One Black. One White. One Bottle.

What? Katie’s not doing this one? Shit. Well, fuck it, nothing else the past month has made sense anyway, so why start now?

So imagine Jim Lehrer with a wig, and let’s get started with the 2008 Presidential Debate Liveblog/Open Thread/Drinking Game. We understand that “My Friends” is the preferred cue, although honestly we don’t know if there’s enough beer in the fridge to manage ninety minutes of that, especially since the Geezer likes to throw in at least two per sentence.

Okay: If he does two “My Friends” per clause, bottoms up.

Even then we might lose hand-eye coordination early, so maybe we’ll just skip the liveblog entirely and play in the open thread. That’s where the cool kids hang out.

Later that night…

8:50. So we turn on the TV and there’s a guy in a frog suit. Looks about right.

8:55. Tweety: Barry needs to be more Sidney Poitier, less Malcolm X, or else he’ll frighten the suburbs.

8:58. Mmmmmm! Black Butte Porter!

9:02. Jim Lehrer: Give now, give generously, or we’ll take Masterpiece Theater away from you.

9:05. Barry acts like he knows what he’s talking about. Americans won’t stand for competence.

9:06. Guests at the door! We’ll work the room in the comments for awhile.

9:08. John McCain Threat Level: Green. Hang tight, we’ve still got eighty minutes for him to blow up.

9:10. Geezer namechecks “David” Eisenhower. In our half-century of mortal existence, we’ve never heard that. But if we were named Dwight, we’d go there too.

9:13. Lehrer: You two need to talk to each other. For the sake of the children.

9:15. Geezer: Republicans are crackheads who can’t resist sacks of money earmarks.

9.18. McCain Threat Level: Yellow. Geezer’s warming up.

9:21. “Pork barrel spending” is the new “My friends.”

9:29: McCain opposes ethanol subsidies. ADM calls their lobbyist army.

9:32. I’m Google for Government! Google for Government! (Part of this nutricious budget.)

9:34. Geezer namechecks Hillbot. What took him so long?

9:37. Geezer: Surely we can find $700 billion under the couch cushions.

9:38. We’re losing track. Geezer supports veterans. He opposes torture. The American memory lasts five minutes.

9:45. Barry to Geezer: “You were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong.” Threat level orange? We’re trying to be conservative.

9:52. Is it us, or does Lehrer keep throwing the first question to Barry?

9:53. Ike, Coburn, George Schulz — whole lotta Establishment namechecking going on.

9:55. Geezer: Without General Petraeus, Life Itself Would Be Impossible.

9:59. Here comes the Bracelet line. Will Barry parry?

10:00. Barry parries! (We read about his bracelet in the New Yorker. He usually doesn’t talk about it.)

10:04. Geezer: “The Iranians have a lousy government. Therefore their economy is lousy.” Bloggers, start your engines!

10:13. McCain — in a single sentence — advocates and opposes meeting with foreign enemies “without precondition.” Parse that, epistemologists!

10:15. THREAT LEVEL ORANGE. THREAT LEVEL ORANGE.

10:26. Oh, fucking great. Lehrer promised he wouldn’t ask gotcha questions. What are the chances of another 9/11? Seems 9/15 created a much deeper hole.

10:27. Geezer: I was against torture before I was for it before I was against it again.

10:31. Did you know Barry is naive? It’s true! Geezer says so!

10:35. Geezer: “I don’t need any on-the-job training.” Bloggers? Second post!

10:37. And… scene! How about a big sloppy wet one, fellas?

293 Comments

Tweety: “The Captain Queeg Factor”. I just hope it’s on extravagant display tonight. Any bets on whether/how soon a vein pops in Psychogeezer’s brow?

OK, gotta get my pizza order in, and a refresh of wine.

hey hey! At work so being super sneaky. All I have to say is: Huzzah!

Chicago Rules:

Two mentions of “change” in a single sentence — drink.
“Country First” — everyone salutes, then drink.
Experience — drink.
“Town Hall” — everyone starts babbling, then drink.
Palin — drink
Anything ending in “-stan” — drink.

Homofascist, flippin and BRB all say “hi.”

“if… oops… when, the market returns…”

@chicago bureau: And hi to the ChiStinquers. Do we have a satellite feed?

I’ve picked my word: “Warshington.”

PG: “It was the House Republicans who decided they would be part of the solution to this problem.” Wait — aren’t they the ones who doth protest, at this late date, to the Final Solution?

@chicago bureau:

Chicago Rules: fisticuffs!

@rptrcub: Half my friends said “Warshington” when I was growing up. I still don’t know where the hell they got it.

gravatar check. testing testing, one two.

“My friend, Tom Coburn.”

Lie. Nobody likes Tom Coburn.

@nojo: My dad says “warsh,” “GIT-tar” and “UM-brella.” His mother said “pickschtures.”

@undercoverother: Takes awhile for gravatars to achieve warp speed. Patience.

Barry’s got the baton. He’s conducting this orchestra.

Pork-barrel spending corrupts people. People under federal indictment. Like people, say, oh, from Talibunny’s home state?

@nojo: Black Butte, nice! That’s what I got today, too. That and 10yr Speyburn (aka the bottom of the top shelf whisky) and my night is set! Oh and tons of bong hits, natch.
Those same people that say “Warshington” also say “beg” instead of “bag”, it’s totally weird.

@blogenfreude: One prop down. What else is in his pocket?

Ireland! Anyone with a whiskey drink must drink.

Ireland’s in a recession, too, Geez.

ZOMG! I love the threat levels! Since I can’t watch I’m imagining his pasty complexion beginning to redden. First neck, then cheeks, then melanoma scars.

@rptrcub: Thank you. I was wondering about the Irish factcheck.

The $5000 tax credit from Geezer? He’s making it up as he goes–

Oh, did Geezer just say “Obama’s definition of rich?” For fuck’s sake.

@drinkyclown: Round about fifth grade, the “smart” kids started saying “of-ten”. Explaining the T was silent did go anywhere, until I started saying “list-ten” to them.

@undercoverother: Also note the cheeks puffing. When Geezer blows, I hope the front rows have a tarp.

@chicago bureau: Yeah, Unicorn just missed a golden opportunity to remind us all of McGoldenDrawers’ definition of rich.

“I haven’t been feeling so great lately” probably not the best opening line, Geez.

Two tax brackets? Oil? Geezer — you are getting run over here. Hell–oooo? C’mon, Geezer.

Oooooh! New space race with the damn Commie Chinese!

I really like how PG kept pounding that $900 million in the face of the BILLIONS Black Eagle was talking about. I guess he just assumes (perhaps rightly) that most US Americans don’t like math.

He would eliminate ethanol subsidies? That’s directed at you, Iowa Voter.

OK, reluctant props to the Geez for opposing subsidies for ethanol.

Want to cut spending? How about starting with the debt you’ve run up on your fucking war?

@chicago bureau: Yeah, bad political move but one of the few coherent things he’s said tonight. Ethanol as we subsidize it today is a loss-leader.

oooh, Unicorn can point out wasteful spending too!

@chicago bureau: Apparently, Unicorn does with “Google for government.”

It’s cute how Lehrer is getting pissed at both of them for getting away from the financial bailout.

