Let’s skip the throat-clearing and cut to the chase:

“My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. You know I just, I don’t understand it.”

Time was when she bothered to code her messages. Glad to see she’s found her voice.

Clinton cites Kennedy assassination in primaries [AP]

Update: “I regret that if my referencing that moment of trauma for our entire nation and in particular the Kennedy family was in any way offensive. I certainly had no intention of that whatsoever,” the former first lady said.

No, no, of course not. Mission Accomplished!

Clinton apologies for Kennedy remark [AP]

(Note to copy desk: Please insert something about candidate’s medical report, just enough to make room for Yet Another Adult Swim Graphic, and lead readers to the link headline below. If you can fit in “Buttocks unremarkable except for some very light tan freckling,” more’s the better. Kthxbai, noj.)

John McCain and his ‘unremarkable’ buttocks [LA Times]

Breaking news from the Oz cultural beat: the hallowed pub crawl is under threat from nanny-state politicians. Late-night patrons would be refused re-entry after leaving, and establishments would be required to close their doors as early as 2 a.m.

“This would prevent all-night pub crawls and drunken louts wandering the streets from watering hole to watering hole,” reports the Opera House rag.

Even more stunning: “The ministers also agreed to a ban of fruit-flavoured and confectionary-flavoured cigarettes by December 2009.”

With Australia’s reputation already under attack from New Zealand’s fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo, Americans are now forced to consider whether consumption of Foster’s supports an oppressive regime, and whether to switch to Steinlager instead.

Locks go on late night pub crawls [Sydney Morning Herald]

Match the gazillionaire with the Unicorn evaluation:

1) “I personally think he would be a terrible president.”

2) “I will be very happy if he is elected president.”

Hint: Neither is Donald Trump, who is not a plutocrat but a failed reality-series star.

Did you guess right?

1) Carl Icahn, who fears raising taxes on the filthy rich will ruin the economy.

2) Warren Buffett, who has parlayed his Margaritaville royalties into a major fortune.

Thanks for playing!

Billionaires differ on Obama [Boston Globe]

Now that Shrub has taken the walk of shame after his Arabian night, oil executives are back in Washington, calling on Americans to “send a signal to the world about the United States’ resolve to deal with its own energy problems.” Their visionary plan calls for smaller cars, more public transportation, substantial tax credits for hybrids—

Oops. Got that mixed up with the Tralfamador news feed.

No, what they want is to suck Alaska dry, or what’s left of Alaska after global warming takes care of the rest. A few more million barrels a day should do it:

“If the nation set a goal of increasing domestic production by 2 (million) to 3 million barrels a day by opening up new sources of exploration and production, we could demonstrate to the world that we are in control of our own destiny,” Shell Oil Co. President John Hofmeister told a Senate panel today.

The problem, of course, is that Americans are already taking matters into their own hands: Because of high prices, oil imports are expected to fall for the first time since 1977.

Oil execs ask Congress to allow more U.S. drilling [Houston Chronicle]

The folks left the keys on the dresser, so I’m taking the jalopy for a spin. If anyone asks, that dent is from Mr. Wilson’s lawnmower.

Your thrashing selections for today:

Salon on WaPo on Hillbot on Unicorn (Salon)

Teddy has brain tumor — no, for real! (Raw Story)

Oh, and I hear a couple of states are pretending that we live in a democracy today. Note to broadcasters: It’s ORYGUN, dammit!