Title: “Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again”

Author: Donald Trump

Rank: 23

Blurb: “Look at the state of the world right now. It’s a terrible mess, and that’s putting it mildly. There has never been a more dangerous time.”

Review: “I have yet to read the book, but included in my order was a hand written note that stated ‘you are truly idiotio for purchasing this book F*** you’.”

Customers Also Bought: “Stealing America: What My Experience with Criminal Gangs Taught Me about Obama, Hillary, and the Democratic Party” by Dinesh D’Souza

Footnote: We’re sorry — who are you again? You say you’re running for President? You the supplement shill with the pyramids and the Jesus buddy painting and the stabbed friend and advice for armed robbers to shoot helpless clerks? No? Never mind.

Crippled America [Amazon]

Title: “100 Deadly Skills: The SEAL Operative’s Guide to Eluding Pursuers, Evading Capture, and Surviving Any Dangerous Situation”

Author: Clint Emerson

Rank: 9

Blurb: “In today’s increasingly dangerous world, threats to your personal safety are everywhere. From acts of terror to mass shootings, and from the unseen (and sometimes virtual) matrix of everyday crime, danger is no longer confined to dark alleys or unstable regions. Potentially life-threatening circumstances can arise anywhere, anytime, and Clint Emerson — former Navy SEAL — wants you to be prepared.”

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Title: “Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win”

Authors: Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

Rank: 2

Blurb: “Jocko Willink and Leif Babin share hard-hitting, Navy SEAL combat stories that translate into lessons for business and life. With riveting first-hand accounts of making high-pressure decisions as Navy SEAL battlefield leaders, this book is equally gripping for leaders who seek to dominate other arenas.”

Special Bonus Blurb: “This is the SEAL Leadership book we have been waiting for.” —Roger Ailes

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Title: “Good Profit: How Creating Value for Others Built One of the World’s Most Successful Companies”

Author: Charles G. Koch

Rank: 10

Blurb: “In 1961, Charles Koch joined his father’s Wichita-based company, then valued at $21 million. Six years later, he was named chairman of the board and CEO of Koch Industries, Inc. Today, Koch Industries’ estimated worth is $100 billion — making it one of the largest private companies in the world.”

Blurbs From Fellow One-Percenters…

“Charles Koch is a genuine patriot, and his lifelong mission is to make America as strong and free as she can be.” (John Schnatter, CEO Papa John’s Pizza)

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Title: “A More Perfect Union: What We the People Can Do to Reclaim Our Constitutional Liberties”

Authors: Ben Carson and Candy Carson

Rank: 9

Blurb: “I believe that making a difference starts with understanding our amazing founding document, the U.S. Constitution. And as someone who has performed brain surgery thousands of times, I can assure you that the Constitution isn’t brain surgery.”

Review: “America needs his wisdom and evidence-based problem-solving skills.”

Customers Also Bought: “Agents of Babylon: What the Prophecies of Daniel Tell Us about the End of Days” by David Jeremiah

Footnote: Where’s the evidence that suggests rushing a gunman who bursts into your classroom is possible, or even conceivable in the moment?

A More Perfect Union [Amazon]

Title: “The Martian”

Author: Andy Weir

Rank: 1

Blurb: “After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive — and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive.”

Review: “I don’t really read that much, but after reading The Martian I’m beginning to think that maybe I should pick up reading as a hobby.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”

Footnote: Yes, yes, explorers, adventure, the New Frontier. Speaking of which, the European (and European-descended) track record with various forms of colonization ain’t exactly encouraging.

The Martian [Amazon]

Title: “The Battle Plan for Prayer: From Basic Training to Targeted Strategies”

Authors: Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick

Rank: 76

Blurb: “Prayer can accomplish what a willing God can accomplish. It should be your first plan of attack in all of life’s battles, not your last resort.”

Review: “Written in the format of a true battle plan, the book is divided into seven sections. Enlistment, Basic Training, Conditioning, Strategies, Targets, Ammunition and Reinforcements.”

Customers Also Bought: “Prayers for Victory in Spiritual Warfare”

Footnote: We want to read that awesome Bible where Jesus hung out with mercenaries instead of fishermen.

The Battle Plan for Prayer [Amazon]