And the geez quickly changes the subject from Iraq.

Spending freeze? Pull the other one.

(We are the Chicago contingent, and we unamiously approve this message.)

Geezer: “A nuclear reactor in every backyard! We must breed a race of superhuman mutants to overcome this creeping malaise!”

@Pedonator: The problem is that everyone here is in the tank for Black Eagle. Deal with it.

So, how’s that Nevada nuke waste dump coming along?

Unicorn: “Who exactly are we fighting for?”

Good question.

@chicago bureau: Hey, I’m on your side, at least generally, I think!

Geez references Talibuny; the cub pukes.

Hey, did you know John McCain wasn’t elected Miss Congeniality in the Senate?
PG opposed torture? Yes, before he approved it. Srsly, my head is about to explode.

@Mistress Cynica: He just spins them out, doesn’t he? Ignore everything he’s done the past four years, you’ll be fine.

Anybody rather watch Michelle debate Cindy?

@Mistress Cynica: I SO wanted Black Eagle to call him on that.

Mr Cyn has already had to run out for more beer.

Unicorn: “I’m very proud of my Vice-Presidential selection…”

OOOO, that’s gotta hurt!

@rptrcub: Score! But I’m not installing Plus buttons.

Hey bitches! Drunk homofascist here, motherfuckers! Can someone please tell me what the difference is between a tactic and a strategy?

Obama doesn’t understand the difference between a tactic and a strategy? Well, neither do you or your handlers!
The whole “we’re winning in Iraq” may bring on the Capt. Queeg moment.

@Mistress Cynica: Sweet, another Vagina-American! Holla, Cynica, this is flippin.

@chicago bureau: Hey flippin, show the boys how to drink!!
ADD: Can’t believe SFL and Jamie are selfishly watching with firends instead of posting here. And if there were more evidence needed that we need to be able to post from our Crackberries, it’s JNOV in a bar with Sarah Palin.

@rptrcub: I’m going to sneak in an animated avatar so we can watch CB’s head spin.

Wait — Al Queda is the greatest threat against the United States? Sorry, I don’t buy that. I think Putin Rearing His Head Like A Thanksgiving Macy’s Balloon is much more of a threat.

OMG, Unicorn’s actually pronouncing the names of Pakistan and Taliban like they are prounounced by the people there. That’s un uhmurican.

For the record:

HF: vodka tonic.
Flippin and BRB: G&T (elitists!)
CB: Formerly a manhattan. Now back to my working class roots — Old Style. In a tall can.

The Geez: “If you have to do things, you just leave the citizenry in the dark. Kinda like the last 8 years.”

Pakistanis are also sleeping with the enemy and are having nasty sex with the Taliban.

Also: we are all getting wrecked on the “-stan” rule right about now.

@Mistress Cynica: OFSM, JNOV and Palin in the same bar? Can someone text her? Don’t want her to rush the SS guys, but it would be cool if she could arrange for Caribou Barbie to have a drink spilled on her, or some other kind of “wardrobe malfunction” at least. Wait, no…that would just get teh wingnuts drooling…

@nojo: All those fuckin’ Macy’s balloons.

Remember when “ten billion dollars” sounded like a lot of money?

@Pedonator: So long as it’s not Underdog, I’m cool with the simile.

@Pedonator: I’ve heard that it was an invitation-only event, and poor JNOV is at work without a teevee.

PG: “I supported the actions in Kosovo, because ethnic cleansing is a bad thing.”

And what’s happened in Iraq is just a kind of “Neighborhood Watch” kinda thang.

HF here – Ronald Reagan? Really? Bracelet with my sons name? Fuck you, you fucking asshole.

My bracelet is better than your bracelet!

The mothers-of-soldiers off!! Excellent!
Go Barry go!

Chicago Bureau is back to Manhattans, just so you all know (drunk HF here)

@chicago bureau: Hey sweetie!

The League of Democracies: More awesomer than the Superfriends.

Iran is an “existential” threat? Do you know what existential means??
And another Holocaust? No you din’t!!

Geezer: “The Iranians have a lousy government, therefore they have a lousy economy…”

RIP, irony.

So having a lousy gov’t = we should invade? OMFG.

@Mistress Cynica: Then Canada should have invaded us a long time ago.

Learn to FUCKING PRONOUNCE THE ENEMY IRANIAN MAN’S NAME GEEZ.

Barry – stop saying “I believe” … Clinton did that all the time. Make declaratory statements.

@rptrcub: Canada, can you pleeze invade us? Where is Manchu?

Port – port- Psychogeezer speaks Russian!

@Mistress Cynica: “Existential” is a foreign-policy term of art. When Charlie tried it on Talibunny, some folks complained he was talking down to her…

@rptrcub: Thank you!!
And McCain’s recap of diplomacy in the 20th century? Amazing!!

(BRB here, at CB’s FABULOUS condo) Did anyone notice that McCain, during the energy talk, positioned himself as the Toxic Avenger candidate? Who advocates nuclear waste?

@nojo: I’m sure she saw Existenz via Netflix, she should’ve had an apt response to that. No pass for Talibunny.

The after-spin is what matters. Its a draw, I think, so far, McCain will have to have a amini-stroke or start cursing, and he has been close, for the msm to call it an Obama win.

BTW…. Mommy 1.0 is kicking ass on the Jez, and the commenters seem to be on the same snarky wavelength for once. Give her some lurves.

Diplomacy Is Not Legitimization, You Fucking Warmonger (this is still BRB)

Someone tell me if anything good happens, and tell me if there’s a drink call, I gave up watching.

If PG panders to the Jewish vote any harder, we’ll have to call in a moyel and throw him in a mikva.

Geezer: “The average South Korean is a giantess who smites her enemies, the North Koreans, who should be happy to lap the spilled drops of teat-milk from their superiors’ glorious mammaries.”

DOES NO ONE REMEMBER THAT KISSINGER IS A WAR CRIMINAL!(uh…still BRB)

Oh look! The Old Pen makes an appearance!

@chicago bureau: It’s when he rushes across the stage and stabs Barry in neck with it that we’ll know why he’s got that pen handy.

McCain is desperately trying to act above this, nice and unflustered, trying to act as if he’s the old statesman not bothered with the whippersnapper barking at his heels. Totally failing. Not that it matters. Noone will notice. Or if they do, they’ll say he succeeded, the pundits, I mean.

@nojo: That’s when Pam Grier Michelle will FUCKING STRIKE!!1!11!

@chicago bureau: Yes, you’d think that being a “friend of Kissinger’s of 35 years” would be a bad point.

More importantly…Kissinger is still alive? Who procures the aborted fetuses to feed his monstrous maw?

@Promnight: No, you’re right, it’s pretty much a draw on presentation. But since it’s a “foreign policy” debate, tie goes to the naive.

Mistress Cynica: I, CB, have taken back control of the blogging here and can attest that the fellas — both str8 and the ghey — are out drinking flippin. Of course, it’s a three-to-one advantage, but still.

Please, PG, geek out on Ukraine. You just lost the interest of middle America, who doesn’t know where the fuck that is.
ADD: except of course for Mr Cyn, who’s screaming about how no one is talking about Uzbekistan.

DRILL DRILL DRILL from the Geezer. Lovely.

