be like to be free from the tyranny of the dick? Would it really be that bad? Maybe its my Lexapro talking, but I am bored with my dick. The only side effect of the lexapro is that I never play with it anymore, I feel like a freak. Guys are supposed to masturbate daily, its the only reason we take showers, isn’t it?

I knew a guy who went into the hospital for a biopsy for suspected testicular cancer. The docs apparently concluded it was necessary to remove BOTH of them, it turned out, this was not necessary. Horrific, has to take hormones the rest of his life.

But whats so horrific about it, reallly?

No, I am bored with my dick. Its never made a good decision in my life, that I know.

“I’ve finally outlived my dick.” – Willie Nelson on his 75th birthday

@Promnight: PSA: remember what happened to my clit when I used the Hitachi Magic Wand every.single.day? Your dick probs welcomes the respite, and when the antidepressants make me non-amorous, I pull out a toy and will an orgasm. Maybe you need the appropriate toy to give you joy.

@Ewalda: I love him so fucking much! He’s the only celebrity that I felt sorry for when the IRS punched his ticket. Like you’re going to remember all of your income when you’re a righteous burn out.

@JNOV: That’s why you hire squares to watch your dough, baby.

@Promnight: (Your penis:) Don’t give up on me baby.

PS–I usually do it before showering, and, ok, sometimes while showering, and then there are the times when I have to tug a bit after getting home from work just to relieve the passive aggression that builds up during the day, and then again sometimes just to get to sleep. But yeah, once a day, or thereabouts.

@redmanlaw: His cousin Merrill or some such was probably doing it for him. And buying his brick. He wore braids before Snoop Dogg ever even thought of it. Willie is my original ganster, and he can work his doggie style on me any day.

@JNOV: By your presence here I assume you did not commit anything justified outrageous upon the sanctified body of our next Priestess-in-Chief. Congrats! Not sure I could have shown as much restraint composure. At least I would have had a hard time not vomiting on her.

He wore his braids before Snoop was even born, hon.

@Pedonator: I must admit my wussiness. I snuck out of work to see what was up at The Pub, and there was a shitload of reporters and maybe 30 protesters across the street behind police tape (time, place and manner restrictions and all that). They were still getting themselves organized when I started taking their pictures. They were thrilled to have the attention (notice how many are smiling at me), and somehow I ended up on some email list for future protests.

I never saw Herself — it started to rain, and it was getting dark, and I had to head back to work. Plus, I maybe could have gotten myself in the pub as I used to be a regular, but I didn’t really feeling sucking that much dick to get near her. So, I went back to work.

But now that I’m part of yet another lefty grassroots group, I hope to have some more exposure to what’s going on in this leaning blue swing state. Philly is firmly blue, and people were walking by the pub asking what the big deal was. When I told them Palin was coming, the most common reaction was laughter.

There were maybe 8-10 cops hanging around looking bored. As I left, some feeble chants rose from the protesters, but I had no idea what they were saying. I got excited when I thought I saw some Code Pink wackadoos, but they were just Planned Parenthood chicks in pink shirts. I would have loooved to talk to some Code Pinkers.

ADD: I have NO IDEA what that hunter lesbians for Palin sign was about — I was focused on the cute student with the long hair and the lackadaisical attitude. His sign was kind of sucky in style but not content, but I bet he’s good in bed. Maybe I’ll see him at the next protest now that I’m a member of the tribe.

@Ewalda: EXACTLY! And a bandanna before Bret Michaels.

@JNOV: I wouldn’t have been any braver, except I might have been tempted to tweak the earpiece of a particularly humpy secret service guy. But damn, girl, peg that hippie!

@Pedonator: I’m sure I’ll see him around.

And if you want to see something really funny, check out my internet friend’s post about PG. The photo is priceless. The blogger is a regular at Jez and Gawker, but I don’t know if I have permission to post his screen name.

@JNOV: Your plummmpp little baaabyyyyy will be my administration’s cannon-fodderrr…thank you Amerrrricaaa…for your saaacriffiiisssse…

@JNOV: I thought that boy looked really cute too. Good work!

Family Guy, Cleveland to Brian: “Close that window, yer lettin’ all the stank out.”

I’m quite happy with the revised name, but just for the record.

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