• 20,000 ponies
• HotOrNot
• Lunar Robot
• Twins!
• 5,000,000 4,700,000 4,400,000 gallons of gas
• 200,000 tickets to Get Smart
• Super Light Bulb
• Cowboys Stadium
• Peace and fucking quiet

Obama Campaign Open to Helping Clinton Pay Off $20 Million Debt [Bloomberg]

Plugs website: Even

Announces third-party candidacy: 5-1

Swallows raw egg: 15-1

Reveals she’s been Heather Locklear all along: 3-1

Chelsea opens 2016 campaign: 10-1

Lanny Davis insists afterward she didn’t say whatever she said: 2-1

Bites head off bat: 30-1

“It’s still June, you never know”: 20-1

Earth cracks open, Devil takes his spawn back to Hades: Even

Concedes graciously: 100-1

HILLARY. You didn’t do anything; you never do anything; you never mix. You just sit around and talk.

BARRY. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to act like you? Do you want me to go around all night braying at everybody, the way you do?

HILLARY. (Braying.) I DON’T BRAY!

BARRY. (Softly.) All right… you don’t bray.

HILLARY. (Hurt.) I do not bray.

BARRY. All right. I said you didn’t bray.

HILLARY. (Pouting.) Make me a drink.

We’re told by Programming that the show finally ends tonight — or maybe tomorrow, you know how those finales are. And while we know how much you’ve enjoyed it, your cards and letters aren’t enough to justify the ongoing production costs, and we think it’s best to stop now on a high note. But be sure to tune in next week when we debut our new summer sitcom, Psychogeezer & Son, about a lovably cantankerous junkyard owner and his adopted manchild who just can’t talk sense into him. You hear that, Cindy? I’m coming to join you, honey!

In case you missed last weekend’s Democratic Unity Message, here’s a refresher.

Ickes Sees “Perversion” at the DNC Meeting [ABC]

Ickes On MI Proposal: “Gall And Chutzpah” [National Journal]

Harold Ickes’ parting shot suggests more Democratic turmoil [LAT]

After D.N.C. Verdict, Ickes Threatens Convention Fight [NYO]

The Ickes Threat: Empty or Not? [CQ]

Clinton’s 17 Million Reasons, Ickes’ Anger [NYDN]

Harold Ickes Is Not Happy [MoJo]

Saturday? Never happened.