DRILL DRILL DRILL from the Geezer. Lovely.

Nunn-Lugar was about FUCKING NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT, NOT DOMESTIC NUCLEAR WASTE!!1!

Sorry, did Black Eagle just say he’s “never opposed nuclear waste”?

Well, at least he can pronounce it.

As I remember it, Geez, your party ridiculed the VICTIMS’ FAMILIES in re 9/11 Commission.

OK: 9/11 “much less than” before. Port. Security. BITCH.

And a Lieberman reference, plus a 9/11 family reference. Drinks here on the North Side.

Wait, Barry supports Star Wars missile defense?

Mrs. Prom got back from Rome tonight, where yesterday she toured Claudius’ palace on the Palatine Hill, I may now finally get her to read I Claudius.

Y’all seem to be ahead of me on the drinking, so I just went and filled a rocks glass with gin, splashed the vermouth, and threw in a giant caper. Gin, thats what you need for this drinking game, something that burns.

I once worked for a great trial attorney who had, no shit, twice in his career cross-examined people on the stand into heart attacks there in the courtroom. Thats what I am looking for. Someone tell me if it happens, please.

Are we into overtime? I thought it was 90 minutes.

@rptrcub: That shining beacon on a hill is a missile silo.

We all know any presidential candidate has to support the missile defense, even if it’s been a quagmire every step of the way and shows no promise whatsoever of protecting us from any, um, missiles. They can’t even shoot them down in controlled tests.

But yeah, some kind of “missile shield” sounds like a good idea, kind of like a protective bubble of invincibility, which surely is within the range of US American possibilities. We are exceptional in every way, you know.

Renew!

Reform. Prosperity. Peace. Arbeit. Land. Brot.

Ah yes, the money shot: don’t forget. I was a POW.

Yay! The Geezer mentioned his time in prison! I wanna see the ‘tats!

Got in late after hitting the gym and having dinner, but I’ve been with the game since the n-power issue came up.

Looks like Our Guy is right in there going toe to toe with a veteran pol who supposedly specializes in this area. The philosophical differences on who they will be fighting for are clear.

Mrs RML and I note how Geez toned down the crazee, but he’s done this a lot, he’s probably not worn out by the road as he was been these past couple of weeks. She says, as the daughter of a man we lost to Alzheimer’s, that it’s possible Geez could be in the early stages of dementia. Her dad could really power up and deal with guests but shut down over the rest of the week. He carried on like that until the last 12-14 months of his life when he really went down hill.

I of course cursed any mention of Ronald Reagan. “He can go to hell,” I just snarled. “He’s already there, honey,” she says from the next room.

If it’s a tie, it goes to the O. He’s like a modern Kennedy, radiating vision, confidence and intelligence.

Verdict from here in Chicago: Obama won. But, then again, we are in the tank for Obama, and we are also royally ripped.

Meanwhile: POW POW POW!

Palin has foreign policy experience because there are missile defense installations in her state, dontcha know, she was hinting incoherently at that with Couric (which, we all know, is the weight measure for human feces). Of course, she doesn’t have the security clearance to know about the installations, and shouldn’t mention them, and would be shot if she went near one. Those missile defense installations are super top secret, noone is allowed to find out they don’t work, after all.

Elitist commentary on Cindy: (1) Extensions. (2) Silly bow on the wench’s bodice. (3) Red pantsuit, just for the PUMAs out there — Patsy Stone… HELLO! magazine. On Michelle: Kenley dress.

@chicago bureau: Holla from ATL. I’m feeling really, really good.

TCP went all Perez Hilton over there with their cock graphic.

I have seen many many corpses that looked better than McCrazy, and they were wearing less makeup.

I am not exxagerating. My Dad was looking bad, dead, last time I saw him, not the guy I knew. Then I go to the funeral home, and there was Dad, and I was amazed, how did they fucking KNOW what he looked like alive and healthy? Well, whoever is doing the makeup on McCain obviously did NOT know what he looked like healthy and alive. He doesn’t need a makeup person, he needs a funeral director.

@chicago bureau: CB or HF? If CB, I didn’t know you were such a fashionista.

Tweety’s spinning Geezer’s “obvious contempt”. I thing it’s going to be called “strong” elsewhere.

I’m on PBS because I’m an elitist and shit, and everyone’s disappointed. Especially Michael Beschloss, who is recounting the good ol days of JFK, Ronnie and Bill.

Lord, obvious contempt from McCain, I didn’t see that, just an addled old fuck who doesn’t realize he’s losing it. Obama was shooting fire and death out of his eyes at McCain a couple times, though.

Well MSNBC seems to call it for McGeezer on first blush (the blush of wine guzzled on the balcony while I overhear the teevee’s whispering inanities).

Can we have an instant replay or something?

@rptrcub: I’m muting the damn TV until Keith’s on. I’m sure all the NBC News suits are happy with things now, but all we’re getting is all of the blather and none of the fun.

@nojo: Exactly. Obama made the mistake of being civilized, when what “wins you points” is being the rudest mofo out there. Call me naive? I call you old. And there were so many times Obama could have fucking nailed PG, when he chose to be all “presidential” and above it all.
Of course, there is the bloodbath next Thursday to look forward to. Unless the unwed teenage daughter goes into premature labor and Mommy has to rush to her side. Which is what I’m betting.

Anyone going to T Boone Pickens’ confab? Can’t wait to see what comes of that.

@Mistress Cynica: Exactly. I want to see Black Eagle’s talons come out. C’mon, peeps, it’s way past time!

In fairness: we look at it as, at least, a draw. But, then again, we are all (a) tanked, and (b) in the tank.

Mistress Cynica: I am straight. Therefore: the response is from our Fearless Leader, the Rt. Hon. Homofascist.

@Pedonator: Did I mention that Pickens keeps trying to be my facebook friend because I used to work for OSU?

24 comments over at cp. Going dark for a while so mrs rml can use mi machina while the boy is reading manga on hers.

Later.

@redmanlaw: I’ve tried to comment over there but the hamsters which were revived aren’t spinning very fast.

@Promnight: Yeah, he seems intent on playing Nixon to Unicorn’s Kennedy. If that makes any sense then the gin must be working, but yeah I think tonight geezer came across as being very very old.

We’re gonna be seeing VP candidate Ghouliani soon, if someone will give me 10 to 1, I’ll bet a hundred. At this point the gossip and rumor mills have McCain’s staff in a freakshit tizzy over her disastrous performance with Couric. At this point I think they’d take out the Sears tower just to cancel her debate.

@redmanlaw: What’s that? Liveblog Smackdown, you say? I, of course, didn’t peek. Uh-uh. Nope. Nosiree.

At least until it ended.

Hey, we all know it, but we keep expecting it to change, in a presidential debate, if the republican doesn’t pull down his pants, shit in his hand, and start throwing it at the audience, and makes it off the stage on his own power, the media will say he won.

@Promnight: If I had a grand to spare, I’d take that bet. Ain’t gonna happen.

And the promo after PBS signs off from debate coverage: RONALD FUCKING REAGAN bringing down the Evil Empire.

(this is BRB) For The Record: I was the one who declared the Michelle dress a “Kenley Dress”, thank you very much. JUST TO BE CLEAR.

I’ve just tried to watch 2 seconds of SeeEnnEnn and I can’t do it.

@Promnight: I think Geezer wins simply by not blowing up. It’s what we all wanted to see.

@Mistress Cynica: Even Republican Oligarchs know you’re special.

@chicago bureau: It was the “Kenley dress” remark that gave it away. No straight guy would know that.

@nojo: There are still two debates to go yet, yes? I think he’s gonna get more tired and more off his meds, unless the Cryptkeeper feeds him some kind of newfangled stimulant that’s only available to the rich and well-connected.

Please, please, please don’t cancel the VP debate!

(BRB) I called the flag pin discrepency, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

and also: McCain can’t look Obama in the eye. Fuck That Cracker.

@Pedonator: This was the home-court debate: foreign policy. The next one’s a “town hall”, which could play both ways. The last one is domestic issues — and, of course, folks only remember the last one.

KO: Why wasn’t Senator McCain wearing a flag lapel pin?

Oh Keith, your journalistic instincts are sharp!

Oh, and I no longer think you’re too sexy for words.

@chicago bureau: Hey! I called the flag pin the day Palin was announced!

But apparently it goes back a long ways. I got bored looking into it, however.

@nojo: Home-court? Why can’t Black Eagle just challenge the Geez to a game of basketball? I’d be willing to call the whole thing on that.

@Pedonator: Thoughts from my evil libtard mind:

Bristol will get sick with a cough but it’ll be played up like it’s life threatening (to the baby; they don’t give a shit about the woman) and Talibunny will pull out for the “good of her family.” More sympathy from the mouthbreathers.

@Pedonator: Jeez, Keith really is a breath of fresh air. Especially following twenty minutes of Gregory.

@rptrcub: And the cameras will pan away, stage right, before the cesarean section delivers a fresh tasty snack for the mouth-breathing ululating attendants of the excorcism.

@nojo: Yeah, but what does the Coop have to say? That’s the crucible.

@rptrcub: I’m not baasing my hunch on the rumors or Palin’s spastic performance, I am basing it on watching video of Lieberman and Giuliani the last two days, they are acting like dogs that know McGeezer has a bone in his pocket and they can’t wait to get it in their mouth and slobber all over it. And not a cabinet appointment later, its VP now they are after. Lieberman greeting McCain’s plane on the tarmac when he gloriously flew into Warshington to save the economy, that was the biggest, most enthusiastic public blowjob I have ever seen in my life.

@Pedonator: Coop? Hell, everyone else has popped in a DVD by now.

But do we have a bailout yet? No? Whatever happened tonight will be forgotten the moment it’s announced.

@Promnight: There are so many disturbing words in that paragraph. McGeezer + bone + slobber + blowjob.

(BRB): I love Keith mentioning that “throwing Kissinger back at McCain” was “physically difficult” Hah.

@Promnight: I do agree with the Family Troubles scenario if it happens (I had a twisted version of it earlier), so let’s move on to the side bet: Before or after the veep debate?

@nojo: Again, please please please let the VP debate commence!

@nojo: Before. Like, three hours before. Emergency, can’t make it. Whoops, no time left for a VP debate with [insert winner of 9ui11iani/Lieberman death match here]. So sorry. Pray for Sarah & her family!

@Mistress Cynica: Ssssh! Don’t wake Palin’s poor retarded baby! (cf: the Onion)

Plugz: “As we Catholics say…”

Yup. He’s been practicing.

I Just Don’t Get The Math = good job, Biden.

(BRB)

@Pedonator: That visual is more disturbing than a fundie Halloween hell house “abortion.”

I wish Plugz wouldn’t keep saying “the American people are smarter thant that.” No, no they aren’t. Not at all. Mr Cyn and I were just staring at each other, saying “OMG that man’s insane and he could be the next president. We are soooo fucked.”

Well, I watched the whole mess on PBS, with no pundits before or after. The Geezer and Hopey both stank. Neither of these two guys knows how to do this shit properly. This is depressing. If I was Joe Blow from Kokomo, I’d think this McCain fella was a pretty decent choice.
I’m gonna get very drunk and pretend it’s 1965 again.

When T. Boone Pickens talks, you hang on edge waiting for the chaw to drop out.

There is no way on earth the VP debate happens. No way. Whether its family crisis, or WWIII, they’ll do what it takes, the obvious is just hold up the bailout and make some insane argument that her economic expertise is needed by her country, after all, she’s the one with executive experience. And she’s glistening with maverickiness. Finding some excuse, manufacturing some crisis, coming up with something, anything, to prevent that debate from happening is all McCain’s staff is focused on now. There’s just no way they can lower expectations enough, she’s hopeless, she’s lost answering one single softball, she cannot be allowed to debate. They may even have to take her out. The McCain campaign will be the ones to release her sex tape.

@Promnight: Terminator — The Sarah Palin Chronicles.

@Promnight: The campaign is certainly doing its best trying to bat down the pageant tape.

@Ewalda: Well I wanted to see Black Eagle swoop down, talons out, and sink his sharpies into the Geez’s wattles. And then feast on the voluminous flesh that used to be the War Hero’s face. But that was not fated to be.

And what was so great about 1965? It couldn’t have been so wonderful, I wasn’t even a zygote yet. And don’t give me some crap about how great Kennedy was. That shit has got to go.

@nojo: Why? Doesn’t that give certain straight men boners classiques thanks to the 1980s imagery?

@Ewalda: But I hope you know I say that lovingly.

@Ewalda: @Pedonator: I think you could still get the really good acid back in ’65. Of course, I was 4.

@Pedonator: Kennedy was killed in 1963, and the national mourning was just about done by 1965.
Hmmmm, 1965. All the Great Society legislation was getting passed. Vietnam was some minor annoyance far away. The stock market was setting records. The Deutchmark was worth 25 fucking cents. The first real muscle/pony cars were hitting the showrooms. And I kissed a real live girl for the first time.

@Mistress Cynica: That would have made kindergarten very, very interesting.

Can I just say that Peggy Lipton first made me imagine that perhaps my tongue might be used as some sort of sexual pleasure apparatus? It had not occurred to me previously. Thank you Peggy, wherever you are.
Is it a coincidence that my eventual wife was wearing that same top as Peggy in the picture above, the day I met her?

@Ewalda: (BRB ici): You know where I remember Peggy Lipton from? Twin Peaks.

I is gonna talk seriously about Palin now. I am not throwing invective here. I am serious, completely.

This here place, filled with fucking brilliant people all of whom, I just know, walk through their lives bewildered at how dumb most people are, mystified at how, in a world of idiots, dumb people actually have an easier time succeeding than smart people, all of us, we’ve had to grapple with the inexplicable, but verifiable, fact, that idiots succeed more easily than geniuses. This is the onliest place I know of I can say these things. You all have pondered this enigma. I know it. Its why we have cultivated sarcasm and cynicism and love Python.

Because of this state of the world, I have long been fascinated by the various varieties and flavors of stupid out there in the world. I have made a science of it. At this point in my life, it takes me about 5 minutes in someone’s presence to figure out just what kind of dumb they are (examining what kind of dumb I am has helped, because I am dumb too).

The ones who fascinate me most are the morons who pass for smart, to the stupid.

First off, theres the obvious difference between ignorant and informed. But information is not intelligence. Knowing lots of stuff does not mean you are smart. A file cabinet has lots of information in it, but its still a fucking piece of furniture. On the other hand, there are people I have known who don’t know much, but they have enormous intelligence.

Palin is neither of those.

There are people who are amazingly skilled in facile tricks of logic, very quick to make surface level intuitive leaps, make great analogies that appeal on a superficial level. But they are absolutely clueless of deeper meaning, and unable to make the subtle distinctions. These kind can fool lots of people, they are the heroes of the stupid. Limbaugh. They can do well in law school, Yoo, the facile, superficially logical but deeply flawed analyses of the Bush legal team that justified torture fall into this category. But not Palin. She can’t even make superficial connections, on her own.

There are dull grinds, medium intellects who work so fucking hard its pathetic and can always regurgitate some thoughts that they have absorbed, well enough to be first in their class, magna cum laude, but never made an original intuitive leap in their lives. Lots of information in their brains, no judgment as to when it applies and when it doesn’t, can’t male appropriate analogies. Condi Rice, maybe, if that, falls here. Nope, Palin doesn’t have that.

Then there are the ignorant ones, not much information, and not much cognition either, no logical coherence to their thoughts, but somehow, someway, they have some simplistic animal cunning that is amazingly effective. They at least have some visceral understanding of that animal part of human nature, they know the lower emotions and motivations, if not the higher ones, and can be effective socially, in the right context. Thats W. But Palin doesn’t even seem to have that.

Those kinds of stupid can pass, and make it, I have seen it, many many times.

There is a personality trait unconnected with these things, that can also produce a crude appearance of intelligence. And that is cocksureness, people who have no idea at all, none, of their own limitations. Completely without self-doubt. These people will just keep forging ahead, keep insisting against all evidence they are right, will never accept they are wrong, never waiver or falter and just stick to whatever simplistic ideas they are able to get their mind around.

Its when thiss personality trait is combined with any of the above, that a person can overcome anything and everything and succeed despite being really quite dumb. Again, W.

Palin’s problem is all she has is the cocksureness, without even some semblance of intelligence or some modicum of information to combine with it. You can see it in her few interviews. She has memorized lots of words, but you can’t even say she possesses any information, because she doesn’t know what the words mean.

She’s a total fucking moron, is what am getting at. She doesn’t even possess the animal instincts of Bush, or the ability of a grind like Condi to at least understand the logic of thoughts she could never come up with on her own.

She’s a tape recorder, a parrot, a mynah bird. She can deliver a memorized script quite well. Has just enough intelligence to understand comedic timing, which surprises me. Must have some level of emotional intelligence, which I, as a borderline apsergers geek, totally lack.

But her problem is that once she is off script, even stupid people will be able to tell she is stupid.

And thats why she simply cannot be allowed to debate.

@nojo: I was gonna mention that pageant tape, every time I follow a link to see it, its been removed. Funny, that.

@Pedonator: Pedo, the year you first kissed a girl will always and forever be “the good old days” to you, I think. For me it was the Carter years, yes, the fucking Carter years, disco and gas lines (at least it was still $0.30 a gallon) and the BeeGees, its my golden time. An ounce of columbian for $30, and the cops wouldn’t even bother to bust you for it, just make you give it to them, what nice guys, the president was in favor of decriminalization, back then. The 18 year drinking age. Cocaine. The Good Old days. Before Reagan.

@Promnight: I remember from somewhere in school in a gifted class (yeah yeah yeah) a poster of a sea monster holding the different levels of Bloom’s taxonomy, representing different levels of thinking (from lowest to highest):

1. Knowledge: arrange, define, duplicate, label, list, memorize, name, order, recognize, relate, recall, repeat, reproduce state.
2. Comprehension: classify, describe, discuss, explain, express, identify, indicate, locate, recognize, report, restate, review, select, translate,
3. Application: apply, choose, demonstrate, dramatize, employ, illustrate, interpret, operate, practice, schedule, sketch, solve, use, write.
4. Analysis: analyze, appraise, calculate, categorize, compare, contrast, criticize, differentiate, discriminate, distinguish, examine, experiment, question, test.
5. Synthesis: arrange, assemble, collect, compose, construct, create, design, develop, formulate, manage, organize, plan, prepare, propose, set up, write.
6. Evaluation: appraise, argue, assess, attach, choose compare, defend estimate, judge, predict, rate, core, select, support, value, evaluate.

We were told to aspire to the last three of these. I am not sure how she fits into 4, 5, and 6.

OMG this post-debate analysis is only tolerable because I’m happily dunk with CB, BRB,andHF this isflippin). Did everyone know that CB has the most fucking awesome view of L. Mich. in all of Chicago? Anyway, I shouldn’t be typing but I needed to inject a moment of levity in this heavy heavy talk. Did ayone miss the fact I’m drunk? -flippin

@chicago bureau: This is HF – for the str8 single boys, flippin’ is really cute too!

Intelligence to me is the ability to categorize information, sort it appropriately, and most importantly, the ability to use information acquired in the past, and apply it to new situations in the present, make appropriate analogies, discard false analogies, and make accurate predictions. Each moment in our lives is a new situation, intelligence is the ability to use the experience of past situations to give one an edge in the new situation. “What do we do now?” “Well, I’ve never been in this situation, but in the past, I was in these similar situations, and based on that, I think we should do this.” If you are right, you are smart, if you are wrong, you are dumb. If you try to re-fight the cold war against a small underground ideological terrorist group, you are a moron. If you think Iraq is the same as Vietnam, and that the only thing lacking in Vietnam was the will to win, you are a moron. If you think using the Nazi method of governing, keeping your real agenda secret while hyping nationalism, fear, and racism to keep the public on your side (the neocon doctrine) you are a moron. Have they never considered what happened to the Nazis?

If CB keeps speaking in tongues, we’re sending in the exorcists.

@nojo:
Flipin is channeling CB, or something. Actually, I believe that the bunch of them are completely crocked and are all using CB’s laptop, willy-nilly. I’ll bet there is some willy-nilly to come tonight in Chi-town, followed by vomiting and eventual sloppy sleep…..

Meanwhile, not sure when he’ll reveal himself, but…

CHAINSAW IS INDAHOUSE.

@Ewalda: The Chicago Cynics/Stinquers haven’t blown chunks yet. We can hold our (copious amounts of) liquor.

Hey, guys, whazzup –

/lifts still cold open beers, peering in looking for cigarette butts and chunky back wash as it appear that the Chicago contingent has drank everything in the house and is now over at fleshbot getting something for everyone

Nice party, Nojo. Who barfed in the houseplant and thought the fish tank would be a great place to cool beer?

Our Queen is on msnbc now and is smokin’ hot in black.

@Ewalda: Don’t let them fool you. The boys are all Teh gay for Rachel and pretty mellow. The most lively bit here at the mo is who can spot hanky-panky in the building next to us…CB, where’s your telescope?

@redmanlaw: Christ, you got me all excited. I thought That Charpentier Woman was on MSNBC but it’s just stuffy old Maddow. She’s not enough to get me watching TV again, sorry.

@Ewalda: Them there is fightin’ words. (on behalf of CB, HF, BRB and myself)

@flippin eck: I envy you. I have several spotting scopes and tripods, but these days I live in a one-story rancher in a suburban neighborhood. Wish I had an urban landscape to scope out. Instead I get to watch boids, etc, instead of boobs, etc.

@Ewalda: History always defeats me.. Guess I can’t learn from it ‘less I learn it first. Sorry for the anachronisms, though in pulp fiction I find them charming.

Damn peeps, I was distracted by a phone call from a childhood friend I haven’t talked to in way too long. And he’s a long-since-reformed Republican, but I’m still not sure which way he’s voting.

I have no telescope. What: do you think I really want to see old people out my window? I have the Hallmark Channel on my teevee (I think), but I sure as hell don’t watch it.

Meanwhile, the party has just broken up. Srsly: HF (as outfuckingstanding as advertised), flippin (cuter than Maddow, if that is even possible) and BRB (he’s Canadian spent time in Canada — which is yumtastic) were tha bomb for coming out tonight for our Chicago get-together. And, yes: they can all hold a few drinks in them, thank ya.

Thankfully, I Tivo’d the debate for full, sober reflection over the weekend. But a party was had. It was totally tears of AWESOME good.

CHAINSAW GODDAMMIT! I’ve been sending you comments! I saw Religulous last night, and there was a bomb threat at the theater. I wrote about it here while on the train ride home.

@chicago bureau: Hmmmm…I propose that the Delaware Valley Stinquers have a VP debate get together (like on Prommie’s YACHT), and we’ll out party you Chi-Townies. Indeed.

@Pedonator: I hope your childhood friends are not as toxic and mind-numbingly stupid as mine. Witness the following recent email exchange with an asshole who was a high school friend:
Me: Last night I had a dream that featured Paula.
She was as kind, and funny, and lovable as she was all those years ago, yet I knew she’s been dead for years, and so did she. She told me that the fact she was dead didn’t matter, and we needed to enjoy our dream-time like we enjoyed the experience while we were both alive.
John, I don’t pretend to know the nature of our lives, and I can’t pretend to understand how or why we’re here. Any reality beyond death is unknowable.
All I know is that I miss her in this life, and that none of us ever becomes nearly who we wished to be.
John: I’ve never had those type of thoughts.
I know that at age 57, I am closer to the grave than the cradle and I do my best to avoid thoughts of what lies ahead, if anything, when we die.
I have given some more time to those thoughts as I have put my mother into a nursing home and she is one of a few direct relatives from the generation prior to me.

What a fucking braindead douchebag.

@Promnight: Thursday is beer and pizza night here. Check out some of the coverage over at HuffPo to the effect that the chick is clueless.

McCain: “I’ve been here, I’ve been there, I’ve been every fucking where.”

Tha Eagle: “So what, so what, you boring little fuck.”

The candidates cover “So What?”

@nojo: T. Boone: I like the way you talk. And them French fried taters.

@Ewalda: Have you read, The Great and Secret Show? Clive Barker is meh, but there is a thread that runs through the book about a sea (I beleive) called “Quiditty.” Dumbass name but coolass concept. You float on the sea in your dreams three times in your life: When you are first born, when you first sleep next to your one true love (and you’re there together) and when you die. He describes it so beautifully that is struck some sort of chord for this reluctant atheist. It’s a fun fantasy read, and it’s one of the few books I’ve read more than once.

@Ewalda: I think it’s time you wrote that Dear John letter.

Srsly, I sympathize. He probably not only never had those types of thoughts, but few thoughts of any kind at all. It’s sad to have to be so harsh, but hey, truth.

@JNOV: The guitar player from the Minutemen?

‘Night all. Gotta go up to the ranch tomorrow for some dump runs and to help a guy fix a fence at his place.

I hear someone got mauled by a mountain lion up near the Taos ski area. Must have got to them before they could draw a bead on the cat or pull out the bear whoop ass. They were packing, weren’t they?

/appalled by the amount of crap I carry in the woods

Fuck, I’ve just mixed Wild Turkey 101 with caffeine-free diet Pepsi and decided it didn’t taste too bad. It’s time to go to bed.

@JNOV: For some reason we have conflated free speech and freedom of religion and think they mean that we can’t criticize people who talk to their imaginary friends in the sky.

Yay JNOV! Reminds me of a recent work “fun” lunch, attended by a mixture of theists, where I casually mentioned (in context) that I didn’t believe in “some white guy in the sky” who “knows when we are sleeping, and knows when we’re awake, and knows when we’ve been bad and good so be good for goodness’ sake”. Along with references to the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy. There was a brief moment of silence at that, and the conversation quickly moved on to another topic.

I fully support the religious’ right to speak teh crazy. I just don’t want to be singled out as a freak when I speak up for reason, logic, human brain function, etc.

@Pedonator: Maher just might have said something similar, but I’ve been saying it for YEARS. I just don’t have the comedian bully pulpit…yet.

Looks like y’all had a great time. I should have stayed at home and blogged with y’all. Had fun watching the debate at my friend’s house with teh gheyz until his 100 pound dog bit my hand halfway through the debate. Alcohol consumption went through the roof at that point and now my hand is swollen and it hurts to type. Plus I have a vicious hangover. Speaking of hangovers, how are the Chicagoans doing?

I’m going to be on a business trip next week and supposed to be attending an official business dinner at the same time as Talibunny-Plugz debate. I think I may get “sick” if my hotel has wi-fi.

@SanFranLefty: OMG, honey. Do you have a doc that will call in some prophylactic anitbiotics for you? Always a good idea if you get bitten, according to my vet. Otherwise, soak it in hydrogen peroxide (pretend it’s a manicure) and keep it slathered with neosporin.
Cynica, not an MD, but raised by hypochondriacs.

@Mistress Cynica: Hmm. I only have three punctures on my hand – it’s more that the muscles and finger bones hurt and it’s super-swollen. I will try the hydrogen peroxide – ice has done nothing. I have a giant bottle of antibiotics for when I go to the dentist, I will call the doc’s office to see if I should take them. Actually, as I look down and notice that one hand is twice the size of the other, I wonder if I should go to the doctor. Not how I want to spend my weekend, though.

@SanFranLefty: The peroxide shoudl help. Also, with puncture wounds, you want to be sure you have an up-to-date tetanus shot. Nothing worse than trying to get medical attention on a weekend. Sorry, honey — that sucks.

@SanFranLefty: Please go to the doctor, Dear SFL. You’ll get it cleaned, maybe an x-ray, and they’ll wrap it and give you good drugs. Don’t believe that “a dog’s mouth is cleaner…” stuff. There may be fewer germs in a dog’s mouth than in a human’s, but there still are germs there. Please feel better.

@SanFranLefty: Missed you much during the debates, dear! And yeah – I’d see a doctor about the bite. JNOV is right – dogs may have fewer germs to start with, but they put very germy things in their mouths. At least it was a friend’s dog, not a stray, so you know you aren’t gonna get any wild diseases since it’s had its shots.

@Promnight: You might yet win that bet…

Ed Schultz, via Sully:

The campaign has held a mock debate and a mock press conference; both are being described as “disastrous.” One senior McCain aide was quoted as saying, “What are we going to do?” The McCain people want to move this first debate to some later, undetermined date, possibly never. People on the inside are saying the Alaska Governor is “clueless.”

I have no idea how good Ed’s sources are, but I’m sure nobody doubts that the Rovians know the pig as well as the lipstick.

Meanwhile, all Plugz has to do is answer questions clearly and concisely. The rest will take care of itself.

@nojo: Too bad the candidates can’t ask each other questions. Biden would be able to ask: “Sister Sarah, are these the End Times? Will you be the gatekeeper of Apocalypse and usher in the Rapture?” She’d either have to answer truthfully or deny her craziness and be stoned to death by the assemblies of god.

@SanFranLefty: Did Psychogeezer incite the animal to attack you? What did he say?

Ladies and Gentlemen: FlyingChainSaw.

@JNOV: Where? Where are you sending the comments? I didn’t see them. Honest saw!

@FlyingChainSaw: Ummm… I think I was supposed to forward JNOV’s comments to you. Never trust the intern.

@nojo: Um, FCS has already been back. In case you missed this one:

Hunter, Greg, whoever runs the shithouse at CP:

Please take my fucking name off of the masthead and delete any bio data related to FCS on the site. Please kill all posts and comments by me as well. I will not be party to some half-assed attempt to transform that brilliant improvisational venue into another snarky half-informed blog.

I won’t argue about how you examined the visitor metrics and how the data was cut because it is clear you just don’t understand the gold you have in hand. You are the kind of guys who would show up at an Ornette Coleman concert and snark at notes that are out of cadence.

@homofascist: Must be an impostor. Not even a hint of bestiality.

@FlyingChainSaw: @homofascist: I checked by this afternoon and they’d taken down the whole masthead.

@Mistress Cynica: It’s up there now with FCS’s name attached. The only change I noticed is that they changed Megan’s title to “Blogger Emeritus.” They still have my FCS by the nutz.

NoooJoooooo! I am waiting with bated breath for the first episode of Stinky after Dark. Keep thinking “stinky pinky.” Southern expression used when having achieved digital penetration, AKA third base.

When you think about it, adolescents have way more self-control than adults. You could get all hot and bothered, when you were 16, necking, dry humping, but there were these boundaries all strictly enforced, and crossed only after an elaborate lengthy ritual of escalation over a period of days.

You get a little bit older, collegey-ish, or after, and there is some vestige of restraint, it can still happen you can make out, kiss passionately, and not go on to seal the deal. You get a little older, and there is no way on god’s green earth that you put your hands down someone’s pants, or they put their hands down yours, without all pants quickly disappearing.

Later still, by 35 or 40, a glance, an overtly flirtatious remark, and its over.

Nope, adolescents have amazing willpower, or did when I was a kid, adults, they’re the ones helpless to their hormones.

@Promnight: I considered Stinque After Darque, but I didn’t like the acronym. So now it’s Stanque. Same dirt, new name.

@nojo: Beautiful! Stanque panque? Rhymes with hanque panque!

@FlyingChainSaw: And may I hear an “Amen!!” Bring the freak out to play!

Let them see what freaks the fundies be. They not care for you, or your family, or their neighbours. They only care for themselves.

They want to make sure they are saved and have a good view of the heathens suffering as they are raised up and held in the arms of Jeebus!

Smug Bastards. Hate them.

@CheapBoy: There you are! I missed you!

@nojo: @Promnight: In my head, I heard “stank” meaning “rank” as in “stank-ass ho.” “Skeezer” and “hoochie” or “hoochie mamma” also got a lot of play where I grew up.

But what are the derogatories for men? I can only think of “douche,” and yet that is tied to female genitalia. I guess “dick” works, but there’s no really good word for hoochie daddies.

@undercoverother: Manwhore comes to mind. Munt (man + cunt).

@rptrcub: See, but they are derived from words used to debase women. I do like the sound of “munt,” though…

@undercoverother: You’re obviously much more clued in than I am, but the stank here is “the smell of sex”, viz., “she got her stank on my hangdown,” a 2000-era phrase from a comedian a friend of mine likes.

@undercoverother: Manwhore. Gigolo. Hustler. Trick. Diddler. Skeeve. Snake. Baller. Johnny Appleseed.

@nojo: Have you considered “Spanque”? [edit] or “Swanque,” like a 1950s “men’s” magazine?

@BRB: Spanque is very good — so good I’ll have to fret about it.

And the magazine reference is spot-on — the typeface I used for Stanque is inspired by a Fifties-style logo a friend cooked up for me. (But I was already wedded to the Harper’s allusion — and that lovely Q — so I went with Trajan.)

My friend only knows these things from design books, but his logo immediately brought me back to stacks of Argosy at the barbershop when I was a kid.

@BRB: I’m checking Spanque with my Creative Consultant — he breaks my internal tie votes.

@BRB: Consultant has voted. Spanque wins!

We have to get a copy of the Palin beauty pageant tape and post it with commentary and breakout blow-ups of her backside and crotch. We will resist to the bitter end and get the Stinque on the front page of the NYTimes for our noble resolve and tastelessness.

@FlyingChainSaw: Spanking Speaking of which, once your first post is up, one of us needs to tell C&L where the Talibunny Master moved to.

@nojo: Woo hoo! Glad to contribute, you know, what I can. And I love the header’s typeface/look, btw.

Spanque!…yes, sir. I’ll have another.

[edit] – Actually, I should just come out and say that I like “Stinque” as a brand/header better than CP just generally. I don’t mean that as a way to pit the two of them against each other; I know you’re trying to avoid that. I just mean that it reminds me of Suck, everyone’s favorite precursor to Slate, Salon and Wonkette. “Cynics’ Party,” while fine and functional, always seemed a little vague to me in terms of tone. “Stinque” possesses a persnickety panache that is anything but vague.

@BRB: Spanque is brilliant. And Nojo, the first thing I noticed on this site was the bloody awesome Q. Former/current copy editors and graphic designers unite! Do I show my geek flag if I confess that since I was a kid I have loved the letter Q and if I ever breed I fear my chillin will have Q names. I guess I could name my next dog Atticus Quinn or Quincy Thurgood. (Yes there’s a do-gooder attorney theme going too).

Actually, I like the name Spanque.com better than Stinque.com.

You can call your bloggers Spanquers or Spanquettes.

@FlyingChainSaw: Oh, I disagree. “Stinque” works because it has a political as well as scatalogical edge (raise a stink, they think their shit don’t stink, etc.). Spanque is too sexual to work for the site as a whole, in my opinion. Also, the present tag line is perfect, since it derives from that saying “on it like stink on shit,” meaning you’re persuing something in a dogged manner, which is perfect for this type of site. I don’t know, I didn’t mean to mess with the formula in general – I think it’s catchy and concise; I just had one little suggestion for this little squanquy corner of it.

@BRB: Too many Quooques in the Quitchen! I’ll leave it up to Nojo.

@FlyingChainSaw: BeRightBack is right on why stinque is better than spanque- though Spanque works for all the right and wrong reasons for the weekly After Darque segment…

Yay for BRB and Spanque!

@SanFranLefty: Did you go to the doctor? Did you talk about it on some other thread? (Catching up, here.)

You guys have such filthy minds. I was just thinking of the punishment angle. Spanque doesn’t just mock, it brutalizes the guilty. That’s all. If you guys jump right into imagining guys in rubber face masks tying people up and stuff that doesn’t mean normal people will, too.

@FlyingChainSaw: I confess I immediately think of spanking….monkeys. And they always end up liking it, dirty li’l bastards.

And ignore undercoverother. I know her well, and she’s a little too earnest while working.

@JNOV: I spent most of today trying to see the doc, despite that clusterfuck at the urgent care center and at the pharmacy am on my knees thanking FSM for having any sort of health insurance (the past ten hours were a lesson as to how much I am lucky to have a Blue Shield card in comparison to the people in the hospital and pharmacy waiting rooms who have no insurance and/or can’t quite qualify for Medi-Cal [my state’s name for Medicaid]). Apparently I did get some sort of dog-spit infection to explain the catcher’s mitt on my hand, and I have to take a shitload of antibiotics for the next 2 weeks. Did not score any pain pills and was told to take beyond the recommended dose of ibuprofen instead. Have decided to self medicate instead with what’s on hand (so to speak) in the house.

@BRB: Did somebody say “Suck”?

(Duck drops down, audience erupts in applause.)

Not on my mind when I was trying to come up with a decent (and available) domain name, but soon as I did, the comparison was pleasurably unavoidable.

@FlyingChainSaw: Alas — just checked — spanque.com is already taken. I was going to buy it if available, and keep it handy to launch our Lad Mag spinoff, which you would edit.

@BRB: Not to worry, Stinque is not up for debate. (Well, okay, nothing stops debate here, but I get to be dictator on occasion.) I wanted something that inherently suggested a broader range of subjects than just politics, but still conveyed that frisson of attitude we enjoy.

(No, I am not a fan of the word “snark”. It’s an emoticon slap in the classic face of satire.)

There’s also a subtle game going on with the design and muted colors: I want the posts themselves to jump out, especially Chainsaw’s posts. The site design is a droll straight man to the absurdist content. If every pixel were screaming for attention, we’d lose focus from why the site exists — the writers, both above and below the timestamp.

(I still can’t get over “below the timestamp”. Gimme a few days, it’ll get out of my system.)

@nojo: I pretend “snark” is, in fact, not a word at all, but rather the sound of a small, annoying dog barking.

I love that this discussion broke out while I’ve been catching up on old Mad Men episodes in my other browser. Now I just need Chicago Bureau to come over and make me a Manhattan.

All that brown….and then the little cherry!

@SanFranLefty: Creative Consultant and I are trying to fit a decent Q within the 16×16 space provided by browser icons, but so far, no luck. (Creative Consultant is my partner in that MDG blurb lurking at the bottom of the page.) Once that’s settled, the iPhone icon will be a snap.

@SanFranLefty: Oh, Darling. I’m glad you were seen, though. W/r/t MediCal, I used to work in a hospital in the San Joaquin Valley, and many of our patients were on MediCal. I was about to ultrasound a woman who didn’t speak English, and the tech that was assisting me sneered, “She’s a MediCal.” And I sneered back, “She’s a patient.”

Remember that study that showed that medical professionals unknowingly treat people of different races differently? My third year in grad school, JNOVJr almost went and died on me, and he was in the hospital for nine days. There was a marked change in our treatment when they found out: a) I used to be a medic, and b) I was in law school. Up until that point, we were being treated as unsophisticated (love using that word in a legal context) consumers, and I have no doubt that part of it was due to our skin color. “Ohhhhhh, you’re a student at Fancee Pantz law school? Ohhhhhh, you know how to change an IV bag?” Even though doctors are our arch enemies (kidding, sort of), attitudes and even treatment changed once people found out I was a student. And I told them I was “about to go ghetto up in [there]” if they fucked around with my kid one more time. I’m all for teaching hospitals, but they were consistently poking my child in the wrong place, and it had to stop. So, I guess they made assumptions about us that were dispelled and then reinforced?

@JNOV:How scary w/ JNOV Jr. I was brainwashed by my mother to accept all that poking and prodding that teaching hospitals do to you, but that is because when I was a little girl our family made too much money for Medicaid and not enough money or good enough jobs or due to my pre-existing conditions to qualify for health insurance, and I had a catastrophic congenital medical condition, and I shit thee not but if it were not for those wacky Shriners with their creepy hats and tricycles and their “Crippled Children’s Fund” (as it was called in the non-P.C. early ’70s) to pay for life-saving surgeries, I would not be here snarking with you. So some of my earliest childhood memories are being dragged to the Texas teaching hospitals in front of classrooms of hundreds of med students for them to each take their turn examining me, because it was some sort of karmic payback (in my crazy mother’s mind) for the fact that old men who dress up in clown suits paid for the surgery that kept me alive.

And we wonder why I’m cynical? Or why clowns creep me out?

@nojo: It’s a gorgeous Q. I was working on a 16th century book last week, and was totally enchanted by the beautiful Qs, which looked very much like this one.

I am still waiting to hear if I can get even really crappy high deductible insurance. Given my pre-existing conditions, I doubt it. My first brush with the criminal justice system this weekend left me amazed at how quickly and easily people can start treating you like crap. I’ll admit, I’ve lived an exceedingly privileged life, and have never had to deal with someone treating me like scum. It was quite the education, and I was reduced to tears in no time flat.

@SanFranLefty: FSMdamn! I am so sorry for those traumatic experiences, and I am SOOOOO HAPPY that they saved your life. So very, very happy.

I’d never seen a real-life Shriner until I was in Storm Lake, Iowa meeting my ex-boyfriend’s family one 4th of July. And there were the Shriners, big-assed men stuffed into miniature fire engines and clown cars driving crazy circles in the parade. They thought they were entertaining the children, but those kids were terrified.

@Mistress Cynica: It’s all about power — people think that you lose a measure of your humanity when you’re in some sort of trouble, be it illness or legal trouble or being just plain poor. Hell, even old. Capitalism is It’s all about getting power and keeping it. Even the illusion of power is enough to make people crazy and lord over others. And they try to take a piece of you when you’re helpless. I have been powerless most of my life. And that is why I’m a Socialist at heart.

@SanFranLefty: Training ground for Indian Health Service dentists here. I lost a friend a few years ago when the Rez clinic diagnosed him with pneumonia, told him to take Tylenol, and get some rest. Turns out dude’s chest pains were actually a massive heart attack.* On the other hand, they have been very good about taking care of my dad.

/switched over the Headbanger’s Ball after Metal Mania got all ballad-y. And I’m skipping the drink before bed. The Sword are cool, btw.

* and you know there was a big settlement under the Federal Tort Claims Act for that one

@SanFranLefty: My grandfather was a Shriner, but he never rode in the clown cars, though he did wear the funny hat. When I was about 12 or 13, he took the family to Hawaii on a trip sponsored by his SHriner’s “temple.” The tour guide, coming to meet a group from the “Hejaz Temple” was expecting a group of elderly Jews, and had taken great pains to insure a pork-free luau. Wackiness ensued, needless to say.

@JNOV: The minute one is vulnerable, the jackals appear. Is it something in the deepest, darkest part of our lizard brain that makes us turn on the weak? And isn’t that what “civilization” is supposed to prevent? So fucking depressing.

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